It's such a little thing, just a single word, but Joel loves when Spencer talks like that, when he uses crude language he wouldn't normally use in their day to day life. It sends a bolt of pleasure straight through his body, down his spine and right into his cock. Joel's lips are parted and he's staring at Spencer, stunned by the sight of him, the way he's guiding Joel's hand, the way he looks with his head thrown back against the chair. If there are neighbours, Joel doesn't know or care, and while later he might think about the possibility of being caught, right now he's still far too drunk, both on the whiskey and the sight of Spencer like this, and the very idea is so far from his mind that he'd be hard pressed to even consider it. It's hard to think of anything when his husband looks like this, when he's fucking himself on Joel's fingers, warm and tight around them, and he's certain he doesn't have even the tiniest bit of control now. Whatever Spencer wants, he's going to get. He's guiding everything, he's the one moving, and Joel feels like he's just standing here, stunned to immobility at the gorgeous sight in front of him.
But Spencer is asking him for more and Joel can't deny him anything at the best of times, nevermind when it's absolutely something he needs himself. He's aching for this, needing to be inside Spencer more than he thinks he's ever needed it before, and a part of him knows it can't be true, but the rest is insisting it must be. It wasn't that long ago that the town thought he might be responsible for Spencer's disappearance and there's nothing Joel can say to that, nothing he can ever do to convince anyone he would never hurt Spencer, because when the people of Siren Cove become convinced of something he knows they won't see another point of view. But during that time he had been so scared, terrified that no matter what he did, he wouldn't be able to get Spencer back, and those feelings are flooding back to him now, the sense of helplessness, the constant reminder that seemed to be floating around him that something was terribly wrong. Some people had wanted to believe Spencer was really gone and while Joel could never let himself think that way, knowing he was surrounded by others who were ready to give up had weighed on him so heavily and there had been moments of true terror where he wondered if he would really never get to hold Spencer again.
And none of that matters now except to drive home the fact that they're meant for each other. Every moment they have is precious, every exchange, every single time they even look at each other. They're all so meaningful because Joel knows they can just be taken away in the blink of an eye. He'll do everything in his power to make sure such a thing never happens and he knows Spencer will, too, but there's no denying there are things beyond their control. Rather than fear those things, rather than live in anxiety that he might one day lose this incredible man, he's just going to do everything he can to make it all count. To make everything they have together memorable, to not waste a single moment of it, and then when they're old men they can look back on this life with pride.
"I'll give you anything," he breathes, slowly withdrawing his fingers from inside Spencer so he can grab the lubricant again. His hands are shaking, but he manages to spill some onto his fingers, slicking it over his cock before he carefully closes the cap and sets it down on nearby table. There's a little part of Joel still aware enough to know he's too drunk to just throw the lube aside. If he does, he's bound to forget it, and he's going to do his best not to leave a trace of their weekend experiences behind for anyone to discover, even though he's sure there's going to be a huge cleaning team sent in before anyone else uses the apartment. It's so far from the life he knows that he almost giggles, but manages to restrain himself at the last moment when he looks down at Spencer again and feels another deep shiver of pleasure and anticipation running through him.
It takes him a moment to adjust himself on the chair and he tugs gently at Spencer's hips, pulling him closer until the head of his cock is nudging against Spencer's ass. Even that threatens to undo him and Joel bites back a moan, dropping his head so he can look down between their bodies, taking in the sight of himself rubbing his cock against Spencer, the perfect spread of his husband's legs, the way his own cock is laying heavily against his belly. "God," he moans, his voice louder than he intends for it to be, but he can't stop himself. Spencer is so perfect and Joel is too drunk to be aware of anything but how good all this feels.
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But Spencer is asking him for more and Joel can't deny him anything at the best of times, nevermind when it's absolutely something he needs himself. He's aching for this, needing to be inside Spencer more than he thinks he's ever needed it before, and a part of him knows it can't be true, but the rest is insisting it must be. It wasn't that long ago that the town thought he might be responsible for Spencer's disappearance and there's nothing Joel can say to that, nothing he can ever do to convince anyone he would never hurt Spencer, because when the people of Siren Cove become convinced of something he knows they won't see another point of view. But during that time he had been so scared, terrified that no matter what he did, he wouldn't be able to get Spencer back, and those feelings are flooding back to him now, the sense of helplessness, the constant reminder that seemed to be floating around him that something was terribly wrong. Some people had wanted to believe Spencer was really gone and while Joel could never let himself think that way, knowing he was surrounded by others who were ready to give up had weighed on him so heavily and there had been moments of true terror where he wondered if he would really never get to hold Spencer again.
And none of that matters now except to drive home the fact that they're meant for each other. Every moment they have is precious, every exchange, every single time they even look at each other. They're all so meaningful because Joel knows they can just be taken away in the blink of an eye. He'll do everything in his power to make sure such a thing never happens and he knows Spencer will, too, but there's no denying there are things beyond their control. Rather than fear those things, rather than live in anxiety that he might one day lose this incredible man, he's just going to do everything he can to make it all count. To make everything they have together memorable, to not waste a single moment of it, and then when they're old men they can look back on this life with pride.
"I'll give you anything," he breathes, slowly withdrawing his fingers from inside Spencer so he can grab the lubricant again. His hands are shaking, but he manages to spill some onto his fingers, slicking it over his cock before he carefully closes the cap and sets it down on nearby table. There's a little part of Joel still aware enough to know he's too drunk to just throw the lube aside. If he does, he's bound to forget it, and he's going to do his best not to leave a trace of their weekend experiences behind for anyone to discover, even though he's sure there's going to be a huge cleaning team sent in before anyone else uses the apartment. It's so far from the life he knows that he almost giggles, but manages to restrain himself at the last moment when he looks down at Spencer again and feels another deep shiver of pleasure and anticipation running through him.
It takes him a moment to adjust himself on the chair and he tugs gently at Spencer's hips, pulling him closer until the head of his cock is nudging against Spencer's ass. Even that threatens to undo him and Joel bites back a moan, dropping his head so he can look down between their bodies, taking in the sight of himself rubbing his cock against Spencer, the perfect spread of his husband's legs, the way his own cock is laying heavily against his belly. "God," he moans, his voice louder than he intends for it to be, but he can't stop himself. Spencer is so perfect and Joel is too drunk to be aware of anything but how good all this feels.