Watching Spencer come is, without a doubt, the most incredible thing Joel has ever seen. The way the muscles in his body tighten, the expressions that chase across his features, how incredibly happy and pleased and beautiful he looks, it's all more than Joel would have thought he'd be capable of handling, but he can never look away. It's the sort of thing he never wants to miss, he always wants to be able to see the way Spencer's face looks and Joel doesn't think he's exceptionally talented, it isn't like he's had a lot of experience to go on, but when he's with Spencer everything just seems to fall into place. He never has to worry about experience or whether he's doing things properly because the way Spencer looks at him is always more than enough to reassure him. They're both so expressive with each other and he knows he's lucky to have found something like this, he knows people wait lifetimes for a connection this strong and Joel hadn't even been looking. At the time he hadn't even cared. Finding someone to love and spend his life with had been the last thing he'd ever given much thought to and somehow without even trying, without giving it any consideration, without ever thinking it could be for him, he'd still been lucky enough that it found him.
Because Spencer did find him. He saw him that day with the Hydra, then he invited him into his home when there was no reason for him to bother. Joel had been skulking outside, being incredibly creepy, and Spencer had seen him and had not only invited him in, but shared a bottle of whiskey with him. Shared memories. Shared his aura. No one has ever done anything like that for Joel before and the more he's thought about it over the past ten months, the more he's realized that Spencer really did discover him. He reached out and offered a hand and he had done it in a way that Joel hadn't been afraid of. The only thing he could possibly do in was reach out in return and take it.
Through all the fear and the nerves and the uncertainty, he hasn't regretted that. Not for one single moment. This is where he's supposed to be. All the decisions they've made together have been the right ones.
He groans as he shifts to the side, pulling out of Spencer, and as always he hates that feeling in the moment after. He misses being inside Spencer like that even though he knows it isn't possible for them to just exist in such a state. But he's never felt most at home as he does when he and Spencer are together in such a way and he misses it when it's suddenly gone. This is nice, too, and he pulls Spencer closer, heedless of the sweat drying on their skin, the semen he can feel sliding off Spencer and onto the floor of the bouncy castle, because none of that matters. Being close to Spencer is the only thing he ever wants and it doesn't change now that their skin is sticky and damp. It will never change. This is where he belongs.
When Spencer speaks, Joel tilts his head down just slightly so he can see him, and he smiles, bright and unguarded. He really doesn't feel like he does anything out of the ordinary, because he only ever wants Spencer to feel loved and happy, and that seems to be easy enough when he is so completely loved. The things Joel does for him over the course of any given day are things he wants to do. Not because he expects praise or anything in return, but because seeing Spencer smile is honestly the most wonderful things he's ever been gifted with. When Spencer looks at him and looks happy because of something he's done, Joel feels more pleased and accomplished than he ever has at any other point in his life. That smile is really the only thing he could ever need in return and he doesn't even know how to say that, so he just shrugs helplessly, still grinning down at Spencer.
"I just want you to be happy," he says finally and he's not quite squirming because he isn't embarrassed, but he does feel sort of pleased with himself. With the both of them and their life. There's nothing at all wrong with this and if Spencer is happy, then he's happy. There's really no question. Joel is easy to please, for a long time he had thought that he wouldn't need much more than a collection of books to keep him happy for the rest of his life, but having Spencer around, having him there with him even if it's just sitting side by side without speaking, it makes everything better. Every last moment of his life is improved by having Spencer there with him and if Joel can just make him happy in return, then he'll consider himself a success.
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Because Spencer did find him. He saw him that day with the Hydra, then he invited him into his home when there was no reason for him to bother. Joel had been skulking outside, being incredibly creepy, and Spencer had seen him and had not only invited him in, but shared a bottle of whiskey with him. Shared memories. Shared his aura. No one has ever done anything like that for Joel before and the more he's thought about it over the past ten months, the more he's realized that Spencer really did discover him. He reached out and offered a hand and he had done it in a way that Joel hadn't been afraid of. The only thing he could possibly do in was reach out in return and take it.
Through all the fear and the nerves and the uncertainty, he hasn't regretted that. Not for one single moment. This is where he's supposed to be. All the decisions they've made together have been the right ones.
He groans as he shifts to the side, pulling out of Spencer, and as always he hates that feeling in the moment after. He misses being inside Spencer like that even though he knows it isn't possible for them to just exist in such a state. But he's never felt most at home as he does when he and Spencer are together in such a way and he misses it when it's suddenly gone. This is nice, too, and he pulls Spencer closer, heedless of the sweat drying on their skin, the semen he can feel sliding off Spencer and onto the floor of the bouncy castle, because none of that matters. Being close to Spencer is the only thing he ever wants and it doesn't change now that their skin is sticky and damp. It will never change. This is where he belongs.
When Spencer speaks, Joel tilts his head down just slightly so he can see him, and he smiles, bright and unguarded. He really doesn't feel like he does anything out of the ordinary, because he only ever wants Spencer to feel loved and happy, and that seems to be easy enough when he is so completely loved. The things Joel does for him over the course of any given day are things he wants to do. Not because he expects praise or anything in return, but because seeing Spencer smile is honestly the most wonderful things he's ever been gifted with. When Spencer looks at him and looks happy because of something he's done, Joel feels more pleased and accomplished than he ever has at any other point in his life. That smile is really the only thing he could ever need in return and he doesn't even know how to say that, so he just shrugs helplessly, still grinning down at Spencer.
"I just want you to be happy," he says finally and he's not quite squirming because he isn't embarrassed, but he does feel sort of pleased with himself. With the both of them and their life. There's nothing at all wrong with this and if Spencer is happy, then he's happy. There's really no question. Joel is easy to please, for a long time he had thought that he wouldn't need much more than a collection of books to keep him happy for the rest of his life, but having Spencer around, having him there with him even if it's just sitting side by side without speaking, it makes everything better. Every last moment of his life is improved by having Spencer there with him and if Joel can just make him happy in return, then he'll consider himself a success.