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Despite his mother's warnings, Joel has found himself on the beach once again, not far from where he sailed straight into a storm not three days earlier. She would be furious if she found him here, but this is where he feels most calm, where he's always felt most able to think clearly and lately it seems he's in desperate need of thinking clearly.

So much has happened over the past several days and while Joel is completely certain what he feels for Spencer is real and genuine, he's also truly conflicted for the first time in his life. He has duties. There are expectations that have been placed upon him and in less than two weeks time, he is expected to have picked a bride.

That's something Joel knows he simply cannot do.

Walking along the sand, he looks out into the water for a moment, then begins to shed his clothes. He doesn't care how it might look, if there's anyone nearby to see. His fingers fly over the buttons of his shirt and he drops it to the sand. A moment later his pants follow and he wades into the water in only his breeches, pushing through the waves and then diving under, cutting through with strong strokes. The cold water clears his head and he turns over, floating on his back for what feels like forever before he finally makes his way back to shore.

It's as he's dressing again, his pants once more fastened and his shirt half done up that his vision suddenly goes dark. It's like he's under water, he realizes. Shafts of sun cut through the gently rolling waves, but the deeper he sinks, the darker it gets. There's a flash of a shimmering tail, too big to be a fish, too small to be a shark. Dark laughter. A brief glimpse of a beautiful woman with long, black hair. She's smiling, but Joel doesn't much like what he sees in that smile.

She's saying something, her lips moving, but the voice that comes out isn't hers. It's Spencer's. It's the voice he remembers from that day on the beach and Joel stumbles in the sand, only realizing then that he's still standing on the beach. All of this, everything he's seeing, it isn't really happening.

He directs his attention back to the woman with the tail just in time to hear Spencer's voice whisper two words. A promise.

He doesn't know what any of it means, but as soon as it's begun, it's gone. Joel is left standing on the beach, his hands still on the buttons of his shirt, staring off into the waves as if they can give him some kind of answer.

[Joel's an adopted prince who doesn't know he's also a witch and has no idea he's just had a premonition while on the beach anywhere you want to find him. Enjoy? :D]

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He shouldn't be doing this. Unfamiliar as he still is with human customs, Spencer knows he shouldn't be doing this.

The call of the sea has been strong since he'd been given his legs, that hasn't come as a surprise; but it hadn't been until after he'd been sampling all sorts of different desserts and entrees thanks to the kitchen maids that he'd overheard talk of the impending ball--for which the queen has been gracious enough to help him find proper dress--and of one very important detail he hadn't realize before, which is that at this same event, the prince is meant to pick a bride.

The news of it had made Spencer's heart skip a beat, he's quite sure of it, and it had filled him with an icy dread that continues to make itself known every time he thinks on it again. He'd made a quick escape to the shore, close to where Joel had found him just a few days ago because remembering, remembering the way Joel had looked at him and has been looking at him, does wonders in soothing his aching chest.

If Joel is to pick a bride at the ball, this is truly is all for nothing, and Spencer doesn't know how to begin to process that. Since Ersa's enchantment, he's been going back and forth between believing that what he feels for Joel is returned and being convinced that this will all crumble down around him in due time.

He's leaning toward the latter while he takes his place on a large rock, toes dipped into the water in such a way that it actually seems to ease his pained feet and legs, and that's when he catches sight of the very man he hasn't been able to stop thinking about for days. It's instinct to jump from his spot and scramble for a more hidden place, simply because that's what he's always done as a merman when coming close to being caught watching the human world from the water, and even when he realizes how silly he's being, he can't bring himself to make his presence known because then, Joel is stripping himself of his clothes and Spencer is mesmerized.

The strong back and shoulders, the muscles that are hidden by loose shirts and trousers, don't quite come as a surprise but at the same time, Spener can't believe his eyes. Joel has seem him unclothed already, but it's different this way; it's more intimate, more private, it's everything Spencer wishes they could be together every moment. But he keeps thinking of how poorly all of this could end, and it stops him from going out in the water and joining Joel, from interrupting the prince's quiet moment to himself.

When Joel finally comes back to shore, ocean water dripping from his body and his skin looking so much tanner in the light of the sun, Spencer decides to venture forward to meet him. He pauses halfway there, however, when he notices the way Joel seems to stop in the middle of buttoning his shirt back up, his gaze shifting out toward the ocean the way Spencer's had just earlier, and Spencer wonders if maybe he should just turn around right now and go straight back to the palace but his curiosity wins him over.

He approaches silently, though he supposes there is no other way, and gently places a hand on Joel's shoulder with a small smile.

At the touch on his shoulder, Joel starts, yanking himself out of his reverie and turning to find Spencer standing beside him. He smiles without even realizing he's doing it, a slow curve at one corner of his mouth, the same expression he makes nearly every single time he sees the other man. Whatever has just happened, whatever he's just seen and can't quite untangle in his head, suddenly none of it matters and he knows what he said to Caden is the truth. He's in love with Spencer and whatever else happens, whatever disappointment he has to face from his parents, he'll do it without question. There's no way he can let this go. And it's possible there's still a way around their rules, he thinks, it's possible if he just talks to them they'll understand what he's going through and try to find a way to make it so he can both fulfill his duties to them and have what he wants. His parents are good people and they'll want him to be happy.

But even if there isn't a way, then Joel realizes he's prepared to give up everything he has for this man. There's no question in his mind that he would turn his back on the palace, on all the books in the library, on all the fancy clothes and the carriages and the horses if that was what he had to do. And he suspects Spencer would never want him to, would feel guilty if he knew Joel was even thinking such things, but he would find a way to make it clear that he doesn't need any of those things. They're material, they're just things. He doesn't need them to live and he doesn't need them to be happy.

"Hello," he says, his voice low as he looks down at himself and realizes only half his buttons are done up. His cheeks flush faintly and he hurries to do up the remaining, wondering how long it had taken Spencer to reach him. Wondering if he'd seen him coming out of the water, barely dressed at all and dripping with water. He thinks about the way he'd found Spencer that day, wrapped in nothing but a sail from his boat, his hair still wet from the ocean, how it had felt like a bolt of lightening straight through his body and he's surprised to find the very thought of Spencer seeing him like that doesn't the same.

And he's grateful he's dressed now. Just the thought of Spencer seeing him -- not even touching him, not the two of them touching each other, just having Spencer look at him -- is doing things to him that he would not have expected and he shifts slightly, hoping Spencer doesn't notice.

There's so much he wants to say, but he's still so conflicted. What he needs to do is speak with his parents, he's certain of that. He needs to speak with them before he does anything else, no matter how hard it might be to keep himself from reaching out and wrapping his arms around Spencer and dragging their bodies together. Not touching him feels like the most difficult thing he's ever done and so Joel allows himself one thing, one little touch. He reaches out, lets himself rest his hand at the edge of Spencer's waist for just a moment. Compared to what he wants, it's barely a touch at all, but he can feel it racing through his fingers like a shock.

"My mother let you go long enough for you to escape?" he asks, his smile widening further. It gives him hope, how much both his parents have taken to Spencer, though it doesn't surprise him. They're good people, they're good, kind leaders, and all he can do now is hope their gracious nature extends to his future. "I would have thought she'd have you trying on jackets from now until the ball."

There's something terribly endearing about the way Joel's cheeks flush a light shade of pink once he seems to realize that he's not yet fully dressed, and Spencer would be happy to tell him he needn't rush to finish buttoning up his shirt but that would require a voice and a willingness to cause Joel even the slightest bit of discomfort. Even so, he does nothing to avert his eyes, though it isn't as if he's been ogling the prince all this time--at least, not the whole time--and when Joel rests a hand on his waist, Spencer loses sight of where he is or what he'd even been doing out here in the first place. It's remarkable, the way each touch between them makes him feel like that bit of skin is ablaze from a spark he's never known before, and there's always a part of him that is distinctly and irrationally disappointed when Joel inevitably pulls away.

Right now, for instance, he's scrambling to make his mind catch up to the rest of him, to process whatever it is Joel has just said, because he can practically still feel the heat from Joel's hand on his hip. He wonders what it would be like, then, for Joel to finally kiss him, whether it would be far too much to handle at once or if it would only leave him wanting more, more, always more. He suspects he knows the answer, it isn't very hard to guess, not when Spencer finds himself gazing at the slight pout of the prince's bottom lip when his entire face hasn't been changed by a shockingly bright smile. He's spent every night thinking of it, the soft brush of their lips and the whisper of exchanged declarations of love, of promises that would more than satisfy Ersa's stipulations.

Sometimes, he thinks the best kind of moment would be one like this, when it's just the two of them, private and separate from prying eyes and curious eavesdroppers. Spencer could step in right now, could drop all pretense that has come with losing his voice and gaining his legs to seek a lifetime of happiness from this man that he knows he'll never get anywhere else. He could lift his hands to cup Joel's cheeks before leaning in with a slight tilt of his head for something gentle, something that isn't too aggressive or off-putting for a very first kiss, and they would thread their fingers together like they had the first time they'd met and everything would be as it should be. This is the fantasy, the one that Spencer doesn't have the courage to fulfill due to his all his uncertainties and insecurities that Joel wouldn't want this, that he wouldn't choose a life with Spencer even if he did want it because he's the heir to the throne.

Heirs, Spencer has noticed, don't often wed beneath their means, and even though he is certain Joel isn't the sort of man who would care about wealth or status in the person he loves, that doesn't mean he also isn't the sort of man who would abandon his duty. Spencer wants what he's sure the prince's entire family wants, and that is what's absolutely best for Joel. He'll take his fins back, he'll take a life of solitude, as long as it means Joel is still happy at the end of this--even if it means that Spencer never can be.

Once he's finally shaken himself from his thoughts of Joel's body, of kisses, of marriages, Spencer rolls his eyes in the most good-natured way he can before shrugging a shoulder and plucking at Joel's shirt, then gesturing to himself with a slight shake of his head. I think she'd gotten rather tired of how out of place I look no matter what she tries to put on me. Nothing he's worn since his arrival has fit him quite right, the shirts and trousers and vests and whatever else he's been told he's wearing always loose in some place or another, and even though the queen gives a playful tsk every time she sees the state in which he often returns to the palace--rumpled and wrinkled--Spencer at least hasn't been made to feel as if he doesn't belong.

A great deal of that he owes to Joel, of course. Joel is the reason he's here, it's true, but he's also the reason that Spencer feels like he hasn't become a burden. That he's welcome. That he might just be able to spend the rest of his life here.

It should be more difficult than this, Joel thinks, to understand what Spencer is trying to tell him. He has no voice, no real way to tell Joel what he's thinking or what he wants, but somehow there's something about the way he looks at Joel, something about those little smiles and the shakes of his head that Joel can read almost without a second thought and he thinks it shouldn't be possible, but it's just one more thing that points him in the right direction. What they have, whatever it might be called, it's something special, something meaningful. There hasn't been a single other person that Joel has been so instantly comfortable around as he is with Spencer. And there isn't another person in the world that he feels like he can read so easily. Perhaps that thought should be intimidating, but it only sets a warmth in Joel's chest that he would very much like to coax into life.

"Oh, don't worry, her next step will be personal tailors," Joel says with a fond smile and a shake of his head. He loves his mother very much and he loves her spirit of generosity, but he knows it can sometimes be overwhelming to the people who aren't used to it. Even Amy, who had been a princess herself, hadn't known what to do with Joel's mother's attention most of the time, and he had seen it keenly in April, in the tense set of her shoulder every single time the queen tried to offer her a dress or a cloak, something to make her look more the part they had all assumed she would eventually play. But then she had walked away from Caden, unable to bear the pressure and scrutiny, and while Joel doesn't think he can ask his mother to stop, he's terrified the same might get to Spencer. That he, too, might find it overwhelming and eventually turn away.

His smile fades just a little as he pushes some of his damp hair back from his forehead, squeezing water out of the ends. "If it's too much, if she's at all overwhelming, please just let me know. I can ask her to stop or even just back off a little. She wants so badly to give things to people, but I know it can sometimes come across as if she's trying to change them."

And maybe she is a little. In her way. While Joel has yet to speak to either of his parents about what he's feeling, he knows they aren't stupid people and they both know him well. His mother, though, has always been able to read him almost without the slightest bit of effort and he suspects she knows every last detail of what he's feeling right now, probably better than he knows himself. In her way, she thinks she might be trying to prepare Spencer for the life she's seeing for the two of them, and Joel's heart aches a little with how much he loves her for that. She could have left him where she found him. She could have let him drown or passed him off to someone with less to lose, but she had taken him in, insisted that she keep him, and she had loved him better than he thinks he deserves.

"She only wants you to feel that you belong," he continues, his voice gentle. "Because... because you do."

That's the boldest statement he's made yet about what may be happening between them. He's touched Spencer and smiled at him and done things to make him happy, to see him smile, but he's never once made such a statement about what they might possibly be. And despite what he's just seen, despite the fact that he feels more and more like the things he thought he had imagined might actually be true, he does believe what he's said. Spencer belongs. Maybe not here, maybe not at the palace, maybe not even above the water, but he belongs with Joel. He's certain of that.

Maybe it's just that Joel belongs somewhere else, too. Somewhere with Spencer.

Spencer hadn't realized before this moment how desperate he's been for any indication that he's doing this right, that he's playing the part of being human well enough to get by among people who have no idea what he is and would only think him a bit strange for never having seen an apple before or learning how to eat soup with a spoon. The clothes, too, have added to the strange adventure that is navigating his way through human customs, and Spencer doesn't know why it's so important that he dresses to impress others at this ball, but the queen seems to think it is so he hasn't bothered trying to figure out the answer. He'll do what's asked of him, regardless of whether the request--or order--comes from the maids or the royal family, he just wants to be sure that he isn't so out of place that nobody will want him in the palace anymore. It isn't the luxury that keeps him wanting to stay, it isn't the endless supply of food he's handed when he wanders into the kitchen while Joel is busy with other things, it isn't even the way so many of the staff fawn over him and have taken it upon themselves to closely care for the 'poor man' without a voice.

To be sure, losing all that would be a startling change if it meant instead that he'd be left to his own devices; but it's being forced to keep his distance from Joel that would pain him most. He can't stand the thought of waking in the morning and knowing that he won't be able to see that gorgeous face smiling back at him when he steps out of his room for breakfast; or stepping out here to the shore to find the prince taking an afternoon swim, even if Spencer has spent the entirety of it hiding behind a rock; or passing a good majority of his day with Joel by his side, being taught and shown things he hasn't known or seen before. That would hurt worse than anything, having the opportunities he's had at his disposal to be with Joel ripped away from him and so, he's made an effort to be on his best behavior at all times. It isn't far off from the way he usually is, he'd like to believe he'd grown into a merman his father can be proud of, aside from when he does things like-- well, things like this.

It's very different, though, to know he's being watched, and he absolutely is being watched. The king and queen observe him closely whenever they're in the same room as him, and that doesn't make Spencer uncomfortable because it's never without a kind smile that either of them address him, but he's sure that they can clearly see just how much Joel means to him. There's something terribly frightening about that, particularly because no matter how he feels and no matter how Joel feels, the prince will certainly still be expected to choose a bride at the ball.

That reminder sends another pang through his chest, and he wishes to think on it no longer so he pushes it aside for now. Later, when he crawls into bed for another day gone without a kiss or a promise, Spencer will wonder if maybe he shouldn't just resign himself to loss. He would stay until the very end of the enchantment, of course, because even if this is a lost cause, it doesn't mean his love for Joel had dissipated in anyway; but perhaps it's better to acknowledge defeat early on so that the disappointment isn't quite so shocking later.

Stop, he chastises himself, now isn't the time. He ought to make the most of being out here by the water where he and Joel had met so recently, of the way the water soothes the pain in his legs when he lets the waves crash over him and without a second thought, he reached out to take hold of Joel's hand to tug him back out into the sea. They don't go far, just enough for the water to come up to right above their knees, but Spencer can already feel his aches leaving him the further they venture. He arches a brow at Joel then nods toward the water, indicating that the prince should keep watch before he jumps up into the air with a silent laugh of delight, sending salt water splashing in all directions as he comes back down. For the first time since he'd been given his legs, Spencer feels complete, as if this is where he's been meant to be all along--and he doesn't know if that has more to do with Joel or with being in the water with Joel, but he can be sure of the fact that most of it has to do with the prince's companionship.

Yes, he belongs. Here, right now, with his hand tucked into Joel's and their clothes getting wetter as the waves rise higher, he belongs. Spencer has never been more certain of anything in his life.

Edited 2015-04-22 22:59 (UTC)

Joel lets himself be pulled back into the ocean without the slightest hesitation because it's clear Spencer wants to show him something. And although he'd been yanked out of whatever it was he had seen by Spencer's arrival, now that they're moving back into the water he's remembering bits and pieces of it, and he's remembering what it had been like, too, when Spencer had pulled him out of the water. There are parts of the story that he's managed to convince himself much have been his imagination, things that couldn't possibly be real. He's never seen any merfolk before, has long since come to believe that they're just a tale his mother had told him when he was small to satisfy his constant need to know more about everything, but now he's no longer sure of anything. When he had been lying in the sand waiting for his men to arrive, he had seen something, a flash of a tail, and it's really the only thing that can explain how easily Spencer had disappeared. And why. It's the only thing that can explain how he'd so easily pulled Joel out of the water and saved his life. It's the only thing that explains why they're in the water now and why it seems like Spencer's pain is all but gone. He jumps in the water and Joel would swear he was laughing and none of this makes any sense, but he can't pretend not to see the things he's begun to see.

The woman in his vision, if that's what it was, she had been speaking in Spencer's voice. Slowly he's beginning to put things together and the implication of what he's realizing is startling. There's so much here that means both their worlds could be changed forever, so much that Joel doesn't even know where he's supposed to begin or if he should say anything at all. But if what he had seen was trying to tell him anything at all, he thinks he's starting to wrap his head around it. Spencer saved him with ease and then disappeared into the water and Joel is certain he had seen a tail. Then, without any indication why or how, Spencer had shown up on the beach hours later with legs and without his voice. It hurts him to walk, he needs to use a cane most of the time, but he's in the water now and seems to be without pain. A woman with a tail has his voice.

He traded.

The realization is staggering. His smile doesn't fade because he doesn't want Spencer to think there's something wrong, not even for an instant, but his heart suddenly feels like it's beating double time against the inside of his chest and for a moment it feels like he can't breathe. All the pieces fit together. Spencer is a merman and he traded someone down there in the depths for these legs. He traded his voice and she has it now, she's keeping it for herself until Joel does something or until Spencer does something or maybe only until it's time for Spencer to go back to the water, which is a thought that sends panic crashing down all around Joel. He's been waiting, biding his time until he finds the right moment to talk with his parents, but suddenly he's convinced none of it matters. Spencer has traded, but it's only temporary. No matter what he does, no matter what attempts he makes to deal with the duties he's supposed to fulfill, all they have is a short time together. Something like this can't last forever, that's not how deals are struck, and Joel swallows hard, then draws in a wheezing breath and squeezes Spencer's hand so tight he's afraid he might have hurt him.

He can't let go. That isn't fair. Someone can't give Spencer legs and then take them back. That isn't how this is supposed to happen. Joel can't have this, he can't just begin to figure out what it means and how he's supposed to act only to have it all taken away from him again. That just isn't right.

He doesn't know how to say any of this, though. He doesn't know how to ask, what he's supposed to do or say. Maybe he's wrong, maybe he's gone completely crazy and has made this all up just to explain the strange things that have been happening to him and he's afraid if he says something, Spencer is going to look at him like he doesn't know what he's talking about. Joel can handle a lot, he thinks. He's strong and he can withstand having a lot of different things thrown at him, but he doesn't want Spencer to look at him like there's something wrong. And he doesn't want to lose him.

"You'll be able to attend the ball, won't you?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "I know my mother has just assumed you will be, but we've never actually asked and you... you'll still be here, right? You'll be able to come with us? With... with me?" There's so much to do still before then, conversations to be had, but his responsibilities can all go to hell if there's a chance Spencer won't be here at the end of it.

The change in Joel's expression is slight, very slight, but it's there, and Spencer thinks it must mean something he's able to notice it so easily. There's a slight tension to the lifted corners of his lips, something just a bit tighter about his smile, and the most telling thing is the way his grip tightens on Spencer's hand to the point that Spencer has to reach out to rest a comforting hand on the prince's arm, rubbing gently through the sleeve of his shirt to soothe him. He hates to think that he has any part in putting Joel on edge, whether it's through any fault of his own or not, but the question of his attendance at the ball makes him wonder if maybe Joel has taken everything that's happened since that day they'd met far more seriously than Spencer would have given him credit.

It isn't every day that a human would allow him or herself to believe that the tales of the merfolk are true. There is no logical progression to the thought, at least not as far as Spencer has been told; men and women have legs not tails and anything else is simply all in the imagination. Knowing that's what people tell themselves is laughable for someone like Spencer, someone who knows the truth because he is the truth, but he isn't laughing now. His own smile falters a bit, if only because his concern for Joel outweighs his need to be as strong as the prince in pretending that everything is just fine, and he does think that Joel is pretending.

Whatever had prompted the question had clearly been inspired by a fear that Spencer would disappear, just one day cease to exist in Joel's life anymore, and that is exactly what he's trying to avoid. He slides his hand down the length of Joel's bicep, his forearm, down to his other hand, and squeezes lightly as he takes one step closer with a melancholy smile. His nod is barely perceptible, though he knows Joel will see it, and with one more squeeze, he moves one hand to hover over Joel's chest before letting it lay flat against the prince's warm skin. Sometimes Spencer thinks he can still feel the heat of Joel's kiss in the marketplace against his cheek, of every intensely close moment they've shared that have gotten them so close and yet so far away to a true first kiss, and he'd like nothing more than to close the rest of the gap between them to complete the task here and now but as much as he wants to, Spencer doesn't know how well Joel would take it.

As much as he thinks this is wholly mutual, that they take an interest in each other that goes deeper than just friendship, it doesn't mean that Joel is as madly in love as Spencer is. It's not a competition, Spencer isn't in this to keep track of who loves who more or most or anything of that sort, but the stipulations of the enchantment can't possibly be fulfilled if it isn't real for Joel. Nothing about this connection they have ring false, this unexplained connection that makes Spencer feel as if there's no doubt they were meant to meet all their lives; but maybe for a prince, someone who has so much on his shoulders and so many options to choose from when it comes to finding a suitable partner, it would take a little longer to realize. At least, it would take much more consideration.

Spencer is merely someone who'd happened to come across Joel in a wreckage, at least that's why he is to everyone in the palace. He has no problem with that, despite the fact that he doesn't wish to be known as simply as the man who'd saved the prince's life because that's far too much recognition for a deed that he hadn't needed to think twice about, but in the larger picture, Spencer is nothing particularly special. He has no wealth, no royal blood, no other connections that would make him a valuable member of the royal family and even though Joel might not care about any of that, the king and queen absolutely must. They want the best for their sons, Spencer can see that, but when it comes to the best, it's surely what they also expect for someone like Joel.

He'd like to think he'd be the best for what Joel wants, what Joel is looking for in a significant other, but the only evidence he has of that is private glances, fleeting touches, comfortable silence; and that is hardly enough for a member of the royal family, no matter how kind and well-meaning its existing members are.

Still, he will be at the ball, if only until midnight. It falls on his last day as a human, unless Joel manages to fall in love with him before that, and Spencer feels his fears growing as every day passes but he nods again before moving his hand back from Joel's chest with a small, breathless sigh. I'll be there with you, he wants to say. I would go anywhere with you.

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