November 25 (tw: talk of violence, demon stuff)

[just_another]

Right now, lying in this hospital bed, Joel has no idea how he feels.

He suspects, in a disconnected way, that's at least partly due to the painkillers and sedation the doctors had been forced to give him when he'd desperately fought them. Everything had still felt so wrong. Everything. He had been hurt and Spencer had been hurt. Even Coop had been hurt. He doesn't know what state Les and Nerium are in, he can't remember. They had put him on the stretcher and he'd seen Spencer on another bed and everything inside him had screamed against letting himself be separated from Spencer again.

They'd sedated him. Strapped him down. The restraints are gone now, but he can still feel the sedation moving through him, all his thoughts and movements sluggish as a result. He's knocked over his water cup twice now and he's staring down at the floor where the water is pooling and he's thinking about calling a nurse, but before he can lift his good hand to the buzzer, she's there.

"Joel, you can call me if you need anything," she reminds him and he nods.

"I need to see Spencer," he says and it sounds like his words are coming from far away. He thinks maybe he should panic because if his words aren't coming from him maybe the demon is still here. Maybe they didn't win, maybe they only postponed the inevitable.

But there's no panic. And he knows that isn't true. For the first time since he was seventeen-years-old, he's alone in here. He's sure that once he's no longer drugged, it will feel fantastic.

"I know," she says when she's on her feet again and Joel can't remember her name, but he knows she's been very kind to him since he woke up. She's a witch, he knows that somehow and he doesn't know if she told him or if he saw her do something or if everyone knows, but he knows. She understands what he's been through. "Soon, I promise. The doctor just wants to make sure he's okay. He's taken far too many knocks to the head lately."

"I know," he whispers, dropping his head. He knows. It's his fault.

When he looks up again the nurse is gone and Joel wonders if he fell asleep. Spencer still isn't here, so he starts to take stock of his injuries. His left hand is in a cast, the burned portion of his fingers covered in a salve. Luckily the burn hadn't been too bad. He remembers a doctor saying that.

One of his ribs is broken and it hurts when he breathes, but he's not wrapped or bound in any way. He thinks he remembers one of the doctors saying that it was dangerous, it can lead to complications with his lungs, but everything is a bit of a blur.

There are stitches in his forehead just below his hairline and there's a small bandage on his cheek where he'd been cut by glass. Somehow he feels like there should be more. Everything hurts, but there should be more than this. He deserves more than this.

The first few tears splatter on his cast before Joel even realizes he's crying.

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[just_another]

"I am sure," Joel murmurs, watching Spencer's eyes flutter closed. He knows he shouldn't, he knows it's going to hurt, that if Nora sees it she's going to be furious, but he shifts as best he can anyway, getting closer to the cot, close enough that he can press a soft kiss to Spencer's forehead. "I am sure. I've never been as certain of anything as I am of you. Of us." And that's the simple truth. Joel has spent a lot of his life dealing in black and white, in absolutes. He's been an unyielding man in a lot of ways, stubborn and hard headed when he possibly shouldn't have been. He knows this about himself, he knows plenty of other people know it as well. He's been certain of a great many things over the course of his life, but he's never been as certain of anything as he is of this relationship. There's nothing in this world that can tear them apart, nothing that can get between them, he knows that. And perhaps it's his own stubbornness reasserting itself, but he doesn't care and he doubts Spencer does either. If there's anything worth being stubborn about, he thinks it's how much they love each other and how badly they want to be together for the rest of their lives.

He rolls back against his pillow, just barely managing to suppress the pained moan as he goes and he glances over at Spencer, hoping his husband hadn't caught him wincing. It had been worth it just to press that kiss against Spencer's skin, to be that close to him, to smell him, warm and familiar, and to reassure himself that Spencer is going to be here with him until he can leave. And he's sure once they're home that Spencer is going to try to wait on him, no matter how much Joel tries to insist he doesn't need to, and he smiles a little, a warmth spreading through him. The certainty that comes with this marriage is good, he's sure of it. Knowing how lucky he is, knowing there will always be someone for him to go home to, it does good things to Joel. It makes him brighter, happier, easier for others to be around. It makes him a better man.

He opens his mouth to say something else, but he's rolled back onto his pillow just in time, because the door swings open again and Nora returns pushing a small tray. There are vials on the tray, syringes, two plastic cups and a jug of water that she puts on Spencer's side, taking care to give Joel a very pointed look. He'd had some trouble with the water and the cups earlier, he knows, but he's still capable of pouring himself a drink if he needs to and so he returns the look only to have Nora laugh at him and shake her head.

"Alright," she says, setting the jug down. "Water. Extra pillows and blankets are in the closet, but use the call button to get one of the nurses to help you if you find you need those. I'd hate to come back tomorrow morning and find the two of you collapsed and shivering on the floor." Her tone suggests she might not hate that so much, she might find it a very good reason to say something like I told you so, but Joel doesn't say that, he only nods his agreement and looks over at Spencer as Nora comes around to Joel's IV stand.

"How's your pain?" she asks him and he shrugs, the instantly regrets it.

"Worse now," he admits.

"One to ten," Nora says as she injects the painkillers into his IV, watching and waiting for a moment before she looks back at him. And Joel doesn't want to say, not with Spencer there, he doesn't want him to worry and to try and stay up all night making sure he's okay, but Nora isn't really giving him much of a choice with the way she's standing there, clearly waiting for a response, one hand on her hip.

"Six," he murmurs, glancing over at Spencer. "But it's fine. I'll be fine."

[doublethepain]

Joel shouldn't be doing that, Spencer thinks, Joel shouldn't be moving around like that just to leave a kiss against his forehead--he could hurt himself even worse and then Nora would really have their hands--but in his current state of half-asleep, partly in pain, and the rest just relieved, he can't find it in himself to tell his husband to stop. In fact, even at Joel's words that ring so true in Spencer's mind, the words that mirror his very own thoughts, he can only let out a soft hum of agreement. He wishes he had the energy to say more, to turn over on his side and reach out to take Joel's hand and stay like that for the rest of the night, regardless of the way the ache in his shoulder seems to grow with every passing moment because it would be worth the pain just to have that physical contact. He'd endure anything to make sure his husband is safe, feels safe, and he wants to be able to say all of this right now but he takes comfort in knowing that Joel is already aware of it. Joel is aware, Spencer knows, because he feels the same way.

When Nora enters the room again, he barely twitches, though he does open one eye before attempting to give her a mock scowl that barely registers--or if it does, she simply ignores it--as she sets the water down beside him. He's grumpy, he realizes, because Nora has certainly been nothing but accommodating of them, in spite of their tendencies to be awful patients, and he forces himself to make a silent promise that he'll make a better effort to be more outwardly appreciative of how kind she's being to them. He's had nurses and doctors whose beside manners had left, to say the least, something to be desired, so it makes her stand out all the more. What's most important, though, is that she treats Joel well, and she's doing a magnificent job of that.

It's not until Joel admits that his pain is at a level six that Spencer suddenly feels wide awake again, and he tries to push himself up from the cot with his functioning arm even as Nora lets out a huff of disapproval and rushes from Joel's side of the bed to his.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demands, one hand coming to a rest gently on his shoulder, and Spencer lets out a groan of protest.

"M'fine," he mumbles, sliding himself an inch closer to his husband because somehow, in his exhausted mindset, it seems to Spencer that as long as they're as close as they can be, both of them will be just fine. His own pain could be at a ten but it would be bearable as long as Joel stayed with him.

"You're fine," Nora repeats, shaking her head as she reaches for the other syringe and vial that she'd brought on her tray. "That's why you're shaking then, is that right?"

Spencer hadn't even noticed but a glance down at his hand, his trembling fingers, proved her right, and he frowns at how slowly his brain is processing everything right now. It's more to do with how tired he is and how the events of the day seem to be catching up with him than the actual head wound, he's sure of that, but he looks over his shoulder Nora with a sheepish expression as he remembers the promise he'd only just made to himself a moment ago.

"My definition may be just the slightest bit broad," he admits, wincing when Nora reaches for his good arm so she can stick him with the needle. The effects of the painkillers work almost instantly, and he's not entirely sure what she's given him, but he knows that he's grateful for it. He lets out a long sigh as he lowers himself back down to the mattress, smiling up at Nora's face, her gentle eyes, and remembering that this night could have gone so differently had they not had someone on their side here tonight. "But this one, it'll make-- make--" He pauses to yawn, holding his hand against his mouth before trying to blink the fast approaching sleepiness from his own eyes. "It'll be good enough to help Joel sleep through the night?"

[just_another]

"His pain should already be down to a three or four, so I think he'll be just fine," Nora answers, casting a glance over at Joel and he nods, because he doesn't want Spencer to worry. Even though he knows he will, even though he knows no matter what he says, Spencer will worry about him, he hopes that he'll let it go enough that he'll be able to fall asleep. They both need to rest and he thinks so long as they're able to sleep side by side they'll have a much easier night than if they were forced to be sleeping separately. Obviously Nora knows it as well to have arranged for them to sleep like this. Joel has to wonder just how often people convince nurses that they need to sleep together, how often they get their way.

He's willing to bet it's not that common at all.

"It's better," he agrees. "Maybe a three, but it's fading. I'm feeling much better." And so long as they can get to sleep, he thinks they'll both be okay. Looking over at Spencer, he's pleased to see how tired his husband looks, how close to sleep he is already. It makes it easier for him to relax against his pillow and close his eyes. He reaches out with his good hand, brushing his fingers against Spencer's to remind him that he's right here. He's right here beside him, he isn't going anywhere else and he'll be right here tomorrow morning.

He has to stifle another yawn and he lays back on the pillow, closing his eyes. "I'm okay. I feel... much... much better." Forcing his eyes open, he looks at Spencer again, then smiles at him. "You should close your eyes. Go to sleep. I'll be right there, too." And he's not lying to get Spencer to relax, to make him more comfortable. He can feel the painkillers working through him, he can feel himself relaxing further, drifting off, which he's sure will make both Nora and Spencer quite happy.

"Good," Nora says and Joel closes his eyes again. He can feel her moving around the room, straightening blankets, pushing down pillows, making sure everything is the way it should be. He hears her mark something down on his file, he senses her checking his vitals, but more than that, he's paying attention to Spencer. He can hear his husband's gentle breathing, he can feel the warmth of his fingers against his own. This is less than ideal, of course, but if he has to stay overnight in the hospital, this is the best possible outcome.

Nora doesn't say anything else when she leaves. The flicks off the overheard light a few minutes later and closes the door behind her and they're suddenly left in a dark, quiet, warm room and Joel realizes how comfortable he really is. The pain has all but drifted away and the bed he's in is surprisingly comfortable given that it's in the hospital. But the best part, the part that makes it easy for him to close his eyes and begin to drift off to sleep is Spencer's hand brushing against his.

"Spencer?" he murmurs in the dark. He's nearly asleep, but this is important. "Spencer, I love you."