November 25 (tw: talk of violence, demon stuff)

[just_another]

Right now, lying in this hospital bed, Joel has no idea how he feels.

He suspects, in a disconnected way, that's at least partly due to the painkillers and sedation the doctors had been forced to give him when he'd desperately fought them. Everything had still felt so wrong. Everything. He had been hurt and Spencer had been hurt. Even Coop had been hurt. He doesn't know what state Les and Nerium are in, he can't remember. They had put him on the stretcher and he'd seen Spencer on another bed and everything inside him had screamed against letting himself be separated from Spencer again.

They'd sedated him. Strapped him down. The restraints are gone now, but he can still feel the sedation moving through him, all his thoughts and movements sluggish as a result. He's knocked over his water cup twice now and he's staring down at the floor where the water is pooling and he's thinking about calling a nurse, but before he can lift his good hand to the buzzer, she's there.

"Joel, you can call me if you need anything," she reminds him and he nods.

"I need to see Spencer," he says and it sounds like his words are coming from far away. He thinks maybe he should panic because if his words aren't coming from him maybe the demon is still here. Maybe they didn't win, maybe they only postponed the inevitable.

But there's no panic. And he knows that isn't true. For the first time since he was seventeen-years-old, he's alone in here. He's sure that once he's no longer drugged, it will feel fantastic.

"I know," she says when she's on her feet again and Joel can't remember her name, but he knows she's been very kind to him since he woke up. She's a witch, he knows that somehow and he doesn't know if she told him or if he saw her do something or if everyone knows, but he knows. She understands what he's been through. "Soon, I promise. The doctor just wants to make sure he's okay. He's taken far too many knocks to the head lately."

"I know," he whispers, dropping his head. He knows. It's his fault.

When he looks up again the nurse is gone and Joel wonders if he fell asleep. Spencer still isn't here, so he starts to take stock of his injuries. His left hand is in a cast, the burned portion of his fingers covered in a salve. Luckily the burn hadn't been too bad. He remembers a doctor saying that.

One of his ribs is broken and it hurts when he breathes, but he's not wrapped or bound in any way. He thinks he remembers one of the doctors saying that it was dangerous, it can lead to complications with his lungs, but everything is a bit of a blur.

There are stitches in his forehead just below his hairline and there's a small bandage on his cheek where he'd been cut by glass. Somehow he feels like there should be more. Everything hurts, but there should be more than this. He deserves more than this.

The first few tears splatter on his cast before Joel even realizes he's crying.

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[doublethepain]

He's been arguing with everyone since he'd been forced onto the stretcher, an unnecessary measure in his opinion, but the paramedics who'd arrived at the house had insisted. Spencer isn't even sure who'd called them, all he knows is that one moment Coop had been keeping him upright and the next, he'd been lying down and maybe that's a good enough indication that he should let the medics work but Spencer's always been stubborn when it comes to medical attention for himself. He barely remembers the ride over, only that he'd kept asking after Joel and getting angry when his attending paramedic had tried to soothe him, to tell him that Joel is just fine. All he'd wanted was to be able to see that for himself.

Even now, after having penlights shined in his eyes and nurses fussing over his head and shoulder, Spencer is refusing to accept a sling. He doesn't want that to be the first thing Joel sees, knows very well that the first thing his husband do is believe it to be his fault when that couldn't be further from the truth. The doctor is frustrated, Spencer can see it, but he'd compromised by sitting in the wheelchair they'd brought for him so he's not going to budge on the issue of the sling.

"Mr. Waters, I--"

"Waters-Baker."

"Mr. Waters-Baker, I'm asking you to reconsider. You're head injury isn't severe enough to keep you overnight for observation but you're going to want support for your shoulder, it's the best way to let yourself heal."

Spencer rubs at the bridge of his nose with the hand that isn't cradled to his chest and sighs. His head is pounding even through the mild dose of painkillers he's been giving, and he can feel the massive bruising on his back start to pulse from the way he's leaning back into the chair. His spine hadn't been damaged, there's that much to be thankful for, because the brunt of the damage had been taken by his shoulder. They'd popped it back into place and Spencer had been so stunned by the pain that he hadn't even been able to let out a sound, but it's better than it had been when he'd first woken up. All in all, it could have been worse for him and he's tried telling the doctor that but to Spencer's dismay, he hasn't been cut much slack yet. He knows that he's the one who's being ridiculous, that he should let the doctor and nurses do what's best for him, but his thoughts are only with his husband.

"I told you, I'll stay in the wheelchair until we get to his door but I don't want him to see me like that. When we get released, I'll do it, I'll do whatever you want but... but I just need to see him. Please, just let me see Joel."

Another nurse pokes her head into the room then, one that Spencer doesn't recognize, but she offers him a small smile before addressing the staff. "Excuse me, doctor, but Mr. Waters-Baker is awake. The other Mr. Waters-Baker, I mean. He was asking for his husband."

Spencer widens his eyes at that, nearly pushing himself out of his chair before one of the nurses--a rather large man called Bruce--presses a hand down on his uninjured shoulder to keep him seated. Spencer scowls up at him and Bruce only smiles back, an infuriating smile that makes Spencer huff with a sort of amused annoyance. He watches the doctor throw his hands in the air as the other nurses hide their laughter behind their mouths and for the first time since arriving in this wretched place, Spencer feels something in his chest loosen.

"Fine, fine, you can go," the doctor says. He points his finger at Spencer sternly then, pressing his lips into a thin line. "But you don't leave without that sling. I'll force it on you myself if I have to, you understand?"

"I think that's harassment," Spencer counters as Bruce takes hold of his wheelchair and pushes him toward Joel's room. It feels like an eternity before the get to the door and in spite of Bruce's protests--weak ones because he already seems to know that it's futile to keep Spencer from doing what he wants to do when it comes to Joel--Spencer struggles to his feet and takes a moment to let the dizziness pass before stepping forward and pushing the door open.