Spencer says Joel fought it and that's why he's still here, but what he maybe doesn't understand is that he is the reason Joel fought. He gave Joel the power to fight and the strength to beat it, he's the only thing Joel had been focused on and no matter what he'd done on his own, it had all been because Spencer was there with him. What had given him that last burst of power, the thing that had given him enough strength to really push back and force the demon out of his body had been news of their baby. Their family. Without Spencer, there would be no baby and without all that, without the connections Joel has made and the love he's found, he knows the outcome would have been very different.
But he's tired and he's sad and he's strangely relieved all at the same time. The painkillers and sedative have yet to wear off and he thinks that was likely the doctor's intention, that he'll be easier to control and calm down this way, and so long as he has Spencer, Joel thinks they're right. The only thing he wants right now is close his eyes and let Spencer take care of him and maybe that's selfish, he knows this day has been as difficult for as it has been for him and he wants to be able to care for his husband, but right now he doesn't know if he's capable of doing anything more than curling up beside him. Maybe they can just take care of each other for tonight and worry about the mess of it all tomorrow.
"The size of a sweet pea," he murmurs, lifting his good hand to rub carefully at his sore face. They're going to have a baby, it's really happening and Joel feels his eyes welling up again as he blinks away tears. Tonight might have been awful, maybe the worst night of their lives, hopefully the last horrible thing that happens to them, but their future is spreading out in front of them. This is what they have to look forward to and Joel closes his eyes and thanks every last deity he can think of that this news came at the right time. It saved him, it really did. This is what he and Spencer have been waiting for weeks to hear, it's the one thing he hoped he'd hear every single day whenever he checked his phone and saw a missed call or a text from Erin. He wonders what he phone looks right now, how many calls and texts are there to remind him of how much he'd missed in such a short period of time and he wonders if he can have Spencer go through them tomorrow and delete all the ones he doesn't need to worry about. The thought of seeing it all, remembering that his husband had been frantically trying to reach him while he broke his own hand is just a little too much.
"I love you so much, Spencer," he murmurs. "Thank you." It's not enough. Those two words will never be enough no matter what Spencer says, but Joel means them with all his heart. He's thanking Spencer not only for saving him today, but for everything he's done. For loving him so well, for knowing when to take his hand, when to lead him and when to gently push. For always knowing the right words, for knowing when Joel needs a kiss instead of anything else and for knowing when he needs to be treated delicately and when he can be more forthright. Spencer knows everything about him, knows him inside and out and just saying thank you isn't enough, but it's all he has right now.
Closing his eyes, he leans against Spencer, then winces as he tries to get comfortable. They're both injured and the house is in a state, but Joel is just glad he's here to worry about the house. It takes a second for the thought to sink in and his eyes fly open again. "Did you call Raleigh?" he asks. "The house... it looks terrible. She'll worry." There's shattered glass everywhere and holes in the walls. It looks terrible. It looks like someone was hurt there and Joel doesn't want her to worry more than he knows she already will when Spencer tells her what happened.
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But he's tired and he's sad and he's strangely relieved all at the same time. The painkillers and sedative have yet to wear off and he thinks that was likely the doctor's intention, that he'll be easier to control and calm down this way, and so long as he has Spencer, Joel thinks they're right. The only thing he wants right now is close his eyes and let Spencer take care of him and maybe that's selfish, he knows this day has been as difficult for as it has been for him and he wants to be able to care for his husband, but right now he doesn't know if he's capable of doing anything more than curling up beside him. Maybe they can just take care of each other for tonight and worry about the mess of it all tomorrow.
"The size of a sweet pea," he murmurs, lifting his good hand to rub carefully at his sore face. They're going to have a baby, it's really happening and Joel feels his eyes welling up again as he blinks away tears. Tonight might have been awful, maybe the worst night of their lives, hopefully the last horrible thing that happens to them, but their future is spreading out in front of them. This is what they have to look forward to and Joel closes his eyes and thanks every last deity he can think of that this news came at the right time. It saved him, it really did. This is what he and Spencer have been waiting for weeks to hear, it's the one thing he hoped he'd hear every single day whenever he checked his phone and saw a missed call or a text from Erin. He wonders what he phone looks right now, how many calls and texts are there to remind him of how much he'd missed in such a short period of time and he wonders if he can have Spencer go through them tomorrow and delete all the ones he doesn't need to worry about. The thought of seeing it all, remembering that his husband had been frantically trying to reach him while he broke his own hand is just a little too much.
"I love you so much, Spencer," he murmurs. "Thank you." It's not enough. Those two words will never be enough no matter what Spencer says, but Joel means them with all his heart. He's thanking Spencer not only for saving him today, but for everything he's done. For loving him so well, for knowing when to take his hand, when to lead him and when to gently push. For always knowing the right words, for knowing when Joel needs a kiss instead of anything else and for knowing when he needs to be treated delicately and when he can be more forthright. Spencer knows everything about him, knows him inside and out and just saying thank you isn't enough, but it's all he has right now.
Closing his eyes, he leans against Spencer, then winces as he tries to get comfortable. They're both injured and the house is in a state, but Joel is just glad he's here to worry about the house. It takes a second for the thought to sink in and his eyes fly open again. "Did you call Raleigh?" he asks. "The house... it looks terrible. She'll worry." There's shattered glass everywhere and holes in the walls. It looks terrible. It looks like someone was hurt there and Joel doesn't want her to worry more than he knows she already will when Spencer tells her what happened.