He knows, these are all things Joel already knows, but having Spencer say it, actually hearing the words, it means a lot to him. He remembers that day so well, the way Spencer had looked at him like what he was doing was really for the good of others instead of just another obligation and he'd felt such wonder at the idea. For so long the premonitions had been nothing but a source of frustration, something he was expected to be good at and something he was repeatedly failing, so to have someone look at him -- someone he thinks he was already in love with without even knowing -- and see them in a completely different light had been so refreshing. It had given Joel to drive to try harder still and even though it hadn't really worked in the long run because the demon had likely been blocking them, Spencer had given him a reason to want to try. Even then when they had barely known each other, when just seeing Spencer had set Joel's heart thundering in his chest, Spencer had given him a reason to try and he's not surprised, but it still makes him smile.
He really should have known right from the start, he thinks. Right from the very first conversation they'd had, from all the others that had followed. He should have just known because no one in his life has been so supportive as Spencer is. No matter what he says, no matter what he wants to try, he can count on Spencer to be there for him and Joel knows such unwavering support really isn't all that easy to come by, but he has it. There's nothing in this world that can make him take this for granted and he settles back on the bed, still taking care to make sure Spencer has enough space.
"There's no faking that," he agrees softly and sometimes he thinks he should be surprised that Spencer is the one thing that demon couldn't touch, but he isn't. There's something so good about him, something so pure about what they share, it really doesn't surprise Joel at all. Something so rooted in darkness and hate can never hope to understand what they have between them, it can never hope to even touch what they have, and Joel marvels again at his luck. To have found someone like Spencer after so long, to have found him so close to this demon that had been inside him finally trying to take over. The chances seem so astronomical, but he isn't going to question any of it. He's lucky, that's all there is to it. He's been so incredibly lucky and he will never forget that.
Then he smiles, looking up at the ceiling again, glad to just be here with Spencer. There's so much for him to be thankful for, so much that could have gone really wrong. He knows the likelihood of them beating this demon had seemed almost impossible, but they did it and they're here and he wants to just bask in that for a moment. "The TempurPedic stays," he agrees, his eyes closed, his lips curved into a smile. "I love that bed almost as much as I love you. It certainly lived up to the hype."
They've made so many good memories in that bed, so much more than just being intimate. He remembers so clearly the first night he'd slept there, the way he'd found Spencer's book shoved under the pillow, how awkward and uncertain they had both been as Joel had undressed. More than anything, though, he remembers how it had felt to pull Spencer into his arms and lie there with him, wrapped in a feeling of safety and affection and something real and true for the first time in his life. He remembers how it had felt when Spencer had fallen asleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the sense Joel had gotten how just how alive and how vibrant this man really was and how close they'd come to losing out on this experience.
They have many more memories to make. Lazy mornings with their baby, with another child down the line. Nights reading to a toddler curled up against them. Days when their children don't feel well and come crawling into their bed, wanting nothing more than to just be cuddled. There's nothing that can make Joel want to give away that part of their life and he knows it's just a bed, but it's significant. It means a lot to him.
"I think Charlotte might be willing to look after the store at least part time while we recover," he says and he knows she will. He can feel it already. Spencer must have texted her, he thinks, because he can sense that she knows and that connection flows so much easier now. It's like it used to be and he can't believe he's gone so long without it.
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He really should have known right from the start, he thinks. Right from the very first conversation they'd had, from all the others that had followed. He should have just known because no one in his life has been so supportive as Spencer is. No matter what he says, no matter what he wants to try, he can count on Spencer to be there for him and Joel knows such unwavering support really isn't all that easy to come by, but he has it. There's nothing in this world that can make him take this for granted and he settles back on the bed, still taking care to make sure Spencer has enough space.
"There's no faking that," he agrees softly and sometimes he thinks he should be surprised that Spencer is the one thing that demon couldn't touch, but he isn't. There's something so good about him, something so pure about what they share, it really doesn't surprise Joel at all. Something so rooted in darkness and hate can never hope to understand what they have between them, it can never hope to even touch what they have, and Joel marvels again at his luck. To have found someone like Spencer after so long, to have found him so close to this demon that had been inside him finally trying to take over. The chances seem so astronomical, but he isn't going to question any of it. He's lucky, that's all there is to it. He's been so incredibly lucky and he will never forget that.
Then he smiles, looking up at the ceiling again, glad to just be here with Spencer. There's so much for him to be thankful for, so much that could have gone really wrong. He knows the likelihood of them beating this demon had seemed almost impossible, but they did it and they're here and he wants to just bask in that for a moment. "The TempurPedic stays," he agrees, his eyes closed, his lips curved into a smile. "I love that bed almost as much as I love you. It certainly lived up to the hype."
They've made so many good memories in that bed, so much more than just being intimate. He remembers so clearly the first night he'd slept there, the way he'd found Spencer's book shoved under the pillow, how awkward and uncertain they had both been as Joel had undressed. More than anything, though, he remembers how it had felt to pull Spencer into his arms and lie there with him, wrapped in a feeling of safety and affection and something real and true for the first time in his life. He remembers how it had felt when Spencer had fallen asleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the sense Joel had gotten how just how alive and how vibrant this man really was and how close they'd come to losing out on this experience.
They have many more memories to make. Lazy mornings with their baby, with another child down the line. Nights reading to a toddler curled up against them. Days when their children don't feel well and come crawling into their bed, wanting nothing more than to just be cuddled. There's nothing that can make Joel want to give away that part of their life and he knows it's just a bed, but it's significant. It means a lot to him.
"I think Charlotte might be willing to look after the store at least part time while we recover," he says and he knows she will. He can feel it already. Spencer must have texted her, he thinks, because he can sense that she knows and that connection flows so much easier now. It's like it used to be and he can't believe he's gone so long without it.