Joel could say it once, twice, a hundred, five hundred times a day--I love you, I love you--and the words will never lose their meaning. His mother had always made a habit of saying it after he'd kiss her on the cheek on his way to bed, even Dane had been free with the phrase often enough. It had always been Spencer who'd answer with a begrudging grumble or an amused roll of his eyes and it's not that he hadn't loved them. It's not that he hasn't understood what it means to love someone before. He just hadn't ever seen the point in making a show of it until he'd lost them both. Until it had been too late. He hasn't loved anyone in over two years, hasn't let anyone close enough to feel anything even close to that, but meeting Joel that day had shaken something loose. He hadn't realized it at the time, of course, that he'd been waiting so long for someone to make him feel again; besides that, he'd waited his whole life to be hit with the astounding knowledge that he's only ever going love like this once.
He tightens around Joel's length when he feels his husband's release and comes with a gasp, one that barely even escapes his throat because he's trying so hard to keep the tears welling in his eyes from spilling down his cheek; but there they are, streaming in hot streaks as he pulses into Joel's hand. Spencer doesn't know how to move anymore without falling to the floor, doesn't want to risk moving at all because Joel is still so deep inside of him and he's still moving his hips back against Joel's cock, even as they both start to soften. They're as close as they can ever be right now, both completely bared to each other in ways they won't ever bare themselves to anyone else again. Joel's only had a few partners, Spencer's only had one, and he can't deny that the fact comforts him. It's not as if his love for Joel would be affected at all if things were different but there's something about knowing that he's the only one Joel has ever made love to like this, the only one who's ever had the distinct privilege of having Joel's tongue inside of him, the only one who Joel will ever touch so intimately that makes Spencer's heart leap into his throat and it makes him chokes on the words he doesn't know he wants to say.
Slowly, carefully, he steps forward with a disparaging moan as Joel's cock slips out of him, leaving him feel so empty like it always does, but he wastes no time in turning around to face his husband. His ass is just the slightest bit sore, the minor sting caused by Joel's crafty substitution for lube is only amplified from how Joel's filled him just now, but he doesn't care. It's a good pain, he'd take it all over like this again and again because this had been raw. This had picked at the scabs of his memories and covered them up bit by bit, and Spencer is so grateful to Joel for that. He's not magically cured because they've had sex, that's not what this had ever been about in the first place, but he feels safe. He feels safe in the library like he's been hoping--praying, even, just the one time, though he'd felt so utterly foolish after--he would for months now, and he's known all along that Joel is the only person who could help him face his fears head-on. He just hadn't been ready yet.
They're somehow still standing but that won't do, not when the way Joel's looking at him right now makes every last inch of him tremble with the love he can only hope is evident enough in his own eyes. He scrambles for something to say, for something that would be enough in this moment, for something that's poignant and meaningful and not a quote from a book because this love is all their own. It's not something anyone else could ever hope to put words to, not when Spencer can't even do it himself. He can't stop the tears now, and he lets out a shuddering breath as his lips part but his head shakes and he leans forward to bury his face in the crook of Joel's neck. Nothing is enough for this man, deemed true by Spencer because he's never experienced anything as pure as what they have. People, he's learned over the years, can be awful. They can be petty and cruel and unforgiving, and he imagines that he can be guilty of that, too; but not with Joel. Never with Joel.
Joel had shown Spencer light when he'd been shrouded in darkness, a self-imposed solitary of his mind and body that nobody had been able to successfully penetrate until that day. Joel Baker had created a barrier between him and Spencer and that debris but in the process, he'd broken down every single wall Spencer had dedicated himself to building for years. They'd started with protection and promises of safety and now they're here, living up to the very same. He leans forward to press a shaky kiss to Joel's lips, tears slowing but still falling as he gently nudges his husband back toward the shelves.
Nothing he could say could encompass all that he feels, he could live a thousand years and not be able to explain every piece of Joel that brings him joy, brings him life, but Spencer thinks he wants to try because Joel deserves it. He deserves to know every single day just how much he's changed Spencer's life. "You have all of me," he murmurs as they sink down to the floor. "Always. I don't think I was living for a long time before you found me and now..." They're both sticky, bodies slick with sweat and come and the library smells like sex, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters but them right now. He takes one of Joel's hands and presses it to his chest, over his heart. "All of me, Joel. All for you."
no subject
He tightens around Joel's length when he feels his husband's release and comes with a gasp, one that barely even escapes his throat because he's trying so hard to keep the tears welling in his eyes from spilling down his cheek; but there they are, streaming in hot streaks as he pulses into Joel's hand. Spencer doesn't know how to move anymore without falling to the floor, doesn't want to risk moving at all because Joel is still so deep inside of him and he's still moving his hips back against Joel's cock, even as they both start to soften. They're as close as they can ever be right now, both completely bared to each other in ways they won't ever bare themselves to anyone else again. Joel's only had a few partners, Spencer's only had one, and he can't deny that the fact comforts him. It's not as if his love for Joel would be affected at all if things were different but there's something about knowing that he's the only one Joel has ever made love to like this, the only one who's ever had the distinct privilege of having Joel's tongue inside of him, the only one who Joel will ever touch so intimately that makes Spencer's heart leap into his throat and it makes him chokes on the words he doesn't know he wants to say.
Slowly, carefully, he steps forward with a disparaging moan as Joel's cock slips out of him, leaving him feel so empty like it always does, but he wastes no time in turning around to face his husband. His ass is just the slightest bit sore, the minor sting caused by Joel's crafty substitution for lube is only amplified from how Joel's filled him just now, but he doesn't care. It's a good pain, he'd take it all over like this again and again because this had been raw. This had picked at the scabs of his memories and covered them up bit by bit, and Spencer is so grateful to Joel for that. He's not magically cured because they've had sex, that's not what this had ever been about in the first place, but he feels safe. He feels safe in the library like he's been hoping--praying, even, just the one time, though he'd felt so utterly foolish after--he would for months now, and he's known all along that Joel is the only person who could help him face his fears head-on. He just hadn't been ready yet.
They're somehow still standing but that won't do, not when the way Joel's looking at him right now makes every last inch of him tremble with the love he can only hope is evident enough in his own eyes. He scrambles for something to say, for something that would be enough in this moment, for something that's poignant and meaningful and not a quote from a book because this love is all their own. It's not something anyone else could ever hope to put words to, not when Spencer can't even do it himself. He can't stop the tears now, and he lets out a shuddering breath as his lips part but his head shakes and he leans forward to bury his face in the crook of Joel's neck. Nothing is enough for this man, deemed true by Spencer because he's never experienced anything as pure as what they have. People, he's learned over the years, can be awful. They can be petty and cruel and unforgiving, and he imagines that he can be guilty of that, too; but not with Joel. Never with Joel.
Joel had shown Spencer light when he'd been shrouded in darkness, a self-imposed solitary of his mind and body that nobody had been able to successfully penetrate until that day. Joel Baker had created a barrier between him and Spencer and that debris but in the process, he'd broken down every single wall Spencer had dedicated himself to building for years. They'd started with protection and promises of safety and now they're here, living up to the very same. He leans forward to press a shaky kiss to Joel's lips, tears slowing but still falling as he gently nudges his husband back toward the shelves.
Nothing he could say could encompass all that he feels, he could live a thousand years and not be able to explain every piece of Joel that brings him joy, brings him life, but Spencer thinks he wants to try because Joel deserves it. He deserves to know every single day just how much he's changed Spencer's life. "You have all of me," he murmurs as they sink down to the floor. "Always. I don't think I was living for a long time before you found me and now..." They're both sticky, bodies slick with sweat and come and the library smells like sex, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters but them right now. He takes one of Joel's hands and presses it to his chest, over his heart. "All of me, Joel. All for you."