"Shut up," Joel says, but he's laughing, too, even though it hurts to do so. "There was a television show in Canada called Ant in Your Pants. I was a little too old for it, but Charlotte used to watch it." He doesn't remember much about it, just that it had been a show for kids, that there had been music, even a song about having ants in the pants, but he can't remember the words are or even the tune. It doesn't really matter at all, but it's the only thing he can think of now when he hears that expression and it's interesting for him to realize just how much of his life he's never really shared with Spencer. It isn't that he's lied to him or kept secrets, not since deciding to tell him everything about Mark and Amy, but there are things about his life growing up that just can't be duplicated here, things that should be meaningless to a man who doesn't identify himself by where he's from, but can't quite be dismissed anyway. Joel has never missed Canada simply because it's Canada and he's never particularly worried about identifying himself as being Canadian. Besides Spencer, Coop and Raleigh, he thinks Lara and Gemma might be the only people who even know where he's from originally. It's not some kind of label that he hangs onto.
But there are differences. His children won't ever know the same shows he grew up on because they don't air here. They won't be inundated with hockey terminology at every turn, which Joel actually considers to be a huge improvement upon his own childhood. The wildlife is similar, which Joel is weirdly thankful for and they're still on the right ocean, but the seasons aren't the same. There's no going to Tim Horton's for hot chocolate and Timbits and he realizes it's such a small, silly thing, but his father had taken him and Charlotte every Saturday to get hot chocolate and donuts in the winter. It just won't be the same here.
This is where Spencer is, though, and this is the town where Joel has made his home, his life. There are things he misses sometimes, there are things he wishes he could share with their children, but he knows he wouldn't leave, not for the world. If Spencer one day decides he'd like to live somewhere else, Joel will go with him because Spencer is what makes Siren Cove home. Anywhere Spencer goes, that will be Joel's home. If one day they spend months traveling around the country, every place they are will be Joel's home because Spencer will be there with him and he doesn't care of someone else were to think that was cheesy, because it's the truth. His entire life rests with Spencer, everything he has, everything he is, it's all there.
"What do you think of the fact that our nurse is trying to drug us to sleep?" he asks curiously, squeezing Spencer's hand gently as he relaxes back onto his pillows. For awhile he thought he might not be able to sleep, not if they tried to make Spencer go home, but now that they're set up like this, side by side, able to reach out and touch each other with ease, Joel can feel the day catching up with him. He stifles a yawn, then turns his head so he can look over at Spencer, tracing his profile with his gaze. It hits him again just how close he came to really having to say goodbye to this amazing man and he presses his lips together tightly because he doesn't want to start crying, not again. It's been a long, hard, terrifying day, but they're here now. They've come out on the other side and that's what Joel wants to focus on. Once they're both healed, they'll never have to think about this again and for a second he can feel himself trying to argue, trying to point out that he will think about it, they both will, but he's not listening to it. Not right now.
"I'm not sure if I'll need it," he admits, still watching Spencer. "I'm suddenly very aware of just how tired I am." But he doesn't want to go to sleep yet. He doesn't want to stop looking at Spencer, he doesn't want to close his eyes and drift away when he'd been so scared he might be taken away for good. They're here and he isn't afraid anymore, but he's not ready to close his eyes and go to sleep just yet.
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But there are differences. His children won't ever know the same shows he grew up on because they don't air here. They won't be inundated with hockey terminology at every turn, which Joel actually considers to be a huge improvement upon his own childhood. The wildlife is similar, which Joel is weirdly thankful for and they're still on the right ocean, but the seasons aren't the same. There's no going to Tim Horton's for hot chocolate and Timbits and he realizes it's such a small, silly thing, but his father had taken him and Charlotte every Saturday to get hot chocolate and donuts in the winter. It just won't be the same here.
This is where Spencer is, though, and this is the town where Joel has made his home, his life. There are things he misses sometimes, there are things he wishes he could share with their children, but he knows he wouldn't leave, not for the world. If Spencer one day decides he'd like to live somewhere else, Joel will go with him because Spencer is what makes Siren Cove home. Anywhere Spencer goes, that will be Joel's home. If one day they spend months traveling around the country, every place they are will be Joel's home because Spencer will be there with him and he doesn't care of someone else were to think that was cheesy, because it's the truth. His entire life rests with Spencer, everything he has, everything he is, it's all there.
"What do you think of the fact that our nurse is trying to drug us to sleep?" he asks curiously, squeezing Spencer's hand gently as he relaxes back onto his pillows. For awhile he thought he might not be able to sleep, not if they tried to make Spencer go home, but now that they're set up like this, side by side, able to reach out and touch each other with ease, Joel can feel the day catching up with him. He stifles a yawn, then turns his head so he can look over at Spencer, tracing his profile with his gaze. It hits him again just how close he came to really having to say goodbye to this amazing man and he presses his lips together tightly because he doesn't want to start crying, not again. It's been a long, hard, terrifying day, but they're here now. They've come out on the other side and that's what Joel wants to focus on. Once they're both healed, they'll never have to think about this again and for a second he can feel himself trying to argue, trying to point out that he will think about it, they both will, but he's not listening to it. Not right now.
"I'm not sure if I'll need it," he admits, still watching Spencer. "I'm suddenly very aware of just how tired I am." But he doesn't want to go to sleep yet. He doesn't want to stop looking at Spencer, he doesn't want to close his eyes and drift away when he'd been so scared he might be taken away for good. They're here and he isn't afraid anymore, but he's not ready to close his eyes and go to sleep just yet.