"You know, at first it felt... it felt almost lonely," he admits and he hasn't really said that to anyone. Spencer knows, but he tells Spencer everything, and everyone else just knows he used to have something piggybacking on the very part of him who made him who he is and now it's gone. But no one really knows how it had felt to go from having it always there to just being alone.

"Which isn't to say I want it back, not by any means," he adds quickly. "It's just that it had been with me for twelve years. I didn't know it, of course, but it had always been there and then it was suddenly gone and for the first time since I was seventeen, I was completely alone inside my head. It was a strange feeling."