Joel Waters-Baker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
just_another) wrote2014-11-17 11:14 am
just_another) wrote2014-11-17 11:14 am
November 25 (tw: talk of violence, demon stuff)
Right now, lying in this hospital bed, Joel has no idea how he feels.
He suspects, in a disconnected way, that's at least partly due to the painkillers and sedation the doctors had been forced to give him when he'd desperately fought them. Everything had still felt so wrong. Everything. He had been hurt and Spencer had been hurt. Even Coop had been hurt. He doesn't know what state Les and Nerium are in, he can't remember. They had put him on the stretcher and he'd seen Spencer on another bed and everything inside him had screamed against letting himself be separated from Spencer again.
They'd sedated him. Strapped him down. The restraints are gone now, but he can still feel the sedation moving through him, all his thoughts and movements sluggish as a result. He's knocked over his water cup twice now and he's staring down at the floor where the water is pooling and he's thinking about calling a nurse, but before he can lift his good hand to the buzzer, she's there.
"Joel, you can call me if you need anything," she reminds him and he nods.
"I need to see Spencer," he says and it sounds like his words are coming from far away. He thinks maybe he should panic because if his words aren't coming from him maybe the demon is still here. Maybe they didn't win, maybe they only postponed the inevitable.
But there's no panic. And he knows that isn't true. For the first time since he was seventeen-years-old, he's alone in here. He's sure that once he's no longer drugged, it will feel fantastic.
"I know," she says when she's on her feet again and Joel can't remember her name, but he knows she's been very kind to him since he woke up. She's a witch, he knows that somehow and he doesn't know if she told him or if he saw her do something or if everyone knows, but he knows. She understands what he's been through. "Soon, I promise. The doctor just wants to make sure he's okay. He's taken far too many knocks to the head lately."
"I know," he whispers, dropping his head. He knows. It's his fault.
When he looks up again the nurse is gone and Joel wonders if he fell asleep. Spencer still isn't here, so he starts to take stock of his injuries. His left hand is in a cast, the burned portion of his fingers covered in a salve. Luckily the burn hadn't been too bad. He remembers a doctor saying that.
One of his ribs is broken and it hurts when he breathes, but he's not wrapped or bound in any way. He thinks he remembers one of the doctors saying that it was dangerous, it can lead to complications with his lungs, but everything is a bit of a blur.
There are stitches in his forehead just below his hairline and there's a small bandage on his cheek where he'd been cut by glass. Somehow he feels like there should be more. Everything hurts, but there should be more than this. He deserves more than this.
The first few tears splatter on his cast before Joel even realizes he's crying.
He suspects, in a disconnected way, that's at least partly due to the painkillers and sedation the doctors had been forced to give him when he'd desperately fought them. Everything had still felt so wrong. Everything. He had been hurt and Spencer had been hurt. Even Coop had been hurt. He doesn't know what state Les and Nerium are in, he can't remember. They had put him on the stretcher and he'd seen Spencer on another bed and everything inside him had screamed against letting himself be separated from Spencer again.
They'd sedated him. Strapped him down. The restraints are gone now, but he can still feel the sedation moving through him, all his thoughts and movements sluggish as a result. He's knocked over his water cup twice now and he's staring down at the floor where the water is pooling and he's thinking about calling a nurse, but before he can lift his good hand to the buzzer, she's there.
"Joel, you can call me if you need anything," she reminds him and he nods.
"I need to see Spencer," he says and it sounds like his words are coming from far away. He thinks maybe he should panic because if his words aren't coming from him maybe the demon is still here. Maybe they didn't win, maybe they only postponed the inevitable.
But there's no panic. And he knows that isn't true. For the first time since he was seventeen-years-old, he's alone in here. He's sure that once he's no longer drugged, it will feel fantastic.
"I know," she says when she's on her feet again and Joel can't remember her name, but he knows she's been very kind to him since he woke up. She's a witch, he knows that somehow and he doesn't know if she told him or if he saw her do something or if everyone knows, but he knows. She understands what he's been through. "Soon, I promise. The doctor just wants to make sure he's okay. He's taken far too many knocks to the head lately."
"I know," he whispers, dropping his head. He knows. It's his fault.
When he looks up again the nurse is gone and Joel wonders if he fell asleep. Spencer still isn't here, so he starts to take stock of his injuries. His left hand is in a cast, the burned portion of his fingers covered in a salve. Luckily the burn hadn't been too bad. He remembers a doctor saying that.
One of his ribs is broken and it hurts when he breathes, but he's not wrapped or bound in any way. He thinks he remembers one of the doctors saying that it was dangerous, it can lead to complications with his lungs, but everything is a bit of a blur.
There are stitches in his forehead just below his hairline and there's a small bandage on his cheek where he'd been cut by glass. Somehow he feels like there should be more. Everything hurts, but there should be more than this. He deserves more than this.
The first few tears splatter on his cast before Joel even realizes he's crying.
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That power is gone, it hadn't ever been Joel's in the first place, and it makes so much sense. "You're a good man," Spencer tells him, eyes still fixed on the cup that hasn't moved. "Even with that demon inside you, you were always a good man but that thing has no hold on you anymore. It's done, we beat it." Joel's free. His husband is free, and Spencer has to bite down hard on his bottom to lip to keep himself from crying because he's so utterly relieved that this is over.
He lets himself fall back against the pillow again, grunting from the pain of his bruising and shoulder, but he'll take all the pain in the world for Joel's freedom. "This earns us at least fifty years of peace, right?" he asks, laughing again as he lets his eyes slip shut. He feels so drained but it's nothing compared to how happy he is to be here with Joel and only Joel. The worry, the dread that's been plaguing them both since Joel had started having those nightmares, it can be forgotten now. They can rest, and he's beyond thankful for that because he's so tired of fighting.
But if they have to fight, Spencer can at least take great comfort in knowing that he has a partner in this. Joel won't leave him, they won't leave each other. They've seen each other through some awful experiences in the time they've been together but Spencer reminds himself of what their future holds. "Is it strange that we're going to be replacing fighting demons and surviving psychopaths with setting up a nursery and picking out new furniture? Because after everything we've been through over the last few months, I'd really, really like my biggest worry to be what to keep our liquor in next."
He knows it won't be that easy. Spencer still sees Mark when he closes his eyes, and he hardly expects Joel to be fully back to himself after what the demon had done to him; but they're a step closer now. They have a lot to distract them, after all, and it doesn't matter that the demon is the reason they'll be fixing up the house because the demon doesn't exist anymore. It's gone, it's out of their lives, and Spencer would be content to never have to think about it again. He's sure that when he gets home and sees those two holes made by Joel's fists that had slammed on either side of his head, Spencer will feel sick to his stomach because it'll only make him remember watching the demon throw Joel's body against the wall, burn Joel's skin with that lighter. He'll dream that he hadn't been able to save Joel at all, that he'd been left alone again after sentencing his husband to a lifetime of hell trapped in his own body.
But when he wakes up, he'll feel Joel's arms around him and know that in the end, they'll be okay. They love each other too much to be anything else. They have too much to look forward to in their lives to let what had happened today consume them.
"Things are going to change," Spencer agrees, opening his eyes against so he can look at Joel. "But I think maybe it's going to be a good thing."
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"At least fifty years," he agrees with a little smile, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to Spencer's cheek. "And you're right, things are going to change, but I think... I think you're right about the rest of it, too. I think it's going to be a good thing. I... I feel different Spencer." The more the sedative wears off, the more aware of it Joel becomes. There's a sense of being alone in his mind for the first time in what feels like forever and he hadn't even been aware of the presence, he hadn't known he wasn't alone, but now that he is he can feel how different it is. It's a freedom like he's never known before, not having to share his thoughts and his space with something else. There's a thought that it should feel like he's empty, like he's missing something, but it's not like that at all. The thing that had been inside him hadn't been welcome there and now that it's gone, all he feels is relief.
"Do you remember what I read about it... it blocking some powers and drawing out others?" he asks, looking down at his hands. "I'm good at protective charms and healing potions, but I've never been as good as my mother. She's always had a knack for it and at first I thought I just had more to learn, but now I'm wondering if... maybe it was blocking that, too. Maybe I'm meant to be as good as she is." Eleanor can just lay her hands on people sometimes and draw out their own. Her potions are far superior to Joel's and the protective charms she can give people have been known to last decades. Eventually Joel's have always failed. Not right away, not even within a year, but eventually, and now he's wondering if he'll be able to do more. If he'll be able to dig down and find the powers that were being blocked.
If maybe they'll all be for the good of others.
"And my premonitions," he says slowly, looking over at Spencer, trying to gauge his reaction. "Maybe... maybe I'll be able to finally make use of them. Maybe they won't hurt." He wonders if they hurt because they were being blocked on purpose, if the demon was trying to keep him from seeing the future because it was worried he might see what was coming for him. If that's the case, if he can use these premonitions for good, if they won't leave him with blinding headaches and more questions than answers, then maybe everything really is about to change.
Then he smiles and kisses Spencer again. "I can't wait to set up the nursery and pick out new furniture with you, Spencer," he murmurs. "The one thing this demon had no control over was you." Because if things are changing so significantly inside him, he doesn't want Spencer to doubt that his love has been real and true right from the beginning. It's the one thing he can feel for certain hasn't changed at all.
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The important thing is that he'll heal, Joel will heal, they'll help each other heal more than just on the surface. Spencer knows he couldn't have made it through the ordeal with Mark without Joel. It's not that he'd needed help from just anyone, it's that he'd needed Joel, he'd needed the only person who'd been there and could have understood what he'd been through. He can be that person for Joel now, the kind of person who's willing to carry him on his back all over again because this is what they'd signed up for when they'd married each other. Nothing matters more to Spencer than Joel, absolutely nothing, and he could lose everything else but as long as he has his husband, he knows he'll still feel safe. He'll feel secure, like nothing can touch him, Joel gives him this strength that nobody else has ever been able to truly offer.
He glances down at his husband when Joel mentions his premonitions, arching an eyebrow at the notion that having them might not cause him pain anymore with the demon gone. "Remember when I saw you on that park bench?" he asks, pausing to leave a kiss against Joel's forehead. "Back in May? I still didn't quite know how to process how I felt about you, but I told you that I thought it was admirable that you were trying to work on getting a better grasp of the premonitions. That hasn't changed." His expression softens, and he rests his cheek against Joel's hair. "I've always hated seeing you in pain, baby, but if having that demon inside of you is what made those premonitions hurt you, if having it gone suddenly makes things clear and you want to do good things with that, I'm not going to try to stop you. How could I?"
There's a certain element of danger, Spencer thinks, that might come with Joel using his premonitions to help people; but he also thinks that if their positions were reversed, he'd want to do the same thing. Besides, he reasons, Joel wouldn't be in that alone. Spencer would be there every step of the way, watching for any hint of pain and raising a fuss if he ever saw one. "We just have to watch out for each other," he says, "just like we've been doing all this time. And you're right, the demon had no control over me. It couldn't have stopped me from loving you or seeing the kind of man you really are. You saved my life three times before you even kissed me, and I-- I don't know. There's no faking that."
Even with the knowledge that the demon had likely been there all along, waiting it out all these years, searching for the right time to surface, it doesn't change anything for Spencer. Every ounce of love he's felt from Joel had come from Joel because nothing as evil as what the thing that had been inside his husband could have been capable of making Spencer feel like that, like this, like he'll always feel. The connection between them couldn't have been manufactured, it couldn't have been falsified, it's something that exists because Spencer's future is with Joel. No power in the universe could ever change that, he's sure of it.
"The TempurPedic stays," he says suddenly, tone firm but light, "and if we don't leave it for a few days after they let you go home, I won't mind. I just want to be with you. I just want to be next to you and know that together, we can always beat the odds."
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He really should have known right from the start, he thinks. Right from the very first conversation they'd had, from all the others that had followed. He should have just known because no one in his life has been so supportive as Spencer is. No matter what he says, no matter what he wants to try, he can count on Spencer to be there for him and Joel knows such unwavering support really isn't all that easy to come by, but he has it. There's nothing in this world that can make him take this for granted and he settles back on the bed, still taking care to make sure Spencer has enough space.
"There's no faking that," he agrees softly and sometimes he thinks he should be surprised that Spencer is the one thing that demon couldn't touch, but he isn't. There's something so good about him, something so pure about what they share, it really doesn't surprise Joel at all. Something so rooted in darkness and hate can never hope to understand what they have between them, it can never hope to even touch what they have, and Joel marvels again at his luck. To have found someone like Spencer after so long, to have found him so close to this demon that had been inside him finally trying to take over. The chances seem so astronomical, but he isn't going to question any of it. He's lucky, that's all there is to it. He's been so incredibly lucky and he will never forget that.
Then he smiles, looking up at the ceiling again, glad to just be here with Spencer. There's so much for him to be thankful for, so much that could have gone really wrong. He knows the likelihood of them beating this demon had seemed almost impossible, but they did it and they're here and he wants to just bask in that for a moment. "The TempurPedic stays," he agrees, his eyes closed, his lips curved into a smile. "I love that bed almost as much as I love you. It certainly lived up to the hype."
They've made so many good memories in that bed, so much more than just being intimate. He remembers so clearly the first night he'd slept there, the way he'd found Spencer's book shoved under the pillow, how awkward and uncertain they had both been as Joel had undressed. More than anything, though, he remembers how it had felt to pull Spencer into his arms and lie there with him, wrapped in a feeling of safety and affection and something real and true for the first time in his life. He remembers how it had felt when Spencer had fallen asleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the sense Joel had gotten how just how alive and how vibrant this man really was and how close they'd come to losing out on this experience.
They have many more memories to make. Lazy mornings with their baby, with another child down the line. Nights reading to a toddler curled up against them. Days when their children don't feel well and come crawling into their bed, wanting nothing more than to just be cuddled. There's nothing that can make Joel want to give away that part of their life and he knows it's just a bed, but it's significant. It means a lot to him.
"I think Charlotte might be willing to look after the store at least part time while we recover," he says and he knows she will. He can feel it already. Spencer must have texted her, he thinks, because he can sense that she knows and that connection flows so much easier now. It's like it used to be and he can't believe he's gone so long without it.
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He owes Joel so much, certainly his life several times over, and Spencer knows that neither of them are keeping score but he could also never forget any of it. The reason he'd been alive to get that demon out of his husband was because Joel had been there to save him from the Hydra. It's just what they do, even from the beginning, they take care of each other. It's his turn now, to make sure that Joel doesn't strain his hand or get out of bed too often or too quickly or that Joel's getting enough to eat while he's sentenced to bed rest. These are the things that will be easy, but he'll be there for the hard stuff, as well. He'd made a vow to do just that, and he doesn't have any plans to go back on it. The most important thing in the world to him is that Joel is safe, that Joel is healthy and alive and breathing, and Spencer would do anything to make sure that stays true. The same will go for their child when he or she comes, it'll be the same of both of them because they'll be responsible then not just for each other but for their tiny babies who will have no choice but to believe that they're in good hands.
He's not going to let them down, not his husband and not their children, because he's been let down before and Spencer would never want to put his family through that. They're going to be happy, it's almost a mantra by now, but he has to keep believing it because even though they've been through awful trials, Spencer is ready to accept that his life is going to be a good one. He's ready to accept that they deserve better. He knows he's going to wake up in the morning and find Joel holding the baby in his arms, trying to feed them formula before they wake up and cry because he doesn't want Spencer to have to be woken up for that. Spencer thinks maybe he'll develop a sleeping problem to rival Joel's because he'll be obsessively checking on the baby's breathing every five minutes until his husband laughs and tells him to go to sleep.
"Keyword 'almost,'" Spencer says, shooting Joel mock warning look that shifts easily into a tired smile. "My longest relationship is still with that bed, by the way, so you've got a bit of competition." At the mention of Charlotte, he sobers because he suspects that she'll be terribly upset they hadn't told her about the demon a long time ago. It had been Joel's decision, and Spencer had respected it. He'd have done the same thing, he thinks, because he'd want to keep as many people as possible safe. They have the sort of friends who like to jump in and offer any help they can even if it's in the face of danger, but Spencer knows that neither of them have any space left in their conscious to bear the burden of the kind of guilt that'd come with putting the people they care about in danger. So they'd kept Charlotte in the dark and maybe by now, her mental connection to Joel is back to being fully operational, but he hasn't gotten any angry calls from her yet so he thinks they might be safe from her rage in here.
Then again, his phone had been in the back pocket of his jeans, which are now in a bag that he'll have to request be brought here. There's no way he's leaving this room, not until Joel's leaving it with him, not when he wouldn't want to be alone if he were in Joel's shoes. "Having her keep it open while we can't be there would be very helpful," he admits, and he knows he shouldn't be thinking about business when Joel's injured but it's not as if he has a separate source of income now. They're not going to be in trouble if the store stays closed for a few days, not by any means, but Spencer doesn't want to have to be focusing his attention on anything other than his husband while Joel recovers.
"When you're well enough to take more visitors, I'll call Erin," he says, trailing his fingers up and down Joel's good arm. "We can ask her a million questions to distract her from asking us what happened, that should work, right? Perhaps not but still, it'll be the first time we get to see her when she's pregnant." He's done his research, and Erin likely won't be showing for another few weeks or so but that doesn't matter. She's pregnant, the baby is going to be theirs, and Spencer wants Joel to be able to see her.
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And now it all looks sort of awful. He'd summoned a demon as a teenager and it had nearly destroyed his entire family's life at the time. Now it's put his family in danger again and he hates that this is how he's going to have to tell her, but it can't be avoided. He can't pretend nothing has happened, especially when he knows he isn't going to be let out of the hospital right away. Even if the doctor would agree to let him go, there's no missing the cast on his hand or the marks on his face. They've both been injured and she's going to expect an explanation.
"I'm afraid to tell her," he admits. He'd considered not saying anything, but Spencer will understand. It's likely Spencer feels the same way and Joel doesn't think they should have to keep it from each other. They're embarking on a huge life change and to have something like this thrown into the mix feels awful, like it's trying to take this happiness away from them. It can't, it won't change anything, but he's still afraid.
"We haven't told her what I am and it seems so stupid now," he says, shaking his head a little. "Like I should have told her right from the start so that she wouldn't be surprised, so she wouldn't have any reason to stop this." And she can't now or maybe she can, Joel isn't entirely sure. She's pregnant, certainly, but it's not impossible to change that. He thinks there are parts of the contract that make it so she can't do anything like that, that if she changes her mind about them there has to be mediation involved. Besides all that, Joel is certain she wouldn't do anything like that. He's sure that Erin isn't going to blame him for this or think there's something wrong with him because of what he can do.
But that fear won't leave. He finally has so many things he'd never even realized he wanted this badly and he's terrified that his stupid mistake from all those years ago really will take it all away.
"What if... I don't know, Spencer, what if she thinks there's something wrong with me?" he asks. "Not everyone in this town appreciates that there are witches and sirens wandering around everywhere." He's kept away from most of it just because he's been quiet and secretive, but now the possibility that someone very important might hate him just seems all too possible.
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He shifts so he's lying more on his side, the side that doesn't hurt as much, and though that requires moving his injured shoulder, it's worth the trouble to reach out and tilt Joel's chin so that his husband is looking at him. "Or we could trust her. I know that you're right, I know that there are quite a few people less accepting in this town than others, believe me, I'm so very well aware. But I don't think Erin's one of them. She was the right choice, we both knew that from that first meeting. We looked at each other and it was just... It was like everything fell into place in that moment. Things wouldn't have clicked so quickly if there was a chance that this could go wrong, I have to believe that. She's the one carrying our baby for a reason, Joel, and it's not a one-way street. She wouldn't have agreed to be our surrogate if she didn't see at least a fraction of what I do."
It's easier for Spencer to say than it could possibly be for Joel to accept, Spencer realizes this; but that doesn't mean he's not going to say any of this because Joel deserves to hear it. All that guilt, all the pain that Joel shoulders, Spencer wishes he could take it all away. He can't, which is exceptionally difficult for him to have to admit, but he can at least try to make it a little bit better every day. He'll say whatever he has to in order to encourage Joel to let more of that guilt fade away. Spencer will say all the things he's already said tonight over and over again because it's the truth, his husband is such a good man, the best Spencer has ever had the privilege of knowing, and he'd stop at nothing to make sure Joel hears it, remembers it, believes it.
"You're not just a good husband," he says softly, trailing his fingers along Joel's jawline and down the length of his neck, "and you're not just going to be a good father. Anyone you call a friend has to know how lucky they are, how valuable you are to have in their lives. Think about how long it took that demon to be able to rise to the surface. Over a decade, and you know what, don't you? Because you were fighting it all this time without ever even realizing it, you kept it at bay because you've always been a good man. It would have preyed so easily on someone with less heart than you and god, Joel, you always tell me how strong I am but look at you. All that you've been through could have turned you into a different kind of person but it didn't, you're you, and I love you. You were just a teenager when Amy died, and I know it's hard, but what happened was an accident and you have to start forgiving yourself for that. You'd never hurt me intentionally, and I know the same was true then. Erin will be able to see that, too, because she's seen the kind of man you are. She'll understand, I know she will."
She has to, Spencer can't even imagine that anything else could happen because they deserve this. They deserve their baby and their happy marriage and their good life because they've both suffered so much, they've both seen such awful things, and it's time now for a change. Spencer can't deny that the thought of having to sit Erin down to explain to her what had happened with the demon makes his stomach feel like it's doing somersaults but truth be told, that has more to do with Joel being uncomfortable than Erin's reaction. Maybe that's because a part of him suspects she already knows about Joel's identity as a witch. He doesn't know how farspread the rumors about Joel had spread after what had happened at Coop's birthday party but when they live in a town this small, it's more likely that she might have heard about it than not.
"She asked me about Mark Fuller once," Spencer says, lowering his eyes. "Not directly, of course, but-- but she'd read about it in the paper, and she asked me the house had any sort of protection against anything that might happen like that again. She asked like she knew, like it wouldn't be unusual to forego a security system in favor of a protection charm." He gives a half shrug then presses a kiss to Joel's shoulder. "Maybe it won't be as difficult to talk to her about it as it seems."
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Now, though, he hears it almost daily. Spencer compliments him or tell him he loves him or say something sweet and Joel is suddenly aware that there are things about him that people like. It's never that he's thought of himself as being particularly insecure, but he'd been so distant for so long that he hadn't thought of himself as much of anything besides a witch, a brother, a son and a bookstore owner. It's different with Spencer. Everything is different with Spencer.
And maybe Spencer is right. Maybe he really has been fighting this demon for more than ten years without even realizing. He's not sure what that says about him, but he's sure it means one thing at least. He's not a pushover. If nothing else, he will defend himself and his family at any cost and that's an important trait for a husband and father to have.
"I... I think you're right," he says slowly. "I think it's likely she already knows. She said her husband grew up here, so he would probably know and... well, we've been in the papers a fair bit in the past six months. The story of what happened at Coop's party got around, I know it did." He's been asked by more than one stranger just what happened and one young teenager had even shyly asked if she could hire him to take care of her bullies for her. Joel knows people know, but he doesn't know if Erin knows. Even if the chances are high that she does, that she doesn't care, he's still so nervous.
"But I don't want to lie to her," he admits, looking over at Spencer again, reminding himself just how lucky he is to have this man beside him. To have this incredible person to see him through the worst and hardest times of his life. Together they'll find something better, they'll build a family and they'll be happy, and he knows he believes that just because it can't be any other way with Spencer. It isn't possible. Spencer is far too good to him.
"I don't want to lie to her," he says again. "That doesn't feel right. We'll... she'll want to come see me, won't she? While I'm here." He doesn't know what might end up in the papers, but he's sure the commotion and their injuries will be reported. She will find out that something has happened whether they tell her or not and Joel would much rather she hear it from them than read about it in the paper.
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He doesn't know what had been written about the lighthouse incident, had opted not to read any of the articles printed because he'd read every single one after his mother and brother had been killed and realized that no good could possibly come of it. Besides that, the local paper isn't exactly known for being unbiased, nor is any other Siren Cove publication--case in point, that odd gossip magazine that had come up with the most outlandish lies--though it's amazing how quickly he'd gone from being looked at with disgust to being looked at with pity after he'd finally left his house for the first time with his bruises and stitches and cast. It hadn't lasted long, there are absolutely still people who think he's responsible for killing his own family. "You know that like, 50% of murders are committed by someone who knew the victim, right?" is something Spencer had overheard once in the grocery store, and he'd had to struggle to bite back that the statistic is actually 54.3%, with the rate of people killed by family members is 24.8%, which the woman initially asking the question would know if she'd just down the slightest bit of fact-checking.
Spencer wonders what their neighbors might have thought about what they'd heard coming from the house, if they'd heard anything at all or had even been home yet. He's still not sure who'd dialed for the ambulances because he certainly hadn't been in the best state of mind to do it himself. He wants to say it had been Coop, but he also thinks it's quite possible that Nerium or Les could have done it, too. That defeats the point of having a guess in the first place, he supposes, but it doesn't really matter in the end because Joel's being looked after now. That's all Spencer cares about.
"She'll appreciate not having to read about it first," Spencer assures him, and it's something he can say with confidence because he thinks about doing that himself, about reading something that has to do with Joel being hurt in the paper without already knowing, and it makes him feel a bit sick to his stomach. "And I can be here or not be here when she comes to visit, whatever is going to make it easier for you, I'll do it." He'll be here if that's what Joel wants, whatever Joel wants, because his husband has been there for him practically the entire time they've known each other. Spencer had faced a demon for this man today, and it's not as if that's something he'll hang over Joel's head but the fact of the matter is, he only ever feels as safe as he does today, as happy and at peace as he does today, because Joel is with him to make Spencer feel that way.
"We're going to be okay," he continues, and its a bold promise to make but one Spencer fully intends on keeping. "Erin will understand, I know it, and she'll be able to see how hard we fought to keep you here." He hasn't done a very good job of protecting Joel from this, not really, but he knows better for the future now. He knows, as he always has, that this relationship is more important to him than anything, that it can quite literally save their lives, and he swallows hard so he can choke back a sob as he starts to tremble with the renewed realization of how close they'd come to losing each other today. Spencer lets out a deep exhale, wrapping his arm just slightly tighter around his husband and resting his chin on Joel's head. He'll never let go of this, there's nothing that could possibly make him.
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He's about to say as much, about to tell Spencer he'll always need him when he starts to tremble and Joel pulls back a little to look at him better. Then he presses closer again, burying himself against Spencer's chest and while he's usually the one with his arms around Spencer, his husband's head on his chest, the position they're in now is both comfortable and comforting. He doesn't want Spencer to have to go home tonight, he thinks they both need to be together, they both need to know the other is safe.
"We're okay now," he murmurs and he hopes he isn't hurting Spencer like this, but he can't stand the thought of not being close to him right now. Neither of them can possibly be very comfortable in this hospital bed, but Joel thinks he'd fall asleep like this quite happily if it meant Spencer would still be here with him, his arm still wrapped tight around him. If he can't go home tonight, if he can't sleep in his own bed, then this is the next best thing and he isn't about to let any of the doctors or nurses tell him they can't stay together.
"Spencer, we're okay now," he says again. "I promise." They're both making big promises, ones he knows they can't really keep if it comes down to it. They can't promise nothing will happen, that they'll both remain in good health, they can't promise nothing will touch them, but they're both willing to promise it anyway and Joel thinks that says something about just how far they'll go for each other. For this family they're about to start. It gives him more hope than he knows how to say. He feels safe here with Spencer because he knows his husband will do anything to keep the two of them together.
"How big a fight do you think we'll have on our hands when the nurse tries to make you leave?" he asks with a soft breath of a laugh against Spencer's throat. "I know neither of us are in very good shape right now, but I think we can take them, don't you?" He's making a joke out of it, but he truly doesn't want Spencer to leave. He doesn't want to have to spend the night alone.
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He gives a slight nod when Joel says they're okay now, gives a weak smile when Joel looks up at him before returning his head to Spencer's chest, and he knows that the demon is gone and the worst of their troubles are over, but a part of him fears for the recovery. He knows that they'll be able to get through it as long as they remember to support each other, as long as they remember how much they love each other, but he can't imagine that it will be easy. The demon had come so close to tearing Joel apart, both mentally and physically, and Spencer wishes he could take all that pain away but he can't and that hurts him more than any physical blow ever could. He doesn't know that things could have gone a different way if they'd made an attempt to expel the demon earlier, if they could have stopped the demon from testing the limits of Joel's body, if they could have stopped it from hurting anyone else; but he supposes that they should also be grateful that it hadn't been worse.
Raleigh could have been there, or Charlotte. Even Huxley might have gotten caught in the crossfire, been hurt by the glass of the liquor cabinet, and Spencer is so relieved that he'd decided to bring their puppy in to work with him that morning. Charlotte had kidnapped him to the apartment, had been with him when Spencer had left, and he can't help but let his mind wander to their baby. Nothing is going to touch their child, that's not even a decision he has to make, it's simply a given. He'd lost his family once, it's not something he's willing to do again, and he stiffens a bit at the mere thought of any force, great or small, that might try to do any damage to his husband or their child. Spencer won't allow it, would rather die than see the two people he loves most in this world--because his heart has already expanded to include their unborn baby, their Dane or Rose--hurt in any way.
It's not something he needs to say out loud, he thinks Joel must already know and besides that, this isn't the time or place for that conversation. Joel's alive, Spencer can feel his arm rising and falling with Joel's chest, and right now, that's all that really matters. As long as Joel is okay, Spencer can be okay so it's like this husband had said, they're okay now. Now and far into the future, he thinks, they have to be okay because there's no room in their story for anything less than a happy ending. They've both suffered for so long, quietly and alone, but they'd found each other under the strangest of circumstances. They beat odds together, so many parts of their relationship that make them feel whole can be summed of that way, and Spencer never wants that to stop.
"Well," he says after a moment's pause, clearing his throat as he nuzzles his cheek against Joel's hair, "Bruce is rather burly, but he has a weakness for sweets. We could bribe him into letting me stay. Nora, she's nice but much more strict about the rules, she may take some convincing but that shouldn't be too hard if I just tell her that being away from you would make it impossible for me to ever get to sleep." It's not a lie, even though Spencer says it with a light tone and a faint smile. There's no chance that he's leaving this room tonight or tomorrow night or for however many nights the doctor decides Joel needs to be here. Being forcibly separated from his husband would make him sick with worry, he already knows what poisonous thoughts might invade his mind if he has to leave, but more than that, Spencer needs to be here. He needs to open his eyes in the morning and see that his husband is still here, still okay, still Joel.
"I'm not going anywhere," he says firmly. "I'll make a scene if I have to, but I'm not leaving you here alone, I'll never do that to you." He's not just talking about right now, about the next few days; he's talking about the rest of their lives and the forever they'd promised each other, the one he'd reminded Joel of when his husband had been battling that demon. "When you wake up tomorrow, I'm going to be right here."
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And he knows Spencer will be here for him, he knows he isn't going to leave, but at the same time actually hearing him say it out loud comes as a welcome comfort and Joel lets the warmth of the words fold around him, he lets them reassure and relax him. When he wakes up tomorrow, Spencer will be with him and he'll have an easier time tonight knowing that. They won't both be able to sleep in this bed, not with the injuries they've both sustained, but he's hoping he can convince one of the nurses to bring a cot and maybe he'll even be able to get them to lower his rail and push the cot up against the hospital bed. It's not the same as being at home with Raleigh in her room and Huxley repeatedly jumping on Joel's feet whenever he moves in the night, but it's significantly better than the alternative, which is having to sleep in here alone.
He's about to say as much when the door opens and Nora comes in with a sling in her hand, looking at Spencer disapprovingly. It's such an absurd expression given everything else that's happened to them tonight that Joel can't help but laugh a little, shifting around in the bed because he knows Spencer is about to be forced to get up so she can put the sling on for him and Joel feels a little guilty that they've been lying like this, Spencer's shoulder probably aching. It's rare that he lets himself take so much comfort from his husband without worrying about the state of his well being and he looks over at him, offering a small smile and a shrug.
"Do what she wants, maybe we'll have an easier time convincing her to let you stay," he murmurs.
"I know you're not planning on going anywhere tonight and I also know you promised the doctor you would take the sling when you leave, which is a pretty sneaky way of getting out of having to put it on," Nora says, brandishing the sling at Spencer like it's a weapon. "Sit up right now, we're getting this on and then we talk about possible sleeping arrangements."
It seems that she knows it's already a lost cause, that there's no way she can win against the two of them, but Joel thinks Spencer putting his sling on is a fair trade. Especially since, had he known he was supposed to be wearing one, Joel woul have insisted himself that he go get it a long time ago.
"And you shouldn't be lying like that," she tells Joel, shooting him a glance. "You have a broken rib, you're just going to make matters worse by twisting your torso like that. Lie straight or I'll have Bruce come in here and make sure everything is still aligned."
Joel manages another little smile, but he shifts himself on the bed again, moving his hips until he's lying in a straight line. "Better?" he asks and she shoots him another glare as she moves to help Spencer into the sling.
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Nora bats his hand away, coming closer to help slip it on for him, and she observes the way Joel's straightened himself out with an arched eyebrow and a hum of vague approval. "Better than how you were, anyway. Honestly, between the two of you, I don't know how we've had time for any of our other patients." She turns her attention back to Spencer, furrowing her brow as she finishes settling the sling into place as puts her hands on her hips. "What is this for the both of you, visit three? Four?"
Spencer shrugs his good shoulder, glancing back at Joel with a soft smile. It's true that they've been through more together in the past six months than he's been through alone in two and a half years, but Spencer wouldn't change any of it. He wishes he could go back far enough to find Joel in Shediac, to keep him from summoning that demon and having to carry it with him for so long, but aside from the fact that it simply isn't possible, Spencer knows that even if he could, it would change so much about where they are now. A small part of him wonders what might have happened if Amy hadn't died, if Joel might be happily married and expecting a child with her instead; and it's not that he's jealous of what could never be, he doesn't know how he could possibly be jealous of a girl who'd so tragically lost her life, but there are so many paths that either of them could have taken that might have led anywhere but here.
He wants to be able to take all of Joel's pain away, would rather carry it all himself, even if Joel wouldn't allow it. His husband already knows that, knows that Spencer would do absolutely anything for him, no matter how big or small, but it's in times like these that he thinks life could be so much easier if he, too, were a witch. He could have already brewed up a healing potion, might have been able to heal them both with a touch, might have been able to get rid of that demon much more quickly but in reality, it's all he can do not to wince from the bruising of his back and the pain in his shoulder every time he makes too sudden a movement. Joel loves him for who he is, has never asked Spencer to change, and that's one of the many reasons Spencer loves him so much. He's never felt like he has to put on an act or be anyone else for his husband, Joel always puts him perfectly at ease when it comes to being himself. It's just that sometimes, like when he's watching Joel in pain, Spencer thinks that being himself just isn't enough.
He's sure that Joel would reprimand him for thinking that way but he can't help it. He's a husband, he's going to be a father, it's his job to protect his family. He has to think that way because he'd lost one once already. It's good, in a way, because it drives him to be a better man for Joel every day, makes him want to be stronger so that he doesn't have to see his husband in a hospital bed again. As long as he's doing that, as long as he knows he's still trying, Spencer thinks he'll be okay. They'll be okay.
"I'll do my best to keep him out of trouble after he gets released," Spencer says, letting his smile grow wider at Joel before he turns back to Nora. "He'll be on lockdown. No bungee jumping, no skydiving, none of that. He's much stronger than me, though, so I don't know how effective I'll be."
Nora rolls her eyes, though she looks moderately amused. "Promises, promises, I'll believe it when I don't see either of you for anything more than a checkup in the next couple years." Her expression softens into something fonder, and Spencer hasn't known her very long but she's been here for nearly every time he's been admitted to the hospital and there's something about her that puts him slightly more at ease in this place he hates so much. She's kind and patient, but she cares. It shows in the way she lightly pats Joel's knee and the way she gently squeezes Spencer's arm. If Joel's going to be in the hospital for a few days, Spencer thinks, they're lucky to have her.
"You mentioned something about sleeping arrangements, I believe," Spencer says, chuckling at the mock irritation he can see written all over Nora's face. "Usually, I prefer a king-sized bed and sheets with a very high thread count, but I suppose that I can make an exception for whatever you can get me. Uncomfortable cafeteria chair included, I'd make it work. I don't care what I sleep on, I'm just not going to leave Joel."
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But then she's tucking his blanket in around him, taking special care around his torso, he notices, and he smiles, because even though she's giving them a hard time -- something he thinks they're returning quite well -- she clearly cares and is very good at her job. Although she's demanded they straighten up and treat themselves like they're recovering, it's obvious she's doing it out of concern and Joel makes a promise to himself to make her job as easy as he possibly can. He'll try not to do anything too stupid, like walk around on his own, no matter how bored he gets, and he'll buzz for her when he needs something he can't do by himself. And if she can't come right away, because he knows how busy she must be, he promises himself he'll wait patiently.
"Well, you're out of luck on that king-sized bed," she tells Spencer. "But I can probably get you a very nice cot with maybe a hundred and twenty thread count sheets. The highest quality this hospital has to offer."
Joel shifts around in his bed without trying to draw attention to himself and decides she's still just giving them a hard time. While the bed isn't nearly as comfortable as the one he shares with Spencer at home, the sheets are soft enough and the blanket is warm. He's not uncomfortable, the sheets are scratchy or stiff, and the pillow behind his back is actually pretty close to perfect. Whatever she brings them, he thinks they'll both sleep just fine, if only because they'll still be able to be close together. He'll be able to reach out and touch Spencer in the night, he won't have to wake up and remember that he's alone, and that's all he really needs.
"As long as Spencer is here, I could sleep on the floor for all I care," he says and he does it without thinking, then flushes deeply. Although he's long since lost his tendency to stutter and stammer when talking to Spencer about his feelings, it's not something he often does around other people and it's almost as if he'd forgotten himself for a moment.
"Well, that's very sweet, but I think we'll let you keep the bed," Nora answers, rolling her eyes even though she's smiling. Joel is still embarrassed, his cheeks warm and red, but he looks over at Spencer and shrugs as Nora leaves the room, telling them she'll be back shortly with a cot and a pillow and some sheets.
"I forgot she was here," he says, laughing at himself. "I usually... I don't say stuff like that in front of other people." It's not really an apology, just an explanation, and he hopes Spencer doesn't think he's really embarrassed. He's not, he has no problem with people knowing just how much he loves his husband, but for so long it had been hard to talk about his feelings even in front of Spencer. It just takes some getting used to.
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Things are different now. Spencer's different without really changing very much at all, and he knows that it's due to Joel. "Well, not all the time," Spencer continues, his own cheeks starting to redden, "but when I do talk to people about you, it's like I can't stop. I can't turn the switch off, all I can talk about is how much I love you because it becomes all I can think about in that moment." He let about a sheepish laugh, shaking his head just slightly before letting it drop so he's looking at the space between his hand and Joel's. He stares for a long moment at the IV needle before closing the gap, sliding his hand closer so their fingers brush, and he feels quite suddenly like his throat might close up.
"I--" His voice cracks, and Spencer clamps his mouth shut, blinking away tears that he can't place the source of before looking back up at his husband. "I didn't have a reason before you, I didn't have anything to talk to anyone about. My family, it's always just been simpler to pretend that it's not on my mind. People become so easily uncomfortable, I think being around me was a trial for a long time because they were afraid I'd bring them up, that I'd bring up the fact that they probably looked at me for at least half a moment and wondered if I really did..." He trails off, letting his thumb rub over Joel's knuckles. "I can talk about you now instead. I still don't talk to that many people in the first place, I have you. Even when you're not there."
He shares Joel's sentiment, that he'd sleep on the floor as long as it meant he'd get to be near his husband, and it's because he wouldn't really feel at home even if he made the choice to sleep in their own bed. Home is where Joel is, his heart is where Joel is, and as much as Spencer hates being at the hospital, he'd hate being separated from his husband more.
"I like Nora," he says suddenly, and he's not sure where the words had come from but that doesn't make them any less true. She's firm, but Spencer can see how much she cares in her actions, in the way she seems not to just accept but understand that Spencer can't leave Joel here alone. It's just as much for himself as it is for his husband, perhaps, but Nora doesn't seem to care to differentiate. "It's still a surprise to me when people are kind. Do you think that's awful of me to say? I've spent so much time believing that people must think the worst of me, it isn't until I met you that I realized maybe that isn't true. Not of everyone, at least."
There are far more Eli Jaspers in this town than Spencer wants to think about, it's just that Eli had been the most vocal, just like he'd been in high school. Joel had taken care of that problem, but Spencer admittedly wonders once in awhile when the next Eli will come along because in spite of how many incredible things have happened to him over the course of the last few months, optimism still isn't his forte. Their baby, though, he can be optimistic about that. With Joel's demon gone and both of them on the mend, the thought of their baby helps him to believe that nothing that bad could possibly happen again, nothing could overshadow the beauty of the family they're building. He has two reasons to let himself accept that he deserves a good life now, two reasons to dedicate himself to giving all of himself to the two people who deserve all the love in the world--even though one hasn't quite joined them yet.
"You know, this time next year, we'll be that couple who can't stop talking about their child," he teases. That doesn't sound so bad, he thinks. They could be worse things.
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"Oh, my god," he murmurs after a moment, watching Nora's progression down the hall. He can see it. He can see it without even trying. She's just there, the energy that makes her up, it trails after her in little sparks and lights, and Joel isn't even making the effort to look for it. Looking over at Spencer shows the same thing. It's faint, barely there at all, but Joel can see it. The yellow light that encircles Spencer, the darker light around his injured shoulder.
And the energy that links them. Joel looks down and he can see it just like he can see everything else. It's faint, but it's there and he surprises himself with a delighted laugh that causes a burst of pain through his torso. It's the strongest these things have ever been without him trying to see them and he's beginning to realize more and more just how much things are going to change from here on.
"Spencer, I can see it all," he murmurs, reaching his hand out toward his husband. "Energies, all of that stuff I could see before, but had to try to find. It's all just right here now. It's faint, but it's here." Even the machines have some kind of energy hovering around them and Joel blinks, staring at them, trying to take them in. They're beautiful in their own way, but they're not beautiful like Spencer.
"Sorry, I got distracted," he says with a huff of laughter. "I just... I've always had to work at it. I've had to let myself stop looking and lose focus and even then things were often blurry and hard to see, but everything is so clear now."
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He could never forget it, sitting on the second level of the library with his legs dangling off the edge as he'd asked Joel to read his aura. He wouldn't have asked if he hadn't been drinking, would never have invited anyone to look into him that way, so deeply and personally, but at the same time, Spencer thinks that maybe he would have because it had been Joel. Spencer had been comfortable with him even then without really knowing why and letting Joel look at him in a way nobody else ever had before had only made Spencer grow fonder of him. There's also that column of energy between them, the one that proves the connection between them even though Spencer doesn't need proof to know how real this is, how important; but the idea of Joel losing the ability to see that doesn't sit well with him. The idea of Joel losing any of his powers--save for the one that had caused his eyes to go black--makes him think of how despondent his husband had been about it on the island. Like having a piece of him missing, like having something torn out of him, that's about how Joel had described it, and Spencer couldn't bear seeing Joel suffer like that again.
"So the good bits have stayed with you," he says, tone light and a bit playful because he doesn't want to imply that he'd seen any of his other powers as bad. Every time Joel had gone to that darker place, he'd done it for Spencer, to protect him and defend him; but having that power used against him, being subjected to that simple flick of the wrist that had sent him flying into the walls of their own home has made him just the slightest bit biased. That hadn't been Joel, though, and Spencer holds no resentment against his husband for it because they're here now. Joel had fought for his family, they'd won, and they're here. Everything else that's good is just a bonus as far as Spencer is concerned.
"Maybe the premonitions will be clearer then," he suggests. Joel hasn't had one in months but Spencer knows how important it will be to his husband if he can make good use of them. "And your potions, your protection charms, all of it--maybe they'll only get stronger." He pauses, eyes flickering down to their entwined hands, and he feels a flash of uselessness that he quickly pushes aside because it has no place in this moment. Joel has never given him any reason to feel that way and after all, they'd only just vanquished a demon together. He hadn't been useless then. "Maybe you could teach me again. How to make more potions, I mean, or cast a spell like that ball of light. I don't know if I'll be any good at the rest but the first one we did together turned out rather well." It had turned out well in more ways than one, really, but neither of them ever need any actual reminding of that incredible day.
He leans down to brush his lips against Joel's hand, careful of the IV needle and of his own injured shoulder as he straightens himself back out. "We can talk about that later. Can you tell me more about what you see? What it's like?" He ducks his head, cheeks reddening even as he smiles. "Do I like any different than the first time you saw me?"
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"You," he says, then looks at Spencer again. This time he lets himself do that same thing he's always had to do in order to see the auras. He lets himself drift a little, lets his vision slide, and he's almost blinded by the brilliance of the light Spencer lets off. Squinting and laughing at the same time even though it hurts to do so, Joel looks down, and he still sees it, that connection between them, the column he knows will never disappear, will never break. It's bright now, brighter than either of them, red and yellow intertwined, the two of them coming together and making something new. Not for the first time, he wishes he could show it to Spencer.
"You look... brighter," he says, letting it go again. This is something he'll have to adjust to and he smiles. "I can see how badly your shoulder is hurt, by the way, she's right about the sling." And he can see Spencer's head, too, the darker area where he'd been hit once again, but it doesn't seem too bad and Joel finds relief in that.
"But the colour is the same, it's just... there's more of mine in there, too," he says, knowing it doesn't explain it quite right. "There are parts of you that have changed. Become brighter, happier." If he were to look down at himself, he knows he'd see the same thing, places where Spencer had fixed the sad, broken pieces of his aura.
"I'm going to have to learn how to control it all over again," he says in wonder. "Before I had to work for it, so I was never worried about doing it by accident and now... now I'll be reading everyone without even trying." Which he doesn't like. It feels intrusive, it always has, and he'll do his best to avoid it, but it's going to take time.
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He can't keep the pleased smile off his face, though, at hearing that there's parts of Joel that have become just as much a part of him. It doesn't surprise him at all, only confirms what they both already know, that they're permanent fixtures in each other's lives. Joel isn't going anywhere, Spencer can't let his certainty of that slip away just because they've faced something terrible. They've already faced far more terrible things than anyone should ever have to in a lifetime, and they're still here. Still standing--or in their cases, at lest in this moment, lying down and sitting.
If anyone has ever doubted their strength as a couple, surely they need not look further than what had happened today to be proven wrong. Joel has called him strong before, even Davin had, but Spencer has never felt that on his own. It's with Joel that he feels his best, that he finds the most courage in himself to do what it takes to protect the person he loves most. Their baby will give him that courage, too, both of them, Spencer can already feel the protectiveness over their child growing within him. He'll be that parent who fusses with his children's clothes, straightening collars and adjusting jackets until he can't justify how long it's taking before he even lets them leave the house. He'll be the father who frets terribly over the slightest hint of a fever, a minor cough or sniffle, insisting that he and Joel take their child to the doctor immediately even though he'd never do the same thing for himself.
He wonders if the color of their child's aura will become a part of them, too, and he wants nothing more than to crawl back to Joel's side right now and hold him close again but between the sling and knowing that Joel needs to be lying straight, he knows it's out of the question. When Nora sends the cot in, he'll push it as close to Joel's bed as he can, the closer the better because when one or both of them inevitably wake from something horrifying they've seen in a nightmare tonight, Spencer wants to make sure they're within reach of each other; and when they drift back to sleep, Spencer hopes their minds will fill instead of images of their future, their real future with a beautiful baby and a beautiful life rather than the future that could have been had things gone differently today.
"You'll be fine," Spencer tells him, voice sincere because he does mean it, believes it with all his heart. He believes Joel will be able to control it, to use that power to the best of his ability because his husband is capable of nothing less, especially without a demon present to hold him back. "Just don't forget me when people are singing your praises for being that much more incredible." He's teasing, rolling his eyes at himself just slightly before leaning in to nudge his nose against Joel's and pressing a kiss to his lips. "And if you're going to teach me more magic, I suppose it gives me a reason to call you Professor again. I quite like how this is turning out."
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His smile grows further when Spencer mentions calling him Professor again and Joel knows he's in absolutely no shape to be having the kinds of thoughts that have suddenly entered his mind, but there's still an edge of almost hysterical jubilation at finally being free of this thing that's been holding into him for so long. He'd never really been aware of it, had never really understood that it was there, but now, tonight, knowing it's gone, he can feel the difference. There's a sense of being alone, which he knows he'll have to get used to, but there's a freedom, too. For the first time he isn't sharing anything with anyone he's not choosing. And he'll share everything with Spencer, it's part of what he signed on for when they got married, but he gets to choose to do that. Spencer is the person he's chosen to share these things with and it's all him. It's just the two of them and the thought makes something in his chest swell.
"I love you," he murmurs, still holding Spencer close. "So much more than I will ever know how to say." One day he wants to be able to find the right words, either his own or perhaps some writer unknown to him that's somehow managed to capture what this feeling really is. It feels like it should be impossible, but Joel doesn't think he'll ever stop looking. And maybe one day when they're old, when they're sitting together, when they're watching their grandchildren, he'll have found the right words, but even if he never does, he knows that won't stop him from feeling this.
"You saved me," he whispers, pressing another kiss to Spencer's mouth. "You saved me."
And he hopes Spencer really understands that. Joel knows he sometimes feels as if he's not capable of protecting himself, but Joel doesn't see that part of Spencer. All he sees is the man who literally carried him on his back to bring him to safety. And now the man, the only one in the world, who could pull him back from a demon that had had its claws in him for more than a decade. The only person in the entire world Joel has let in like this, the only person that demon had been afraid of because Joel loves him so completely. Before Spencer he knows he wouldn't have even thought something like that would be possible. The power of love wouldn't be enough to save someone from a possession, it wouldn't be enough to make anyone fight back like he had, but he'd been wrong. Spencer had proved him wrong.
He'll never forget that. He'll spend the rest of his life thanking Spencer for everything he's done in any way he can think to. Even if he doesn't say he words, he'll put it into every gesture, every touch. Spencer hasn't just changed his life, he's saved it in every possible sense of the word.
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All he can do is nod when Joel says Spencer had saved him, not because he wants to take the credit for it but because it's true in so many other ways. The only thing that Joel is leaving out is that he'd saved Spencer, too. He'd be dead already if it hadn't been for Joel, Spencer has absolutely no doubts about that. If the debris hadn't hit him, he'd probably have found himself in the way of the Hydra. If they hadn't made a date that evening in the summer, Mark would surely have gotten bored of Spencer's inability to fight back and killed him to spite Joel--and it makes Spencer shudder to think there might be a second attempt, if the letter is anything to go by, but Mark Fuller is the very last person he wants to think about right now. Even on the island, with a hole in his leg, Joel had been the reason Spencer had found it in himself to gather the strength to fight those hallucinations. He might have succumbed to them otherwise, might have let the island win, but he'd been in love and newly proposed to and protecting Joel had simply been more important. It had been the most important.
What Joel had said during his vows at their wedding will always stay with Spencer--you saved me from having nothing, from being empty, from being alone and from being lonely--because Spencer feels the exact same way. Even if he had survived any of the things that should have seen him dead in the past few months, having to face any of it alone would have cut him far more deeply than any physical wound ever could. He hadn't realized how much he'd truly feared being alone for the rest of his life until he suddenly wasn't anymore. After two and a half years of successfully waking up and getting ready for work and coming back to his still empty house, Spencer had assumed he'd gotten used to it. The truth is merely that he'd been hiding from himself, protecting himself from the sheer sadness of what is life had become with the loss of his family.
Finding Joel has been and always will be Spencer's greatest gain. Joel had shown him to live, truly live, for the very first time, and Spencer only hopes that he's been able to show his gratitude at least a little bit every day. "I love you. And I'll always save you," he murmurs, resting his forehead gently against his husband's as he lets his eyes slip shut. They can't stay like this, he knows that, and if Nora catches them like this, she'll surely lecture them about it but Spencer doesn't care. They'd nearly met their ends yet again today, and he needs this. They both do, they need to just bask in each other's presence and take advantage of the physical reminders that they're alive, that they aren't going to be damaged beyond repair.
He'd promised himself a long time ago that he'd never take this relationship for granted, and he has no intention of starting now. What they have together is so incredibly unique, special, as clear to other people as it is to themselves, and Spencer will never let it go. They're connected, and they'll never break, not even if a demon tries to come between them.
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"You two are impossible."
Joel starts at the sound of Nora's voice from the doorway and he thinks he should have heard her coming, noticed the squeak of her shoes on the floor in the hall or heard the dragging of the cot against the floor. She has it leaned against the doorframe now and Joel's eyes fly open and he looks at her, trying not to feel guilty. He's still lying straight, after all, he'd just been leaned over a little to be able to press his forehead against Spencer's.
"I'm still lying straight," he points out, but the exasperated look Nora gives him is enough to shut Joel up. He looks to Spencer for support, but he's not sure she's going to be much happier if he starts trying to defend what they've been doing, so Joel glances at him, then shakes his head, even though he's trying not to smile.
"Here," she says, beginning to unfold the cot and Joel's first instinct is to get up to help her, even though he knows that's absurd. He sits up in the bed anyway, then winces and relaxes back against his pillow as Nora gives him a sharp look and sets the cot aside to come check on him.
"I'm fine," he insists, trying to wave her away with his good hand. "I wanted to help you with the cot."
"Good god," she says, rolling her eyes even as she checks Joel's positioning and opens the hospital gown to check on his ribs. It's the first time he's seen the bruising and his eyes widen a little, taking in the deep purple bruise that's spread down one side of his body. He doesn't want Spencer to see it because he doesn't want him to worry, but he supposes it's too late as Nora checks him over and he glances at his husband, looking for his reaction.
"It looks worse than it is," Nora announces, covering Joel again. "I can tell you two are going to spend all your time worrying about each other, but it really does look worse than it is. The bruising will take a long time to fade and you probably won't be entirely pain free for close to a month, but it's not as bad as it looks."
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Even so, the success of what Dane had dubbed his 'Bambi eyes' has always stuck with him, and it's exactly how Spencer had gotten himself out of being admitted to the hospital tonight. His doctor had been on the brink of sentencing Spencer to an evening of bedrest where he could be monitored because he'd been concerned about the number of times Spencer had rattled his head in the past few months. It's more than is ideal, he can admit that, but he's no stranger to stress headaches in the first place, and he's fairly certain that what he and Joel have been through lately is more than enough of a valid reason for his head to pound at a moment's notice.
All those thoughts leave him in an instant when Nora opens Joel's gown. The Bambi eyes are abandoned in favor of a worried stare at the bruising as he lets out a sharp gasp and his chest tightens with inexplicable fear. Joel's going to be fine, the doctor had told Spencer that and Nora is telling him that now, but he can't tear his eyes away from the awful coloring of his husband's body because it's not supposed to be like this. Joel's not supposed to be in pain and neither is Spencer, and it doesn't matter to him that his own back is also bruised from hitting that wall because any pain he might feel pales in comparison to what Joel had been forced to endure.
He can feel Joel's eyes on him, but he can't bring himself to look up, even when Nora settles his gown back into place and gets back to work on the cot. He rubs his hand over his face, rubbing at the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut just to ward off the tears before he stands to move around the bed to help with the unfolding. He's got one arm but it makes no difference, Spencer just doesn't want Joel to see the guilt in his eyes because all his husband will do is tell him it's not his fault. He may have played a part in saving Joel but that will never stop him from feeling like he should have done more, and he won't admit that out loud but it stands true. He's never been especially envious of anyone's powers before but for a split second, he wishes he could be as powerful as Nerium because if he was, he'd have lured that demon out of his husband and banished it a long time ago.
"Let me help," he says, clearing his throat before reaching down for one end of the cot. He lets out an offended yelp when Nora swats at his hand, giving him a look that's both stern and very obviously frustrated as she points back to Joel's bed.
"I don't think I've ever had any two patients give me more of a headache than you boys," she says, though Spencer thinks he can hear a twinge of sympathy and maybe a bit of fondness in her tone. "Now sit and stay seated unless you want me to call Bruce in here to restrain you."
Spencer most certainly doesn't want that, and he exchanges a quick glance with his husband before he looks down at his lap, flexing the fingers of his left hand in silence while Nora works. When she's close to being done, he swallows hard and lets out a shaky breath, unsure of why he's letting himself wallow in this feeling when he should just use the rest of this night to touch his husband, remind himself of how lucky they are that they're still alive and together right now. It's just that they'd come so close, too close, possibly closer than they've ever been to losing everything, and he would have lost everything. He doesn't remember how to properly live without Joel, likely because he hadn't truly lived before meeting Joel at all, and he practically whispers a very weak "thank you" to a surprised Nora before he finally reaches for Joel's good hand again.
"Thank you," he says again, ducking his head to hide his trembling bottom lip. "For everything you're doing, for understanding that I need to stay, I just-- I just need to stay." He needs to be able to wake up in the middle of the night and know that Joel's still here. "So thank you."
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"I understand," Nora says, her own voice a little more gentle than it had been even moments before. She begins to put the sheets on the cot, tucking the corners in carefully as he's sure she's been trained to do and for a long moment there's just silence in the room. Then she clears her throat and, without looking up from her task at hand, says, "It really does look worse than it is, Spencer. I want you to hear me. Your husband, despite insisting on squiggling around like he has ants in his pants, is going to be just fine and I don't want you to doubt that for a second. I don't want to come by to check on you both later and find you awake and watching him because you're worried something bad is going to happen. You both need your rest, but besides rest, everything will be fine."
She says it in such a firm tone that Joel almost can't help but believe her. He wants to protest about her accusation that he's squiggling around, but he realizes it's true and he promises himself he'll try to do his best to keep that to a minimum. She's gone out of her way for them both time and time again tonight and he doesn't want to make any of this more difficult on her than it has to be. He knows he isn't a good patient, but from now on he's going to try to be.
"There," she says as she puts the pillow down on the cot and then gives it a firm pat. Then, without waiting for any further instruction, she comes around to the other side and presses the button to lower Joel's bed until it's the same level as the cot. "Now I better not come in here later and find you two up to anything either. Because I will separate you."
But as she says it, she lowers the rail on that side of Joel's bed and pushes the cot up next to it, essentially creating a larger bed for the two of them. It's not their bed at home and Joel knows he won't be able to move much, he won't be able to wrap himself around Spencer like he usually does and he won't wake up with his legs tangle with Spencer's, but this is good. This is far more than he expected to be given and he nods, smiling thankfully.
"We really appreciate it," he says. And he thinks maybe he should promise that they'll be goo, but he has a feeling she might not quite believe them and will maybe to come back to check on them extra if he starts making claims she doesn't believe. They'll have to do something for her and maybe even for Bruce once they're discharged, he thinks. Something nice, even if it's just some flowers or the fruit basket he'd been talking about earlier.
"You better," she says, but she's smiling as she pats the cot for Spencer. "Be good, both of you."
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Having the cot set up next to Joel's bed, knowing that he'll be able to reach out to touch him in the middle of the night, it helps more than Spencer even knows how to say because he can't even begin to fathom the sort of fit he might have thrown if the staff had tried to insist he go home tonight. A large part of it is purely concern because there's quite a difference between just knowing that Joel will be okay and actually seeing that he isn't too irreparably damaged; but the other part of it is selfish. It's something he'd rather not discuss, certainly not with Nora in the room, because in recent weeks, Spencer hasn't seen Mark Fuller when he closes his eyes. He's been seeing Joel, his body bent at in all different sorts of grotesque angles; Joel, out in the backyard looking like he's just sleeping peacefully when really, he'll never wake up again; Joel, dying in a weeping Spencer's arms whilst Erin holds their baby out to him.
It's all been so much but now they're here. The hospital isn't an ideal place to be, that much is true, but Joel's going to be fine and Spencer thinks he ought to work a little harder at simply accepting that rather than coming up with every other alternative his mind can conjure. "We would never get up to anything," he says, getting up from the bed and pressing a kiss to Joel's temple before moving to the cot with an impish smile at Nora. She looks like she has half a mind to jerk her hand out at his injured shoulder, just to make him smart a bit, but she just lets out an exasperated sigh as she moves toward the door.
"You're getting one more dose of pain medication, you," she tells him, shaking a finger and then her head the second Spencer begins to protest. "Do not argue with me, you'll barely even notice the drowsiness because you'll be very much asleep soon after you take it, isn't that right?"
Spencer stares at her for a moment with his mouth agape, completely at a loss for words because he certainly doesn't want the extra medication because he wants to be coherent if Joel wakes from a nightmare in the middle of the night but at the same time, he may have to admit that he's perhaps a little bit afraid of their nurse. "Right," he finally answers, shifting closer to Joel's bed as he scoots back to slide his legs under the covers. "Is that going to be before or after we get up to all the things we're going to get up to? Because I'm going to need to plan accordingly."
Nora rolls her eyes, though it's good-natured, and she looks to Joel with an amused smirk. "I'd ask how you stand this one but then I remember what you're like," she says, tone even but for the slight tremor in it that Spencer is fairly certain is laughter. "Peas in a pod you two, aren't you? Now I'm going to say this again, stay out of trouble. I'll be back with the medication and to check up on you again in a little while."
As soon as the door shuts behind her, Spencer lets himself fall back on the cot, laughing through the pain of the hurt shoulder and back he's already forgotten about and for just a split second, his head pounds from the mass of stars that have exploded in his eyes. Still, he manages to grope for Joel's hand again and laces his fingers through his husband's when he finds it, contenting himself with being able to just touch him right now. "Is it true, baby?" he asks aloud, eyes shut tight as the static he sees fades away. "Do you have them? Do you have those ants in your pants?"
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But there are differences. His children won't ever know the same shows he grew up on because they don't air here. They won't be inundated with hockey terminology at every turn, which Joel actually considers to be a huge improvement upon his own childhood. The wildlife is similar, which Joel is weirdly thankful for and they're still on the right ocean, but the seasons aren't the same. There's no going to Tim Horton's for hot chocolate and Timbits and he realizes it's such a small, silly thing, but his father had taken him and Charlotte every Saturday to get hot chocolate and donuts in the winter. It just won't be the same here.
This is where Spencer is, though, and this is the town where Joel has made his home, his life. There are things he misses sometimes, there are things he wishes he could share with their children, but he knows he wouldn't leave, not for the world. If Spencer one day decides he'd like to live somewhere else, Joel will go with him because Spencer is what makes Siren Cove home. Anywhere Spencer goes, that will be Joel's home. If one day they spend months traveling around the country, every place they are will be Joel's home because Spencer will be there with him and he doesn't care of someone else were to think that was cheesy, because it's the truth. His entire life rests with Spencer, everything he has, everything he is, it's all there.
"What do you think of the fact that our nurse is trying to drug us to sleep?" he asks curiously, squeezing Spencer's hand gently as he relaxes back onto his pillows. For awhile he thought he might not be able to sleep, not if they tried to make Spencer go home, but now that they're set up like this, side by side, able to reach out and touch each other with ease, Joel can feel the day catching up with him. He stifles a yawn, then turns his head so he can look over at Spencer, tracing his profile with his gaze. It hits him again just how close he came to really having to say goodbye to this amazing man and he presses his lips together tightly because he doesn't want to start crying, not again. It's been a long, hard, terrifying day, but they're here now. They've come out on the other side and that's what Joel wants to focus on. Once they're both healed, they'll never have to think about this again and for a second he can feel himself trying to argue, trying to point out that he will think about it, they both will, but he's not listening to it. Not right now.
"I'm not sure if I'll need it," he admits, still watching Spencer. "I'm suddenly very aware of just how tired I am." But he doesn't want to go to sleep yet. He doesn't want to stop looking at Spencer, he doesn't want to close his eyes and drift away when he'd been so scared he might be taken away for good. They're here and he isn't afraid anymore, but he's not ready to close his eyes and go to sleep just yet.
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He finds the idea of trading off telling their child embarrassing stories about each other oddly endearing, actually, and he adds that to his mental list of what to do for their child. It's a long list already, joining the ranks of telling their child he loves him or her every day and making sure that he or Joel can always be the one to tuck them in at night. He adds to it nearly every day and each addition is a new reason to smile--though that task, smiling, seems to be a bit difficult when he's on his way to passing out on this cot.
"I think..." Spencer trails off, a soft smile curving his lips. "I think she's wise enough to know that if she doesn't, I'll be up all night making sure that you're still here. That you're with me and that I haven't lost you." He's kept his eyes shut and to be completely honest, he's not necessarily keen on opening them again because he, too, has realized just how exhausted he really is right now; but what outweighs the fatigue is the need to have Joel in his line of sight, the need to be certain, even with his husband's hand in his, that Joel isn't going anywhere. He eyes slowly flutter back open, and he turns his head to meet Joel's gaze, staying quiet for a moment as he commits everything about this moment to memory.
The feel of the cotton sheets against his skin, the firm yet somehow still gentle grip Joel has on his hand, the distinct silence that's taken over the room now that they've been left alone, the bags under Joel's eyes and the mess of his curls and the band-aid on his cheek--all of it will be remembered, not just tomorrow or the day after but for the rest of his life because right now, in this moment, he's sending a quiet word of thanks up to anyone who may be listening. He doesn't practice any religion, though he's read a number of books about it and could easily explain the differences that make them up, but he does believe that something had brought them together. He'd waited all his life for this man, nobody else could have come close to being as important to him as Joel because in the end, they'd always been meant to find each other.
They'd chosen their own path, he thinks, they'd chosen their own ways to find each other and maybe it'd taken a bit longer than either of them might have liked but they're here now. They're here and in love and what they have is unbreakable, and nobody can take that away from them.
"Never leave me," he says softly, the words surprising even Spencer because he hadn't actually meant to say them out loud; but he can't take it back and so he holds Joel's gaze, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I know that-- that life can be unexpected. It can bring us all the joy we could ever hope for in one moment and nothing but the deepest of cruelties in the next. But we're forever, right? This, us, we're forever, that's what we promised each other." He knows he must sound a bit foolish right now, and he's inclined to blame the pain he's in or the exhaustion that's creeping on him more and more with every passing moment. "I almost lost you, and I'm trying not to think about it but every time I remember having you pinned down, I-- I can't do it, Joel, I can't lose you."
He knows he should let the subject go for the rest of the evening, there's no sense in bringing it up again when they can't changed what had happened, but he just needs Joel to know. He needs to make sure Joel understands. "I love you so much. God, so much, and I'm going to keep you safe, I promise. I'll do anything for you, always." He huffs an empty laugh, finding himself wanting to let his eyes slip shut again but unable to tear them from Joel's. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should just-- You need to rest. So rest, and I'll be here if you need me."
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"I will never leave you," he says and although his voice is still soft, his tone is firm. He won't. There's nothing to be done besides promise and then follow through, but he doesn't want Spencer to worry or doubt that if Joel had a choice, he would be somewhere else. The unexpected may happen, he knows he can't do much to prevent that, but he'll do what he can. He can cast spells and charms, he can do everything in his power to make sure nothing happens to them. More importantly, though, he will never choose to be anywhere else. This is where he belongs and this is where he's going to stay. If he has to fight for it, he will. He'll be here for as long as he has left.
"If you can help me fight off a demon, you can help me fight off anything." Maybe there's a bit of arrogance in those words, maybe the idea that they're more powerful than the rest of the world is something he'll come to regret having said, but right now he doesn't. They are powerful together. They're meaningful and they can do anything.
"Don't apologize," he murmurs. "You don't have to be sorry. What happened today... god, Spencer it was terrifying for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. Don't be sorry for being afraid. It's... it was all s-so awful and I wish I could change it. I wish I could make it so it had never happened. You don't ever have to be sorry for wanting to talk about that or for... for wanting reassurances. I need them, too. I need them." Even though he's the one saying them, it helps. It helps to hear such confidence in his own voice. It takes power away from the fear of what happened.
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On the one hand, he wants to stay up all night just so he can keep watch over Joel because that's one of his duties now, making sure that his husband is safe. He's already failed at keeping Joel unharmed but he can make up for it now, he thinks, by being here. By staying, the way Joel had come to the home they share now and stayed after what had happened at the lighthouse. Their connection grows stronger every single day, the incident with Mark almost seems like a lifetime ago now, and the rings on their fingers dictate that Spencer will never leave; but there isn't a single moment that Spencer has ever thought that maybe it's too much.
There's never been a time that Spencer has wondered if either of them have bitten off more than they can chew, if they've made a mistake in dedicating themselves to each other in such a short period of time, because it's not the time that matters. There's nothing that could be too much for Spencer, not when it comes to Joel because for his husband, there's nothing he wouldn't do. There's nothing he can't do because Joel's right, together they'd been able to fight off a demon. What more could life possibly throw at them?
Of course, he'll be of no use to Joel if he can't even function from lack of sleep. Spencer wants to be there for Joel for anything, for everything, whether it's to adjust his bed or fluff his pillows or sneak him a cup of coffee, and he knows that he needs to get better himself to be able to do that. Deteriorating in front of his husband's eyes isn't something he can do, it's not something he'd ever make Joel watch. "Stronger together," he murmurs, eyes fluttering even as he tries to keep them open just for a little while longer. "I know we are, and I'll always be here for you. If there's one thing you can let yourself know for sure, let that be it. Hydras and demons and awful cruises and lighthouses and-- god, and fatherhood, I'll always be here."
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He rolls back against his pillow, just barely managing to suppress the pained moan as he goes and he glances over at Spencer, hoping his husband hadn't caught him wincing. It had been worth it just to press that kiss against Spencer's skin, to be that close to him, to smell him, warm and familiar, and to reassure himself that Spencer is going to be here with him until he can leave. And he's sure once they're home that Spencer is going to try to wait on him, no matter how much Joel tries to insist he doesn't need to, and he smiles a little, a warmth spreading through him. The certainty that comes with this marriage is good, he's sure of it. Knowing how lucky he is, knowing there will always be someone for him to go home to, it does good things to Joel. It makes him brighter, happier, easier for others to be around. It makes him a better man.
He opens his mouth to say something else, but he's rolled back onto his pillow just in time, because the door swings open again and Nora returns pushing a small tray. There are vials on the tray, syringes, two plastic cups and a jug of water that she puts on Spencer's side, taking care to give Joel a very pointed look. He'd had some trouble with the water and the cups earlier, he knows, but he's still capable of pouring himself a drink if he needs to and so he returns the look only to have Nora laugh at him and shake her head.
"Alright," she says, setting the jug down. "Water. Extra pillows and blankets are in the closet, but use the call button to get one of the nurses to help you if you find you need those. I'd hate to come back tomorrow morning and find the two of you collapsed and shivering on the floor." Her tone suggests she might not hate that so much, she might find it a very good reason to say something like I told you so, but Joel doesn't say that, he only nods his agreement and looks over at Spencer as Nora comes around to Joel's IV stand.
"How's your pain?" she asks him and he shrugs, the instantly regrets it.
"Worse now," he admits.
"One to ten," Nora says as she injects the painkillers into his IV, watching and waiting for a moment before she looks back at him. And Joel doesn't want to say, not with Spencer there, he doesn't want him to worry and to try and stay up all night making sure he's okay, but Nora isn't really giving him much of a choice with the way she's standing there, clearly waiting for a response, one hand on her hip.
"Six," he murmurs, glancing over at Spencer. "But it's fine. I'll be fine."
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When Nora enters the room again, he barely twitches, though he does open one eye before attempting to give her a mock scowl that barely registers--or if it does, she simply ignores it--as she sets the water down beside him. He's grumpy, he realizes, because Nora has certainly been nothing but accommodating of them, in spite of their tendencies to be awful patients, and he forces himself to make a silent promise that he'll make a better effort to be more outwardly appreciative of how kind she's being to them. He's had nurses and doctors whose beside manners had left, to say the least, something to be desired, so it makes her stand out all the more. What's most important, though, is that she treats Joel well, and she's doing a magnificent job of that.
It's not until Joel admits that his pain is at a level six that Spencer suddenly feels wide awake again, and he tries to push himself up from the cot with his functioning arm even as Nora lets out a huff of disapproval and rushes from Joel's side of the bed to his.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demands, one hand coming to a rest gently on his shoulder, and Spencer lets out a groan of protest.
"M'fine," he mumbles, sliding himself an inch closer to his husband because somehow, in his exhausted mindset, it seems to Spencer that as long as they're as close as they can be, both of them will be just fine. His own pain could be at a ten but it would be bearable as long as Joel stayed with him.
"You're fine," Nora repeats, shaking her head as she reaches for the other syringe and vial that she'd brought on her tray. "That's why you're shaking then, is that right?"
Spencer hadn't even noticed but a glance down at his hand, his trembling fingers, proved her right, and he frowns at how slowly his brain is processing everything right now. It's more to do with how tired he is and how the events of the day seem to be catching up with him than the actual head wound, he's sure of that, but he looks over his shoulder Nora with a sheepish expression as he remembers the promise he'd only just made to himself a moment ago.
"My definition may be just the slightest bit broad," he admits, wincing when Nora reaches for his good arm so she can stick him with the needle. The effects of the painkillers work almost instantly, and he's not entirely sure what she's given him, but he knows that he's grateful for it. He lets out a long sigh as he lowers himself back down to the mattress, smiling up at Nora's face, her gentle eyes, and remembering that this night could have gone so differently had they not had someone on their side here tonight. "But this one, it'll make-- make--" He pauses to yawn, holding his hand against his mouth before trying to blink the fast approaching sleepiness from his own eyes. "It'll be good enough to help Joel sleep through the night?"
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He's willing to bet it's not that common at all.
"It's better," he agrees. "Maybe a three, but it's fading. I'm feeling much better." And so long as they can get to sleep, he thinks they'll both be okay. Looking over at Spencer, he's pleased to see how tired his husband looks, how close to sleep he is already. It makes it easier for him to relax against his pillow and close his eyes. He reaches out with his good hand, brushing his fingers against Spencer's to remind him that he's right here. He's right here beside him, he isn't going anywhere else and he'll be right here tomorrow morning.
He has to stifle another yawn and he lays back on the pillow, closing his eyes. "I'm okay. I feel... much... much better." Forcing his eyes open, he looks at Spencer again, then smiles at him. "You should close your eyes. Go to sleep. I'll be right there, too." And he's not lying to get Spencer to relax, to make him more comfortable. He can feel the painkillers working through him, he can feel himself relaxing further, drifting off, which he's sure will make both Nora and Spencer quite happy.
"Good," Nora says and Joel closes his eyes again. He can feel her moving around the room, straightening blankets, pushing down pillows, making sure everything is the way it should be. He hears her mark something down on his file, he senses her checking his vitals, but more than that, he's paying attention to Spencer. He can hear his husband's gentle breathing, he can feel the warmth of his fingers against his own. This is less than ideal, of course, but if he has to stay overnight in the hospital, this is the best possible outcome.
Nora doesn't say anything else when she leaves. The flicks off the overheard light a few minutes later and closes the door behind her and they're suddenly left in a dark, quiet, warm room and Joel realizes how comfortable he really is. The pain has all but drifted away and the bed he's in is surprisingly comfortable given that it's in the hospital. But the best part, the part that makes it easy for him to close his eyes and begin to drift off to sleep is Spencer's hand brushing against his.
"Spencer?" he murmurs in the dark. He's nearly asleep, but this is important. "Spencer, I love you."