Around this time last year, Spencer had doubted so much about his future. What Mark had done to him, the chances of it destroying whatever relationship he and Joel had been building, Spencer had been terrified of it all. A lifetime of being alone has always been Spencer had quietly accepted and expected for himself, not out of the inability to accept that anyone could possibly love him--though admittedly, that isn't far from what he'd once felt either--but because he'd been so afraid of letting himself love only to lose again. It still makes him sick to his stomach to imagine what things would be like if he were ever to lose Joel. He'd come too close to being the one lost again, too, and he's been trying to resist thinking about the fact that somewhere in this hospital, Roman is lying in a coma that Spencer had caused.

But holding the baby in his arms, Spencer knows what he's known all along: every bit of the pain, every last fear, every second of worrying that his happiness might not last for very long because of whatever curse might have befallen him, it's been worth it because without that, he wouldn't be here. Without the risk, he wouldn't be standing next to this man he loves more than he could ever properly explain. He wouldn't be holding their baby in his arms right now, and he wouldn't be blubbering the way he is, shoulders shaking against the comforting warmth of Joel's body, because Spencer wouldn't have known the beauty in what it means to love without constantly thinking about loss.

Joel has given him this strength, to be a better man and to hope for better things. They've helped each other in ways that nobody else could have done for them, they've been waiting for each other all this time, and it's brought them to this moment. Spencer barely even hears what Erin says, though he manages to tear his eyes from the wet, dark curls that their baby has gotten from Joel--and god, Dane is going to grow up looking like Joel, and Spencer doesn't know if his heart can even take it right now--with a trembling smile as he glances at Joel before carefully taking a step toward her.

"You don't know how much..." Spencer trails off, another sob shuddering through him as he lets out a hiccuping laugh because there are no words to thank her, there's nothing he could possibly say that could encompass all that he's feeling right now, but at the feel of Joel's steadying hand on his back, he thinks that it's alright to be at a loss for words right now. Nobody expects him to be levelheaded, not while holding his newborn son, and he shifts just slightly so Erin can get a better look at the baby. "We're calling him Dane, we told you that, right? It's a good name, don't you think?"

Erin smiles softly, and Spencer can see out of the corner of his eye that the doctor does, too. This town isn't known for keeping gossip to a minimum, and he's hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't know what's happened to his family; but over the course of the past year, he's come across people who treat him sensitively for it rather than cruelly. He'd been setting the bar at Eli Jasper for years and that had been his first mistake. People are still cruel, to be sure, but there are others that are so much more generous with their kindness that sometimes, it makes Spencer want to cry with how grateful he is. It's fortunate then, that he's already crying now.

"It's a good name," Erin agrees, reaching out to graze the baby's tiny hand, "and he's gorgeous, just like his dad."

Spencer nods, though he panics a little when the doctor gently asks to take the baby, and his gaze flickers between Dane and Joel until he manages to take a deep breath and nod, reluctantly transferring the baby into a nurse's arms then dropping his arms uselessly at his sides. It already feels strange, not holding him, and Spencer desperately wants Dane back but for the moment, he settles for retreating back to his husband's side.

"We should probably find Ellie and Brian, hmm?" he asks. "Before they tear the place apart looking for us first."