The way Spencer says that, whether it's the words themselves or his tone of voice, it causes something to twist tightly in Joel's chest and he shakes his head, wishing he could do more than just that. Wishing he didn't hurt so badly, that he could just roll into the cot with his husband and wrap his arms around him and hold him tightly. If he could do that, if he could just hold Spencer properly, he thinks maybe he could convince them both, even if just for a night, that nothing like this is ever going to happen again. That they're safe and they're together and that's all they'll ever need. That he isn't going anywhere and he never will. Spencer is right, though, and life can be unexpected, but he will do everything in his power to make sure nothing separates the two of them. This is the only place he's ever wanted to be quite this badly. He's not willing to give it up, not for anything. Not for a demon and not for anything else either.
"I will never leave you," he says and although his voice is still soft, his tone is firm. He won't. There's nothing to be done besides promise and then follow through, but he doesn't want Spencer to worry or doubt that if Joel had a choice, he would be somewhere else. The unexpected may happen, he knows he can't do much to prevent that, but he'll do what he can. He can cast spells and charms, he can do everything in his power to make sure nothing happens to them. More importantly, though, he will never choose to be anywhere else. This is where he belongs and this is where he's going to stay. If he has to fight for it, he will. He'll be here for as long as he has left.
"If you can help me fight off a demon, you can help me fight off anything." Maybe there's a bit of arrogance in those words, maybe the idea that they're more powerful than the rest of the world is something he'll come to regret having said, but right now he doesn't. They are powerful together. They're meaningful and they can do anything.
"Don't apologize," he murmurs. "You don't have to be sorry. What happened today... god, Spencer it was terrifying for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. Don't be sorry for being afraid. It's... it was all s-so awful and I wish I could change it. I wish I could make it so it had never happened. You don't ever have to be sorry for wanting to talk about that or for... for wanting reassurances. I need them, too. I need them." Even though he's the one saying them, it helps. It helps to hear such confidence in his own voice. It takes power away from the fear of what happened.
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"I will never leave you," he says and although his voice is still soft, his tone is firm. He won't. There's nothing to be done besides promise and then follow through, but he doesn't want Spencer to worry or doubt that if Joel had a choice, he would be somewhere else. The unexpected may happen, he knows he can't do much to prevent that, but he'll do what he can. He can cast spells and charms, he can do everything in his power to make sure nothing happens to them. More importantly, though, he will never choose to be anywhere else. This is where he belongs and this is where he's going to stay. If he has to fight for it, he will. He'll be here for as long as he has left.
"If you can help me fight off a demon, you can help me fight off anything." Maybe there's a bit of arrogance in those words, maybe the idea that they're more powerful than the rest of the world is something he'll come to regret having said, but right now he doesn't. They are powerful together. They're meaningful and they can do anything.
"Don't apologize," he murmurs. "You don't have to be sorry. What happened today... god, Spencer it was terrifying for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. Don't be sorry for being afraid. It's... it was all s-so awful and I wish I could change it. I wish I could make it so it had never happened. You don't ever have to be sorry for wanting to talk about that or for... for wanting reassurances. I need them, too. I need them." Even though he's the one saying them, it helps. It helps to hear such confidence in his own voice. It takes power away from the fear of what happened.