Joel finds himself grinning uncontrollably as is so often the case when he's with Spencer. His cheeks actually hurt and he thinks back to a year ago, to the person he was, the world he was living in, the fact that he had no idea this was waiting for him and he doesn't know how he managed to go on for that long in that manner. His social circle had been significantly smaller, he'd barely spoken to anyone at all and days could go by without him doing anything more than speaking to the customers who would come into the store. He didn't laugh, he rarely smiled, and whenever he did want to go out, he would just go to Watersong, the one place in all of the Siren Cove where he knew he would be left alone simply because Lara would make sure no one was bothering him. That's how he had expected his life to go. A world in which he wasn't bothered by anyone was ideal because it meant he didn't have to get close to anyone. He didn't have to talk about his life or all the ways in which he'd failed, the ways in which his parents were disappointed in him. He didn't have to let anyone in or let them see the parts of himself that he was embarrassed by. If he was left alone, then he didn't have to share himself with anyone and for a long time that had just seemed preferable.
He had been so wrong. Maybe he's still relatively reclusive and maybe he doesn't go to parties all that often or spend each and every night out, but things have changed. He's let people in. Not only Spencer, but his friends. He's slowly let them get closer bit by bit, and it hasn't been as easy with anyone as it has with Spencer, but it's still significant. It's a change he'd never expected and it's produced the sort of happiness and contentment he'd never imagined he would ever have. Spencer had opened up an entire world to him, all just by offering him a glass of whiskey.
It feels appropriate that they're here now after all this time. Maybe everything had begun the day the Hydra had come through town, maybe that was the moment that had opened Joel's eyes, but it's here in this library that everything had begun to change. He remembers sitting up on the second level, getting more and more drunk by the second, wanting so badly so just look over at Spencer and study every last curve of his face. He remembers wanting to touch him, wanting to sweep back his hair. More distinctly than anything, he remembers reading his aura and how beautiful it had looked to him, shimmering yellows and sparkling whites and little emotional spikes of energy. When he reads someone, they can't hide anything from him, and Spencer had given himself so willingly over to Joel in that moment that even now it makes his heart feel like it's beating double time in his chest.
"We are," Joel agrees when Spencer says they're going to be a family. He reaches out and sweeps some of Spencer's hair back like he's always loved doing, then threads his fingers through the strands and gives a light, teasing tug. "You're going to be someone's dad. A tiny little baby with the smallest fingers and toes you've ever seen and she's going to look at you and know that no one is ever going to love her the way you do. No one except me."
He's been trying it out lately, referring to their baby as a she or as a he, seeing which one feels right and he still hasn't been able to decide. They both work for their own reasons and he knows he'll be happy either way, he'll be ecstatic to teach a son or a daughter everything he knows from building a bookshelf to baking banana bread. Waiting to find out had been the right choice, he's sure of that, too, but they're coming to a point where Joel is beginning to grow impatient and he knows there's nothing he can do to speed things along, but the following two months seem like an eternity to him. He knows they'll rush by and the day will come and they're feel like they're unprepared, but right at this moment he can't wait for that to happen.
"So pour me a drink," he says. "And we can toast our baby alone in our library while everyone has a party without us." Which is exactly how it's supposed to be.
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He had been so wrong. Maybe he's still relatively reclusive and maybe he doesn't go to parties all that often or spend each and every night out, but things have changed. He's let people in. Not only Spencer, but his friends. He's slowly let them get closer bit by bit, and it hasn't been as easy with anyone as it has with Spencer, but it's still significant. It's a change he'd never expected and it's produced the sort of happiness and contentment he'd never imagined he would ever have. Spencer had opened up an entire world to him, all just by offering him a glass of whiskey.
It feels appropriate that they're here now after all this time. Maybe everything had begun the day the Hydra had come through town, maybe that was the moment that had opened Joel's eyes, but it's here in this library that everything had begun to change. He remembers sitting up on the second level, getting more and more drunk by the second, wanting so badly so just look over at Spencer and study every last curve of his face. He remembers wanting to touch him, wanting to sweep back his hair. More distinctly than anything, he remembers reading his aura and how beautiful it had looked to him, shimmering yellows and sparkling whites and little emotional spikes of energy. When he reads someone, they can't hide anything from him, and Spencer had given himself so willingly over to Joel in that moment that even now it makes his heart feel like it's beating double time in his chest.
"We are," Joel agrees when Spencer says they're going to be a family. He reaches out and sweeps some of Spencer's hair back like he's always loved doing, then threads his fingers through the strands and gives a light, teasing tug. "You're going to be someone's dad. A tiny little baby with the smallest fingers and toes you've ever seen and she's going to look at you and know that no one is ever going to love her the way you do. No one except me."
He's been trying it out lately, referring to their baby as a she or as a he, seeing which one feels right and he still hasn't been able to decide. They both work for their own reasons and he knows he'll be happy either way, he'll be ecstatic to teach a son or a daughter everything he knows from building a bookshelf to baking banana bread. Waiting to find out had been the right choice, he's sure of that, too, but they're coming to a point where Joel is beginning to grow impatient and he knows there's nothing he can do to speed things along, but the following two months seem like an eternity to him. He knows they'll rush by and the day will come and they're feel like they're unprepared, but right at this moment he can't wait for that to happen.
"So pour me a drink," he says. "And we can toast our baby alone in our library while everyone has a party without us." Which is exactly how it's supposed to be.