"We don't have to tell her," he muses, though as far as Spencer sees it, they really don't have an option. "We could tell her that someone broke in, that they beat you when you caught them and when I walked in on it, they couldn't very well let me go." They could say a lot of things, come up with any number of lies to tell Erin and convince Coop, Les, and Nerium to keep quiet about the whole thing. The latter part of that scenario doesn't seem like it would be much of a problem because Coop has always been a good friend to them, Nerium doesn't seem particularly interested in being involved with gossip, and Les wouldn't have much to gain by telling people what had happened. Still, it's a suggestion that doesn't hold much weight because Spencer doesn't think it would be right to keep something so important from someone who's done nothing but try to give them their future from the moment they'd met her.
He shifts so he's lying more on his side, the side that doesn't hurt as much, and though that requires moving his injured shoulder, it's worth the trouble to reach out and tilt Joel's chin so that his husband is looking at him. "Or we could trust her. I know that you're right, I know that there are quite a few people less accepting in this town than others, believe me, I'm so very well aware. But I don't think Erin's one of them. She was the right choice, we both knew that from that first meeting. We looked at each other and it was just... It was like everything fell into place in that moment. Things wouldn't have clicked so quickly if there was a chance that this could go wrong, I have to believe that. She's the one carrying our baby for a reason, Joel, and it's not a one-way street. She wouldn't have agreed to be our surrogate if she didn't see at least a fraction of what I do."
It's easier for Spencer to say than it could possibly be for Joel to accept, Spencer realizes this; but that doesn't mean he's not going to say any of this because Joel deserves to hear it. All that guilt, all the pain that Joel shoulders, Spencer wishes he could take it all away. He can't, which is exceptionally difficult for him to have to admit, but he can at least try to make it a little bit better every day. He'll say whatever he has to in order to encourage Joel to let more of that guilt fade away. Spencer will say all the things he's already said tonight over and over again because it's the truth, his husband is such a good man, the best Spencer has ever had the privilege of knowing, and he'd stop at nothing to make sure Joel hears it, remembers it, believes it.
"You're not just a good husband," he says softly, trailing his fingers along Joel's jawline and down the length of his neck, "and you're not just going to be a good father. Anyone you call a friend has to know how lucky they are, how valuable you are to have in their lives. Think about how long it took that demon to be able to rise to the surface. Over a decade, and you know what, don't you? Because you were fighting it all this time without ever even realizing it, you kept it at bay because you've always been a good man. It would have preyed so easily on someone with less heart than you and god, Joel, you always tell me how strong I am but look at you. All that you've been through could have turned you into a different kind of person but it didn't, you're you, and I love you. You were just a teenager when Amy died, and I know it's hard, but what happened was an accident and you have to start forgiving yourself for that. You'd never hurt me intentionally, and I know the same was true then. Erin will be able to see that, too, because she's seen the kind of man you are. She'll understand, I know she will."
She has to, Spencer can't even imagine that anything else could happen because they deserve this. They deserve their baby and their happy marriage and their good life because they've both suffered so much, they've both seen such awful things, and it's time now for a change. Spencer can't deny that the thought of having to sit Erin down to explain to her what had happened with the demon makes his stomach feel like it's doing somersaults but truth be told, that has more to do with Joel being uncomfortable than Erin's reaction. Maybe that's because a part of him suspects she already knows about Joel's identity as a witch. He doesn't know how farspread the rumors about Joel had spread after what had happened at Coop's birthday party but when they live in a town this small, it's more likely that she might have heard about it than not.
"She asked me about Mark Fuller once," Spencer says, lowering his eyes. "Not directly, of course, but-- but she'd read about it in the paper, and she asked me the house had any sort of protection against anything that might happen like that again. She asked like she knew, like it wouldn't be unusual to forego a security system in favor of a protection charm." He gives a half shrug then presses a kiss to Joel's shoulder. "Maybe it won't be as difficult to talk to her about it as it seems."
no subject
He shifts so he's lying more on his side, the side that doesn't hurt as much, and though that requires moving his injured shoulder, it's worth the trouble to reach out and tilt Joel's chin so that his husband is looking at him. "Or we could trust her. I know that you're right, I know that there are quite a few people less accepting in this town than others, believe me, I'm so very well aware. But I don't think Erin's one of them. She was the right choice, we both knew that from that first meeting. We looked at each other and it was just... It was like everything fell into place in that moment. Things wouldn't have clicked so quickly if there was a chance that this could go wrong, I have to believe that. She's the one carrying our baby for a reason, Joel, and it's not a one-way street. She wouldn't have agreed to be our surrogate if she didn't see at least a fraction of what I do."
It's easier for Spencer to say than it could possibly be for Joel to accept, Spencer realizes this; but that doesn't mean he's not going to say any of this because Joel deserves to hear it. All that guilt, all the pain that Joel shoulders, Spencer wishes he could take it all away. He can't, which is exceptionally difficult for him to have to admit, but he can at least try to make it a little bit better every day. He'll say whatever he has to in order to encourage Joel to let more of that guilt fade away. Spencer will say all the things he's already said tonight over and over again because it's the truth, his husband is such a good man, the best Spencer has ever had the privilege of knowing, and he'd stop at nothing to make sure Joel hears it, remembers it, believes it.
"You're not just a good husband," he says softly, trailing his fingers along Joel's jawline and down the length of his neck, "and you're not just going to be a good father. Anyone you call a friend has to know how lucky they are, how valuable you are to have in their lives. Think about how long it took that demon to be able to rise to the surface. Over a decade, and you know what, don't you? Because you were fighting it all this time without ever even realizing it, you kept it at bay because you've always been a good man. It would have preyed so easily on someone with less heart than you and god, Joel, you always tell me how strong I am but look at you. All that you've been through could have turned you into a different kind of person but it didn't, you're you, and I love you. You were just a teenager when Amy died, and I know it's hard, but what happened was an accident and you have to start forgiving yourself for that. You'd never hurt me intentionally, and I know the same was true then. Erin will be able to see that, too, because she's seen the kind of man you are. She'll understand, I know she will."
She has to, Spencer can't even imagine that anything else could happen because they deserve this. They deserve their baby and their happy marriage and their good life because they've both suffered so much, they've both seen such awful things, and it's time now for a change. Spencer can't deny that the thought of having to sit Erin down to explain to her what had happened with the demon makes his stomach feel like it's doing somersaults but truth be told, that has more to do with Joel being uncomfortable than Erin's reaction. Maybe that's because a part of him suspects she already knows about Joel's identity as a witch. He doesn't know how farspread the rumors about Joel had spread after what had happened at Coop's birthday party but when they live in a town this small, it's more likely that she might have heard about it than not.
"She asked me about Mark Fuller once," Spencer says, lowering his eyes. "Not directly, of course, but-- but she'd read about it in the paper, and she asked me the house had any sort of protection against anything that might happen like that again. She asked like she knew, like it wouldn't be unusual to forego a security system in favor of a protection charm." He gives a half shrug then presses a kiss to Joel's shoulder. "Maybe it won't be as difficult to talk to her about it as it seems."