There's a constant, dull throb of pain in his shoulder and back that comes from lying like this, but Spencer has no intention of moving unless Joel asks him to do just that. His injuries are nothing compared to Joel's, worth every second if it means he can just be touching Joel and holding his husband like this because he has to, he wouldn't know how to explain but he has to be touching Joel right now. It's precisely this sort of comforting physical contact between them that's always been able to keep Spencer calm, anchored to reality when his mind so desperately tries to take him somewhere else. Joel's touch has always had that effect on him, it's the reason he's only able to sleep soundly when he has his husband next to him in bed. Joel helps keep most of his nightmares at bay because when he's in Joel's arms, Spencer feels like nothing can hurt him because together, they're invincible. One need not look beyond today's events to be able to see the truth in that.
He gives a slight nod when Joel says they're okay now, gives a weak smile when Joel looks up at him before returning his head to Spencer's chest, and he knows that the demon is gone and the worst of their troubles are over, but a part of him fears for the recovery. He knows that they'll be able to get through it as long as they remember to support each other, as long as they remember how much they love each other, but he can't imagine that it will be easy. The demon had come so close to tearing Joel apart, both mentally and physically, and Spencer wishes he could take all that pain away but he can't and that hurts him more than any physical blow ever could. He doesn't know that things could have gone a different way if they'd made an attempt to expel the demon earlier, if they could have stopped the demon from testing the limits of Joel's body, if they could have stopped it from hurting anyone else; but he supposes that they should also be grateful that it hadn't been worse.
Raleigh could have been there, or Charlotte. Even Huxley might have gotten caught in the crossfire, been hurt by the glass of the liquor cabinet, and Spencer is so relieved that he'd decided to bring their puppy in to work with him that morning. Charlotte had kidnapped him to the apartment, had been with him when Spencer had left, and he can't help but let his mind wander to their baby. Nothing is going to touch their child, that's not even a decision he has to make, it's simply a given. He'd lost his family once, it's not something he's willing to do again, and he stiffens a bit at the mere thought of any force, great or small, that might try to do any damage to his husband or their child. Spencer won't allow it, would rather die than see the two people he loves most in this world--because his heart has already expanded to include their unborn baby, their Dane or Rose--hurt in any way.
It's not something he needs to say out loud, he thinks Joel must already know and besides that, this isn't the time or place for that conversation. Joel's alive, Spencer can feel his arm rising and falling with Joel's chest, and right now, that's all that really matters. As long as Joel is okay, Spencer can be okay so it's like this husband had said, they're okay now. Now and far into the future, he thinks, they have to be okay because there's no room in their story for anything less than a happy ending. They've both suffered for so long, quietly and alone, but they'd found each other under the strangest of circumstances. They beat odds together, so many parts of their relationship that make them feel whole can be summed of that way, and Spencer never wants that to stop.
"Well," he says after a moment's pause, clearing his throat as he nuzzles his cheek against Joel's hair, "Bruce is rather burly, but he has a weakness for sweets. We could bribe him into letting me stay. Nora, she's nice but much more strict about the rules, she may take some convincing but that shouldn't be too hard if I just tell her that being away from you would make it impossible for me to ever get to sleep." It's not a lie, even though Spencer says it with a light tone and a faint smile. There's no chance that he's leaving this room tonight or tomorrow night or for however many nights the doctor decides Joel needs to be here. Being forcibly separated from his husband would make him sick with worry, he already knows what poisonous thoughts might invade his mind if he has to leave, but more than that, Spencer needs to be here. He needs to open his eyes in the morning and see that his husband is still here, still okay, still Joel.
"I'm not going anywhere," he says firmly. "I'll make a scene if I have to, but I'm not leaving you here alone, I'll never do that to you." He's not just talking about right now, about the next few days; he's talking about the rest of their lives and the forever they'd promised each other, the one he'd reminded Joel of when his husband had been battling that demon. "When you wake up tomorrow, I'm going to be right here."
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He gives a slight nod when Joel says they're okay now, gives a weak smile when Joel looks up at him before returning his head to Spencer's chest, and he knows that the demon is gone and the worst of their troubles are over, but a part of him fears for the recovery. He knows that they'll be able to get through it as long as they remember to support each other, as long as they remember how much they love each other, but he can't imagine that it will be easy. The demon had come so close to tearing Joel apart, both mentally and physically, and Spencer wishes he could take all that pain away but he can't and that hurts him more than any physical blow ever could. He doesn't know that things could have gone a different way if they'd made an attempt to expel the demon earlier, if they could have stopped the demon from testing the limits of Joel's body, if they could have stopped it from hurting anyone else; but he supposes that they should also be grateful that it hadn't been worse.
Raleigh could have been there, or Charlotte. Even Huxley might have gotten caught in the crossfire, been hurt by the glass of the liquor cabinet, and Spencer is so relieved that he'd decided to bring their puppy in to work with him that morning. Charlotte had kidnapped him to the apartment, had been with him when Spencer had left, and he can't help but let his mind wander to their baby. Nothing is going to touch their child, that's not even a decision he has to make, it's simply a given. He'd lost his family once, it's not something he's willing to do again, and he stiffens a bit at the mere thought of any force, great or small, that might try to do any damage to his husband or their child. Spencer won't allow it, would rather die than see the two people he loves most in this world--because his heart has already expanded to include their unborn baby, their Dane or Rose--hurt in any way.
It's not something he needs to say out loud, he thinks Joel must already know and besides that, this isn't the time or place for that conversation. Joel's alive, Spencer can feel his arm rising and falling with Joel's chest, and right now, that's all that really matters. As long as Joel is okay, Spencer can be okay so it's like this husband had said, they're okay now. Now and far into the future, he thinks, they have to be okay because there's no room in their story for anything less than a happy ending. They've both suffered for so long, quietly and alone, but they'd found each other under the strangest of circumstances. They beat odds together, so many parts of their relationship that make them feel whole can be summed of that way, and Spencer never wants that to stop.
"Well," he says after a moment's pause, clearing his throat as he nuzzles his cheek against Joel's hair, "Bruce is rather burly, but he has a weakness for sweets. We could bribe him into letting me stay. Nora, she's nice but much more strict about the rules, she may take some convincing but that shouldn't be too hard if I just tell her that being away from you would make it impossible for me to ever get to sleep." It's not a lie, even though Spencer says it with a light tone and a faint smile. There's no chance that he's leaving this room tonight or tomorrow night or for however many nights the doctor decides Joel needs to be here. Being forcibly separated from his husband would make him sick with worry, he already knows what poisonous thoughts might invade his mind if he has to leave, but more than that, Spencer needs to be here. He needs to open his eyes in the morning and see that his husband is still here, still okay, still Joel.
"I'm not going anywhere," he says firmly. "I'll make a scene if I have to, but I'm not leaving you here alone, I'll never do that to you." He's not just talking about right now, about the next few days; he's talking about the rest of their lives and the forever they'd promised each other, the one he'd reminded Joel of when his husband had been battling that demon. "When you wake up tomorrow, I'm going to be right here."