November 25 (tw: talk of violence, demon stuff)

[just_another]

Right now, lying in this hospital bed, Joel has no idea how he feels.

He suspects, in a disconnected way, that's at least partly due to the painkillers and sedation the doctors had been forced to give him when he'd desperately fought them. Everything had still felt so wrong. Everything. He had been hurt and Spencer had been hurt. Even Coop had been hurt. He doesn't know what state Les and Nerium are in, he can't remember. They had put him on the stretcher and he'd seen Spencer on another bed and everything inside him had screamed against letting himself be separated from Spencer again.

They'd sedated him. Strapped him down. The restraints are gone now, but he can still feel the sedation moving through him, all his thoughts and movements sluggish as a result. He's knocked over his water cup twice now and he's staring down at the floor where the water is pooling and he's thinking about calling a nurse, but before he can lift his good hand to the buzzer, she's there.

"Joel, you can call me if you need anything," she reminds him and he nods.

"I need to see Spencer," he says and it sounds like his words are coming from far away. He thinks maybe he should panic because if his words aren't coming from him maybe the demon is still here. Maybe they didn't win, maybe they only postponed the inevitable.

But there's no panic. And he knows that isn't true. For the first time since he was seventeen-years-old, he's alone in here. He's sure that once he's no longer drugged, it will feel fantastic.

"I know," she says when she's on her feet again and Joel can't remember her name, but he knows she's been very kind to him since he woke up. She's a witch, he knows that somehow and he doesn't know if she told him or if he saw her do something or if everyone knows, but he knows. She understands what he's been through. "Soon, I promise. The doctor just wants to make sure he's okay. He's taken far too many knocks to the head lately."

"I know," he whispers, dropping his head. He knows. It's his fault.

When he looks up again the nurse is gone and Joel wonders if he fell asleep. Spencer still isn't here, so he starts to take stock of his injuries. His left hand is in a cast, the burned portion of his fingers covered in a salve. Luckily the burn hadn't been too bad. He remembers a doctor saying that.

One of his ribs is broken and it hurts when he breathes, but he's not wrapped or bound in any way. He thinks he remembers one of the doctors saying that it was dangerous, it can lead to complications with his lungs, but everything is a bit of a blur.

There are stitches in his forehead just below his hairline and there's a small bandage on his cheek where he'd been cut by glass. Somehow he feels like there should be more. Everything hurts, but there should be more than this. He deserves more than this.

The first few tears splatter on his cast before Joel even realizes he's crying.

Comments

[doublethepain]

Spencer makes an exasperated face at his husband when he hears Nora's voice before immediately morphing his expression into something significantly more innocent, all wide eyes and slightly pouted lips. It's an expression he'd initially mastered with his mother, and he's never really needed to use it often because aside from his terrible luck in the past couple years, Spencer has never really been at fault for many unfortunate things. Dane had been the one who'd always liked to stir trouble, though never maliciously, and he'd had his own method of getting out of punishments but once Spencer had gotten older, he'd begun to suspect that his mother simply hadn't had the heart to send either of them to their rooms for very long. For the most part, they'd been good kids.

Even so, the success of what Dane had dubbed his 'Bambi eyes' has always stuck with him, and it's exactly how Spencer had gotten himself out of being admitted to the hospital tonight. His doctor had been on the brink of sentencing Spencer to an evening of bedrest where he could be monitored because he'd been concerned about the number of times Spencer had rattled his head in the past few months. It's more than is ideal, he can admit that, but he's no stranger to stress headaches in the first place, and he's fairly certain that what he and Joel have been through lately is more than enough of a valid reason for his head to pound at a moment's notice.

All those thoughts leave him in an instant when Nora opens Joel's gown. The Bambi eyes are abandoned in favor of a worried stare at the bruising as he lets out a sharp gasp and his chest tightens with inexplicable fear. Joel's going to be fine, the doctor had told Spencer that and Nora is telling him that now, but he can't tear his eyes away from the awful coloring of his husband's body because it's not supposed to be like this. Joel's not supposed to be in pain and neither is Spencer, and it doesn't matter to him that his own back is also bruised from hitting that wall because any pain he might feel pales in comparison to what Joel had been forced to endure.

He can feel Joel's eyes on him, but he can't bring himself to look up, even when Nora settles his gown back into place and gets back to work on the cot. He rubs his hand over his face, rubbing at the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut just to ward off the tears before he stands to move around the bed to help with the unfolding. He's got one arm but it makes no difference, Spencer just doesn't want Joel to see the guilt in his eyes because all his husband will do is tell him it's not his fault. He may have played a part in saving Joel but that will never stop him from feeling like he should have done more, and he won't admit that out loud but it stands true. He's never been especially envious of anyone's powers before but for a split second, he wishes he could be as powerful as Nerium because if he was, he'd have lured that demon out of his husband and banished it a long time ago.

"Let me help," he says, clearing his throat before reaching down for one end of the cot. He lets out an offended yelp when Nora swats at his hand, giving him a look that's both stern and very obviously frustrated as she points back to Joel's bed.

"I don't think I've ever had any two patients give me more of a headache than you boys," she says, though Spencer thinks he can hear a twinge of sympathy and maybe a bit of fondness in her tone. "Now sit and stay seated unless you want me to call Bruce in here to restrain you."

Spencer most certainly doesn't want that, and he exchanges a quick glance with his husband before he looks down at his lap, flexing the fingers of his left hand in silence while Nora works. When she's close to being done, he swallows hard and lets out a shaky breath, unsure of why he's letting himself wallow in this feeling when he should just use the rest of this night to touch his husband, remind himself of how lucky they are that they're still alive and together right now. It's just that they'd come so close, too close, possibly closer than they've ever been to losing everything, and he would have lost everything. He doesn't remember how to properly live without Joel, likely because he hadn't truly lived before meeting Joel at all, and he practically whispers a very weak "thank you" to a surprised Nora before he finally reaches for Joel's good hand again.

"Thank you," he says again, ducking his head to hide his trembling bottom lip. "For everything you're doing, for understanding that I need to stay, I just-- I just need to stay." He needs to be able to wake up in the middle of the night and know that Joel's still here. "So thank you."

[just_another]

Joel can tell something is wrong in the way Spencer won't meet his gaze and he looks at him curiously, then glances down at his own chest, wondering if it had been the sight of the bruising that had done it. He knows how much he worries when Spencer is injured, how much he's worrying right now over Spencer's shoulder, over the fact that he's hit his head again -- and more than that, that Joel is the one responsible -- but he's always surprise when Spencer worries in turn. Not because he doesn't think Spencer is the type to worry about him and not because he's never had anyone worry about him, but it's been such a long time. His parents have lived in another part of the state for such a long time that he's simply not used to it. He doesn't expect it. And it's silly, he doesn't want Spencer to worry, he doesn't want him to feel bad about everything that's happened, but it warms him a little all the same. It means he isn't alone in this anymore, it reminds him that he's here with his husband, that he doesn't have to heal alone and when Spencer reaches for his hand, Joel squeezes it very gently, a soft smile on his lips.

"I understand," Nora says, her own voice a little more gentle than it had been even moments before. She begins to put the sheets on the cot, tucking the corners in carefully as he's sure she's been trained to do and for a long moment there's just silence in the room. Then she clears her throat and, without looking up from her task at hand, says, "It really does look worse than it is, Spencer. I want you to hear me. Your husband, despite insisting on squiggling around like he has ants in his pants, is going to be just fine and I don't want you to doubt that for a second. I don't want to come by to check on you both later and find you awake and watching him because you're worried something bad is going to happen. You both need your rest, but besides rest, everything will be fine."

She says it in such a firm tone that Joel almost can't help but believe her. He wants to protest about her accusation that he's squiggling around, but he realizes it's true and he promises himself he'll try to do his best to keep that to a minimum. She's gone out of her way for them both time and time again tonight and he doesn't want to make any of this more difficult on her than it has to be. He knows he isn't a good patient, but from now on he's going to try to be.

"There," she says as she puts the pillow down on the cot and then gives it a firm pat. Then, without waiting for any further instruction, she comes around to the other side and presses the button to lower Joel's bed until it's the same level as the cot. "Now I better not come in here later and find you two up to anything either. Because I will separate you."

But as she says it, she lowers the rail on that side of Joel's bed and pushes the cot up next to it, essentially creating a larger bed for the two of them. It's not their bed at home and Joel knows he won't be able to move much, he won't be able to wrap himself around Spencer like he usually does and he won't wake up with his legs tangle with Spencer's, but this is good. This is far more than he expected to be given and he nods, smiling thankfully.

"We really appreciate it," he says. And he thinks maybe he should promise that they'll be goo, but he has a feeling she might not quite believe them and will maybe to come back to check on them extra if he starts making claims she doesn't believe. They'll have to do something for her and maybe even for Bruce once they're discharged, he thinks. Something nice, even if it's just some flowers or the fruit basket he'd been talking about earlier.

"You better," she says, but she's smiling as she pats the cot for Spencer. "Be good, both of you."

[doublethepain]

Ants in his pants. Spencer can't help it, he lets out a snicker at the phrase that he remembers his mother using more than a few times to describe the way Dane had always been such a restless child, and he's biting back another laugh when he looks at Joel again with renewed relief. He does hear Nora, hears what she has to say about how Joel's going to be okay, and in spite of all the parts of him that are screaming not to let his guard down when it comes to worry about his husband, Spencer believes her. The doctor had broken down the list of Joel's injuries for him and with every additional one, Spencer had flinched like he could feel the pain himself. He hates that his husband is suffering, absolutely hates it, and he knows Joel feels the same way about him but there's something about seeing Joel in the hospital like this that just make Spencer feel a bit lost.

Having the cot set up next to Joel's bed, knowing that he'll be able to reach out to touch him in the middle of the night, it helps more than Spencer even knows how to say because he can't even begin to fathom the sort of fit he might have thrown if the staff had tried to insist he go home tonight. A large part of it is purely concern because there's quite a difference between just knowing that Joel will be okay and actually seeing that he isn't too irreparably damaged; but the other part of it is selfish. It's something he'd rather not discuss, certainly not with Nora in the room, because in recent weeks, Spencer hasn't seen Mark Fuller when he closes his eyes. He's been seeing Joel, his body bent at in all different sorts of grotesque angles; Joel, out in the backyard looking like he's just sleeping peacefully when really, he'll never wake up again; Joel, dying in a weeping Spencer's arms whilst Erin holds their baby out to him.

It's all been so much but now they're here. The hospital isn't an ideal place to be, that much is true, but Joel's going to be fine and Spencer thinks he ought to work a little harder at simply accepting that rather than coming up with every other alternative his mind can conjure. "We would never get up to anything," he says, getting up from the bed and pressing a kiss to Joel's temple before moving to the cot with an impish smile at Nora. She looks like she has half a mind to jerk her hand out at his injured shoulder, just to make him smart a bit, but she just lets out an exasperated sigh as she moves toward the door.

"You're getting one more dose of pain medication, you," she tells him, shaking a finger and then her head the second Spencer begins to protest. "Do not argue with me, you'll barely even notice the drowsiness because you'll be very much asleep soon after you take it, isn't that right?"

Spencer stares at her for a moment with his mouth agape, completely at a loss for words because he certainly doesn't want the extra medication because he wants to be coherent if Joel wakes from a nightmare in the middle of the night but at the same time, he may have to admit that he's perhaps a little bit afraid of their nurse. "Right," he finally answers, shifting closer to Joel's bed as he scoots back to slide his legs under the covers. "Is that going to be before or after we get up to all the things we're going to get up to? Because I'm going to need to plan accordingly."

Nora rolls her eyes, though it's good-natured, and she looks to Joel with an amused smirk. "I'd ask how you stand this one but then I remember what you're like," she says, tone even but for the slight tremor in it that Spencer is fairly certain is laughter. "Peas in a pod you two, aren't you? Now I'm going to say this again, stay out of trouble. I'll be back with the medication and to check up on you again in a little while."

As soon as the door shuts behind her, Spencer lets himself fall back on the cot, laughing through the pain of the hurt shoulder and back he's already forgotten about and for just a split second, his head pounds from the mass of stars that have exploded in his eyes. Still, he manages to grope for Joel's hand again and laces his fingers through his husband's when he finds it, contenting himself with being able to just touch him right now. "Is it true, baby?" he asks aloud, eyes shut tight as the static he sees fades away. "Do you have them? Do you have those ants in your pants?"

[just_another]

"Shut up," Joel says, but he's laughing, too, even though it hurts to do so. "There was a television show in Canada called Ant in Your Pants. I was a little too old for it, but Charlotte used to watch it." He doesn't remember much about it, just that it had been a show for kids, that there had been music, even a song about having ants in the pants, but he can't remember the words are or even the tune. It doesn't really matter at all, but it's the only thing he can think of now when he hears that expression and it's interesting for him to realize just how much of his life he's never really shared with Spencer. It isn't that he's lied to him or kept secrets, not since deciding to tell him everything about Mark and Amy, but there are things about his life growing up that just can't be duplicated here, things that should be meaningless to a man who doesn't identify himself by where he's from, but can't quite be dismissed anyway. Joel has never missed Canada simply because it's Canada and he's never particularly worried about identifying himself as being Canadian. Besides Spencer, Coop and Raleigh, he thinks Lara and Gemma might be the only people who even know where he's from originally. It's not some kind of label that he hangs onto.

But there are differences. His children won't ever know the same shows he grew up on because they don't air here. They won't be inundated with hockey terminology at every turn, which Joel actually considers to be a huge improvement upon his own childhood. The wildlife is similar, which Joel is weirdly thankful for and they're still on the right ocean, but the seasons aren't the same. There's no going to Tim Horton's for hot chocolate and Timbits and he realizes it's such a small, silly thing, but his father had taken him and Charlotte every Saturday to get hot chocolate and donuts in the winter. It just won't be the same here.

This is where Spencer is, though, and this is the town where Joel has made his home, his life. There are things he misses sometimes, there are things he wishes he could share with their children, but he knows he wouldn't leave, not for the world. If Spencer one day decides he'd like to live somewhere else, Joel will go with him because Spencer is what makes Siren Cove home. Anywhere Spencer goes, that will be Joel's home. If one day they spend months traveling around the country, every place they are will be Joel's home because Spencer will be there with him and he doesn't care of someone else were to think that was cheesy, because it's the truth. His entire life rests with Spencer, everything he has, everything he is, it's all there.

"What do you think of the fact that our nurse is trying to drug us to sleep?" he asks curiously, squeezing Spencer's hand gently as he relaxes back onto his pillows. For awhile he thought he might not be able to sleep, not if they tried to make Spencer go home, but now that they're set up like this, side by side, able to reach out and touch each other with ease, Joel can feel the day catching up with him. He stifles a yawn, then turns his head so he can look over at Spencer, tracing his profile with his gaze. It hits him again just how close he came to really having to say goodbye to this amazing man and he presses his lips together tightly because he doesn't want to start crying, not again. It's been a long, hard, terrifying day, but they're here now. They've come out on the other side and that's what Joel wants to focus on. Once they're both healed, they'll never have to think about this again and for a second he can feel himself trying to argue, trying to point out that he will think about it, they both will, but he's not listening to it. Not right now.

"I'm not sure if I'll need it," he admits, still watching Spencer. "I'm suddenly very aware of just how tired I am." But he doesn't want to go to sleep yet. He doesn't want to stop looking at Spencer, he doesn't want to close his eyes and drift away when he'd been so scared he might be taken away for good. They're here and he isn't afraid anymore, but he's not ready to close his eyes and go to sleep just yet.

[doublethepain]

"Maybe we can find a copy of it online," Spencer answers, chuckling fondly at the idea that there might be an actual song out there that he can use to tease his husband more often than he's willing to admit out loud right now. "We'll have to, I can't do our child the disservice of never telling him or her how antsy daddy's pants are. Then again, you have access to photos of all my different awful hairstyles through the years so maybe we can reach some sort of agreement here."

He finds the idea of trading off telling their child embarrassing stories about each other oddly endearing, actually, and he adds that to his mental list of what to do for their child. It's a long list already, joining the ranks of telling their child he loves him or her every day and making sure that he or Joel can always be the one to tuck them in at night. He adds to it nearly every day and each addition is a new reason to smile--though that task, smiling, seems to be a bit difficult when he's on his way to passing out on this cot.

"I think..." Spencer trails off, a soft smile curving his lips. "I think she's wise enough to know that if she doesn't, I'll be up all night making sure that you're still here. That you're with me and that I haven't lost you." He's kept his eyes shut and to be completely honest, he's not necessarily keen on opening them again because he, too, has realized just how exhausted he really is right now; but what outweighs the fatigue is the need to have Joel in his line of sight, the need to be certain, even with his husband's hand in his, that Joel isn't going anywhere. He eyes slowly flutter back open, and he turns his head to meet Joel's gaze, staying quiet for a moment as he commits everything about this moment to memory.

The feel of the cotton sheets against his skin, the firm yet somehow still gentle grip Joel has on his hand, the distinct silence that's taken over the room now that they've been left alone, the bags under Joel's eyes and the mess of his curls and the band-aid on his cheek--all of it will be remembered, not just tomorrow or the day after but for the rest of his life because right now, in this moment, he's sending a quiet word of thanks up to anyone who may be listening. He doesn't practice any religion, though he's read a number of books about it and could easily explain the differences that make them up, but he does believe that something had brought them together. He'd waited all his life for this man, nobody else could have come close to being as important to him as Joel because in the end, they'd always been meant to find each other.

They'd chosen their own path, he thinks, they'd chosen their own ways to find each other and maybe it'd taken a bit longer than either of them might have liked but they're here now. They're here and in love and what they have is unbreakable, and nobody can take that away from them.

"Never leave me," he says softly, the words surprising even Spencer because he hadn't actually meant to say them out loud; but he can't take it back and so he holds Joel's gaze, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I know that-- that life can be unexpected. It can bring us all the joy we could ever hope for in one moment and nothing but the deepest of cruelties in the next. But we're forever, right? This, us, we're forever, that's what we promised each other." He knows he must sound a bit foolish right now, and he's inclined to blame the pain he's in or the exhaustion that's creeping on him more and more with every passing moment. "I almost lost you, and I'm trying not to think about it but every time I remember having you pinned down, I-- I can't do it, Joel, I can't lose you."

He knows he should let the subject go for the rest of the evening, there's no sense in bringing it up again when they can't changed what had happened, but he just needs Joel to know. He needs to make sure Joel understands. "I love you so much. God, so much, and I'm going to keep you safe, I promise. I'll do anything for you, always." He huffs an empty laugh, finding himself wanting to let his eyes slip shut again but unable to tear them from Joel's. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should just-- You need to rest. So rest, and I'll be here if you need me."

[just_another]

The way Spencer says that, whether it's the words themselves or his tone of voice, it causes something to twist tightly in Joel's chest and he shakes his head, wishing he could do more than just that. Wishing he didn't hurt so badly, that he could just roll into the cot with his husband and wrap his arms around him and hold him tightly. If he could do that, if he could just hold Spencer properly, he thinks maybe he could convince them both, even if just for a night, that nothing like this is ever going to happen again. That they're safe and they're together and that's all they'll ever need. That he isn't going anywhere and he never will. Spencer is right, though, and life can be unexpected, but he will do everything in his power to make sure nothing separates the two of them. This is the only place he's ever wanted to be quite this badly. He's not willing to give it up, not for anything. Not for a demon and not for anything else either.

"I will never leave you," he says and although his voice is still soft, his tone is firm. He won't. There's nothing to be done besides promise and then follow through, but he doesn't want Spencer to worry or doubt that if Joel had a choice, he would be somewhere else. The unexpected may happen, he knows he can't do much to prevent that, but he'll do what he can. He can cast spells and charms, he can do everything in his power to make sure nothing happens to them. More importantly, though, he will never choose to be anywhere else. This is where he belongs and this is where he's going to stay. If he has to fight for it, he will. He'll be here for as long as he has left.

"If you can help me fight off a demon, you can help me fight off anything." Maybe there's a bit of arrogance in those words, maybe the idea that they're more powerful than the rest of the world is something he'll come to regret having said, but right now he doesn't. They are powerful together. They're meaningful and they can do anything.

"Don't apologize," he murmurs. "You don't have to be sorry. What happened today... god, Spencer it was terrifying for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. Don't be sorry for being afraid. It's... it was all s-so awful and I wish I could change it. I wish I could make it so it had never happened. You don't ever have to be sorry for wanting to talk about that or for... for wanting reassurances. I need them, too. I need them." Even though he's the one saying them, it helps. It helps to hear such confidence in his own voice. It takes power away from the fear of what happened.

[doublethepain]

Joel's words will have an impact--more of an impact--when he wakes up tomorrow, when he sees that Joel is still in his bed, that they're both still alive, that they're both still going to be here for each other. Right now, there's pain and misplaced guilt and exhaustion clouding his mind to the point that he barely feels like he can think straight anymore. At least part of that is likely due to the fact that he'd been knocked out a matter of a few hours ago but Spencer has to admit that the idea of having enough pain medication brought to him to knock him out is starting to sound quite appealing.

On the one hand, he wants to stay up all night just so he can keep watch over Joel because that's one of his duties now, making sure that his husband is safe. He's already failed at keeping Joel unharmed but he can make up for it now, he thinks, by being here. By staying, the way Joel had come to the home they share now and stayed after what had happened at the lighthouse. Their connection grows stronger every single day, the incident with Mark almost seems like a lifetime ago now, and the rings on their fingers dictate that Spencer will never leave; but there isn't a single moment that Spencer has ever thought that maybe it's too much.

There's never been a time that Spencer has wondered if either of them have bitten off more than they can chew, if they've made a mistake in dedicating themselves to each other in such a short period of time, because it's not the time that matters. There's nothing that could be too much for Spencer, not when it comes to Joel because for his husband, there's nothing he wouldn't do. There's nothing he can't do because Joel's right, together they'd been able to fight off a demon. What more could life possibly throw at them?

Of course, he'll be of no use to Joel if he can't even function from lack of sleep. Spencer wants to be there for Joel for anything, for everything, whether it's to adjust his bed or fluff his pillows or sneak him a cup of coffee, and he knows that he needs to get better himself to be able to do that. Deteriorating in front of his husband's eyes isn't something he can do, it's not something he'd ever make Joel watch. "Stronger together," he murmurs, eyes fluttering even as he tries to keep them open just for a little while longer. "I know we are, and I'll always be here for you. If there's one thing you can let yourself know for sure, let that be it. Hydras and demons and awful cruises and lighthouses and-- god, and fatherhood, I'll always be here."

[just_another]

"I am sure," Joel murmurs, watching Spencer's eyes flutter closed. He knows he shouldn't, he knows it's going to hurt, that if Nora sees it she's going to be furious, but he shifts as best he can anyway, getting closer to the cot, close enough that he can press a soft kiss to Spencer's forehead. "I am sure. I've never been as certain of anything as I am of you. Of us." And that's the simple truth. Joel has spent a lot of his life dealing in black and white, in absolutes. He's been an unyielding man in a lot of ways, stubborn and hard headed when he possibly shouldn't have been. He knows this about himself, he knows plenty of other people know it as well. He's been certain of a great many things over the course of his life, but he's never been as certain of anything as he is of this relationship. There's nothing in this world that can tear them apart, nothing that can get between them, he knows that. And perhaps it's his own stubbornness reasserting itself, but he doesn't care and he doubts Spencer does either. If there's anything worth being stubborn about, he thinks it's how much they love each other and how badly they want to be together for the rest of their lives.

He rolls back against his pillow, just barely managing to suppress the pained moan as he goes and he glances over at Spencer, hoping his husband hadn't caught him wincing. It had been worth it just to press that kiss against Spencer's skin, to be that close to him, to smell him, warm and familiar, and to reassure himself that Spencer is going to be here with him until he can leave. And he's sure once they're home that Spencer is going to try to wait on him, no matter how much Joel tries to insist he doesn't need to, and he smiles a little, a warmth spreading through him. The certainty that comes with this marriage is good, he's sure of it. Knowing how lucky he is, knowing there will always be someone for him to go home to, it does good things to Joel. It makes him brighter, happier, easier for others to be around. It makes him a better man.

He opens his mouth to say something else, but he's rolled back onto his pillow just in time, because the door swings open again and Nora returns pushing a small tray. There are vials on the tray, syringes, two plastic cups and a jug of water that she puts on Spencer's side, taking care to give Joel a very pointed look. He'd had some trouble with the water and the cups earlier, he knows, but he's still capable of pouring himself a drink if he needs to and so he returns the look only to have Nora laugh at him and shake her head.

"Alright," she says, setting the jug down. "Water. Extra pillows and blankets are in the closet, but use the call button to get one of the nurses to help you if you find you need those. I'd hate to come back tomorrow morning and find the two of you collapsed and shivering on the floor." Her tone suggests she might not hate that so much, she might find it a very good reason to say something like I told you so, but Joel doesn't say that, he only nods his agreement and looks over at Spencer as Nora comes around to Joel's IV stand.

"How's your pain?" she asks him and he shrugs, the instantly regrets it.

"Worse now," he admits.

"One to ten," Nora says as she injects the painkillers into his IV, watching and waiting for a moment before she looks back at him. And Joel doesn't want to say, not with Spencer there, he doesn't want him to worry and to try and stay up all night making sure he's okay, but Nora isn't really giving him much of a choice with the way she's standing there, clearly waiting for a response, one hand on her hip.

"Six," he murmurs, glancing over at Spencer. "But it's fine. I'll be fine."

[doublethepain]

Joel shouldn't be doing that, Spencer thinks, Joel shouldn't be moving around like that just to leave a kiss against his forehead--he could hurt himself even worse and then Nora would really have their hands--but in his current state of half-asleep, partly in pain, and the rest just relieved, he can't find it in himself to tell his husband to stop. In fact, even at Joel's words that ring so true in Spencer's mind, the words that mirror his very own thoughts, he can only let out a soft hum of agreement. He wishes he had the energy to say more, to turn over on his side and reach out to take Joel's hand and stay like that for the rest of the night, regardless of the way the ache in his shoulder seems to grow with every passing moment because it would be worth the pain just to have that physical contact. He'd endure anything to make sure his husband is safe, feels safe, and he wants to be able to say all of this right now but he takes comfort in knowing that Joel is already aware of it. Joel is aware, Spencer knows, because he feels the same way.

When Nora enters the room again, he barely twitches, though he does open one eye before attempting to give her a mock scowl that barely registers--or if it does, she simply ignores it--as she sets the water down beside him. He's grumpy, he realizes, because Nora has certainly been nothing but accommodating of them, in spite of their tendencies to be awful patients, and he forces himself to make a silent promise that he'll make a better effort to be more outwardly appreciative of how kind she's being to them. He's had nurses and doctors whose beside manners had left, to say the least, something to be desired, so it makes her stand out all the more. What's most important, though, is that she treats Joel well, and she's doing a magnificent job of that.

It's not until Joel admits that his pain is at a level six that Spencer suddenly feels wide awake again, and he tries to push himself up from the cot with his functioning arm even as Nora lets out a huff of disapproval and rushes from Joel's side of the bed to his.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demands, one hand coming to a rest gently on his shoulder, and Spencer lets out a groan of protest.

"M'fine," he mumbles, sliding himself an inch closer to his husband because somehow, in his exhausted mindset, it seems to Spencer that as long as they're as close as they can be, both of them will be just fine. His own pain could be at a ten but it would be bearable as long as Joel stayed with him.

"You're fine," Nora repeats, shaking her head as she reaches for the other syringe and vial that she'd brought on her tray. "That's why you're shaking then, is that right?"

Spencer hadn't even noticed but a glance down at his hand, his trembling fingers, proved her right, and he frowns at how slowly his brain is processing everything right now. It's more to do with how tired he is and how the events of the day seem to be catching up with him than the actual head wound, he's sure of that, but he looks over his shoulder Nora with a sheepish expression as he remembers the promise he'd only just made to himself a moment ago.

"My definition may be just the slightest bit broad," he admits, wincing when Nora reaches for his good arm so she can stick him with the needle. The effects of the painkillers work almost instantly, and he's not entirely sure what she's given him, but he knows that he's grateful for it. He lets out a long sigh as he lowers himself back down to the mattress, smiling up at Nora's face, her gentle eyes, and remembering that this night could have gone so differently had they not had someone on their side here tonight. "But this one, it'll make-- make--" He pauses to yawn, holding his hand against his mouth before trying to blink the fast approaching sleepiness from his own eyes. "It'll be good enough to help Joel sleep through the night?"

[just_another]

"His pain should already be down to a three or four, so I think he'll be just fine," Nora answers, casting a glance over at Joel and he nods, because he doesn't want Spencer to worry. Even though he knows he will, even though he knows no matter what he says, Spencer will worry about him, he hopes that he'll let it go enough that he'll be able to fall asleep. They both need to rest and he thinks so long as they're able to sleep side by side they'll have a much easier night than if they were forced to be sleeping separately. Obviously Nora knows it as well to have arranged for them to sleep like this. Joel has to wonder just how often people convince nurses that they need to sleep together, how often they get their way.

He's willing to bet it's not that common at all.

"It's better," he agrees. "Maybe a three, but it's fading. I'm feeling much better." And so long as they can get to sleep, he thinks they'll both be okay. Looking over at Spencer, he's pleased to see how tired his husband looks, how close to sleep he is already. It makes it easier for him to relax against his pillow and close his eyes. He reaches out with his good hand, brushing his fingers against Spencer's to remind him that he's right here. He's right here beside him, he isn't going anywhere else and he'll be right here tomorrow morning.

He has to stifle another yawn and he lays back on the pillow, closing his eyes. "I'm okay. I feel... much... much better." Forcing his eyes open, he looks at Spencer again, then smiles at him. "You should close your eyes. Go to sleep. I'll be right there, too." And he's not lying to get Spencer to relax, to make him more comfortable. He can feel the painkillers working through him, he can feel himself relaxing further, drifting off, which he's sure will make both Nora and Spencer quite happy.

"Good," Nora says and Joel closes his eyes again. He can feel her moving around the room, straightening blankets, pushing down pillows, making sure everything is the way it should be. He hears her mark something down on his file, he senses her checking his vitals, but more than that, he's paying attention to Spencer. He can hear his husband's gentle breathing, he can feel the warmth of his fingers against his own. This is less than ideal, of course, but if he has to stay overnight in the hospital, this is the best possible outcome.

Nora doesn't say anything else when she leaves. The flicks off the overheard light a few minutes later and closes the door behind her and they're suddenly left in a dark, quiet, warm room and Joel realizes how comfortable he really is. The pain has all but drifted away and the bed he's in is surprisingly comfortable given that it's in the hospital. But the best part, the part that makes it easy for him to close his eyes and begin to drift off to sleep is Spencer's hand brushing against his.

"Spencer?" he murmurs in the dark. He's nearly asleep, but this is important. "Spencer, I love you."