He hadn't done any of this with the intention of doing away with the memories of what happened on this day. Spencer's mother and brother are gone and there's nothing in the world Joel can do to take that back or make it any easier on him, there's nothing he can do that will make him forget what this day really is and he wouldn't want to. There's a sense of honour in remembering, he thinks, but he also knows that as the years go by it becomes a little easier to focus on the good memories and put the bad ones aside. Not away, especially not in a situation like this, where their loss had been violent and abrupt and criminal, but aside anyway. They're gone, but he wants Spencer to be able to remember how good it had been to have them and that it's okay to still find happiness, even on a day like this.
Maybe he'd never met them, but given what he's learned about them through Spencer, the stories he's heard and the way Spencer is, he thinks they would both want him to be happy. They would want to see him smile again, they would want to see him making new memories on this day. So none of this had been done with the intention of glossing over what this day is besides Spencer's birthday, but Joel is glad he accomplished the one thing he did set out to do. He'd wanted Spencer to smile a little, he'd wanted him to laugh and to be happy. Not to forget, but for a moment or two, to be able to move past the pain just a little and have something else. And if he's done that, then he's happy. Then he'll consider this day a rousing success.
He smiles when Spencer lifts himself onto his elbow, watching his face for any indication that it might be too much, that he might need a bit of a break. Right now he's doing his best to strike a balance. To not go too far in the other direction that it might read as disrespect, because he would never forgive himself if Spencer thought that Joel wanted him to just let it go entirely. He doesn't think of it as a delicate balance, he's not working too hard because he thinks Spencer knows him well enough to read his intentions, but he's still doing his best.
"Well, we do have this thing all day," he says with a deep laugh, lifting himself up a little so he can catch Spencer's mouth in another kiss. They're both sweaty and out of breath, but he's enjoying it. It's very physical in a much different way than he usually is. This isn't moving boxes of inventory or working on the house or the store, and he likes the new sort of strain in his muscles, even if right now, lying on his back, he can't quite feel it anymore.
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Maybe he'd never met them, but given what he's learned about them through Spencer, the stories he's heard and the way Spencer is, he thinks they would both want him to be happy. They would want to see him smile again, they would want to see him making new memories on this day. So none of this had been done with the intention of glossing over what this day is besides Spencer's birthday, but Joel is glad he accomplished the one thing he did set out to do. He'd wanted Spencer to smile a little, he'd wanted him to laugh and to be happy. Not to forget, but for a moment or two, to be able to move past the pain just a little and have something else. And if he's done that, then he's happy. Then he'll consider this day a rousing success.
He smiles when Spencer lifts himself onto his elbow, watching his face for any indication that it might be too much, that he might need a bit of a break. Right now he's doing his best to strike a balance. To not go too far in the other direction that it might read as disrespect, because he would never forgive himself if Spencer thought that Joel wanted him to just let it go entirely. He doesn't think of it as a delicate balance, he's not working too hard because he thinks Spencer knows him well enough to read his intentions, but he's still doing his best.
"Well, we do have this thing all day," he says with a deep laugh, lifting himself up a little so he can catch Spencer's mouth in another kiss. They're both sweaty and out of breath, but he's enjoying it. It's very physical in a much different way than he usually is. This isn't moving boxes of inventory or working on the house or the store, and he likes the new sort of strain in his muscles, even if right now, lying on his back, he can't quite feel it anymore.