"I can't wait either," Spencer tells him, "so now we can both regret saying that together." The time will pass more quickly than either of them could possibly anticipate, that's one thing Spencer's certain will be true. Erin's already over a month into her pregnancy, just like that, and Spencer still isn't sure that he's fully wrapped his mind around the fact that this is really happening no matter how many times he says it out loud. He finds himself blinking back tears again, thankful that at least they've moved on for the time being to tears that are for something that's going to make their future so bright.
It's always been Spencer's default state to think of the worst-case scenario, to imagine everything that could possibly go wrong before he lands on the one that could go right because in his past experience, very little in the big picture has gone particularly right. Joel's changed all that, even today, even in spite of his husband insisting that Spencer and their unborn child had saved him, things had at least gone right in the end. They're here together, after all, talking about their baby and their future, and it's what they should be doing. The demon couldn't ruin that, it had tried to destroy everything but it couldn't destroy this. Love truly had triumphed over that evil, Spencer thinks, and it's the reason that their little Dane or Rose will be fortunate enough to know Joel as a father.
He can't imagine going at it on his own. It physically pains him to think of any sort of future without Joel in it but to think of having to explain to their child why Joel isn't there to watch them grow up actually makes him sick. He tries to push those thoughts from his mind because they have no place here, not when Joel's in his arms and safe and alive, focusing instead on how beautiful his husband looks even under the fluorescent hospital lights and in a hospital gown. He wonders if their baby will take after Joel and if he's honest, he's hoping that he or she will. In Spencer's mind, he always sees a baby with dark curls that is so clearly Joel's, and he wants that more than anything. He wants to be able to look at their first child and be reminded of his husband, to know that these are the two people he will always love more than anyone in this world.
"We saved you," Spencer echoes, keeping his eyes on his husband even as Joel raises his own to the ceiling. "We always will. We're going to be a family, and I'm going to tell you both how much I love you every single day, just like I do now because-- Because we can't ever let our children spend a second wondering if maybe we don't."
He hadn't told his mother and brother enough, and he remembers asking Joel in the attic of their home if he thought they'd known. Joel had insisted they had, of course they had, and Spencer's true that's true but there's still such a large part of him that regrets not having it said it more often. He thinks that's why it's so easy to say it with Joel, why he's able to be so free with his emotions now that he's found someone who inspires him to love; he doesn't want to regret a single day of their life together in the end. He wants to be able to look back and be sure that Joel had felt loved by him, that any children they have had felt loved by him. It's important to Spencer, a non-negotiable, and it may be embarrassing to their children when they're older but they'll understand in time. They'll understand that no matter what, their fathers only ever want the best for them.
"You're here," he says, his voice softer now, and the words are meant as more of a reminder to himself than anything else. He presses a kiss to Joel's cheek, careful of the bandaged cut, then another to his temple. "You're here. God, Joel. I was so scared, but you're still with me, and I love you so much."
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It's always been Spencer's default state to think of the worst-case scenario, to imagine everything that could possibly go wrong before he lands on the one that could go right because in his past experience, very little in the big picture has gone particularly right. Joel's changed all that, even today, even in spite of his husband insisting that Spencer and their unborn child had saved him, things had at least gone right in the end. They're here together, after all, talking about their baby and their future, and it's what they should be doing. The demon couldn't ruin that, it had tried to destroy everything but it couldn't destroy this. Love truly had triumphed over that evil, Spencer thinks, and it's the reason that their little Dane or Rose will be fortunate enough to know Joel as a father.
He can't imagine going at it on his own. It physically pains him to think of any sort of future without Joel in it but to think of having to explain to their child why Joel isn't there to watch them grow up actually makes him sick. He tries to push those thoughts from his mind because they have no place here, not when Joel's in his arms and safe and alive, focusing instead on how beautiful his husband looks even under the fluorescent hospital lights and in a hospital gown. He wonders if their baby will take after Joel and if he's honest, he's hoping that he or she will. In Spencer's mind, he always sees a baby with dark curls that is so clearly Joel's, and he wants that more than anything. He wants to be able to look at their first child and be reminded of his husband, to know that these are the two people he will always love more than anyone in this world.
"We saved you," Spencer echoes, keeping his eyes on his husband even as Joel raises his own to the ceiling. "We always will. We're going to be a family, and I'm going to tell you both how much I love you every single day, just like I do now because-- Because we can't ever let our children spend a second wondering if maybe we don't."
He hadn't told his mother and brother enough, and he remembers asking Joel in the attic of their home if he thought they'd known. Joel had insisted they had, of course they had, and Spencer's true that's true but there's still such a large part of him that regrets not having it said it more often. He thinks that's why it's so easy to say it with Joel, why he's able to be so free with his emotions now that he's found someone who inspires him to love; he doesn't want to regret a single day of their life together in the end. He wants to be able to look back and be sure that Joel had felt loved by him, that any children they have had felt loved by him. It's important to Spencer, a non-negotiable, and it may be embarrassing to their children when they're older but they'll understand in time. They'll understand that no matter what, their fathers only ever want the best for them.
"You're here," he says, his voice softer now, and the words are meant as more of a reminder to himself than anything else. He presses a kiss to Joel's cheek, careful of the bandaged cut, then another to his temple. "You're here. God, Joel. I was so scared, but you're still with me, and I love you so much."