[closed - Raleigh]

[just_another]

It's quiet. That's the first thing Joel notices as he heads downstairs.

He's been busy working in what's going to be the nursery eventually, although he's sure Spencer would tell him not to strain himself. He's still only working half days at the store as his hand heals, but he's feeling better and he'd called Spencer around noon, letting him know he was going to stay home for the whole day so he could get a head start on the nursery.

By the time he quits for a break, he really notices just how quiet the house is.

His parents have gone home, Spencer is at Crossroads and Raleigh is at the bakery, though he imagines she'll be home soon. It's as good a chance as any for him to actually play some of the music he really likes and so he heads downstairs for the living room, Huxley at his heels, and puts a record on the old turntable he refuses to give up.

The music that blasts out of the speakers is loud and aggressive and extremely technical. It's like mathematics in musical form and Joel wanders out toward the front hall, then stops for a moment, just closing his eyes and letting himself enjoy the music.

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[just_another]

Even now, even from someone as close to him as Raleigh, Joel doesn't really know what to do with something like that and he squirms a little, grinning down at the floor as he shrugs. What people get has never been about what they deserve, he knows that. If it was, Spencer's family would still be alive. His parents wouldn't have been chased out of their home. Amy wouldn't have died and Joel... well, Joel would be a lot worse off. There had been the demon, but he's here, he's come out of it on the other side, his powers changed for the good and if he'd gotten what he really deserved for what he'd done to Amy, he's not sure there would be anything left of him.

He doesn't say that, though, because he knows Raleigh means it. He knows she thinks he deserves only the best and he's fairly certain he would have to be a real jerk to argue with someone who clearly cares so much about him and Spencer and their baby. The baby, who really will deserve all the best.

When he lifts his head to thank her, though, to say something in return, he just stops, his eyes going wide. Most of the time he tries his best not to accidentally catch someone's aura, but since the demon has been banished, it's been easier to forget. It comes with such ease now and for a second he can only stare at the dazzling light around her. Then he blinks and flushes. "Sorry," he says. "Sorry, I read your aura accidentally, I'm sorry. I try not to do that, it's just... with the demon gone... it comes so much easier now and sometimes I forget."

[callmeemily]

She smiles as she watches him, looking away when he does to give him a little space. She just- She's seen how much that Joel and Spencer have been through, but she's still got absolutely nothing but the absolute faith in both of them - as men, as parents, as friends. It's probably dangerous for her to put so much faith in her friends, in people she's only known for six months (if that), but... she does. She does, deep in her heart.

He looks back up at her, but his eyes widen as he stares and her heart drops to her stomach, and she twists to look over her shoulder, her brows furrowing together in worry. "What-" And then he just blinks and he flushes, and Raleigh just-- "It's- My-" She actually looks down at her hands, like she'd see something, but there's not anything there, of course - it's just skin, it's just skin that really need some lotion and maybe for her to repaint her nails because it's all chipped and her nails are all cut ridiculously short because of how much she works with them.

"It's okay? I mean-" Her brows furrow, and she glances back up at him. "Was it... okay? You look sort of... thrown." Surprised, maybe, but she just- "I mean, what- You can look, what does it look like?"

[just_another]

"No, it's just... sometimes I'm still surprised by how easily it comes now," he admits, his voice soft. "Now that that... thing is out of me." He doesn't remember it coming so easily before, but his mother has told him that might be due to the fact that he hadn't been a fully mature witch yet at the point where the demon had latched onto him. Now he is and now these powers aren't being blocked anymore and he doesn't even have to try.

But she tells him he can look and so he glances up at her again and lets it happen. That shift, where everything moves just a little and he can see the energy that makes up Raleigh. "It's bright. Lots of light." But it's tinged here and there with darker colours, fears and anxieties. Anyone is like that, he knows, but he wishes she didn't have to be.

And her leg is something else entirely. He can see the pain that radiates out of it, the damage. The energy is different there, no less bright, but existing on another level entirely. "It shines. All of it. Your leg, too, but it... I can see the pain. The constant pain. It's still bright, it doesn't look like some people do when they're sick, but it's just... different."

[callmeemily]

"I can't even imagine," she admits quietly. It's hard sometimes, for her to even think what it must be like to be magical, that you think you're a normal person and that spells and witches are just stories, but then it turns out that you have powers. You can make things happen, just because you can. That you're special, and that you have actual, honest to god, magic.

He says her aura's bright, and she's somehow glad. She'd worried, for some reason - worried that he'd see something awful, that he'd be- that it wouldn't be good, whatever he sees. But he says she's bright and there's lots of light, and she nods once, chewing on her lower lip.

He says that she shines, and her leg- Her brows furrow when he talks about her leg like it's not a part of her, but then- then he says he sees the constant pain, and she tries to find something to say, anything- "It's- It's not-" It's not that he was wrong - it hurt. It always hurt, it always hurt no matter what unless she took one of his potions, all that changed was if it hurt a little or hurt so much she wanted to puke, or if it wouldn't hold her up anymore. "It's okay," she finally settles on, and she tries to smile even though it's so hard. She's down played the pain she's in for so long - even with him, even with the man who's like a brother to her and who makes the one kind of relief that she can get - she tries not to talk about it, tries to act like her leg just hurts off and on.

[just_another]

"You know it's a lot harder to lie to me about stuff like that when I can see it, right?" Joel asks in a dry voice, but he's smiling as he forces himself to snap out of it. She doesn't need him standing here and reading every last bit of her aura, but there is a part of Joel that's glad he's done it. It means he knows what she looks like now and there's something comforting in that, in knowing what she should look like, in being able to tell if there's suddenly a lot of pain for some reason or if something else were to go wrong.

"I don't mean to suggest you can't bear it. I know you can, I know how strong you are, but it's just... unless you experience something like that, learning to live with constant pain, it's difficult to understand." And even having seen it, he knows he'll never really understand, but he does have a reminder now that it's there. That it's always there. That Raleigh deals with this every single day and she doesn't complain, she doesn't even ask for help most of the time.

[callmeemily]

Her brows furrowed when he called her out, and her gaze wandered away from him, anywhere but on his face because he wasn't wrong to point out that she was lying; she was, and she didn't even know what to say. She couldn't quite look at him, and Raleigh shook her head when he tried to reassure her, sort of?

"It's- I'm okay," she says quietly, because she doesn't know what else to say. "Sometimes, it's... worse than other days, but today I'm mostly okay." She finally looks up at him, and she hates that she knows her face isn't.. right, it's not really okay. Nobody's ever been so blunt about it, and nobody's ever really seen that proof.

That he can see it like that, it just cements for her that it'll always be that way. "Thanks, though. For... sort of letting me know what my aura looked like, I've kind of wondered, off and on, if it was... okay, or like, if there was deep dark something that I never knew about, you know?" She doesn't mean the way that Joel had... company... for so long, but that the little things that she thought weren't so bad - those things everyone does, like occasionally littering or cutting someone off or not going back to a store when you realised that the clerk missed charging you for something - that they were worse than she thought and not everyone did them.

And, of course, the mess with her mom. So it was good to know.

[just_another]

"You could have asked me," he tells her. "I would have read it for you if I'd known you were curious. I just try not to do it without being specifically requested because it's very... it's extremely personal. It's invasive in a lot of ways. I can see a lot of things about a person that they might normally hide and that doesn't feel very fair to me."

It's gotten harder to avoid it lately, though. He has to learn how to control it better. Sometimes it happens when he's stressed, he just lets go of that thin thread of control and suddenly he can see colours and energies absolutely everywhere. The demon had kept it under control for such a long time while trying to repress it entirely that Joel has never had to learn to control it himself. Not until now.

"And if you ever want me to look again in the future, just let me know," he says. "I won't be taking peeks every now and then on my own if I can help it." Even if someone says he can look once, he doesn't take that as blanket permission. Even Spencer needs to tell him to do it.

[callmeemily]

"I dunno," she says with a shrug. "I guess I just sort of.... I was scared about what you'd find," she admits. "I was scared." She makes a face as she says it, because she honestly really hates that's what she was thinking, that somehow she's got this deep, dark thing inside of herself. She's scared about it, but she doesn't even know how to articulate that fear.

"Whenever you want, just- or you can like- You just don't have to worry if it... slips, okay?" She shrugs once, smiling at him. "Either way, it's pretty good. I mean- ignoring the obvious?" She's got to say it, because... well. Her leg's sort of always a problem.

[just_another]

"It's pretty good," Joel agrees, giving her a smile and there's a sense of relief that comes with her saying it's okay if he slips. Because he's been trying really hard, he's been learning, but it definitely takes time and he hates feeling like he's intruding on someone's personal space like that. It's not the sort of thing people can see or understand unless they can see it themselves, but it's a hugely personal thing, something beyond what he can explain. "But thanks. That makes... that makes it a lot easier. I'm working on it, but it's still a lot of work. I should have been working on it for years, but because of the demon, I just... I had no idea that there was work to be done."

It's the same with his premonitions, though he hasn't had one of those in awhile. There's a lot of work to be done, but he has to wait until he actually has one to even begin to start.

There's a little part of him that sort of hopes he doesn't want one. Not for awhile anyway. There's just so much to do with the baby coming that he isn't sure he has the time to dedicate to learning how to deal with a power like that.

[callmeemily]

"It's got to be weird," she says quietly, and Raleigh leans against the wall, almost perched on the window sill because her leg's hurting the way it usually does. "I mean- Are you.... it's silly to ask if you're okay, but- You know that even with everything, you're still you, right?" She doesn't know if that's actually something he does know - mostly because he's obviously changed, the demon not being in him anymore, he's got new powers and they're bigger and living with a demon, she can't even imagine it.

"I mean- I guess I'm not the right person to say that, but to me, you're still you, one-hundred percent."

[just_another]

"You know, at first it felt... it felt almost lonely," he admits and he hasn't really said that to anyone. Spencer knows, but he tells Spencer everything, and everyone else just knows he used to have something piggybacking on the very part of him who made him who he is and now it's gone. But no one really knows how it had felt to go from having it always there to just being alone.

"Which isn't to say I want it back, not by any means," he adds quickly. "It's just that it had been with me for twelve years. I didn't know it, of course, but it had always been there and then it was suddenly gone and for the first time since I was seventeen, I was completely alone inside my head. It was a strange feeling."