Joel Waters-Baker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
just_another) wrote2014-11-12 01:49 pm
just_another) wrote2014-11-12 01:49 pm
november 25 (tw: violence, language, scary demon stuff)
Tomorrow, when he has time to sit and think about what's happened while he lies in a hospital bed, Joel will tell Spencer that it felt like a switch going off in his mind. One moment he was there, he was in control, and then something flipped a switch inside him and suddenly he wasn't. One moment he was muttering curses under his breath because he'd sloshed hot coffee on his hand while trying to close his travel mug and the next he hadn't felt the pain because he hadn't felt anything.
The mug drops, the plastic exterior cracking where it hits the kitchen floor. Coffee spills over the tiles, over Joel's shoes, it splashes the cupboards and one of the kitchen chairs, but Joel doesn't notice because he's not in control anymore. He's still there, he's still inside, and he's screaming, feeling as though he's pounding his fists against a door that doesn't really exist because he's trapped inside himself. The walls are closing in on him, the walls of himself, the walls of the demon, just walls, and he can't explain it, but he's being pressed down smaller and smaller until he can't breathe.
The demon has taken over.
Joel can't feel his body, but he can feel it. It pushes at his mind, probing curiously and he screams again, but it doesn't make a sound. It only echoes inside him somehow and Joel spends several minutes in such a state of terror that he thinks he blacks out. If such a thing is at all possible when he's not really in control of his body, he doesn't know, but there's a gap in time Joel doesn't remember.
When he comes to, he can feel pain again. He's not in control, not by any means, but there's a shrieking pain in the fingers of his left hand and when he's allowed to look down, he sees three of them are swollen and an angry red.
You're so delicate. No wonder I killed her so swiftly.
The voice is worse than the pain in his fingers could ever be. It's ancient and it's eternal and it's endless. It's like being pierced by something burning hot, something dull and ragged that slips in between his ribs and wiggles back and forth, tearing skin and burning his insides and Joel goes away again.
This time when he regains consciousness, there's silence. His fingers throb and ache and when he looks down at them, it looks as if they've been slammed in a door.
They have been.
The voice is different this time. It's still like something hot and sharp being driven into him, but the demon is restraining itself somehow. The voice has been pulled back and Joel finds he can withstand it a little better. It's still awful and he's still terrified, trapped in a body he can't control, unable to call for help, unable to let anyone know what's happened.
And what would they do? the thing asks. Your witches are not equipped to handle me.
Joel can't answer, he only retreats and feels sick, knowing sooner or later Spencer is going to wonder why he isn't at work. Sooner or later, Spencer is going to come looking for him and this is what he's going to find. A monster in the place of his husband. A monster intent on experimenting with his body to see what he can withstand.
There's a lighter in his right hand, the flame sparks to life. Joel watches silently as it's brought closer and closer to his skin and he feels the pain sear through him, but he can't stop.
He isn't in control anymore.
The mug drops, the plastic exterior cracking where it hits the kitchen floor. Coffee spills over the tiles, over Joel's shoes, it splashes the cupboards and one of the kitchen chairs, but Joel doesn't notice because he's not in control anymore. He's still there, he's still inside, and he's screaming, feeling as though he's pounding his fists against a door that doesn't really exist because he's trapped inside himself. The walls are closing in on him, the walls of himself, the walls of the demon, just walls, and he can't explain it, but he's being pressed down smaller and smaller until he can't breathe.
The demon has taken over.
Joel can't feel his body, but he can feel it. It pushes at his mind, probing curiously and he screams again, but it doesn't make a sound. It only echoes inside him somehow and Joel spends several minutes in such a state of terror that he thinks he blacks out. If such a thing is at all possible when he's not really in control of his body, he doesn't know, but there's a gap in time Joel doesn't remember.
When he comes to, he can feel pain again. He's not in control, not by any means, but there's a shrieking pain in the fingers of his left hand and when he's allowed to look down, he sees three of them are swollen and an angry red.
You're so delicate. No wonder I killed her so swiftly.
The voice is worse than the pain in his fingers could ever be. It's ancient and it's eternal and it's endless. It's like being pierced by something burning hot, something dull and ragged that slips in between his ribs and wiggles back and forth, tearing skin and burning his insides and Joel goes away again.
This time when he regains consciousness, there's silence. His fingers throb and ache and when he looks down at them, it looks as if they've been slammed in a door.
They have been.
The voice is different this time. It's still like something hot and sharp being driven into him, but the demon is restraining itself somehow. The voice has been pulled back and Joel finds he can withstand it a little better. It's still awful and he's still terrified, trapped in a body he can't control, unable to call for help, unable to let anyone know what's happened.
And what would they do? the thing asks. Your witches are not equipped to handle me.
Joel can't answer, he only retreats and feels sick, knowing sooner or later Spencer is going to wonder why he isn't at work. Sooner or later, Spencer is going to come looking for him and this is what he's going to find. A monster in the place of his husband. A monster intent on experimenting with his body to see what he can withstand.
There's a lighter in his right hand, the flame sparks to life. Joel watches silently as it's brought closer and closer to his skin and he feels the pain sear through him, but he can't stop.
He isn't in control anymore.
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Erin's pregnant, and Spencer can barely remember how to breathe because he can't stop staring at his phone. He'd missed four calls and an urgent text--CALL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!--from her because the store has been considerably busy this morning, business has definitely picked up since the signing. He'd call in a bit of a daze, not even sure what he'd expected because he'd been in such a hurry to get back to her, but he'd gone completely silent for nearly half a minute after she'd excitedly told him the news until she'd called his name for what had to be the tenth time.
They're going to be parents. He and Joel, they're going to be fathers, it's really happening and it doesn't quite feel real because they've been waiting for this moment for weeks but now it's here, and he simply hadn't been prepared. The only problem is that Joel doesn't know yet. She can't get in touch with him, Erin had said, she'd tried calling and texting him first, assuming they'd be together, but hadn't gotten an answer. Spencer checks his watch and frowns because it's getting to be mid-afternoon and his husband hasn't even come into work yet. It's not a problem if Joel has something to do, it never is, but he's never not called Spencer to let him know that he'll be later coming in; Joel hasn't done that today.
Spencer checks his texts again to make sure Joel hadn't sent him a message even though he knows he hasn't, the last text he'd received was a series of emojis, the cat with the hearts for eyes that Spencer still doesn't really understand but appreciates all the same because it's Joel who sends them. He stares at his phone a little while longer, struggling between being excited out of his mind and worried about his husband, then sighs. It's as good a time as any to take a lunch break, he figures, so he shouts up to Charlotte that he's closing up for a bit and flips the sign on his way out.
Joel's fine, he tells himself, but he rubs at his chest because there's a strange tightness there, a growing ominous feeling that something's wrong. He checks his phone yet again before quickening his pace, eager to get home so he can prove to himself that Joel's okay. His husband had just left his phone in their room or has in silent, that's all, there's nothing to worry about because Erin's pregnant so in what cruel world could anything possibly have happened to ruin that sort of news?
Spencer should have known better.
When he gets home, the door is open and it makes Spencer's heart sink. He pushes the door open, slowly and with a sense of dream looming over him as the tightness in his chest grows more painful, and he cautiously walks into the hall as his looks in either direction. "Joel?" He's barely aware of where he's going, simply moving in whatever direction his feet seem to deem fit, toward the dining room, and the sight that greets him nearly threatens to make him sick.
Joel is holding a lighter to his hand, the skin bubbling under the flame, and Spencer chokes out a sound that's something between a sob and a groan. Joel looks up at him then, as if he's only just realized Spencer's here--or maybe it's just that he doesn't care--and Spencer's mind clicks with what he already knows. It's not Joel. It's not his husband.
"Joel, baby, I..." His voice is small, and he trails off because he doesn't know what to say. He wants to drop to his knees, bury his face in his hands, and cry but Spencer knows he has to be stronger than that. He doesn't know if it's worth the strategy of making the demon believe that Spencer doesn't see anything wrong, doesn't know if it would work, but maybe it would buy him time. He needs to get in touch with Coop without tipping the demon off because if this thing that's taken over Joel's body catches on to what Spencer's trying to do, it might lash out. Or worse, it might continue trying to hurt Joel. As long as he can draw its attention away from harming his husband more, Spencer is willing to do whatever it takes.
He swallows hard before crossing the room and pulling the lighter from Joel's hands, forcing a look of disbelief as he glances up at his husband--no, not his husband, the demon. "What are you doing?" he asks, grabbing for Joel's hand to examine more closely. A fresh wave of nausea washes over him when he notices the swollen fingers, and it looks like Joel's punched a wall. He ushers Joel to the kitchen sink, knowing that it won't be enough, that between the burn and how bad his fingers look, Joel's going to need more than a home remedy to treat his hand. Still, he forces Joel's hand under the cool stream of water because if his husband can feel this, if he can feel what the demon's doing to him, Spencer can at least try to relieve some of the pain. He can do this. He can be strong for his husband.
"I don't know what you were thinking," he admonishes, staring at the blistering skin because it's better than looking into Joel's eyes and seeing that the love so often present there when he looks at Spencer is very conspicuously absent. "If you're practicing for something kinky, I'm afraid we're going to have to look into other options."
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That's how this is supposed to go.
But it's not. His hand screams in pain and he's slamming himself against this force that won't let him out and he had been so certain that he would be able to fight this thing. It's stunning and it's crippling to realize just how wrong he was and for a moment all Joel wants to do is take this body with this thing inside and throw it off a cliff. Just like Amy. He wonders if that's what happened, if this demon hadn't really killed her, but she'd killed herself realizing there was nothing else to be done. If he can do that, if he can end this thing by ending himself before Spencer gets home then he'll have won in a way. He'll keep Spencer from this, he won't put him in any danger and he knows it will break his heart, but Joel can't let him see this. There's no winning against this thing. He isn't strong enough.
If he kills himself, it won't be any different than letting the demon win. This isn't Joel. He's in here, he's buried deep, but the thing in control is so strong and it's with a sob of defeat that he just stops. Just for the moment, just to gather his strength. He stops because it's burning his hand and watching the skin blister and there's nothing he can do but watch. He can feel the thing's detached sort of curiosity as it pushes Joel's body to the limits and he wonders what's next. If maybe he won't even have to try to kill himself because Spencer will come home to find this body with a knife in it. A test gone too far.
I've watched you for far too long for that, the voice inside him says and Joel wants to clutch his head and cover his ears and scream at it to stop, but he can't. All he can do is listen. I won't end this body. Your husband will come home and I'll find a way to be rid of him and then you'll be mine. For good.
It registers, but just barely. Joel is too tired to think on it for very long, but it's there. A flicker of something. It wants to get rid of Spencer and Joel doesn't know why, it doesn't make any sense. It's not fear he feels, but it's something close and he tucks that away for when he's stronger. For when he can fight again.
But then Spencer is there and all Joel can do is watch as a passive observer as his amazing husband takes the lighter from this thing wearing his skin. He knows, Joel knows he does, but he's being so good and so strong, not looking right at him, keeping his gaze averted and Joel doesn't know what the demon can read of him, what it knows and what it doesn't, but all he can do is hope that Spencer can fool it for long enough to call someone. It feels like such a long shot, it feels like there's no possible way for them to win this and all he wants is for Spencer to get out of the house and get to safety, but the sight of him is the only thing Joel needs right now. It's the only thing that could give him that little bit of hope.
His body makes a harsh hissing sound when the burn is drawn under the cool water, a sound Joel's never made before. It fills the room and now more than ever Joel wants to close his eyes and cover his ears and crawl under a table somewhere. Now more than ever he wants to hide because he's not strong enough. Not with that awful sound filling the room, not with this insidious thing inside him, pushing him back, holding him down.
Except suddenly it isn't. He doesn't know if it's Spencer or if it's the water on the burn, but suddenly Joel feels like he can move and so he does. He comes forward, it's the only way to describe how it feels, he just comes forward into his own body and the hissing stops. His hand twitches under the water, then comes up and grabs Spencer's chin. It hurts, he's very aware of the pain, and it takes every last bit of effort for him not to just slip back under, but he holds Spencer's chin, taking care not to hurt him and he stares at him. "Call... Coop," he manages to say before it feels like he's driven back again.
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Joel's fighting and knowing for sure that his husband is aware, trapped and trying and pushing back, makes this better and worse all at once. Joel's eyes go back to being what Spencer can only describe as blank, empty, so utterly cold, but he grabs his husband's wrist before he can pull away and presses a desperate kiss to Joel's lips. It's short but it's meaningful, a promise of sorts that Spencer isn't going to give up on this, on Joel. Over his dead body, he'll give up on Joel. "Hey, I love you," he murmurs, and he has to lower his gaze again because he can't look at those cold eyes for too long or it'll only serve to break him with every second that it's not Joel in control of this thing. "Know that, okay? I love you so much." I love you so much, don't stop fighting, never stop fighting. Joel will know, Spencer is sure of it, and his eyes flicker up to meet Joel's just for a moment because there's a steely determination there, one that he hopes will give his husband something to hold onto.
"I'm going to get some bandages." He gives Joel another kiss, this time on the cheek, and tries to relax his shoulders as much as he can because if he's tense, it won't do him any favors in trying to fool this demon. He narrows his eyes as he turns and heads to the bathroom, careful not to walk too fast or too slow, and he's never had to think so hard about the things he does so regularly. It's terrifying to think that the slightest hint or provocation could make all hell break loose but if the demon has caught on to Spencer's act, there's no indication of it yet.
Once he's successfully made it to the bathroom, he shuts the door behind him, locking it and double checking that he's locked it before he lets out a long, shaky breath. He glances up at his reflection, barely surprised to see a paled face staring back at him. His skin is starting to go clammy now that he's alone, now that he has a moment to let everything catch up to him, and he just manages to drop the seat down on the toilet and sit before his knees buckle. He scrubs his hand over his face, reminding himself that it's worse for Joel, that he needs to be able to keep himself together if he wants to get his husband back, and it doesn't help to ease his nerves or fear but it helps to get him on track.
"Okay, Spencer," he mutters to himself, reaching for his phone in his back pocket. "Call Coop. Call Coop, that's the easy part, all you have to do is call Coop and keep the thing busy, right? You can do that. You can do that." He scrolls through his contacts until he find's Coop's name, dialing the number and praying--praying--that their friend answers. The phone rings once, twice, three times, and Spencer thinks the entire contents of his stomach might be rising up in his throat when he finally hears a voice on the other end.
"Hello?"
"Oh, god." Spencer lets out the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding, so grateful that he could cry if there wasn't already such a line-up for reasons that he's ready to sob, and he huffs out a humorless laugh as he runs a trembling hand through his hair.
"Spencer? Hey, talk to me, what is it? Is it Joel?"
Spencer doesn't even trust himself to be able to speak, nodding until he realizes Coop can't see him from the other side of the phone, and he shuts his eyes. "Yes." It comes out as more of a whisper. His knee starts to shaking, the tapping of his heel on the bathroom tile reverberating in the confined space as his heartbeat matches the quick pace. "Coop, we need help. Please come."
"Say no more, Spence, I'm on my way." Spence. Nobody calls him that, not really. Cosette, here and there, but the only person who'd used that nickname regularly was Dane. It's oddly comforting to hear it now. "Just sit tight, okay, I'm going to call Les and we'll get in touch with Nerium, and everything's going to be fine. He's going to be fine. You still there?"
"I'm here."
"Can you stay on the line?"
Spencer checks his watch and it's been too long already for saying he's only getting bandages. He has to go back out there, he has to face that demon who's using his husband, abusing him, torturing him. "I can't," he answers, using his free hand to push himself up from the toilet so he can rifle through the medicine cabinet. He finds the roll of bandages quickly enough, and he can hear the sound of keys rattling on the other end.
"I'm heading out the door, and I got April canceling all my appointments for the rest of the day, so when we're done, we better make a very serious beer run, got it?"
Spencer lets out another laugh, gripping the bandages tight in his hand, tight enough to make his knuckles go white before he looks up at himself in the mirror again. His eyes are watery, slightly red, but he takes a deep breath and nods firmly. "That sounds like a good plan. Coop, I-- Thank you."
"Thank me with that beer, Spence. I'll see you soon."
The line goes dead, and Spencer takes another thirty seconds to slip the phone back in his pocket before turning to face the door. He stares at the knob then reaches for it but when he opens the door, Spencer nearly drops the bandages to the floor because he's standing there. Joel's standing there, head tilted, almost like he's curious, and his arms hanging loosely at his sides. Spencer blinks, his heart pounding so loud in his chest that he's certain Joel must be able to hear it, but he offers a smile and holds the bandages up for Joel to see.
"Found them. You should let me wrap that hand for you."
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All he can do is hold on. All he can do is fight. He'll do that for Spencer, he'll do anything for Spencer including die in this war for himself if he has to. Spencer is leaving the room to call Coop, though he says something about bandages, and all Joel wants to do is call him back because the thought of being alone in his body with this thing is so terrifying that it makes him want to lie down again and cry.
But he can't. He's fighting this. Spencer has reminded him why with just a kiss and Joel doesn't do anything yet, he doesn't try to exert any control because he doesn't want the thing inside him to know that he has any. Maybe it can read his mind, maybe it can hear all his thoughts, but Joel has spent so many years working on controlling the premonitions that he thinks he might have better control over blocking what the demon can and can't hear than it realizes.
And the demon, too, had reacted to the kiss. It had retreated. There had been a sensation of wings flapping and fluttering in his mind, a sound like a thousand birds taking flight, and Joel knows it hasn't run away, but it had retreated for a moment. It wants to get rid of Spencer. It moves off when he gets too close, it retreats entirely when they kiss, and Joel is beginning to have an idea of how he might be able to fight what's happening.
He'd asked Spencer to be here when this happened. He'd said he would need him, but until this moment, he'd had absolutely no idea just how badly he would need him. He hadn't understood that Spencer might actually be the only person who can give him the strength to fight back.
Slowly, he can feel the demon creeping back in, but this time he lets it happen. His body begins to move and there's pain again, the sort that wants to blind him, but Joel just lets it happen, he lets it wash over him and he knows if he makes it out of this alive, he's going to be exhausted for days. Right now he needs to just be quiet. He needs to be passive, he needs to gather his strength and he needs to test his boundaries.
His body moves in the direction of the bathroom and Joel does his best to block what he's thinking. Then he reaches out, thinking about trying to escape just to see if it might get a reaction. There's a flicker, like the demon senses his thoughts, but no response. No taunt, no insistence he'll never be able to win, just a flicker. And Joel doesn't think that means anything. He thinks maybe, if he tries hard enough, he can keep it from reading every last thought he has.
Don't hurt him, he thinks, letting it through.
There's a laugh like dry leaves scraping across the pavement and Joel feels himself twitch inside. It's an awful sound and he wonders if this has happened to anyone else. If maybe they've all just gone crazy. He wonders if maybe mental hospitals are full of people with demons who have driven them mad because the sounds it makes inside his head are horrible.
He won't let this body go, it answers. You know that. And I need it.
Joel says nothing, but he feels terror pounding inside his skull. He's standing on the other side of the bathroom door and when Spencer opens it, he almost drops the bandages and Joel wants to tell him to run, but he needs him, and he's never been so torn in his entire life. He can't do this without Spencer, but if Spencer is here, he's going to get hurt.
His head tilts and his uninjured hand comes up, fingertips shaking as they reach for Spencer's cheek and Joel hopes he can see. He hopes Spencer will look at him and understand this isn't his husband touching him, especially not when his hand suddenly closes cruelly on his chin, a painful version of what Joel had done only moments earlier.
"I can't have you here."
The voice that comes out of Joel is horrifying. It's the first time the demon has spoken and even inside Joel somehow manages to feel sick. It's not as bad as it had been inside his head and yet somehow it's worse, hearing all that time, all that ancient evil, hearing it expelled from his body in a real voice. It's worse and it takes everything Joel has to stay calm.
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He gingerly rubs at his chin, and the grip hadn't been rough enough that it's going to leave a bruise but the ache that's left over has him realizing the demon isn't just happy to be physically harmful to Joel's own body. He's a couple inches taller than his husband but Joel would overpower him in a physical fight--never mind the fact that if it came down to it, Spencer isn't sure that he could bring himself to harm his husband, not like this. Not when it isn't even really Joel. The bandages lay discarded on the floor and Spencer makes no move to pick them up, his hands trembling at his sides as he determines what he should do next.
It's clear that the demon has decided that it doesn't want Spencer around anymore, but it's been content to let Joel stay himself with Spencer until now. His mind works quickly, even as he inches back down the hall with his back flat against the wall, moving toward the living room, not wanting to make any quick movements for fear that the demon will lash out. It's not so much as his own safety that he's especially concerned about, he'll take a beating if that's what needs to be done; he just doesn't want anything to happen that will harm his husband more than he's already been harmed.
There are several different things he could really choose to do here, only one of which truly appeals at all. One, he could run. Joel would tell him to, would beg him to get out of harm's way, but Spencer thinks they both know that he can't do that. Would never do that. It's not an option. Two, he could find a way to knock Joel out and somehow bind him until Coop, Les, and Nerium can get to the house to banish the thing; but he doesn't want to hurt Joel and for all he knows, the demon wouldn't be affected by it. The last thing he can do, the one that seems like it could be the most effective, is work out a way to get Joel back in control of this thing. Even if they're only flashes of being him, it could, at the very least, keep the demon at bay for as long as possible until they have more help.
The demon had made itself most known when Joel had been asleep or alone with others, out of Spencer's sight and reach, and that makes something click. When they'd been together, they'd done almost everything in their power to ignore the thing growing inside of Joel. They'd been immersed in each other, in the love they share and the future they're planning, and Joel's words echo in his mind now. "Whatever I do or say, you have to remember I love you and that I need you there with me." He furrows his brow, glancing into the living room and there on the mantle, he sees it. It's a framed photo of them on their wedding day, one that Matthew had taken for them on Spencer's phone, and they look so happy. Elated. In love. Joel is laughing, head thrown back, and Spencer is pressing a kiss to his throa. It hadn't been a posed photo, just a moment caught by the man who'd made their marriage possible, but it had been Spencer's favorite.
He wants to be kissing Joel right now. He wants to be in the store, wrapping his arms around his husband and popping open a bottle of champagne and celebrating because they're officially on their way to being fathers, but he can't. He can't do any of that because of this thing that's poisoning his husband's body, this thing that's trying to destory everything they've worked so hard to build with each other. This is their home, their life, nothing should be able to change that so swiftly, so casually, as if it's not even of worth. Seeing the photo strengthens his resolve, and he turns back to look Joel in the eyes. That empty expression is still gazing cooly right back at him, but Spencer ignores the way it sends a chill down his spine. This isn't Joel. This is Joel violated, and Spencer can't have that. If the demon wants a fight, Spencer thinks he might know how to give it one.
"Have you ever heard the Chinese proverb about the red string of fate?" He'd asked that exact question months ago, right after the kiss that should have been their first. "'An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break.' Joel, I know you're in there. We'll never break, are you hearing me? We'll never break." He lowers his voice then, wanting the demon to understand with perfect clarity that there's no chance in hell that he's going anywhere, and he flexes his hands into fists before pushing off the wall and standing toe-to-toe with Joel. "Hear this, too. You can't have him."
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Or maybe it does. Maybe that's why Spencer seems to scare it more than anything else. It hasn't said a word to Joel about getting rid of Charlotte or his parents. Besides the dreams that he's beginning to think were more meant to scare him than anything, the only person the demon has seemed truly interested in doing away with is Spencer. Everyone else is an afterthought. Everyone else, as far as Joel can tell, doesn't even register and there has to be a reason for that.
When Spencer looks toward the mantle, Joel feels the demon turning his neck to follow Spencer's gaze. On some level it feels like moving after sleeping in a strange position, muscles and tendons creaking with the effort it takes. Everything hurts and Joel finds himself wondering again if it was like this for Amy. If this is what she went through and he knows he'll never be able to take it back or make it better. He doesn't believe in an afterlife, he doesn't believe in spirits or ghosts of heaven, but if she's out there somewhere, if her energy still exists -- and it has to, he knows it has to, scientifically it must because it cannot be destroy -- then he finds himself sending apologies out and hoping somehow she'll know. Somehow the energy that used to make up Amy Fuller will hear it and she'll understand and she'll know Joel never meant to cause any of this to happen to her. All he can do is hope it was quick for her. That she was dead before she had to live through much of this, that she had died before this pain began to start.
He expects some kind of response to this, some mockery, the dry voice that pierces his head like a thousand needles, but there's nothing. His head is still turned toward the framed picture on the mantle and Joel realizes the demon is staring at it and that something inside him feels like it's rebelling against the picture and the feelings it produces. Because for a moment and it's just a second, the pain lessens. It's a momentary respite, but Joel thinks if there's another, if it lasts longer, he might be able to surge back through it and take hold for at least a little while and the thing that caused it is the picture of Spencer kissing him.
Spencer looks at him and Joel knows he can't see his husband in these eyes right now, but he stares back, drinking in the sight of him. The look of resolve on his face, the way his jaw is set and when he begins to speak, Joel feels another one of those moments. He feels like he's clamouring for the story Spencer is telling, like it's water and he's been without for days, and with every word that passes from his lips, that moment gets wider. It gets bigger. And given the right time, Joel thinks he can slip through and take control. He just has to wait for it to be exactly right because he doesn't want to waste it. It needs to be enough of a gap for him to get through, the demon needs to have backed off enough and Joel waits.
But he waits just a second too long. Spencer steps away from the wall and they're standing nearly chest to chest. Another time he would have reached out and wrapped his arms around his husband's waist, but instead all he can do is try not to scream as another blast of searing pain races through him. It's a threat. It's the strongest, bravest thing Joel has ever seen Spencer do and he knows that's saying a lot because his husband has done so much for him, but he pushes off the wall and says you can't have him and the demon just reacts.
Joel won't remember this later, which is for the best. He doesn't remember the way the demon raises both his hands and slams them into the wall one either side of Spencer's head. The bones in his already damaged left hand crack, but both fists punch through the wall with a strength he shouldn't have. His hands are yanked back, knuckles dripping with blood and covered in a fine drywall dust. It wants to hit Spencer, but it can't touch him. It's afraid to. Instead it pulls Joel's body back and his shoulders curve in as he rises several inches into the air, looking as if he's suspended by a string attached at the base of his neck.
His eyes go black. If it can't touch Spencer, it can destroy him by hurting Joel. It lowers him just enough that his toes are barely skimming the floor and then, head cocked, mouth curved into a grin, it throws Joel's body against the opposite wall where he lands and crumples into a heap on the floor.
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Spencer wishes for that now. He wishes he could slow this down, tackle the demon to the ground before it can damage his husband, but he's too late. When Joel hits the wall and falls to the floor, Spencer cries out and almost doesn't recognize the fact that the awful sound he'd just heard has come from deep inside his own throat. It's his fault, he thinks, his fault because he'd angered the demon and now Joel is suffering for it, his fault that he hadn't pushed harder for them to do something about this sooner, his fault that he couldn't be the one to expel the demon in the first place.
He's frozen in place for a moment before he steps forward, legs like jelly as he stumbles to where Joel is and drops to his knees beside his husband. "Joel, god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, baby, I don't-- I don't--" He doesn't know what to do and his hands hover uselessly over Joel's body before gently lowering one to his shoulder, the other to thread through his hair before he recoils like he's been burned because there's something wet there and when he looks down, Spencer is sure that he's going to throw up. His hand is covered with blood, Joel's blood, his husband's blood, and for a second, he's back on that island. Except the island had been easier, somehow, he thinks; the island had been hell but at least Joel had been himself.
A part of Spencer is screaming at him to give up, to let the demon have its way and let it get rid of him because if that means Joel doesn't have to suffer like this anymore then so be it. He'd rather die then watching this thing destroy his husband, bit by bit, a threat and a promise that even if they get out of this, it won't be without consequence. But Joel would still suffer, that's what the other part of him is saying. Joel would still suffer because he'd still be enslaved in his own body, forced to watch this demon pick through the people he loves the most and ruin everything's he's worked for in one fell swoop. Spencer can't let that happen, he can't sentence his own husband to a life of that, and he hesitates for only a second before pushing Joel onto his back and straddling him, gripping his husband's wrists so he can pin them to the ground.
Spencer knows this won't last long, the demon could easily send him flying across the room if it so chose, but it seems to know that the best way to hurt him is to use Joel--and it's right, but Spencer will do everything in his power to lessen those blows. "I won't let you win." It's practically a growl, and he tightens his grip as he glares down at Joel. At the demon. "I can see it, you understand? You fear me, you're too afraid to even touch me, a human. You can feel it, can't you, how much he loves me? You've been watching all this time, you know exactly how much I love him, you know that we belong to each other, and that scares you. I'm staying now, that's what you told me, Joel, and it's my turn. I'm staying now."
There's a flicker in Joel's expression, Spencer's sure of it, and he doesn't know if his words are getting through to his husband or if the demon's only getting angrier; but he has to take the chance. If this is what's going to work, if reminding Joel of why he needs to keep fighting means reminding him of all the reasons they love each other, he'll do it. "You promised me, Joel. You promised me forever. You told me that I deserve someone who could love me, that you wanted to be that man for me. You said I made it easy for you to live again, and I need that from you now, okay? I need you to live again because when you put that ring on my finger, you gave me my entire life back. I'm here, baby, and I know it hurts but you can't let go. I need you to hold on, Joel, I need you."
In the end, Spencer doesn't care what happens to him. He's already exhausted, drained from having to watch his husband being thrown against the wall of their own home like a rag doll, and for a second, he lets himself wish that for once, things like this would stop happening where he lives. He still avoids the backyard as often as possible, had avoided going into the library for months before Joel had made it better, and now... Now, he'll look at that wall and remember what it had been like to feel--not for the first time--like he wanted to die.
He says it to Joel often enough, but Spencer doesn't know if he's ever been able to properly convey it--Joel is everything to him, Spencer's entire world, and he knows that some people might frown up on that. Some people might call it codependency. He doesn't care about those people, though, because those are the people who will never understand what it's like to give someone their hearts so wholly. Joel comes before all else, there's no contest. His friends, this house, their store, he'd walk away from all of it if it meant he would guarantee Joel a spot at his side for the rest of his life.
He feels like he's failed his husband on a spectacular level, but he also knows that he can't dwell on that right now. Later, when Joel is recovering because Joel will recover, Spencer can hate himself and beg for forgivness that his husband will say he doesn't need. But until Coop and Les and Nerium get here, all Spencer has in his arsenal are his words. He only hopes that it will be enough.
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It's clear to him now. The demon really does hate Spencer. For the past few months, Joel had thought maybe it liked him, maybe it wanted to keep him around and that's why it had always been quiet whenever they were together, but he realizes how wrong he'd been. This thing hates Spencer because Spencer loves Joel. It had been quiet because every single time he and Spencer had been together in any way because it had needed to retreat. Hearing Spencer talk about love, hearing the two of them discuss their future, even just feeling Spencer's touch on his skin had all repelled the demon and Joel hopes they haven't realized it too late. He hopes they can still use this love to their advantage. He's never felt anything as strong as this, as what he feels for Spencer, not even the screaming fear in the back of his mind as the demon tries to take control again.
"Spencer," he breathes and he knows his husband will know it's him. For the moment anyway, it's really him. "Don't... don't let me up, just..." Everything is confused when he tries to speak. In his head it still makes sense, he's still able to think, but as soon as he tries to express any of it, he feels like he's moving through quicksand, every reaction, every word spoken slower than he wants it to be. This moment is important, he's not sure how many more of them he might have and all he can do is hope that Coop is close. That he's found a way to get in touch with Nerium, that they're on their way to save him because although he's starting to believe he and Spencer might be able to drive it out, he's afraid of what might happen if they do so without anyone else here to banish it. He needs to keep it inside him until they're all here for his own sake and for Spencer's.
He remembers what it had looked like that night on the cliff. He remembers the way Amy's head had snapped back, her mouth pulled open in a scream. The way her body had simply lifted and hung there in the air for a moment, her arms spread wide and feet pulled together in a parody of a crucifixion. And then she'd been gone. Pulled backward over the edge of the cliff and dashed purposefully against the jagged rocks below. She'd been dragged into the ocean to die alone and in pain and Joel has no doubt this thing will lash out like that again if they do manage to drive it out. Without a body to inhabit, he truly believes it will kill them both and so he needs to hold onto it at least until someone else is here who can handle it. Who can get rid of it and send it back to the world from which Joel had drawn it.
"Spencer," he says again and he smiles softly, even though it hurts to do so. "You're doing so well. You're helping me so much, but I need to..." He pauses, wracked with pain, then blinks and looks up at Spencer again. "Until they get here, I need to keep it inside me. I'm more afraid of what it might do outside of me than in." He's afraid it will go after Spencer. In this body it can't quite seem to touch him. Given the pain its inflicted on Joel's body, it has barely touched Spencer, and he can only hope that means it won't. It might throw words, it might taunt him cruelly, but he doesn't know if it can really do any physical damage to Spencer and that's more than enough of a reason for Joel to want to keep it inside until it can be banished.
"But when they get here," he continues, pausing again as he feels the demon stretching inside him once more. "This is working. It... it goes away a little. When they get here, give it everything."
He wants to reach up and touch Spencer, but he blinks, and his control is gone. His mouth stretches into a cruel, painful smile and his head cocks again. He's looking at Spencer, but he's not in control anymore and Joel is no longer only scared and in pain, he's furious. It takes all his effort, but he pulls back. He can wait.
"Yes, give it everything," he hears himself saying, but it isn't his voice. It's that same awful voice he's been hearing in his head, the one that somehow sounds like it's echoing through eternity, rising up from the depths of hell accompanie by screams of the damned. "Quid facias custodiri eum Spencer? What would you do to keep this body? Would you die for him?" His hips rise in a lewd gesture, though not hard enough to buck Spencer off and Joel wants to scream at it to stop, but he stays silent inside. And he waits.
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He can barely find the words to reply to his husband, his face a flushed mess and already stained with tear tracks. He notes every flicker of pain that crosses Joel's face, treats it like a punishment to himself for not being better or smarter, for not being able to prevent this or not being here when it had started because he could have been helping before the demon had gotten the chance to break Joel's hand, to burn Joel's skin. Spencer's body wracks with a sob as he leans down to press a tender kiss to Joel's temple and all he wants is to pull his husband into an embrace.
But then he's gone again, and Spencer hates himself until he remembers to redirect that hatred toward the demon.
"Faciam quodlibet quod necesse est," he spits back, and he's shaking more with rage now than he is with any sort of fear. Inside of himself, he's still terrified. He's still desperate to retreat because the more he taunts this demon, the more it seems willing to hurt Joel, but he doesn't have a choice. If he can't get the demon to touch him, he has to at least keep it from doing any more physical damage to his husband, that is the least he can do for Joel right now. It's when Joel's hips roll beneath him that he weakens, very nearly jumping right off his husband's body because the idea of even emulating anything sexual with this thing makes him want to be sick all over again.
He wonders if the demon has been aware when Joel makes loves to him, if the demon has been craving that kind of touch, but Spencer suspects that if it had its way, it wouldn't be even a fraction of caring as Joel always is. No, if the demon had its way, it would destroy. It would try to break Spencer in two and discard him like a used plaything, just a body to practice on before moving on to something more exciting. His lip quivers as he lets his eyes slip shut, just for a moment, and he can see it replaying in his mind, their first time together. He remembers how nervous they'd been, how they'd fumbled and blushed and laughed; but he also remembers the way Joel had looked at him. The first time he'd seen Spencer entirely naked, fully exposed and bare, he'd looked at him like he meant something special.
The demon only looks at him like he ought to be dead already. A little over six months ago, Spencer might have walked away from this. Rather, he wouldn't have even be involved because he hadn't yet had Joel in his life. He'd made a promise to himself that he'd never go back to a life like that, a life filled with loneliness and a distinct sort of sadness that he couldn't shake because he'd felt so incredibly empty every time he'd come home to this empty house. He can't sleep alone anymore, he'd failed the one time he'd tried, and he can't wake up without Joel beside him or go a day without Joel's hands on him or a few hours without Joel's lips on him. He can't add another spot in that cemetery to his list of places to visit every year, there's no end to the sheer devastation he'd feel if he were to lose Joel to this. He'll take anything else, any punishment the demon wants to dole out at him if only it would do it, but he can't let go of Joel.
This is working. The words echo through his mind, a sharp reminder of what he needs to be focusing on right now rather than himself, a selfish detour in the path he shouldn't be straying from, and he snaps his eyes back open to find the demon still smirking so wretchedly at him. "I'd die for him," he says, "but I won't have to, you know that much is true. You know he's fighting, you know how strong he is, how strong we are together. No power in this world or outside of it is going to challenge that, I won't let it. 'Power is of the individual mind but the mind's power is not enough. Power of the body decides everything in the end and only might is right.' Remember, Joel? Might is right, and you're the mighty one, not this thing. It's us, we're the ones who are strong, you and me."
There's a sound from outside the house then, a car pulling up over the driveway, and his heart leaps because he knows who it must be. In spite of everything, Spencer breaks into a smile as he looks up, trying to see through the window to the driveway. "Coop," he murmurs, swallowing hard then nodding as he triumphantly looks back down at Joel. "He's here, baby, just keep fighting for me."
He knows he can't get up, Joel had told him not to, but it's tempting when the knob rattles from the outside and Coop's pushing the door open. He's breathing hard, and Spencer is grateful for that because it means their friend had rushed to be here, but as Coop's eyes widen when he takes in the sight of Spencer pinning Joel down, he tries to step through the door only to find himself blocked by an invisible barrier. It's the protection spell, the one Joel had placed on the house to keep them safe, to give Spencer peace of mind, and Spencer's jaw drops at his own stupidity because they should have thought of this before and it's an easy fix but every second counts.
Joel's shoulders shake beneath him, and Spencer realizes the demon is laughing--laughing--and it's more disturbing to see him grinning with that listless expression than it is to see Joel's eyes go black. Now Joel's body goes tense, and Spencer thinks he knows what's next. The demon is gearing up to move, to release itself from Spencer's grip, and Spencer looks up at their friend with desperate eyes as Joel bucks harder than he had that first time. "Coop!"
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His broken hand sweeps up and off the floor, knocking Spencer's grip loose with ease and Joel knows what's going to happen before it does. It's exactly as he's been thinking since discovering the demon in one of his books; the power he used on Mark and Eli, the one that had knocked them both away, the ability to hurt them without even laying a hand on them, it's all from the demon. He has one wild moment where he feels like laughing because he's wondering what else he can do that isn't really his. The book had said the demon would block some powers while feeding others into the host and Joel wonders if everything he can do, all the bad and all the good, comes from this thing inside him. It's not possible, he knows it isn't, but everything in this moment feels so terrible that he can't help but wonder all the same. Maybe if he doesn't die he'll just be a regular man, maybe he won't be able to do anything. Maybe he won't be able to protect Spencer anymore.
All thoughts of his powers disappear, though, when the demon uses a wall of invisible energy to throw Spencer back and Joel screams inside. It doesn't seem to be able to really touch Spencer, but there's nothing at all preventing it from using this power on him and Joel struggles wildly for a moment to regain control even though he knows it's hopeless. At the same time that the demon all but flings Spencer off his body, Joel is jerked back suddenly, yanked into a sitting position and he goes sliding backward across the floor, as far away from Spencer and the front door as he can get. He can see Coop just outside the door, he can see their only hope of beating this thing completely, but he can't do anything to get him inside. Trying to speak only serves to bring a fresh wave of laughter pouring out of the demon as it forces Joel's body to his feet and for the first time Joel doesn't feel the pain. All he can think of is Spencer. All he can do is hope that Spencer is okay, that he wasn't injured, that he'll be able to invite Coop inside.
It's a strange feeling, he realizes as he gets to his feet. It's like being a prisoner in his body, it's like being invaded and he knows if he recovers from this, he'll never be able to explain it to anyone who hasn't experienced and for that he'll be grateful. No one should know what it feels like to be trapped and out of control of their own body. It's the one thing Joel has been able to rely on, but now he's lost. Now he's at the mercy of others and he knows both Spencer and Coop will do everything in their power to make sure he survives this, but to be unable to help makes him feel so small and angry and lost. It makes him feel as if he's already lost a chunk of who he is.
And it's stranger still to realize his feet have left the ground. That his toes are just barely skimming the surface of the floor as the demon drags his body right up to the door where Coop stands. He's ashamed, he realizes. There's a deep sense of shame as he looks out at Coop, knowing his eyes are black like they had been the night of Coop's party. Knowing his friend must be realizing where that power came from, that the demon has been here with Joel all along. That maybe it's just a part of him. Maybe he's always been this way.
He wants to say he's sorry, but when his mouth opens, it's another string of Latin. It's just one more thing he doesn't understand. The demon can speak English, it's done so several times and Joel has to wonder if it's just for show. If this thing is doing it in an attempt to scare them both because the Latin is strange and unfamiliar and always associated with demons in movies.
But Spencer knows Latin. He can speak it better than Joel has ever been able to and for some reason he thinks that bothers the demon, too. Spencer knows it's only real trick besides violence and he feels like it's some kind of small victory for their side that he does.
"Ipse meam. Non potuerunt salvare eum." The words are directed at Coop, but Joel knows they're for Spencer as well. He wants to be able to turn around, to look for his husband and make sure he's okay, but he has no control. The time will come, he knows that, he's sure of that, and when it does he thinks he might be able to do it, but right now he's useless and he's helplessly. "Et disperdam eum. Et cessare faciam eum."
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Coop's never held that against him. He hadn't believed that Spencer had killed his family, not even for a second, and he still hasn't said that to the guy but he thinks that maybe one day, he should. They're kind of friends, he thinks, in a weird way, and mostly by proxy through Joel. But Spencer's a good guy, he'd married a good guy, and somewhere along the line, Coop's become kind of really fucking fiercely defensive of their well-being.
So he puts the pedal to the goddamn metal and floors it to get to the house and now that he's here, Coop is feeling like a complete moron because he has no idea what the hell he's supposed to do. He can't get in the house. He remembers that he'd been told about a protective charm, the only problem is that none of them had thought to do anything about it before, y'know, the demon got loose. He tries to break the barrier again, failing miserably and having to watch in horror as the thing that had been Joel just yesterday seems to lift Spencer without even touching him--like Joel with Eli Jasper that night, just like Eli Jasper--and throws him across the room. Spencer hits the wall hard enough for it to make a sickening crunch, drops to the floor, and he doesn't get up.
Coop's eyes stay on Spencer for a long moment, trying to determine whether his friend's chest is even rising or falling at all, but he can't tell from her. All he can see for sure is that there's a huge crack in the wall where Spencer's body had hit, and Coop forces himself to tear his gaze away so he can focus on Joel. On the demon. It comes toward him, floating with its eyes blackened, and Coop keeps flashing back to the night of his birthday. He remembers Joel being so angry, so goddamn infuriated that Eli would have fucked with Spencer, and he remembers that flicker of Joel's hand that had sent Eli across the lawn. That had been for Spencer. This, this had been against Spencer, and Coop doesn't know what the hell that means or what this demon's endgame is, but he guesses it doesn't really matter. Either way, if Les and Nerium don't show up soon, if Spencer doesn't wake up long enough to let him in, they're... Well, they're pretty much fucked.
The demon hovers in front of him, and Coop takes a step back out of instinct. The barrier's up but that doesn't mean the demon won't come out and if it knocks Coop out cold, too, he doesn't even really want to think about what that'll mean. It's creepy as hell, seeing Joel's body being used like this, like an actual puppet, and the thing starts spouting out words can't understand. He thinks it's Latin, maybe, can make out a word here and there that he recognizes but not enough to translate. Coop assumes that it can't really be good. "Hey, Joel, buddy," he says, hands outstretched in front of him like that might do something to assuage the demon that's controlling his friend, and he can only hope that Joel can hear him, that Joel's still present somewhere inside that body.
"Throw me a bone here, okay? Spencer's gonna kill me if I'm still out here when he wakes up so if you're in there, you gotta let me in." Coop's always been a pretty optimistic guy, he's been able to bounce back from some shit, but he wouldn't ever say that he's had a difficult life. He works hard, he plays hard, he's got good friends, he's got hobbies and no shortage of people who are happy with a strings-free sex romp--yeah, life is pretty goddamn easy for him. He's sure as shit never had to deal with this before, and he doesn't know if he's doing it right but he thinks--thinks--he sees maybe the slightest flicker in Joel's eyes and so that optimistic side, the one that's suffering a pretty hard blow right now, forces its way back to the surface.
"That's it, man, I know you're fighting. You've gotta fight, you just have to hold on a little bit longer, and you know it'll be worth it, right? You have a husband in there who loves you, okay, who'd do freakin' anything for you, you have any idea how many people would kill to have that? I've seen this before, the whole black-eyed thing is so four months ago, but remember why you did it. You did it for him, you did it for Spencer, I know you did."
Coop tries to rush the barrier again, but he's only pushed back. He groans with frustration, running his hands through his hair as he begins to pace back and forth on the stoop. He can't undo someone else's protection charm, he knows that much, so any attempts would be futile. What he needs is for Spencer to wake up or for Joel to be able to take back a little bit of control, though he doesn't even know if that's a thing his friend can even do right now. He's clueless, and he hates that, it's like being back on the island and surrounded by people he couldn't help because his powers had disappeared. What good is being a witch when he can't even help his own friends when they need it the most?
"Joel," he tries again, holding his hands up against the barrier and staring the demon in the eyes. It's eerie, having those black eyes stare back at him, but Coop holds its gaze. "Let me in, Joel. That's all you need to do, just let me in."
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The words are barely out before his back bows hard enough that Joel feels his spine pop and he throws both his hands down on the ground, heedless of the broken bones, trying to find some kind of purchase, some way to stop what's happening. It's a new sensation, a combination of both being in control and being treated like a puppet and Joel knows it's just being done to torture him further, it's a punishment for having taken control long enough to let Coop in the house, but he doesn't care anymore. The demon can do whatever it wants to him so long as Spencer is okay and he knows he's in no state to check on him. Right now he needs Coop, he needs him to do more than just help Nerium and Les banish the demon when it's finally out of him, he needs him to protect Spencer. He needs Coop to make sure Spencer is okay.
Without Spencer, there's no hope.
Without Spencer, Joel will not survive this, there's simply no way around it. Spencer is the one who gives him the strength to fight and he's the only one the demon seems to be truly afraid of. It's that he loves Joel so much, he's sure of it. The demon has been hanging around since he summoned it, since the day Amy died, he's sure of that, too, but it had never expected Joel to find someone like Spencer and now it wants in before it thinks there's no chance at all. It's waited too long, though. That's what Joel doesn't think it realizes yet, or maybe it does, maybe it's beginning to understand because the pain it's putting Joel through is more than just making itself known, more than trying to take over, it's a punishment. For the first time, it's truly angry and Joel will gladly suffer every second of its revenge if it means it gives Coop time to check on Spencer and the others enough time to arrive.
He opens his mouth to see if he can speak and even with his back bent as an unnatural angle, even with the pain searing down his spine, he finds he can. He still has that control and he doesn't know if the demon is just so focused on causing him pain that it's distracted or if it's allowing him this control just to make everything harder for him, but he doesn't care. "Check him," he says, his voice feeling like it's being ripped out of his throat. It hurts, everything hurts, but he can take it. He can't stop now. "Check him, Coop, make sure he's okay. Wake him up. I need him."
His back drops, the pain diminishes and his control is gone. On the floor, his body flips over and the demon slowly rises, getting his knees under his body and then pushing to his feet. The bones in his hand grind and shift, and his entire hand has begun to swell, but none of that stops the demon from continuing to use it. It rises, watching Coop enter the house and Joel can feel his mouth stretching into that same smile he'd been giving Spencer earlier and he hates it. He hates it so much and can only hope that Coop can see through it as well as Spencer could.
It's not me, he wants to scream, but he can't do anything. His body takes several steps forward then stops, his gaze drawn sharply toward the glass doors of the liquor cabinet. Coop is so close and Joel wants to shout at him, he wants to warm him, but he's gone again, deep inside, he can't do anything. He needs Spencer so badly.
You won't get him, the thing says inside his head. I killed him.
It's not true. Joel knows it isn't because he'd be able to feel it. If Spencer was really gone, he would know, even like this, even in this horrible state. He would feel it. None of this would matter anymore. If Spencer was gone, he would tell Coop to leave, to keep himself safe, and he would let the demon take over because he'd have nothing left anyway. But Spencer isn't gone. Joel knows he isn't and so he say nothing, just waits deep inside.
The glass doors of the liquor cabinet explode outward in tiny shards of glass, blowing toward Coop. All the demon had done was twitch one of Joel's hands and there's suddenly glass everywhere. He feels some of it fly past him, one tiny shard slicing the top of his cheek, but most of it doesn't reach that far. Then, one by one, the bottles all shatter, glass and amber liquid cascading down the front of the cabinet and as his body moves through the room, it starts to laugh again.
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Coop's seen the nightmares, he's seen what this thing has been making Joel picture deep inside his mind, but this isn't it. The demon is warring with Joel for control, trying to crawl its way back to the surface, and Coop doesn't know how long Joel will be able to hold out for; so that means he needs to work faster. He has no experience with this kind of thing, he heals fucking animals for a living. He walks through dreams sometimes and when witches use their magic on him, it doesn't always work but Coop's out of his element with this. Demons 101 hadn't been on his list, banishing evil things from his friends' bodies hadn't been something he'd ever thought he'd need to know how to do. His instinct is to reach out and touch Joel right now, try to heal him just a little bit, enough to at least dull the pain, if that's even possible with the demon still inside him.
But then Joel's begging him to check on Spencer. Coop glances up, torn between wanting to help Joel and make sure Spencer's at least still breathing, but the decision is made quickly enough for him when he sees Joel start to smile. It can't be him, Coop's sure of that, he doesn't think Joel--the real Joel--would really even be capable of a smile right now and even if he was, it wouldn't look as fucking sinister as this. The demon looks smug as hell and if it wasn't Joel's body, if he hadn't already seen that every injury is causing the real Joel all that pain, Coop would have swung a fist to knock this asshole out by now. He takes a step backward, and he doesn't know whether sudden movements are going to make any difference, but he also doesn't want to take the chance. Joel's right, he needs to check on Spencer, and Coop isn't sure whether Joel means he needs his husband in the most general of ways or in a very specific one but either way, Coop sends a silent promise out to his friend that he's going to do everything in his power to make sure they both get out of this alive.
The demon doesn't say anything, doesn't even spit any more Latin bullshit out, and Coop wonders if maybe Joel's in there fighting hard enough to keep it stagnant because it's quiet in this house now, too quiet, ominously quiet. He's about halfway to Spencer now, the demon watching him every step of the way until it suddenly turns its head. Coop frowns, following its gaze and blinking in confusion when all he sees the liquor cabinet but before he can even process what that might mean, it happens. It makes his ears ring, the explosion of glass that seems to concentrate in a shower of shards towards him. He lets out a shout as he tries to duck to the floor, too late to avoid the slices to the back of his shoulders and neck. He flattens himself to the ground, arms covering his head, and the glass rains down on him until it doesn't. He takes half a minute to take inventory of himself, to test whether there's any significant damage, but aside from the sting to his skin, Coop's pretty sure he's okay.
It's a nice hint that the demon isn't trying to waste its time, though, at least not when it comes to eliminating a threat, and he scrambles to his feet without sparing a glance at the thing so he can make his way to Spencer. Glass falls out of his hair and shakes loose from his clothes when he gets up but none of it had hit Spencer's motionless body and for that, at least, Coop--and Joel, he imagines--can be grateful. There's no sense in taunting the demon right now, no matter how much he wants to, no matter what smart ass things keep coming to mind, he has to put that aside for now and attend to Spencer because if Joel needs him--really needs him, to the point where it might make a difference in how all of this ends--then Coop needs to wake him up.
"Spencer?" Coop winces when he gets a closer look, hands coming to a rest on Spencer's back as he notes the way his friend's shoulder appears to be dislocated. He wants to set it for him, knowing damn well that they just don't have the time, that Spencer might actually shove him face first into the broken glass if he thought that Coop had wasted another precious second on him. Coop gently rolls him over instead, hissing with sympathy when he hears Spencer let out a soft, pained groan, but he reminds himself that it's a good thing. Spencer needs to wake up and this, the revival of the pain, might be the only way to get him to do it right now. It's only when he has Spencer on his back that Coop sees the blood caked in Spencer's hair, and he glances up at that crack in the wall before looking over his shoulder at the demon--still smiling, seemingly waiting now for what Coop assumes is the right time to get rid of two birds with one stone.
He turns his attention back to Spencer, letting out a sigh before shaking his friend, getting another groan in response. "Spencer, hey, you have to open your eyes. I know it hurts but you have to do it."
Spencer's eyelids twitch, though he doesn't open them, but it's progress as he lets out a barely audible mumble. "Joel?"
"He's right here," Coop tells him, and it's only half a lie. "He's right here, and he needs you. He needs you to wake up and be strong for him, right, can you do that? You can do that, I know you can." He looks over his shoulder again, and the demon is closer than he'd been twenty seconds ago. There's adrenaline coursing through him and with a grunt of determination, he makes a choice and slaps his hand down hard against Spencer's cheek. "Now would be good, Spence."
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"Is this... everything?" Joel manages to ask and he's surprised he can speak, but nothing makes sense anymore. There doesn't seem to be any set of rules except that the demon is afraid of Spencer. It's the only thing that remains consistent. Sometimes the anger of the demon is directed at Joel, sometimes it's directed at Spencer and just now it had been directed at Coop. Sometimes he can speak and sometimes he can't. Sometimes he can move and sometimes he's treated like a puppet. Nothing makes sense and Joel knows they can't rely on anything, so he's going to take what he's being given him and he's going to use it as best he can. If he can speak, then Coop can follow what's happening and maybe it can benefit them all. Somehow.
"Is this everything you... can do?" he asks, his voice grinding out like it's old and been misused. "Is... this all... you ha-" His words are cut off in a choked off scream as his arm is jerked behind his body, wrenched until he can feel his fingers going numb. It helps more than it hinders him, though, numbing the pain in his broken bones.
"I have eons of pain upon which to draw," the demon says using Joel's mouth, but the voice isn't his and it's a strange, surreal experience to have, knowing his mouth is moving, knowing the words are coming out of him but hearing them in a voice that sounds like nothing he's ever heard before. "I have inexhaustible resources with which to torture you and I will. I will until you stop trying to save his life."
But he'll never stop. He will never stop and the demon has to know that. It's why his arm is still twisted behind his back, why the muscles in his shoulder and back are beginning to scream in protest, but he doesn't beg and he doesn't make a sound. The longer he can keep this thing distracted, the better chance Coop has of getting Spencer up and that's what he needs right now. He needs Spencer. He needs the rest of them, too, he needs them all to be here because he knows there's no hope of doing this alone.
"You... know that isn't... going to happen," Joel manages to say. He staggers a little on his feet and he's still staring at Coop and Spencer, but he doesn't know if that's because he wants to be looking at them or because the demon is making him look at them. Either way, it's what he needs. He's waiting to see Spencer's eyes open, he's waiting for that moment to know he can let go. He's waiting for the others to arrive and he needs Spencer or Coop or both to be conscious so they can invite them in. If he has to wait like this for the rest of the day to make sure nothing happens to his husband, he will. He'll take every moment, every ounce of pain being fed into his body and he'll take it happily.
He's about to say something else, he's about to issue another challenge to distract the demon further from Spencer and Coop when there's a sound at the door and his body is whirled around to face whoever is coming up the front steps.
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It was the closest to the real thing Les had had since her death, and the seventeen year old in him, the kid that had been scared and confused when she passed, even though he tried his damnest to never ever say that, he had loved it. Even if it wasn't real. He has been trying to just forget about it, but it isn't easy. It feels like in a way he's lost her all over again. It hurts deep inside of his chest when he thinks about it too hard. Maybe that's why he didn't change his mind about tonight. Dealing with someone else's problems seemed a way to get his mind back in the right place.
For a little while atleast.
Coop had texted him an address a few hours ago, and he makes his way across town. He sees a couple cars parked put front, and he climbs the steps onto the porch. There is a dim light on in the window but the house is very quiet. He senses something might already be happening and he decides not to knock. Trying the handle, he turns the knob and opens the front door. His eyes go to Coop first...and he tries to access from the doorway whether his friend is okay despite the injuries he sees. Then he looks at the other man, the libriarian. He is on the floor. There's blood.
"Looks like the party started without me," Les finally takes in the third man. They aren't friends, but Les can tell this is Joel. Les senses the evil resting beneath the surface, filling out his skin. Joel is wrong. "Are there gonna be snacks? Vanquishing demons always makes me a little hungry."
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He wonders if maybe he's losing his mind. Just a little bit. If having the demon inside him is making him go crazy and if that might help them. The less he cares about himself, the more invested he is in making sure the others are safe, in making this invader inside him as angry as possible, maybe the better chance they have. It feels a little bit like giving up, but Joel feels everything inside him slip another notch and he thinks maybe it's not like that at all. Maybe letting himself go a little is what's going to make it easier to come back.
"Come inside," he says as quickly as he possibly can, before the demon can recover from the genuine amusement Joel had felt for just a moment. "You have to invite Nerium, too, I might not be ab-" And his arm is wrenched harder still, pulled behind him until something in his shoulder pops and he doesn't think it's broken, he doesn't think it's even been wrenched out of place, but it hurts an Joel grinds his teeth together as his body is suddenly flung back, dropped in a heap beside Spencer.
And he looks over then, he looks at his husband and even though he can feel the demon starting to regain control, he smiles. Spencer is so strong and so brave and he's right here with Joel. No matter what happens, he was the first one to come. He'll always be the first one to come and Joel's good hand inches over toward him, the tips of his fingers brushing the outer edge of Spencer's hand just as he'd done that day in the park. "Come back," he murmurs, as if that alone will be enough to wake Spencer up. "Please come back."
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"Nerium, sweetheart. I know you're probably at home---" Les waves his hand lazily. Even though he's talking to a room without Nerium in it, she'll hear him. It's a benefit of being his soulbearer. "--- busy doing whatever it is you do on a Tuesday night. I dunno. Evil knitting? But now's a good time for a visit. Like right now," he says. Now that he's summoned Nerium, he knows she'll come.
In the meantime, he looks down at the demon with a knowing smile. It has two problems. One, Joel doesn't look ready to give up. Les suspects the main reason has something to do with the man laying beside him. Two, since returning from the cave, Les hasn't been able to sleep. Memories, real memories of his mother are haunting him, and he is trying to be but he isn't okay. He was up to three a.m. reading every text in his basement that had anything in them about demons or vanquishing spells. No matter what they are getting rid of this asshole demon tonight.
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The door opens and she stands there, black scarves and dress billowing around her, and it slams behind her just as quickly. The gore and blood is of no surprise. In honesty, she had expected worse. That all those in the room remain alive is of great fortune, and one that is shaky at best.
She finds the nearest table and begins laying ou an assortment of objects. Vials and herbs and all manner of implements of every color. Candles. A jeweled dagger. And a small black box, carved of stone from another realm. And with that, she waltzes over to Leslie.
"You look well enough. I am glad you have returned. I trust your redhead found you. She was in quite a state."
And with that, she turns in a great circle, spitting soundless words and twisting her arms until the room shapes and bends and the windows outside now show only a black void. "I have separated us into a pocket between realms. No harm shall spread outside of these walls. And the demon shall not be able to draw power outside of here, so long as it holds."
Her eyes narrow as she peers at Joel and the casualties of the day. "What efforts have been made thus far? Has the demon taken over completely, or is Joel still responsive? I trust you are aware that a simple exorcism would have no effect on a being so old as he."
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He sits back up on his knees, keeping one hand hovering gently over Spencer's injured shoulder, but before he can check on Joel or say anything else, Les is saying some nonsense about evil knitting or some shit that Coop doesn't understand until Nerium's standing in the doorway. "Glad you two feel like there's room for pleasantries but hi, demon, remember?"
Coop hasn't really talked to too many people since the time they'd spent in the cave, mostly because he's still just trying to get his bearings, still trying to ignore all the realizations that had hit him while he'd been sitting in there with the knowledge that none of them might make it out back out. He feels Spencer start to stir again beneath him, and he's thankful for it because it's a distraction, it's anything to keep him from thinking about that cave because even just looking at Les reminds him. He knows he hadn't suffered as long as some of the others there, hadn't seen the same sorts of things his friends had that had lured them into that cave, but he knows he's one of the few who's made the choice to deal with it alone. Sometime it's just easier that way.
Joel and Spencer, on the other hand, are very much not alone. He leans down again, huffing out a relieved laugh when Spencer's eyelids flutter, and he turns his head to look at Nerium so he can answer her questions. "He's in and out," he tells her, eyes flickering back to Joel to see if he's still responsive now. His friend's eyes look blank but his fingers are still brushing against Spencer's, so Coop can only assume that Joel's still doing his best to fight for as long as he can to buy them some time. It's up to them to help him carry the rest of this load.
"Joel, please..."
Coop winces at Spencer's words, at the way Spencer's trying to move and then at how he cries out in pain when he rolls onto his back, eyes flying wide open from the pain. "Hey, Spence, I know it hurts but you gotta stay with us, okay? Joel needs you, we need you now, so you have to stay awake. You can hear him, right, Joel? Just hold on, we got you."
He helps Spencer into a sitting position in spite of the other man's pleas, looking back to Nerium. "It was speaking in Latin, I don't know what it said. We need to find a way to get the damn thing out of him first, and I think-- Spencer, whatever you were doing to piss it off, you need to keep doing it. That's the only way we're going to be able to banish it."
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"I- fuck," he spits out and he isn't prone to cursing, but his body is lifted off the floor and something twists him, like a dish cloth being wrung out, and Joel feels his fractured rib grating. It's sharp, like being stabbed with something that burns through his torso and all he can do is hope that it's just the movement, that his rib hasn't started to puncture anything important. He wants to be able to tell Les and Nerium what's been going on, how they can get this thing out of him, but he's in so much pain that he can't breathe.
He's just hovering there again, suspended in the air, his broken hand dangling at his side. His hips are twisted and Joel can still feel that horrible pain burning through his side, but suddenly it's gone. Suddenly he's just hanging there, limp and in pain, but nothing is twisting his body anymore, but he's not fool enough to think it's gone.
"It's scared of Spencer," he manages to blurt out, his voice hoarse, his throat ragged. "It's scared. It hates him." And he knows why. This thing that can't feel love, can't feel anything but pain and hate, it's afraid of what Spencer makes him feel. "He can get it out, I know he can." And then they can do whatever they need.
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It is an awe-inspiring sight, the power of the demon, and while Nerium has danced with many, she has never been in the presence of a true possession. Not that she does not know what to do. Just as she knows fighting this great nameless diety from before civilization itself will do no good. He must be revered. There are ceremonials and sacrifices which much be observed.
"It is good there are five of us here. We must form a pentagram. Joel will be the head" She moves to shift Spencer, then Coop, and Les, into position, each forming a point. "We must form a pentagram. Joel will be the head. Spencer and I will be the uppermost points at his side."
"You must know, there will need be sacrifice." Nerium is lighting candles, lines of them between each point. The box is the most important piece. That with which she can contain the demon. With which she can harness his power of her own. But that will be last. "The barriers must be made with the blood of the points." She takes the jeweled dagger and a ceremonial bowl of bone, passing it first to Leslie. "The palm of your hand shall suffice."
"And I must have your agreement, that with my help, I shall be allowed to leave here with whatever I so wish."
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Nerium speaks again and he rolls his eyes. Of course, she doesn't work for free.
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There's movement beside him, and Spencer finally turns his head to look, regretting it instantly because the pain in his head only worsens. He holds a palm to his forehead, letting out a groan and trying desperately to keep from crying because this isn't the time, not right now, not when Joel needs him to stay strong. He'd heard Joel say it, that the demon hates him, that he can get the demon out, and Spencer can only hope that he's as capable as Joel believes him to be. His hand trembles as he lowers it, reaching for the bowl that Les is holding out, but before he can manage to take hold of it, Coop has already crossed over from his place in the pentagram to take the bowl. His friend takes hold of the knife, cutting into his palm and dripping his blood into the bowl before ducking down to find Spencer's eyes, giving him a tight, encouraging smile.
"You can do this," Coop tells him, and Spencer's nod would be imperceptible if Coop hadn't been watching so closely. Coop nods back, satisfied, then holds the bowl out for Nerium to take. "That's enough. It has to be." He jerks his head toward Spencer. "He's already lost enough blood, got it? Just let him do what he needs to do."
Spencer blinks slowly, watching Coop return to his place in the pentagram, and there's no helping the tear that rolls down his cheek. It's not until he hears that laugh again, that awful laugh that comes from Joel but isn't Joel because he's never heard such a sound escape his husband. The demon is fighting hard for control, but it can't have fully regained it if it hasn't struck out yet and that gives Spencer a renewed sense of purpose.
"You can have whatever you want, Nerium," he says, voice hoarse as if he hasn't used it in a long time, "just make sure that thing can't hurt him anymore." His eyes meet Joel's again, searching desperately for a sign that his husband is there and finding nothing. His shoulder throbs, his back aches, his head pounds, but in this moment, Spencer doesn't care. He'd journey through every circle of hell and back for one man, for this man, and he can feel the tears streaming freely now but it's because there's nothing left to hold him back. He needs Joel, he needs his husband back whole, and if he's the only one who can lure the demon out then so be it. He won't stop trying until he's dead.
"'"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit,'" he recites softly. "'"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."' We're Real, Joel. This is Real, you and me. Forget everything else, just for a minute, and concentrate on my voice. 'Once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.' For always, baby, that's what we are." He voice is trembling but he carries on, unwilling to stop because he's so afraid that if he stops for just a second, the demon will win and he can't let that happen. "I need you here, I need you with me because I can't do this without you, I don't know how anymore." He wants to close the gap between himself and Joel, wants to forget the pain and pull his husband down to the ground, anchor him in a hug and shower him with all the love and affection that he deserves, but he doesn't want to ruin whatever Nerium might have planned.
"I need you to come back so we can be Real together because we have a future planned, remember? We have--" His eyes widen as he remembers, this news that he'd come to tell Joel in the first place, this news that he'd let fall from his mind because he's been watching this demon destroy the one person in this world that he loves beyond all else. "We have a baby, Joel. We have a baby, we're going to have a baby, she's pregnant. Oh, god. Oh, god, you can't leave me here alone, do you understand me? You can't because I need you, our child is going to need you, Dane or Rose, we-- We need you here with us so you have to keep fighting, I know you're trying so hard, but you have to try harder so our baby can see how lucky they are to have you as a father, okay? God, Joel, please, just come back to me."
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He can tell that Spencer is in pain, that he's struggling, but he stands anyway and he begins to quote from the Velveteen Rabbit and Joel can feel something happening inside of him. Later, he won't really be able to explain it. There's rage and there's a strong sense of something inside him wanting to stake its claim, but there's fear, too. The demon is afraid, the demon hates what Spencer is doing and Joel thinks maybe this is the moment. Maybe this is when the demon's hold on him is weakest, because for longer Spencer speaks, the more in control he feels.
Suddenly the force holding him up is gone and Joel's body drops to the floor again. He lets out a cry of pain, his broken wrist taking most of his weight before he collapses on the floor, but he's more in control than he's been since this started and he's ready. He has to do it. He's ready to fight. But Spencer isn't finished. Joel is ready, but Spencer isn't finished speaking and for a moment he's stunned to the point where he can't speak, he can't move. Even if he had complete control of himself right now, he knows he wouldn't be able to move because this news is unbelievable.
They're going to have a baby.
Inside him it feels like something snaps. He can feel the demon scrambling for control, trying to take over, screaming in fury and fear, and Joel almost wants to smile. This is it, this is exactly what he needed and he manages to push himself slowly to his feet, standing in his place in the pentagon and he knows it probably looks like nothing, but inside it feels like a war. He has control, but it's tenuous, and he's afraid if he stops fighting, if he gives even an inch he'll lose it again and he can't. He can't.
Long scratches appear on his arms and he can feel them happening on the inside, his skin being torn open, but it's desperate. Joel can feel just how desperate the demon is and he almost laughs. Instead, he summons all his strength, all his energy, all his courage, and he draws in a deep breath and orders, "Get out!"
At first nothing happens and then Joel feels it, a sudden absence, a lack of something that's been inside him for as long as he can remember. From behind him a shadow unfurls, enormous and dark and faceless. If he could turn, he would recognize it as the thing that had taken Amy the night she had died, but he can't. All he can do is stand there, the cuts on his arms slowly bleeding, feeling this thing leaking out of him bit by bit as it fills the room instead.
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Another would have found Spencer's display touching. Nerium has her sights only on completing the ritual. The power of love, however, does not wholly escape her.
In her hands she holds the box. Its black stone emanates an otherwordly glow as she opens it and she calls out to the demon. At first, her words are mere vocalizations to the untrained ear. Whispers and chanting and utterances that sounds like little more than wind. By the time she is done, she appears taller, to stand straighter, and she looks straight into the faceless ageless thing.
"Oh great deity, demon of the darkness that gave birth to us all. Your chaos gives us life. Your laughter is our sustenance. We bow before your great power. I beseech you, I plead you. Return to your obsidian castle. That which existed before the dirt and rocks which form this very earth. You have no vessel now,but you do have a home. And you shall be worshiped and loved and hated as you deserve to be. Come to me, oh great one. And may the whispers of the fear and conflict of this world call out your name as you return home."
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The house holds study and so does everyone else. When Nerium finishes her call to the demon, Les concentrates on the magic radiating from the black stone in her hands. It's up to the demon now to leave this world, but Les decides they are being awfully kind to this thing. He uses his own magic to create a white light, something bright and pure. It expands slowly across the room, pushing the blackness backwards, trapping it between him and Nerium. Les' light pushes and squeezes when it touches the faceless black shape, causing it to scream a eerie screech of pain.
"You running out of options. Time for you to go back home," he demands, holding his hands out steady, building more light in the room until there is no where left for it to run except too the stone waiting in Nerium's hands.