"I know," Joel says, his voice hoarse as he steps back from the door to let Levi come inside. He can't stand in the door anymore, the light outside is too bright and he needs to sit down or he's going to collapse. "I wasn't thinking, I wasn't..." No, that isn't true. He had been thinking, but only about one thing.

"All I could think about was Spencer," he says, his voice hushed as he sinks onto the couch. "It was stupid, I know it was." But it's been like that since they met. He starts to think about Spencer and he can't stop and he can't think about anything else, but it's never put anyone in danger before now.