"Not yet," Joel murmurs, a low laugh rumbling out of his chest and he wants to keep going, he loves so much when Spencer pushes back against his mouth, he thinks he could just spend hours like this, but he knows what Spencer wants and he wants it, too. He wants to stand up and press inside his husband bit by bit, taking his time, dragging it out and making sure they both enjoy it. And so he drags his tongue over Spencer's ass once more, a low moan of desire pulling out of him at the same time before he sits back a little and then presses two of his fingers into his mouth, making sure to slick them both to the point where he thinks they'll move easily inside Spencer. There's no lube in the library, it's probably the one room that doesn't have any besides the guest room and the kitchen, and the small bottle Joel has discreetly hidden in one of the inner pockets of his bag doesn't do them any good where it's currently sitting in the living room, so this will have to do. He'll have to be gentle and he'll have to take his time, which he's more than happy to do.

Still crouched on the floor, one hand on Spencer's ass, he leans in again, using his tongue, lapping at his skin until he replaces it with his finger, testing gently, twisting slightly as he presses it inside Spencer. It's not the same as lube, which he's grown used to, but he's pleased by the ease with which his finger slides into Spencer's body and he has to fight back a groan as he slowly fucks him with it, drawing it out for as long as possible before adding a second. He's so in love and so aroused that he's dizzy with it, his head spinning at the feeling of Spencer's body hot and tight around his fingers and the knowledge that this is it. For the rest of his life, this is it, this is the only person he's ever going to touch in such an intimate way, the only person who is ever going to touch him in return and he's sure there are people who would hate that knowledge, who might be bored or frightened by it, but all it does for Joel is drive him on. It's everything, it's exactly what he needs, everything he wants. This is it for the rest of his life.

"Spencer, my god," he murmurs, slowly getting to his feet, his fingers still inside him. He presses kisses up the length of his spine as he rises, nuzzling against his shoulder blade and then the back of his neck. His tongue flicks out against the soft skin just behind Spencer's ear and Joel wants so badly to be inside him, wants to be pressed up against his back, his arm locked around his torso, holding them as close together as he possibly can while he slowly moves in and out of him. Fighting back another moan feels so natural when they spend so much time having to be quiet, but they're alone in the house, there's no one else to hear them and so he doesn't bother, he just closes his eyes and slowly pulls his fingers free from Spencer before he wraps that arm around him.

"Are you okay?" he asks, lifting his other hand to wet his palm with saliva and he knows there's no one else in the world he'd ever feel this comfortable with. There's no one he'd be so willing to do anything, no one he'd be so free with and as he reaches down to take his cock in his hand, slicking himself slowly, he feels a little lightheaded with it all again. He's so lucky, he's so happy, he never wants to take any of it for granted, and he presses his lips against Spencer's shoulder, his eyes squeezed shut tight against tears that are suddenly threatening.

The head of his cock nudges against Spencer's ass, but he just barely presses forward, still raining kisses down across his shoulders. He needs Spencer to tell him it's okay, he needs to know before he does anything because it's different this time, he has to be careful. And he wants so badly to just be inside Spencer that he has to muffle a faint sob against his shoulder, his cock pressing against him again. "Tell me it's okay," he murmurs.