Spencer doesn't know when the switch happens, but he suddenly feels so vulnerable, so incredibly bare in a way that means more than just the fact that his clothes litter the floor of the library; but he's not afraid, not self-conscious, not when Joel has him in his arms and is leaving the softest trail of kisses over his cheek and threading his hand through Spencer's hair. He shivers, closing his eyes as he lets the love radiating from every part of his husband chase away the ghosts of memories that aren't welcome here right now. For a moment, he just rests his forehead on Joel's shoulder, pressing a kiss against the smooth skin and letting his hands come to a rest on Joel's hips.
It's something he's known from the beginning, that he's safe wherever Joel is, he's protected in a way nobody else could ever hope to understand and in a way nobody else could provide. The library had been the one place of the house that had been his and his alone, the one place that hadn't yet existed when his mother and brother had died, when he'd walked into that backyard and had his life changed forever. That one place had been taken from him so cruelly, the illusion of saftey had been broken, shattered, just like the glass that had caused his blood to speckle the floor; but just like the last time he'd stood in this room with Joel's arms arounds him, that fear and anxiety that had been growing quietly within him seem to slowly fade away.
Something in his throat tightens and his eyes well up as he lifts his head to meet Joel's gaze, brushing his fingertips over his husband's cheekbone, down the line of his jaw, then leaning in to kiss him again as he leans his knee against the bookshelf to get even closer. He lets out a low whine at the feel of Joel's finger circling his ass, knowing very well that tonight, something's going to be different. Something's going to change. It's not just the anticipation of how Joel will prepare him or the fact that they're going to have sex somewhere new, it's knowing that after they make love tonight, Spencer won't have to look at this room as just another place that causes him pain. Joel does this for him, turns the things that hurt Spencer most into memories he can tuck away--not to forget completely but to replace with something better, something stronger than tragedy.
"I--" He nearly chokes on his words, and he shakes his head as he takes a deep breath, willing the tears not to spill down his cheeks. "I don't know how to do any of this without you anymore." He swallows hard, gently tilting Joel's chin up so he can trail his tongue down the length of his husband's neck, nipping lightly at the hollow his neck as he slowly works his way down to his chest. He needs to taste Joel again, needs to show Joel just how much he means every word he's ever said to him. "You're everything, baby, you're everything to me."
He looks up at his husband, making sure that they're holding each other's gaze as he takes Joel's length in his mouth, taking him deep until the head of his cock reaches the back of Spencer's throat. He doesn't break eye contact, using one hand to grip Joel's ass for leverage and the other to grip around Joel's shaft as he pulls back to suck. They only have each other to rely on when it comes to a source of lube and as much as he wants the cock in his mouth to be thrusting into him right now, Spencer knows that they ought to take their time.
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It's something he's known from the beginning, that he's safe wherever Joel is, he's protected in a way nobody else could ever hope to understand and in a way nobody else could provide. The library had been the one place of the house that had been his and his alone, the one place that hadn't yet existed when his mother and brother had died, when he'd walked into that backyard and had his life changed forever. That one place had been taken from him so cruelly, the illusion of saftey had been broken, shattered, just like the glass that had caused his blood to speckle the floor; but just like the last time he'd stood in this room with Joel's arms arounds him, that fear and anxiety that had been growing quietly within him seem to slowly fade away.
Something in his throat tightens and his eyes well up as he lifts his head to meet Joel's gaze, brushing his fingertips over his husband's cheekbone, down the line of his jaw, then leaning in to kiss him again as he leans his knee against the bookshelf to get even closer. He lets out a low whine at the feel of Joel's finger circling his ass, knowing very well that tonight, something's going to be different. Something's going to change. It's not just the anticipation of how Joel will prepare him or the fact that they're going to have sex somewhere new, it's knowing that after they make love tonight, Spencer won't have to look at this room as just another place that causes him pain. Joel does this for him, turns the things that hurt Spencer most into memories he can tuck away--not to forget completely but to replace with something better, something stronger than tragedy.
"I--" He nearly chokes on his words, and he shakes his head as he takes a deep breath, willing the tears not to spill down his cheeks. "I don't know how to do any of this without you anymore." He swallows hard, gently tilting Joel's chin up so he can trail his tongue down the length of his husband's neck, nipping lightly at the hollow his neck as he slowly works his way down to his chest. He needs to taste Joel again, needs to show Joel just how much he means every word he's ever said to him. "You're everything, baby, you're everything to me."
He looks up at his husband, making sure that they're holding each other's gaze as he takes Joel's length in his mouth, taking him deep until the head of his cock reaches the back of Spencer's throat. He doesn't break eye contact, using one hand to grip Joel's ass for leverage and the other to grip around Joel's shaft as he pulls back to suck. They only have each other to rely on when it comes to a source of lube and as much as he wants the cock in his mouth to be thrusting into him right now, Spencer knows that they ought to take their time.