For the better part of his life, Spencer hasn't had to do much in the way of waiting because he's never really expected anything. Weekends, his birthday, holidays, none of that had ever mattered much to him as a child--save for Halloween, but that had initially been more out of pure fascination than anything else--because as far as Spencer had been concerned, they were still just days. Dane had never really understood his lack of enthusiasm for those things, and Spencer hadn't bothered to explain it because he hadn't quite understood it himself. All he'd known was that when Christmastime came around, he was still the less sociable Waters brother in school and his father was no less dead.
As he'd grown older, he'd started to gain a better appreciation for the fact that he had a family to celebrate with at all. There'd been a girl in high school who'd been called to the principal's office one day during junior year to be told her parents had both been killed in a car accident just outside of town. Even to this day, Spencer remembers stepping out of homeroom and watching her flee from the office, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she'd ran down the hall with choked sobs echoing off the lockers on either side of her. When he'd learned the reason for it later, he'd gone straight to find Dane to give his brother a rare hug.
He wishes he'd given his family more hugs. He wishes he'd told them he loved them more often or made more of an effort to spend quality time with them outside of going to the movies or what they did at home. There is so much about his life before the murders that he doesn't want to pass down to his child, he never wants his son or daughter to feel like he hadn't loved them enough. With Joel, he think he's made up for a small part of it so far. He loves Joel with more of his heart than he'd ever thought himself capable, loves him so much that sometimes it physically hurts. He'd loved his mother and brother, yes, before Joel he'd loved them more than anything in this world and it's for that reason exactly that he refuses to make the same mistakes with his family again.
He watches Joel pace and says nothing because this is what Joel needs to do. In a strange way, it's comforting, if only because he doesn't think seeing his husband sit still would seem natural. Spencer somehow manages to, though he makes a weak attempt to pass the time by reaching for a book from the bag they've packed. He doesn't read it, he's had his thumb on the same page for nearly four hours now because he's been alternating between checking his own phone and letting Erin do the work in reassuring him, and he's fairly certain that's not at all how it's supposed to work.
Still, in spite of how willing he'd been to stay seated, Spencer is exceptionally quick to jump out of his seat and toss the book aside once Erin asks for Jason to be called. It seems like they've been here forever and yet not long at all, that's how this entire journey to parenthood has felt like, and perhaps under other circumstances, he'd feel terribly silly with the mask and gown on but right now, all he cares about as he clutches his husband's hand and Erin clutches hers is that sooner than he could have thought possible, he and Joel are going to be fathers. They're going to be able to hold their baby for the first time and truly realize that there's an entire future ahead of them that involves the life they're going to be responsible for, and Spencer watches with wide eyes as the doctor urges Erin to push.
It isn't until the baby starts to crown that Spencer feels his knees go weak, and he nearly collapses in a useless pile of parts before he makes it to the chair to lower himself back down.
"You okay?" Erin asks through heavy breaths, and Spencer can't help but bark a laugh because that is the most absurd thing that could have come out of her mouth right now.
"I'm fine, I can't believe you're asking me that," he tells her, and he just needs a moment. Just one moment to collect himself, to breathe, to accept the fact that this is really happening.
"Just one more push, Erin," the doctor says, her tone urgent but soothing in a way Spencer admires so greatly, "you're almost there, you're doing great, just give me one more-- Good, Erin, good!"
Spencer gets to his feet again, one hand clapped over his masked mouth as he watches their baby--their baby, god, their baby--be scooped into the doctor's arms, and he gropes for a solid grip on Joel's arm as he takes one small step forward, arching his neck to get a better look. Erin is grinning as Jason dabs at her forehead, and he thinks she's never looked more beautiful than she does right now but it's with a bit of guilt that Spencer focuses his attention back on the doctor. His heart feels like it's beating a triple speeds, his anticipation skyrocketed, and when the doctor turns to them, he can do nothing but return the broad smile she gives them.
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For the better part of his life, Spencer hasn't had to do much in the way of waiting because he's never really expected anything. Weekends, his birthday, holidays, none of that had ever mattered much to him as a child--save for Halloween, but that had initially been more out of pure fascination than anything else--because as far as Spencer had been concerned, they were still just days. Dane had never really understood his lack of enthusiasm for those things, and Spencer hadn't bothered to explain it because he hadn't quite understood it himself. All he'd known was that when Christmastime came around, he was still the less sociable Waters brother in school and his father was no less dead.
As he'd grown older, he'd started to gain a better appreciation for the fact that he had a family to celebrate with at all. There'd been a girl in high school who'd been called to the principal's office one day during junior year to be told her parents had both been killed in a car accident just outside of town. Even to this day, Spencer remembers stepping out of homeroom and watching her flee from the office, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she'd ran down the hall with choked sobs echoing off the lockers on either side of her. When he'd learned the reason for it later, he'd gone straight to find Dane to give his brother a rare hug.
He wishes he'd given his family more hugs. He wishes he'd told them he loved them more often or made more of an effort to spend quality time with them outside of going to the movies or what they did at home. There is so much about his life before the murders that he doesn't want to pass down to his child, he never wants his son or daughter to feel like he hadn't loved them enough. With Joel, he think he's made up for a small part of it so far. He loves Joel with more of his heart than he'd ever thought himself capable, loves him so much that sometimes it physically hurts. He'd loved his mother and brother, yes, before Joel he'd loved them more than anything in this world and it's for that reason exactly that he refuses to make the same mistakes with his family again.
He watches Joel pace and says nothing because this is what Joel needs to do. In a strange way, it's comforting, if only because he doesn't think seeing his husband sit still would seem natural. Spencer somehow manages to, though he makes a weak attempt to pass the time by reaching for a book from the bag they've packed. He doesn't read it, he's had his thumb on the same page for nearly four hours now because he's been alternating between checking his own phone and letting Erin do the work in reassuring him, and he's fairly certain that's not at all how it's supposed to work.
Still, in spite of how willing he'd been to stay seated, Spencer is exceptionally quick to jump out of his seat and toss the book aside once Erin asks for Jason to be called. It seems like they've been here forever and yet not long at all, that's how this entire journey to parenthood has felt like, and perhaps under other circumstances, he'd feel terribly silly with the mask and gown on but right now, all he cares about as he clutches his husband's hand and Erin clutches hers is that sooner than he could have thought possible, he and Joel are going to be fathers. They're going to be able to hold their baby for the first time and truly realize that there's an entire future ahead of them that involves the life they're going to be responsible for, and Spencer watches with wide eyes as the doctor urges Erin to push.
It isn't until the baby starts to crown that Spencer feels his knees go weak, and he nearly collapses in a useless pile of parts before he makes it to the chair to lower himself back down.
"You okay?" Erin asks through heavy breaths, and Spencer can't help but bark a laugh because that is the most absurd thing that could have come out of her mouth right now.
"I'm fine, I can't believe you're asking me that," he tells her, and he just needs a moment. Just one moment to collect himself, to breathe, to accept the fact that this is really happening.
"Just one more push, Erin," the doctor says, her tone urgent but soothing in a way Spencer admires so greatly, "you're almost there, you're doing great, just give me one more-- Good, Erin, good!"
Spencer gets to his feet again, one hand clapped over his masked mouth as he watches their baby--their baby, god, their baby--be scooped into the doctor's arms, and he gropes for a solid grip on Joel's arm as he takes one small step forward, arching his neck to get a better look. Erin is grinning as Jason dabs at her forehead, and he thinks she's never looked more beautiful than she does right now but it's with a bit of guilt that Spencer focuses his attention back on the doctor. His heart feels like it's beating a triple speeds, his anticipation skyrocketed, and when the doctor turns to them, he can do nothing but return the broad smile she gives them.
"Congratulations, gentlemen. The baby's a boy."