There's no holding back the tears when Joel comes back into himself. It's like watching someone flip a switch, one second it's so clearly the demon and the next, it's unmistakably Joel. It doesn't matter to Spencer how it works, just that it is working, and he'll hold onto this as long as he can. It had never occurred to Spencer, even whilst knowing that the demon had been growing more powerful, that he'd actually have to face the possibility of losing his husband. They'd been foolish to believe it'd be so easy--and Spencer doesn't know if either of them had truly believed it but it had been easier to say that than admit the truth--but every second that Joel is able to regain control is more precious to Spencer than he could ever hope to express.
He can barely find the words to reply to his husband, his face a flushed mess and already stained with tear tracks. He notes every flicker of pain that crosses Joel's face, treats it like a punishment to himself for not being better or smarter, for not being able to prevent this or not being here when it had started because he could have been helping before the demon had gotten the chance to break Joel's hand, to burn Joel's skin. Spencer's body wracks with a sob as he leans down to press a tender kiss to Joel's temple and all he wants is to pull his husband into an embrace.
But then he's gone again, and Spencer hates himself until he remembers to redirect that hatred toward the demon.
"Faciam quodlibet quod necesse est," he spits back, and he's shaking more with rage now than he is with any sort of fear. Inside of himself, he's still terrified. He's still desperate to retreat because the more he taunts this demon, the more it seems willing to hurt Joel, but he doesn't have a choice. If he can't get the demon to touch him, he has to at least keep it from doing any more physical damage to his husband, that is the least he can do for Joel right now. It's when Joel's hips roll beneath him that he weakens, very nearly jumping right off his husband's body because the idea of even emulating anything sexual with this thing makes him want to be sick all over again.
He wonders if the demon has been aware when Joel makes loves to him, if the demon has been craving that kind of touch, but Spencer suspects that if it had its way, it wouldn't be even a fraction of caring as Joel always is. No, if the demon had its way, it would destroy. It would try to break Spencer in two and discard him like a used plaything, just a body to practice on before moving on to something more exciting. His lip quivers as he lets his eyes slip shut, just for a moment, and he can see it replaying in his mind, their first time together. He remembers how nervous they'd been, how they'd fumbled and blushed and laughed; but he also remembers the way Joel had looked at him. The first time he'd seen Spencer entirely naked, fully exposed and bare, he'd looked at him like he meant something special.
The demon only looks at him like he ought to be dead already. A little over six months ago, Spencer might have walked away from this. Rather, he wouldn't have even be involved because he hadn't yet had Joel in his life. He'd made a promise to himself that he'd never go back to a life like that, a life filled with loneliness and a distinct sort of sadness that he couldn't shake because he'd felt so incredibly empty every time he'd come home to this empty house. He can't sleep alone anymore, he'd failed the one time he'd tried, and he can't wake up without Joel beside him or go a day without Joel's hands on him or a few hours without Joel's lips on him. He can't add another spot in that cemetery to his list of places to visit every year, there's no end to the sheer devastation he'd feel if he were to lose Joel to this. He'll take anything else, any punishment the demon wants to dole out at him if only it would do it, but he can't let go of Joel.
This is working. The words echo through his mind, a sharp reminder of what he needs to be focusing on right now rather than himself, a selfish detour in the path he shouldn't be straying from, and he snaps his eyes back open to find the demon still smirking so wretchedly at him. "I'd die for him," he says, "but I won't have to, you know that much is true. You know he's fighting, you know how strong he is, how strong we are together. No power in this world or outside of it is going to challenge that, I won't let it. 'Power is of the individual mind but the mind's power is not enough. Power of the body decides everything in the end and only might is right.' Remember, Joel? Might is right, and you're the mighty one, not this thing. It's us, we're the ones who are strong, you and me."
There's a sound from outside the house then, a car pulling up over the driveway, and his heart leaps because he knows who it must be. In spite of everything, Spencer breaks into a smile as he looks up, trying to see through the window to the driveway. "Coop," he murmurs, swallowing hard then nodding as he triumphantly looks back down at Joel. "He's here, baby, just keep fighting for me."
He knows he can't get up, Joel had told him not to, but it's tempting when the knob rattles from the outside and Coop's pushing the door open. He's breathing hard, and Spencer is grateful for that because it means their friend had rushed to be here, but as Coop's eyes widen when he takes in the sight of Spencer pinning Joel down, he tries to step through the door only to find himself blocked by an invisible barrier. It's the protection spell, the one Joel had placed on the house to keep them safe, to give Spencer peace of mind, and Spencer's jaw drops at his own stupidity because they should have thought of this before and it's an easy fix but every second counts.
Joel's shoulders shake beneath him, and Spencer realizes the demon is laughing--laughing--and it's more disturbing to see him grinning with that listless expression than it is to see Joel's eyes go black. Now Joel's body goes tense, and Spencer thinks he knows what's next. The demon is gearing up to move, to release itself from Spencer's grip, and Spencer looks up at their friend with desperate eyes as Joel bucks harder than he had that first time. "Coop!"
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He can barely find the words to reply to his husband, his face a flushed mess and already stained with tear tracks. He notes every flicker of pain that crosses Joel's face, treats it like a punishment to himself for not being better or smarter, for not being able to prevent this or not being here when it had started because he could have been helping before the demon had gotten the chance to break Joel's hand, to burn Joel's skin. Spencer's body wracks with a sob as he leans down to press a tender kiss to Joel's temple and all he wants is to pull his husband into an embrace.
But then he's gone again, and Spencer hates himself until he remembers to redirect that hatred toward the demon.
"Faciam quodlibet quod necesse est," he spits back, and he's shaking more with rage now than he is with any sort of fear. Inside of himself, he's still terrified. He's still desperate to retreat because the more he taunts this demon, the more it seems willing to hurt Joel, but he doesn't have a choice. If he can't get the demon to touch him, he has to at least keep it from doing any more physical damage to his husband, that is the least he can do for Joel right now. It's when Joel's hips roll beneath him that he weakens, very nearly jumping right off his husband's body because the idea of even emulating anything sexual with this thing makes him want to be sick all over again.
He wonders if the demon has been aware when Joel makes loves to him, if the demon has been craving that kind of touch, but Spencer suspects that if it had its way, it wouldn't be even a fraction of caring as Joel always is. No, if the demon had its way, it would destroy. It would try to break Spencer in two and discard him like a used plaything, just a body to practice on before moving on to something more exciting. His lip quivers as he lets his eyes slip shut, just for a moment, and he can see it replaying in his mind, their first time together. He remembers how nervous they'd been, how they'd fumbled and blushed and laughed; but he also remembers the way Joel had looked at him. The first time he'd seen Spencer entirely naked, fully exposed and bare, he'd looked at him like he meant something special.
The demon only looks at him like he ought to be dead already. A little over six months ago, Spencer might have walked away from this. Rather, he wouldn't have even be involved because he hadn't yet had Joel in his life. He'd made a promise to himself that he'd never go back to a life like that, a life filled with loneliness and a distinct sort of sadness that he couldn't shake because he'd felt so incredibly empty every time he'd come home to this empty house. He can't sleep alone anymore, he'd failed the one time he'd tried, and he can't wake up without Joel beside him or go a day without Joel's hands on him or a few hours without Joel's lips on him. He can't add another spot in that cemetery to his list of places to visit every year, there's no end to the sheer devastation he'd feel if he were to lose Joel to this. He'll take anything else, any punishment the demon wants to dole out at him if only it would do it, but he can't let go of Joel.
This is working. The words echo through his mind, a sharp reminder of what he needs to be focusing on right now rather than himself, a selfish detour in the path he shouldn't be straying from, and he snaps his eyes back open to find the demon still smirking so wretchedly at him. "I'd die for him," he says, "but I won't have to, you know that much is true. You know he's fighting, you know how strong he is, how strong we are together. No power in this world or outside of it is going to challenge that, I won't let it. 'Power is of the individual mind but the mind's power is not enough. Power of the body decides everything in the end and only might is right.' Remember, Joel? Might is right, and you're the mighty one, not this thing. It's us, we're the ones who are strong, you and me."
There's a sound from outside the house then, a car pulling up over the driveway, and his heart leaps because he knows who it must be. In spite of everything, Spencer breaks into a smile as he looks up, trying to see through the window to the driveway. "Coop," he murmurs, swallowing hard then nodding as he triumphantly looks back down at Joel. "He's here, baby, just keep fighting for me."
He knows he can't get up, Joel had told him not to, but it's tempting when the knob rattles from the outside and Coop's pushing the door open. He's breathing hard, and Spencer is grateful for that because it means their friend had rushed to be here, but as Coop's eyes widen when he takes in the sight of Spencer pinning Joel down, he tries to step through the door only to find himself blocked by an invisible barrier. It's the protection spell, the one Joel had placed on the house to keep them safe, to give Spencer peace of mind, and Spencer's jaw drops at his own stupidity because they should have thought of this before and it's an easy fix but every second counts.
Joel's shoulders shake beneath him, and Spencer realizes the demon is laughing--laughing--and it's more disturbing to see him grinning with that listless expression than it is to see Joel's eyes go black. Now Joel's body goes tense, and Spencer thinks he knows what's next. The demon is gearing up to move, to release itself from Spencer's grip, and Spencer looks up at their friend with desperate eyes as Joel bucks harder than he had that first time. "Coop!"