Joel doesn't have to say it because Spencer already knows. There's no explaining the love they have for each other, not really. It's difficult to be able to sound like a reasonable person who so often relies quite heavily on logic and rationality when they'd both gone from very single to very married in the span of just a few months. In his entire lifetime, Spencer hadn't looked at any one person and thought that he could spend the rest of his life with them, even before he'd been left completely alone without that spark of hope that had always existed for him through his mother and brother. He hadn't felt that hope again until he'd met Joel, and he can't say why, just that it had happened and he hadn't let go like he might have done with someone else. If anyone had shown interest in him over the years--Amber at the Cove Cafe is one, apparently--it's always gone right over his head, but he thinks now that maybe that's because he really had just been biding his time until Joel had come into his life.
All he can do is nod when Joel says Spencer had saved him, not because he wants to take the credit for it but because it's true in so many other ways. The only thing that Joel is leaving out is that he'd saved Spencer, too. He'd be dead already if it hadn't been for Joel, Spencer has absolutely no doubts about that. If the debris hadn't hit him, he'd probably have found himself in the way of the Hydra. If they hadn't made a date that evening in the summer, Mark would surely have gotten bored of Spencer's inability to fight back and killed him to spite Joel--and it makes Spencer shudder to think there might be a second attempt, if the letter is anything to go by, but Mark Fuller is the very last person he wants to think about right now. Even on the island, with a hole in his leg, Joel had been the reason Spencer had found it in himself to gather the strength to fight those hallucinations. He might have succumbed to them otherwise, might have let the island win, but he'd been in love and newly proposed to and protecting Joel had simply been more important. It had been the most important.
What Joel had said during his vows at their wedding will always stay with Spencer--you saved me from having nothing, from being empty, from being alone and from being lonely--because Spencer feels the exact same way. Even if he had survived any of the things that should have seen him dead in the past few months, having to face any of it alone would have cut him far more deeply than any physical wound ever could. He hadn't realized how much he'd truly feared being alone for the rest of his life until he suddenly wasn't anymore. After two and a half years of successfully waking up and getting ready for work and coming back to his still empty house, Spencer had assumed he'd gotten used to it. The truth is merely that he'd been hiding from himself, protecting himself from the sheer sadness of what is life had become with the loss of his family.
Finding Joel has been and always will be Spencer's greatest gain. Joel had shown him to live, truly live, for the very first time, and Spencer only hopes that he's been able to show his gratitude at least a little bit every day. "I love you. And I'll always save you," he murmurs, resting his forehead gently against his husband's as he lets his eyes slip shut. They can't stay like this, he knows that, and if Nora catches them like this, she'll surely lecture them about it but Spencer doesn't care. They'd nearly met their ends yet again today, and he needs this. They both do, they need to just bask in each other's presence and take advantage of the physical reminders that they're alive, that they aren't going to be damaged beyond repair.
He'd promised himself a long time ago that he'd never take this relationship for granted, and he has no intention of starting now. What they have together is so incredibly unique, special, as clear to other people as it is to themselves, and Spencer will never let it go. They're connected, and they'll never break, not even if a demon tries to come between them.
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All he can do is nod when Joel says Spencer had saved him, not because he wants to take the credit for it but because it's true in so many other ways. The only thing that Joel is leaving out is that he'd saved Spencer, too. He'd be dead already if it hadn't been for Joel, Spencer has absolutely no doubts about that. If the debris hadn't hit him, he'd probably have found himself in the way of the Hydra. If they hadn't made a date that evening in the summer, Mark would surely have gotten bored of Spencer's inability to fight back and killed him to spite Joel--and it makes Spencer shudder to think there might be a second attempt, if the letter is anything to go by, but Mark Fuller is the very last person he wants to think about right now. Even on the island, with a hole in his leg, Joel had been the reason Spencer had found it in himself to gather the strength to fight those hallucinations. He might have succumbed to them otherwise, might have let the island win, but he'd been in love and newly proposed to and protecting Joel had simply been more important. It had been the most important.
What Joel had said during his vows at their wedding will always stay with Spencer--you saved me from having nothing, from being empty, from being alone and from being lonely--because Spencer feels the exact same way. Even if he had survived any of the things that should have seen him dead in the past few months, having to face any of it alone would have cut him far more deeply than any physical wound ever could. He hadn't realized how much he'd truly feared being alone for the rest of his life until he suddenly wasn't anymore. After two and a half years of successfully waking up and getting ready for work and coming back to his still empty house, Spencer had assumed he'd gotten used to it. The truth is merely that he'd been hiding from himself, protecting himself from the sheer sadness of what is life had become with the loss of his family.
Finding Joel has been and always will be Spencer's greatest gain. Joel had shown him to live, truly live, for the very first time, and Spencer only hopes that he's been able to show his gratitude at least a little bit every day. "I love you. And I'll always save you," he murmurs, resting his forehead gently against his husband's as he lets his eyes slip shut. They can't stay like this, he knows that, and if Nora catches them like this, she'll surely lecture them about it but Spencer doesn't care. They'd nearly met their ends yet again today, and he needs this. They both do, they need to just bask in each other's presence and take advantage of the physical reminders that they're alive, that they aren't going to be damaged beyond repair.
He'd promised himself a long time ago that he'd never take this relationship for granted, and he has no intention of starting now. What they have together is so incredibly unique, special, as clear to other people as it is to themselves, and Spencer will never let it go. They're connected, and they'll never break, not even if a demon tries to come between them.