"Maybe we can find a copy of it online," Spencer answers, chuckling fondly at the idea that there might be an actual song out there that he can use to tease his husband more often than he's willing to admit out loud right now. "We'll have to, I can't do our child the disservice of never telling him or her how antsy daddy's pants are. Then again, you have access to photos of all my different awful hairstyles through the years so maybe we can reach some sort of agreement here."
He finds the idea of trading off telling their child embarrassing stories about each other oddly endearing, actually, and he adds that to his mental list of what to do for their child. It's a long list already, joining the ranks of telling their child he loves him or her every day and making sure that he or Joel can always be the one to tuck them in at night. He adds to it nearly every day and each addition is a new reason to smile--though that task, smiling, seems to be a bit difficult when he's on his way to passing out on this cot.
"I think..." Spencer trails off, a soft smile curving his lips. "I think she's wise enough to know that if she doesn't, I'll be up all night making sure that you're still here. That you're with me and that I haven't lost you." He's kept his eyes shut and to be completely honest, he's not necessarily keen on opening them again because he, too, has realized just how exhausted he really is right now; but what outweighs the fatigue is the need to have Joel in his line of sight, the need to be certain, even with his husband's hand in his, that Joel isn't going anywhere. He eyes slowly flutter back open, and he turns his head to meet Joel's gaze, staying quiet for a moment as he commits everything about this moment to memory.
The feel of the cotton sheets against his skin, the firm yet somehow still gentle grip Joel has on his hand, the distinct silence that's taken over the room now that they've been left alone, the bags under Joel's eyes and the mess of his curls and the band-aid on his cheek--all of it will be remembered, not just tomorrow or the day after but for the rest of his life because right now, in this moment, he's sending a quiet word of thanks up to anyone who may be listening. He doesn't practice any religion, though he's read a number of books about it and could easily explain the differences that make them up, but he does believe that something had brought them together. He'd waited all his life for this man, nobody else could have come close to being as important to him as Joel because in the end, they'd always been meant to find each other.
They'd chosen their own path, he thinks, they'd chosen their own ways to find each other and maybe it'd taken a bit longer than either of them might have liked but they're here now. They're here and in love and what they have is unbreakable, and nobody can take that away from them.
"Never leave me," he says softly, the words surprising even Spencer because he hadn't actually meant to say them out loud; but he can't take it back and so he holds Joel's gaze, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I know that-- that life can be unexpected. It can bring us all the joy we could ever hope for in one moment and nothing but the deepest of cruelties in the next. But we're forever, right? This, us, we're forever, that's what we promised each other." He knows he must sound a bit foolish right now, and he's inclined to blame the pain he's in or the exhaustion that's creeping on him more and more with every passing moment. "I almost lost you, and I'm trying not to think about it but every time I remember having you pinned down, I-- I can't do it, Joel, I can't lose you."
He knows he should let the subject go for the rest of the evening, there's no sense in bringing it up again when they can't changed what had happened, but he just needs Joel to know. He needs to make sure Joel understands. "I love you so much. God, so much, and I'm going to keep you safe, I promise. I'll do anything for you, always." He huffs an empty laugh, finding himself wanting to let his eyes slip shut again but unable to tear them from Joel's. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should just-- You need to rest. So rest, and I'll be here if you need me."
no subject
He finds the idea of trading off telling their child embarrassing stories about each other oddly endearing, actually, and he adds that to his mental list of what to do for their child. It's a long list already, joining the ranks of telling their child he loves him or her every day and making sure that he or Joel can always be the one to tuck them in at night. He adds to it nearly every day and each addition is a new reason to smile--though that task, smiling, seems to be a bit difficult when he's on his way to passing out on this cot.
"I think..." Spencer trails off, a soft smile curving his lips. "I think she's wise enough to know that if she doesn't, I'll be up all night making sure that you're still here. That you're with me and that I haven't lost you." He's kept his eyes shut and to be completely honest, he's not necessarily keen on opening them again because he, too, has realized just how exhausted he really is right now; but what outweighs the fatigue is the need to have Joel in his line of sight, the need to be certain, even with his husband's hand in his, that Joel isn't going anywhere. He eyes slowly flutter back open, and he turns his head to meet Joel's gaze, staying quiet for a moment as he commits everything about this moment to memory.
The feel of the cotton sheets against his skin, the firm yet somehow still gentle grip Joel has on his hand, the distinct silence that's taken over the room now that they've been left alone, the bags under Joel's eyes and the mess of his curls and the band-aid on his cheek--all of it will be remembered, not just tomorrow or the day after but for the rest of his life because right now, in this moment, he's sending a quiet word of thanks up to anyone who may be listening. He doesn't practice any religion, though he's read a number of books about it and could easily explain the differences that make them up, but he does believe that something had brought them together. He'd waited all his life for this man, nobody else could have come close to being as important to him as Joel because in the end, they'd always been meant to find each other.
They'd chosen their own path, he thinks, they'd chosen their own ways to find each other and maybe it'd taken a bit longer than either of them might have liked but they're here now. They're here and in love and what they have is unbreakable, and nobody can take that away from them.
"Never leave me," he says softly, the words surprising even Spencer because he hadn't actually meant to say them out loud; but he can't take it back and so he holds Joel's gaze, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I know that-- that life can be unexpected. It can bring us all the joy we could ever hope for in one moment and nothing but the deepest of cruelties in the next. But we're forever, right? This, us, we're forever, that's what we promised each other." He knows he must sound a bit foolish right now, and he's inclined to blame the pain he's in or the exhaustion that's creeping on him more and more with every passing moment. "I almost lost you, and I'm trying not to think about it but every time I remember having you pinned down, I-- I can't do it, Joel, I can't lose you."
He knows he should let the subject go for the rest of the evening, there's no sense in bringing it up again when they can't changed what had happened, but he just needs Joel to know. He needs to make sure Joel understands. "I love you so much. God, so much, and I'm going to keep you safe, I promise. I'll do anything for you, always." He huffs an empty laugh, finding himself wanting to let his eyes slip shut again but unable to tear them from Joel's. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should just-- You need to rest. So rest, and I'll be here if you need me."