Joel already knows his answer, he already knows he'll want Spencer to be here with him when he sees Erin for the first time because he knows he'll need the support. It's more than just that, though, he knows he'll need Spencer to fill in the blanks of his story. There are things Joel can't remember, big dark spaces in his memory and he doesn't know if he'll remember them eventually, if they're gone forever or if he's just trying to protect himself right now. Either way, if he were to try to explain what had happened tonight, he wouldn't be able to do so coherently. There would be big gaps in the story, places where he would stumble and he doesn't want to tell Erin like that. He wants to know exactly what happened and be as honest as possible. For that, he'll need Spencer.
He's about to say as much, about to tell Spencer he'll always need him when he starts to tremble and Joel pulls back a little to look at him better. Then he presses closer again, burying himself against Spencer's chest and while he's usually the one with his arms around Spencer, his husband's head on his chest, the position they're in now is both comfortable and comforting. He doesn't want Spencer to have to go home tonight, he thinks they both need to be together, they both need to know the other is safe.
"We're okay now," he murmurs and he hopes he isn't hurting Spencer like this, but he can't stand the thought of not being close to him right now. Neither of them can possibly be very comfortable in this hospital bed, but Joel thinks he'd fall asleep like this quite happily if it meant Spencer would still be here with him, his arm still wrapped tight around him. If he can't go home tonight, if he can't sleep in his own bed, then this is the next best thing and he isn't about to let any of the doctors or nurses tell him they can't stay together.
"Spencer, we're okay now," he says again. "I promise." They're both making big promises, ones he knows they can't really keep if it comes down to it. They can't promise nothing will happen, that they'll both remain in good health, they can't promise nothing will touch them, but they're both willing to promise it anyway and Joel thinks that says something about just how far they'll go for each other. For this family they're about to start. It gives him more hope than he knows how to say. He feels safe here with Spencer because he knows his husband will do anything to keep the two of them together.
"How big a fight do you think we'll have on our hands when the nurse tries to make you leave?" he asks with a soft breath of a laugh against Spencer's throat. "I know neither of us are in very good shape right now, but I think we can take them, don't you?" He's making a joke out of it, but he truly doesn't want Spencer to leave. He doesn't want to have to spend the night alone.
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He's about to say as much, about to tell Spencer he'll always need him when he starts to tremble and Joel pulls back a little to look at him better. Then he presses closer again, burying himself against Spencer's chest and while he's usually the one with his arms around Spencer, his husband's head on his chest, the position they're in now is both comfortable and comforting. He doesn't want Spencer to have to go home tonight, he thinks they both need to be together, they both need to know the other is safe.
"We're okay now," he murmurs and he hopes he isn't hurting Spencer like this, but he can't stand the thought of not being close to him right now. Neither of them can possibly be very comfortable in this hospital bed, but Joel thinks he'd fall asleep like this quite happily if it meant Spencer would still be here with him, his arm still wrapped tight around him. If he can't go home tonight, if he can't sleep in his own bed, then this is the next best thing and he isn't about to let any of the doctors or nurses tell him they can't stay together.
"Spencer, we're okay now," he says again. "I promise." They're both making big promises, ones he knows they can't really keep if it comes down to it. They can't promise nothing will happen, that they'll both remain in good health, they can't promise nothing will touch them, but they're both willing to promise it anyway and Joel thinks that says something about just how far they'll go for each other. For this family they're about to start. It gives him more hope than he knows how to say. He feels safe here with Spencer because he knows his husband will do anything to keep the two of them together.
"How big a fight do you think we'll have on our hands when the nurse tries to make you leave?" he asks with a soft breath of a laugh against Spencer's throat. "I know neither of us are in very good shape right now, but I think we can take them, don't you?" He's making a joke out of it, but he truly doesn't want Spencer to leave. He doesn't want to have to spend the night alone.