Spencer is very familiar with silly, lovestruck fantasies, at least he's read enough about them in books over the years to have had a vague understanding of what they're supposed to be like. He'd never really bought into the idea of soulmates, of the One, of the one person who fills a void in the heart like nobody else can. Of course, the very reason he hadn't believed any of that is because he hadn't found Joel yet.
What the stories seem to leave out, though, aside from the good old-fashioned 'happily ever after' tag, is that finding that one person would make him dizzy with happiness every single day; that every time he looks at Joel, he'd feel a distinct sense of having done something right, of making the best decision of his life. The stories couldn't have prepared him for this, it isn't just love and it isn't just happiness, they aren't mutually exclusive when it comes to this man. Without Joel, he'd feel empty. Something would be missing. It's amazingly simple and yet so incredibly complex, and that's exactly why Spencer can never quite make himself form the proper words, even now, to explain it.
He lets Joel lay him down against the couch, smiling lazily up at his husband as his eyes flutter shut and he sighs into the kiss. He's heard of people losing that spark, losing the passion that keeps a marriage alive, and it's not even something he'd considered before he and Joel had run off to Wilton to be married. There's no fear of that here, Spencer can't imagine ever being opposed to the idea of kissing Joel, of being touched by Joel, of merely being looked at by Joel. The way his husband looks at him always makes Spencer feel like he's the only one who matters, reassures him--even though he doesn't need to be reassured in the first place--that Spencer will always be the only person Joel will ever love like this. When Joel looks at him, Spencer feels nothing but surrounded entirely by love.
He loses himself in the kiss, hands resting on Joel's waist before sliding up his shirt to trail over his ribs, and Spencer knows very well that while they're alone now, Joel's parents or Raleigh could walk in at any moment; but he can't bring himself to care, not when his husband is tracing his tonuge over Spencer's bottom lip and kissing up his jaw, and he lets out a completely undignified moan at the feel of Joel's beard rubbing over his skin. He arches his neck back, along with his back, though the latter is more involuntary. Joel so often likes to credit Spencer with being the one in control, but Spencer doesn't think his husband realizes just how much power he really holds when they're in a position like this.
Spencer hadn't known that he's a little bit ticklish at even the lightest squeeze of his hip; he hadn't known that the flick of a tongue at the sensitive skin behind his earlobe would send a shiver through him every single time; he hand't known that he'd be rendered speechless by lips trailing down his jawline like Joel's still are now. He hadn't known any of these things until Joel had discovered them, and it's only a small fraction of the many different ways Joel makes him feel so incredible. They know each other in ways nobody else could, it's an unmatched physical and mental connection that some people obsess over finding for most of their lives. He has it here, with this man, with one man; and he'll take whatever Joel wants to give him for as long as this life lets them be together.
He threads his fingers through Joel's curls, tugging lightly as he shifts so his legs are wrapped around Joel's waist. "I get it now, too," he murmurs, and he's sure Joel doesn't need to hear it to know it but Spencer thinks that sometimes it's nice just to be told these things. "All this time, I thought I was... meant to be alone. But I know the truth now. I was just waiting for you."
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What the stories seem to leave out, though, aside from the good old-fashioned 'happily ever after' tag, is that finding that one person would make him dizzy with happiness every single day; that every time he looks at Joel, he'd feel a distinct sense of having done something right, of making the best decision of his life. The stories couldn't have prepared him for this, it isn't just love and it isn't just happiness, they aren't mutually exclusive when it comes to this man. Without Joel, he'd feel empty. Something would be missing. It's amazingly simple and yet so incredibly complex, and that's exactly why Spencer can never quite make himself form the proper words, even now, to explain it.
He lets Joel lay him down against the couch, smiling lazily up at his husband as his eyes flutter shut and he sighs into the kiss. He's heard of people losing that spark, losing the passion that keeps a marriage alive, and it's not even something he'd considered before he and Joel had run off to Wilton to be married. There's no fear of that here, Spencer can't imagine ever being opposed to the idea of kissing Joel, of being touched by Joel, of merely being looked at by Joel. The way his husband looks at him always makes Spencer feel like he's the only one who matters, reassures him--even though he doesn't need to be reassured in the first place--that Spencer will always be the only person Joel will ever love like this. When Joel looks at him, Spencer feels nothing but surrounded entirely by love.
He loses himself in the kiss, hands resting on Joel's waist before sliding up his shirt to trail over his ribs, and Spencer knows very well that while they're alone now, Joel's parents or Raleigh could walk in at any moment; but he can't bring himself to care, not when his husband is tracing his tonuge over Spencer's bottom lip and kissing up his jaw, and he lets out a completely undignified moan at the feel of Joel's beard rubbing over his skin. He arches his neck back, along with his back, though the latter is more involuntary. Joel so often likes to credit Spencer with being the one in control, but Spencer doesn't think his husband realizes just how much power he really holds when they're in a position like this.
Spencer hadn't known that he's a little bit ticklish at even the lightest squeeze of his hip; he hadn't known that the flick of a tongue at the sensitive skin behind his earlobe would send a shiver through him every single time; he hand't known that he'd be rendered speechless by lips trailing down his jawline like Joel's still are now. He hadn't known any of these things until Joel had discovered them, and it's only a small fraction of the many different ways Joel makes him feel so incredible. They know each other in ways nobody else could, it's an unmatched physical and mental connection that some people obsess over finding for most of their lives. He has it here, with this man, with one man; and he'll take whatever Joel wants to give him for as long as this life lets them be together.
He threads his fingers through Joel's curls, tugging lightly as he shifts so his legs are wrapped around Joel's waist. "I get it now, too," he murmurs, and he's sure Joel doesn't need to hear it to know it but Spencer thinks that sometimes it's nice just to be told these things. "All this time, I thought I was... meant to be alone. But I know the truth now. I was just waiting for you."