just_another | [closed - Caden

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[closed - Caden - April 21]

Spencer has been in the palace for four days now.

The ball is in nine days.

And Joel is no closer to having made a decision of what he wants to do. In nine days he'll be expected to choose a bride or his brother will and Joel has no idea what might happen. He's more confused and conflicted with every moment that passes because he thinks he knows what he truly wants. No, he knows what he truly wants, but he has no idea how he's going to be able to broach the matter with his parents. They want him to choose a princess, they want him to start a family, respectable and presentable and able to take over the thrones when and if necessary.

But the more time Joel spends with Spencer, the more he realizes what he wants is right there. All of it is within that man who cannot speak, who seems to be in pain every moment he's walking, a man who can't explain where he's come from or who he is, but none of that matters. Joel looks at him and he just knows. Their time together is spent mostly in silence, but Joel has never been much of a talker. Caden has always been able to put his thoughts into words better than he has and he's often relied on his brother to be able to understand what he's feeling.

This is all so new, but he still knows if there's anyone he can talk to about what he's feeling, it's Caden. Even when he can't explain what he's feeling, Caden has always been able to figure it out and after Joel leaves Spencer with a promise to see him in just a little while, he goes to find his brother.

Who is, of course, reading in the gardens.

As he approaches, Joel smiles despite himself. With everything going on, he hasn't been quite so prone to smiling lately, but its difficult not to, finding his brother in what must be the most familiar position he's ever seen him in.

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Caden watches the expressions play across his brother's face, and he nods when he hears the answer. It rings with truth, not that Caden had any doubt, and in that moment, he knows what he must do.

He already met the one he loves like Joel loves Spencer, and it didn't work. There was no fairytale happy ending for them, not with how she turned him away. Caden remembers how it felt to sit on that beach after she walked away from him, how he stared at her retreating form and wished with everything he had that she would just turn around, look at him once more.

She never did, and Caden has never loved again. He doesn't think he ever will, not the way he loved her. So it's no real hardship, when he considers it. And when he realizes that he could help his brother have his very own happy ending, he knows that he would go to the ends of the earth to do it.

"I will take a bride at the ball," Caden says after a quiet moment, reaching over to rest a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I'll talk to mother and father, and let them know my decision. I'm sure I can choose someone lovely from who they've picked out, and I can provide the heir that they want so badly."

Caden is sure that none of the women lined up and offering their hands are in it for love, not really. He'll meet with them, and he'll pick one who he can get along with. He'll pick one that can be his friend, and who understands that she can never truly have Caden's heart, because it belongs to another. It'll be a nice life, if not the one he would have chosen.

"I want you to be happy, Joel." He smiles warmly, and his eyes are a bit glassy as he squeezes his shoulder. "I want you to be able to follow your heart, and it's clear that Spencer already holds it in his hands."

"I can't... you..." But for the moment Joel feels like he can't say anything, his words caught in his throat as they so often are. What Caden is offering is the biggest, kindest thing anyone has ever offered to him and while there's a part of him that wants desperately to take it, there's another part that feels like he can't. He can't expect his brother to take on all his responsibilities just because he's suddenly met someone he wants to be with. Maybe he can speak with their parents and convince them that Spencer can be part of the family. Joel doesn't have to marry a princess in order for the family to continue. He's adopted, after all, there's nothing that says he couldn't do the same if a child if what they require.

"I can't let you do that. I know it isn't what you want," he says. "It's my responsibility and I should... maybe I can talk to mother and father. They might listen, right? There are other options here than either of spending our lives unhappy."

He wants to be with Spencer more than anything. He feels it as if it were a physical part of him, this need to be with the man who saved him. But he can't stomach the idea of his brother taking over his duties either just to save him that life.

"Joel, I know you want the best for me, but what I truly want is an impossibility," he says with a brittle smile. April has made that much entirely clear. She has Caden's heart and there are days when he would very much like it back, but he can't seem to let go of her, no matter how hard he tries. "My dream is unattainable, but yours is right here."

He squeezes Joel's shoulder again, nodding reassuring when he meets his brother's eyes. "Let me do this for you, Joel. If I can't be with the one I love, helping you to be with the one you love is the next best thing I could hope to accomplish."

Joel shakes his head again, but he can feel himself relenting. "Let me talk to them first," he says. "We need to try that at the very least. I don't know what might happen if I speak to them about it, they might... I don't know."

He truly doesn't know. Everything feels far more difficult than it should and he hates it. As much as he didn't want to pick a bride before all this, the thought of it now makes him feel ill, because if he does that, it means there's no future for him and Spencer. The idea that he might have to say goodbye, might have to let him go, it makes Joel feel like something is crushing his heart.

"I don't even know that he returns my feelings," he adds a moment later, his voice hoarse. "This could all be for nothing." And if that's the case, Joel will do whatever his parents want of him, his heart far too broken to ever be repaired.

"We can speak to them together," Caden says with a reassuring smile. They've always done well when presenting a united front to their parents. Perhaps this time will be no different. He watches his brother's face and listens to his fears, smiling a bit wanly. "Joel, I know what it looks like when love isn't returned. I've seen it myself."

There's an ache in his chest as he thinks of April. The way her face looked just before she turned away from Caden is forever etched in his memory. She was cruelly beautiful that day, just like every other day, and she had made turning away from him seem so easy.

He voice breaks just a little and he swallows hard, doing his best to smile through the pain. This is about his brother, after all. Caden's is an old wound that refuses to heal, mainly because he won't stop picking at it.

"That's not what I see when Spencer looks at you," Caden says quietly, nodding and squeezing Joel's shoulder. "He left his home and is dealing with all of this craziness just to be near you. His face lights up when you walk into a room. Your feelings are returned, brother. I would bet all the books in the library on it."

"All the books in the library," Joel says with a laugh. "You are serious." And perhaps he's making a joke of it now, of Caden's chosen currency with which to place a bet, but they both love that library more than nearly any other room in the house. Even as children, they both spent so much time there trying to climb the shelves to reach the books near the top, the ones their parents thought they were too young to read.

Books have always been there for both of them. Stories, history, even science. Joel reads it all, devours it like nothing else, and his brother has always been the same. So he teases, but Caden's choice still lends his assurances a certain level of sincerity.

And he wishes he could do something more for Caden. He knows how much it hurt his brother to have April decide she didn't want to be involved with this world. Sometimes Joel understands what she meant, all the rules, all the scrutiny and pressure. And even now he's afraid that even if things do work out, it may prove to be too much for Spencer, too. This life is a lot to take on, there's no denying that.

"You're too good a brother," he says, looking up and giving Caden a smile. "I don't deserve such kindness."

"Oh please," Caden says with a bright laugh, sliding his arm around Joel's shoulders to pull him in for a brief squeeze before letting him go. "It is no great sacrifice, and I believe that you would do the same were our situations reversed. We'll talk to them soon, alright? We'll make it work somehow. You know that I am always on your side."

Caden smiles at his brother and takes a deep breath, deciding to move on from the heavy topic for the time being. His eyes shine with mischief as his smile grows. "So tell me, have you kissed him yet?"

At the question Joel flushes so deeply it feels as if his face is on fire and he rubs his palm against his cheek as if he can just brush it away. Although he doubts Caden has missed that Joel hasn't really had all that many romantic encounters, he's also gone out of his way to avoid talking about the few he has had. It's just been easier that way and there really hasn't been anyone worth talking about since Amy anyway. They had broken off their engagement so long ago that Joel thinks it's likely embarrassing he still thinks of her at all.

"No," he says, although he suspects Caden already knows that to be the case. "I keep thinking maybe I should. There are these... these moments and I want to and it seems right, but I keep second guessing myself and then the moment passes without having done anything at all."

He pauses and swallows hard, his cheeks still red under his beard, and he looks off into the garden, back in the direction of the palace. "I was thinking perhaps at the ball. It would be rather romantic, wouldn't it? Maybe it's a little silly to be thinking of romance when I'm going to be thirty in less than a week, but I don't know that he's ever had something like that. I think maybe he deserves that."

Caden lets out a delighted laugh as Joel flushes so deeply. It's always been so easy to make his brother blush, and sometimes Caden just can't help himself. His smile softens into something fond as Joel speaks and he finds himself nodding along. They're both such utter romantics. Complete saps.

"That does sound quite romantic," Caden agrees. His first kiss with April had been on the beach. It had been quite romantic to him, just this perfect moment suspended in time. "You'll know when the moment is right. Just don't let it pass you by."

Joel already feels as if there's been countless right moments and he's already silently cursed himself for letting them pass by when he knows he shouldn't have. But fear is a powerful thing and even though he knows Caden has said it's clear Spencer returns his feelings, he can't quite convince himself of that.

But as he'd decided the day in the market, rejection is better than never knowing. It's better than waking up one day, ten years from now, and still feeling that pang of regret he knows will come with never having said a thing.

"This has been something of a strange week," he says after a moment. "And with my birthday party and the ball yet to come." He isn't looking forward to the party at all, knowing his mother is using it as preparation for the ball, knowing she's invited all his prospective brides.

"Never a dull moment," Caden tells him with a small smile. He reaches over and claps him on the back again, rubbing his hand back and forth. "It'll all work out, brother. I have faith."

He drops his hand and pulls his book into his lap, nodding to himself. Joel and Spencer have something truly special, and Caden just has to believe that they'll have a happy ending. "I'll do my best to run interference at your party. I know mother can be a little, well, we'll say overzealous."

"Enthusiastic?" Joel asks with a grin, because that's certainly the right word to describe their mother. She means well, though, he knows she does, and he can't find it in his heart to be truly annoyed, not when she had every reason to hand him off to anyone else when she had found him. She'd taken him instead, she'd raised him, loved him, done everything a mother should.

He knows he's lucky. He knows he could have been found by anyone, but this was the family he'd been brought into and he'll always be grateful for that.

"I may have asked Spencer to meet me in the library that evening," he admits. "I thought it'd be a nice vantage point to watch the fireworks you know she's going to inevitably arrange."

"Nothing but the best for my dear, sweet prince," Caden says in a spot on impersonation of their mother. She's a wonderful woman and mother, but sometimes she can be a little steeped in tradition. Caden is glad that he and Joel were always able to connect so well.

"Leaving me to all the noble wolves, huh?" Caden teases, knocking their shoulders together. "I hope you know that I'll consider covering for you all night as your birthday present."

If Joel is going to disappear from his own party, Caden will need to run interference so no one will go looking for him. It's not like he has any other plans for the evening, and this may even keep him entertained.

"Just don't tell anyone where I've gone, that's all I ask," Joel says with a laugh. Most of the time people are too busy interacting with each other and drinking wine to really notice whether he's there or not, but he's certain there will be a few people looking for him. There's one princess in particular who's been particularly vocal about her hopes that Joel will choose her and while she's very sweet, he couldn't imagine his life with her even before Spencer.

"No one else seems to want to spend any time in the library during a party, so I should have that working in my favour," he continues. "I can't imagine anyone will come looking for me there."

"I like to spend time in the library during parties, dear brother, since my beloved gardens are always overtaken by couples looking to steal kisses. Or more." He laughs softly and shrugs a bit. "But sure, I'll run interference. I'll talk to a few of your hopeful ladies as well."

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[closed - Caden - April 21]

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