doublethepain: (my poor sad bb)
Spencer Waters-Baker ([personal profile] doublethepain) wrote in [personal profile] just_another 2014-12-07 10:13 am (UTC)

Spencer makes an exasperated face at his husband when he hears Nora's voice before immediately morphing his expression into something significantly more innocent, all wide eyes and slightly pouted lips. It's an expression he'd initially mastered with his mother, and he's never really needed to use it often because aside from his terrible luck in the past couple years, Spencer has never really been at fault for many unfortunate things. Dane had been the one who'd always liked to stir trouble, though never maliciously, and he'd had his own method of getting out of punishments but once Spencer had gotten older, he'd begun to suspect that his mother simply hadn't had the heart to send either of them to their rooms for very long. For the most part, they'd been good kids.

Even so, the success of what Dane had dubbed his 'Bambi eyes' has always stuck with him, and it's exactly how Spencer had gotten himself out of being admitted to the hospital tonight. His doctor had been on the brink of sentencing Spencer to an evening of bedrest where he could be monitored because he'd been concerned about the number of times Spencer had rattled his head in the past few months. It's more than is ideal, he can admit that, but he's no stranger to stress headaches in the first place, and he's fairly certain that what he and Joel have been through lately is more than enough of a valid reason for his head to pound at a moment's notice.

All those thoughts leave him in an instant when Nora opens Joel's gown. The Bambi eyes are abandoned in favor of a worried stare at the bruising as he lets out a sharp gasp and his chest tightens with inexplicable fear. Joel's going to be fine, the doctor had told Spencer that and Nora is telling him that now, but he can't tear his eyes away from the awful coloring of his husband's body because it's not supposed to be like this. Joel's not supposed to be in pain and neither is Spencer, and it doesn't matter to him that his own back is also bruised from hitting that wall because any pain he might feel pales in comparison to what Joel had been forced to endure.

He can feel Joel's eyes on him, but he can't bring himself to look up, even when Nora settles his gown back into place and gets back to work on the cot. He rubs his hand over his face, rubbing at the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut just to ward off the tears before he stands to move around the bed to help with the unfolding. He's got one arm but it makes no difference, Spencer just doesn't want Joel to see the guilt in his eyes because all his husband will do is tell him it's not his fault. He may have played a part in saving Joel but that will never stop him from feeling like he should have done more, and he won't admit that out loud but it stands true. He's never been especially envious of anyone's powers before but for a split second, he wishes he could be as powerful as Nerium because if he was, he'd have lured that demon out of his husband and banished it a long time ago.

"Let me help," he says, clearing his throat before reaching down for one end of the cot. He lets out an offended yelp when Nora swats at his hand, giving him a look that's both stern and very obviously frustrated as she points back to Joel's bed.

"I don't think I've ever had any two patients give me more of a headache than you boys," she says, though Spencer thinks he can hear a twinge of sympathy and maybe a bit of fondness in her tone. "Now sit and stay seated unless you want me to call Bruce in here to restrain you."

Spencer most certainly doesn't want that, and he exchanges a quick glance with his husband before he looks down at his lap, flexing the fingers of his left hand in silence while Nora works. When she's close to being done, he swallows hard and lets out a shaky breath, unsure of why he's letting himself wallow in this feeling when he should just use the rest of this night to touch his husband, remind himself of how lucky they are that they're still alive and together right now. It's just that they'd come so close, too close, possibly closer than they've ever been to losing everything, and he would have lost everything. He doesn't remember how to properly live without Joel, likely because he hadn't truly lived before meeting Joel at all, and he practically whispers a very weak "thank you" to a surprised Nora before he finally reaches for Joel's good hand again.

"Thank you," he says again, ducking his head to hide his trembling bottom lip. "For everything you're doing, for understanding that I need to stay, I just-- I just need to stay." He needs to be able to wake up in the middle of the night and know that Joel's still here. "So thank you."

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