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[just_another]

There's half a bottle of whiskey sitting on the counter in Crossroads and Joel is sitting just behind it, staring at it thoughtfully, wondering if he'll ever be able to drink it again or even just the smell of whiskey will remind him of Spencer for the rest of his life. He doesn't need to drink it, there had been enough beer in his fridge to get him sufficiently drunk, especially when combined with the painkillers the doctor had given him for his wrist, but he wants to drink it.

He wants to share it with Spencer. That was the plan. He likes whiskey, but he'd only bought it because Spencer likes it, too, and while they'd had some of it together already, the plan was to finish it with him. Because Joel had plans. He'd been stupid enough to make plans all the while knowing it could never last because he's done bad things and he's hurt people and there are reasons he's tried so hard to keep his distance. Good reasons. But he'd been stupid and he'd listened to the part of him that thought it was okay to move on. The part of him that felt weightless every time Spencer smiled in his direction. The part that thought asking him out on a date was going to end well.

And it hadn't. It hadn't ended well at all. Joel isn't prone to exaggeration, but he thinks calling last night a complete disaster isn't far off. Mark had come and he'd taken Spencer and he'd hurt him. Joel knows it could have been worse; he knows they both could have died in that lighthouse, but that doesn't make the things that had been done to Spencer any easier to stomach. Especially not when he knows it's his fault. If they hadn't gotten close, if he hadn't let himself get so... so carried away, then Spencer never would have become a target.

Now he doesn't even think it matters. He can't imagine that Spencer will want anything to do with him anymore and that's why he's sitting in his closed, dark store instead of somewhere with Spencer. He should have stayed at the hospital, he shouldn't have been such a coward, but he doesn't think he can face hearing Spencer tell him he doesn't want him around anymore. So he's here. And he's drunk. And he's swaying back and forth on his stool behind the counter, wondering if there's enough whiskey left in the bottle to get him so drunk that he blacks out for a week or two.

He doesn't want to be here. He wants to go back and erase Friday night and do it all over again. He wants to be wherever Spencer is. That's the only thing he wants and he wants it so badly that his chest aches with it, but he can't have it.

"Fuck it," he mutters, his words already slurred, then uncaps the bottle of whiskey and takes a long swallow. Black out drunk sounds better than any of his other options right about now.

[Timed to Saturday late afternoon/evening. While the store is technically closed, he'll open the door for anyone who knocks or rings the bell. Given the violence of the attack on Spencer, the news has probably gotten around, so feel free to come bang on his door and assume your pup has heard. Joel himself has a black eye, a bruised jaw and a sprained wrist.]

Comments

[asharpertongue]

Lara gets the series of texts while she's out walking Osha. She frowns at the screen and then looks up. She's about halfway to Crossroads already so she heads in that direction.

It's about twenty minutes later when she knocks on his door. "Joel? It's Lara."

[just_another]

Joel nearly falls off his stool at the sound of the knock and even though he'd sent her a text -- or maybe it was more, he can't remember -- he still stares at the door for a long moment, confused. "Just a second," he says, very aware of how slurred his words are. He knows it's going to take him longer than it should to get to the door and he doesn't want her to think he invited her here only to ignore her when she arrived.

"Just a second," he says again, getting off the stool and stumbling around the counter. This is so stupid and immature. He should be with Spencer. Then he opens the door, squinting into the daylight. "Hi."

[asharpertongue]

"Jesus. I thought your texts were bad." Lara frowned at him. "What's going on Joel?" she said quietly as she herded him back inside.

[just_another]

She doesn't know. That makes it worse, he thinks, because it means he has to tell her and the thought of telling anyone what's happened to Spencer because of him makes his stomach turn.

He looks down at his wrist, the splint the doctor gave him, then back up at Lara. "I'm sorry," he says first. "I wasn't even really mad at you, I was just scared."

[asharpertongue]

He looks heartbroken and he's obviously in physical pain even without seeing the splint. It's painful to see him move.

"Don't worry about that now, sweetheart." She winced, looking over his cuts and scrapes. "If you don't want to tell me what happened, that's fine but I need to make sure you're okay now. Are you?"

[just_another]

"I have to worry about it now," he insists, knowing he's only being so forceful about it because he's drunk and hating himself a little for that. He should be able to tell people they're important without having to drink or nearly lose one of them. "I don't have a lot of friends, I need the ones I do have to know that they're... important." He's not saying it right and he rubs his good hand against his eye, avoiding the bruises.

At her question, though, he shakes his head and it's all he can do for a long moment. His chin quivers and then he clenches his jaw. "I just wanted to take him on a date."

[asharpertongue]

Lara nods. "I get it. It's okay. And people can be your friends and still make you mad at them. I fucked up. You reacted like you should have. But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

"Spencer?" Worry creases her features. "Is he okay? What's going on?"

[tarnishedbadge]

Levi could only imagine what Joel was dealing with. It had been a hell of a week and an extremely bad night for him. Levi didn't know the man that well but he could only imagine how Joel might be dealing with it all.

So he made sure he pounded extra loud on the door, just in case Joel was hungover. Or asleep. While everything had turned out fairly well, all things considered, it could have gone worse. A lot worse. It could have also gone a lot better though, if only Joel had called the police earlier.

"Mr. Baker!" he called out. "It's Detective Astor. Open up please."

[just_another]

Joel has been expecting this. And if he's honest, there's a part of him that's almost looking forward to it because he knows he deserves it. Everything that's happened is his fault and he deserves to have someone tell him all the ways he's completely screwed everything up.

"Yeah," he answers, his voice hoarse, and it takes him a long moment to heave himself off the stool. He sways, then crosses to the door, squinting at how bright everything seems. "Come on in. You can have a drink with me." He shouldn't have another, but he's still hoping to reach blackout drunk at some point today.

[tarnishedbadge]

"I can't because I'm not sure yet if I'm here on official business or not. I still might arrest you for obstruction of justice," he said, pushing the door open.

As soon as he saw Joel though, he knew he wasn't going to arrest him. The man looked like hell and was clearly punishing himself more than the legal system ever could. Probably more than he really deserved.

"Joel, you look like hell."

[just_another]

Joel isn't sure if Levi is joking, but he isn't sure if he cares either. He'd deserve it, he thinks, he'd deserve to spend time in a jail cell for the part he'd played in Spencer's injuries. With everything that had happened to him over the past several years, Joel hates himself for having a hand in more.

"I feel... mostly pretty drunk," he admits. "But yeah, like hell. That sums is up pretty well." His wrist hurts, but it's a dull ache, one that comes and goes. The physical pain doesn't matter, though, that's not the worst of it.

[tarnishedbadge]

"If only there were a dedicated group of people who trained to deal with the apprehension of criminals so you didn't have to."

Levi knew that Joel wasn't talking about the physical injuries that he got in the fight with Mark but it was as good an opening as any. As much as Joel was beating himself up over this he wanted to make sure the man felt guilty about the right things. Like not calling the police sooner.

"Just because you're one of the people the crimes were committed against doesn't mean you can take matters into your own hands, Joel. You should have called us sooner."

[just_another]

"I know," Joel says, his voice hoarse as he steps back from the door to let Levi come inside. He can't stand in the door anymore, the light outside is too bright and he needs to sit down or he's going to collapse. "I wasn't thinking, I wasn't..." No, that isn't true. He had been thinking, but only about one thing.

"All I could think about was Spencer," he says, his voice hushed as he sinks onto the couch. "It was stupid, I know it was." But it's been like that since they met. He starts to think about Spencer and he can't stop and he can't think about anything else, but it's never put anyone in danger before now.

[callmeemily]

She'd heard the news, and the only thing stopping her from stopping by earlier was that she had to finish her shift. Jason was still out at sea, so she fed Alfredo on her way to the bookstore. Alfredo obediently sits outside as she rings the bell, and she sees the shadow of somebody moving inside.

She'd heard, throughout the day, three versions. Spencer was in the hospital and it had something to do with his mother; that Joel and Spencer had gotten into a fight and then Spencer was in the hospital, and that they were attacked by some guy last night. She didn't know which one was true, but it didn't matter. Either way, she's checking in on him.

[just_another]

At the sound of bell, Joel wobbles on his stool, considers ignoring it, then realizes it might be Spencer. It probably isn't, he's sure Spencer will have realized by now that he can do so much better than a man like Joel, but if it is, he can't just leave him standing outside. If it is, he's sure he'll waver in a second.

Making his way across the store, he only knocks over one pile of books before making it to the door and he opens it, squinting at Emily on the other side. "Hi," he says, reaching up with his good hand to rub his eyes, avoiding the bruises.

[callmeemily]

"Jesus christ." She says it lowly, and she moves into the store, pushing the door shut behind her. The whole place reeks - reeks - of alcohol, but that's not really what she's worried about as she stares up at him.

Raleigh wonders which version of the story's true - she's eliminated one just this second, because there's no way. There's no way that even if Spencer and Joel did get in a fight, that this is what Joel would look like. "Hi." She parrots back his words because that gives her time to figure out what the hell she should do. "Have you seen a doctor?" Step one. Steps two through infinity would fill themselves in once they got past step one.

[just_another]

He nods slowly, stepping back to let Emily inside, because it's too bright out and all he wants to do is shut the door again, shut out the world, but he's not about to tell her to get lost or slam the door in her face. He knows he should be retreating back into himself, pulling himself out of the world again, because this is what happens when he lets himself get close to people. They get hurt. He doesn't want that to happen to anyone else.

"Yeah, at the hospital. After they took Spencer, I let them take a look at me," he says, holding up his sprained wrist in a splint. "They gave me a prescription for some painkillers and let me go." They're good painkillers, too, ones he knows he shouldn't be mixing with alcohol, but it's too late to undo that now.

[callmeemily]

"Are you taking them?" She's looking at him like she wants to just.... mother him, and that's sort of what she's going to do, but if he's taking painkillers and this place smells like a brewery... jesus. Maybe - maybe - she could get him to drink some water. "Okay," she says as she just sets down her purse because she's not really planning on leaving really soon.

"So, can I ask what happened? Or do you want to not talk about it?" Because either is valid and she won't make him, but like hell she's leaving. She moves to restack the books scattered on the floor, not realising he'd only just kicked the stack over on his way to the door.

[just_another]

"I took one," Joel says, sitting down heavily on the couch and running his good hand through his hair. He knows it wasn't that long ago that he was getting ready to go out with Spencer, but it feels like weeks or months ago that he was upstairs trying to decide what to wear. He's still dressed in the jeans and t-shirt, the plaid shirt he'd been wearing over draped on the stool behind the counter. "And then I drank a lot of beer."

She's not going anywhere, he can see, but that's fine, it's not as if he really wants to be alone right now anyway. He wants to be with Spencer and he keeps thinking he should just go to him. Just walk back to the hospital or walk to his house or just find him and everything will be okay. But he's the reason everything isn't okay and he thinks he should stay away. "I can... I'd rather people know what actually happened than listen to the rumours." Because there are sure to be rumours. "He... Mark... the guy writing the letters. He took Spencer up to the lighthouse. He was hurting him."

[bachjones]

After being ganged up on by three women, and possibly suffering a stomach ache because of all the food he had, Bach is just wandering through time, trying to avoid going home. Cinderella won't be there anyway.

He leans in to see if someone's in the store before knocking.

[just_another]

Joel has the whiskey bottle clutched in the crook of his elbow when he throws open the door and squints into the daylight. It's hard to do things with only one good hand, he's realizing, but at least all his fingers haven't been broken and he peers at Bach for a moment before stepping back and leaving the door open for him to come inside if he wants to.

"Close the door after you're in," he says, his words slurring. "It's too bright. Hurts my eyes."

[bachjones]

"Hey man. Didn't want to go ho-"

He takes a step closer, frown on his face when he sees the state Joel's in. "Wait. What the fack happened to you, man? Who did this to you? Have you been to the hospital? Got pills?"

[just_another]

It's a lot of questions at once, but even in his drunken state, Joel follows them relatively easily. It takes him a second to answer as he drops down onto the couch he keeps in the store. "My date got kidnapped and the two of us got beaten up. The guy who did it is named Mark Fuller, he hates me because he thinks I killed his sister. Yes and yes."

Pills that he's pretty sure he's not supposed to mix with alcohol, but right now he can't seem to bring himself to care. He'd needed the pain to stop for just a little while. All the pain. The physical, the kind inside his head, the ache inside his chest. That last one, though, doesn't seem to be going away.

[bachjones]

"Fuck." Bach follows him inside, scouts around for a chair and some more comfort before steering Joel into the first and covering him with the second. "You're still seeing straight? Your date okay? Man, that's screwed up. And I can't help you shit. Need me to leave?"

[just_another]

"He's alive," Joel says, which isn't okay, he knows it's not okay, but alive is a lot better than what he knows Mark wanted to do to Spencer. "His fingers are broken, but he's alive." And he shouldn't have to be alone right now, but Joel can't seem to make himself get over his own fear and actually go see him.

"No, you can stay," he adds a second later, blinking up at Bach. "It's fine, it's good, I'm... company is good."