doublethepain: (this presh face kill me now)
Spencer Waters-Baker ([personal profile] doublethepain) wrote in [personal profile] just_another 2014-11-19 07:08 am (UTC)

"I love you, too." Spencer wants to say it over and over again, that he loves Joel more than he's ever loved anyone or anything, that he'd be lost without his husband here, because he'd come too close to never being able to say the words to Joel again. The thought chills him to his core, makes his throat tighten as he holds back the sob that threatens to sound every time he remembers that they're not at home and celebrating over the journey ahead of them in their own bed; still, the fact that they can celebrate at all is something.

He despises hospitals, absolutely detests the weak attempts at making the rooms look warm--like the mint green and soft yellow striped pattern that replace the typical stark blue of the curtain on the other side of Joel's bed--when really everything's just cold and the waiting rooms are so often filled to the brim with people who are only here to receive bad news. He hates the antiseptic smell and the squeak of nurses' shoes against the floor, and he knows this all stems from being curled up in an uncomfortable chair next to his mother, Dane sleeping in her lap, after his father had gotten into that car accident, but time hasn't made being in a place like this any better. Time doesn't make the memory of waiting for confirmation of his father's death any better.

He'll always hate hospitals, he thinks, but he'll gladly spend the night in the hospital if it means he doesn't have to spend more time away from Joel. Spencer already knows that he'll be keeping a close eye on Joel for as long as he deems necessary after this is over, after they're back home. He's already made Joel's doctor promise to go over all the necessary precautionary measures they ought to take, how to properly care for the burn wounds and change the dressing, what dose of medication is appropriate and how often. He'd barely taken care of himself as well after what had happened at the lighthouse but with Joel, there will be no compromise. He's not going to lose this man, especially not after everything they've been through, and Joel might find it irritable or overbearing, but Spencer will deal with that as it comes. He loves his husband, that's what it comes down to, and Spencer will always do whatever it takes to take care of him.

Right now, that seems to mean curling up into each other, and Spencer's absolutely fine with that. He gently hushes Joel when he asks about Raleigh, nodding slightly as he smooths a hand over Joel's hair, tugging just slightly at the ends and wrapping a curl around his finger. Joel's hair is getting so long, and he knows his own is, too, but he likes it. He likes that he can run his fingers through Joel's hair and be able to come down to slide a hand over Joel's shoulder and down the expanse of his back. It all flows so nicely, so easily, and he leaves a kiss at the top of Joel's head. "I called her. She's worried, like you said, and she wanted to come to the hospital but I told her that maybe... Maybe we just need a little bit of space. Just for tonight." He thinks he'd made the right decision, and he hasn't called Charlotte yet exactly for that reason because Spencer knows he could say anything to dissuade her from coming to her brother's aide, and it wouldn't have worked. He realizes how selfish it is but the truth is that Spencer needs the time away from the rest of the world just to allow himself the privilege of having his husband back in his arms.

"Coop said that he'd-- he'd try to clean up as best he can." Spencer vaguely remembers that, he'd still been dazed from the blow to his head at the time, but as he'd been loaded onto the stretcher, Coop had grasped his hand--and it's not a regular gesture between them but at the time, it hadn't registered as out of the ordinary--and promised that he'd stay behind to clear as much of the damage as possible. Spencer had asked him, too, to either stay at the house for the night or invite Raleigh to his place just so she wouldn't be left alone because he knows how hard for her that still is. It's difficult for Spencer, too, or at least, it would be if he didn't have Joel. "He can't repair the walls overnight, obviously, but the glass from the-- and on the walls, he'll clean off--"

The glass from the liquor cabinet and the blood on the walls, that's what he can't bring himself to say. Their home has been the site of so much pain, Spencer can hardly believe it's still standing at all, and he lets out a soft sigh before holding Joel a little closer to him and letting a small smile curve his lips at his next thought. "At least now we have a reason to renovate. We have to fix up a nursery for the baby anyway, we might as well get the rest of the house done, too."

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