Joel shakes his head again, but he can feel himself relenting. "Let me talk to them first," he says. "We need to try that at the very least. I don't know what might happen if I speak to them about it, they might... I don't know."

He truly doesn't know. Everything feels far more difficult than it should and he hates it. As much as he didn't want to pick a bride before all this, the thought of it now makes him feel ill, because if he does that, it means there's no future for him and Spencer. The idea that he might have to say goodbye, might have to let him go, it makes Joel feel like something is crushing his heart.

"I don't even know that he returns my feelings," he adds a moment later, his voice hoarse. "This could all be for nothing." And if that's the case, Joel will do whatever his parents want of him, his heart far too broken to ever be repaired.