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Despite his mother's warnings, Joel has found himself on the beach once again, not far from where he sailed straight into a storm not three days earlier. She would be furious if she found him here, but this is where he feels most calm, where he's always felt most able to think clearly and lately it seems he's in desperate need of thinking clearly.

So much has happened over the past several days and while Joel is completely certain what he feels for Spencer is real and genuine, he's also truly conflicted for the first time in his life. He has duties. There are expectations that have been placed upon him and in less than two weeks time, he is expected to have picked a bride.

That's something Joel knows he simply cannot do.

Walking along the sand, he looks out into the water for a moment, then begins to shed his clothes. He doesn't care how it might look, if there's anyone nearby to see. His fingers fly over the buttons of his shirt and he drops it to the sand. A moment later his pants follow and he wades into the water in only his breeches, pushing through the waves and then diving under, cutting through with strong strokes. The cold water clears his head and he turns over, floating on his back for what feels like forever before he finally makes his way back to shore.

It's as he's dressing again, his pants once more fastened and his shirt half done up that his vision suddenly goes dark. It's like he's under water, he realizes. Shafts of sun cut through the gently rolling waves, but the deeper he sinks, the darker it gets. There's a flash of a shimmering tail, too big to be a fish, too small to be a shark. Dark laughter. A brief glimpse of a beautiful woman with long, black hair. She's smiling, but Joel doesn't much like what he sees in that smile.

She's saying something, her lips moving, but the voice that comes out isn't hers. It's Spencer's. It's the voice he remembers from that day on the beach and Joel stumbles in the sand, only realizing then that he's still standing on the beach. All of this, everything he's seeing, it isn't really happening.

He directs his attention back to the woman with the tail just in time to hear Spencer's voice whisper two words. A promise.

He doesn't know what any of it means, but as soon as it's begun, it's gone. Joel is left standing on the beach, his hands still on the buttons of his shirt, staring off into the waves as if they can give him some kind of answer.

[Joel's an adopted prince who doesn't know he's also a witch and has no idea he's just had a premonition while on the beach anywhere you want to find him. Enjoy? :D]

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Joel lets himself be pulled back into the ocean without the slightest hesitation because it's clear Spencer wants to show him something. And although he'd been yanked out of whatever it was he had seen by Spencer's arrival, now that they're moving back into the water he's remembering bits and pieces of it, and he's remembering what it had been like, too, when Spencer had pulled him out of the water. There are parts of the story that he's managed to convince himself much have been his imagination, things that couldn't possibly be real. He's never seen any merfolk before, has long since come to believe that they're just a tale his mother had told him when he was small to satisfy his constant need to know more about everything, but now he's no longer sure of anything. When he had been lying in the sand waiting for his men to arrive, he had seen something, a flash of a tail, and it's really the only thing that can explain how easily Spencer had disappeared. And why. It's the only thing that can explain how he'd so easily pulled Joel out of the water and saved his life. It's the only thing that explains why they're in the water now and why it seems like Spencer's pain is all but gone. He jumps in the water and Joel would swear he was laughing and none of this makes any sense, but he can't pretend not to see the things he's begun to see.

The woman in his vision, if that's what it was, she had been speaking in Spencer's voice. Slowly he's beginning to put things together and the implication of what he's realizing is startling. There's so much here that means both their worlds could be changed forever, so much that Joel doesn't even know where he's supposed to begin or if he should say anything at all. But if what he had seen was trying to tell him anything at all, he thinks he's starting to wrap his head around it. Spencer saved him with ease and then disappeared into the water and Joel is certain he had seen a tail. Then, without any indication why or how, Spencer had shown up on the beach hours later with legs and without his voice. It hurts him to walk, he needs to use a cane most of the time, but he's in the water now and seems to be without pain. A woman with a tail has his voice.

He traded.

The realization is staggering. His smile doesn't fade because he doesn't want Spencer to think there's something wrong, not even for an instant, but his heart suddenly feels like it's beating double time against the inside of his chest and for a moment it feels like he can't breathe. All the pieces fit together. Spencer is a merman and he traded someone down there in the depths for these legs. He traded his voice and she has it now, she's keeping it for herself until Joel does something or until Spencer does something or maybe only until it's time for Spencer to go back to the water, which is a thought that sends panic crashing down all around Joel. He's been waiting, biding his time until he finds the right moment to talk with his parents, but suddenly he's convinced none of it matters. Spencer has traded, but it's only temporary. No matter what he does, no matter what attempts he makes to deal with the duties he's supposed to fulfill, all they have is a short time together. Something like this can't last forever, that's not how deals are struck, and Joel swallows hard, then draws in a wheezing breath and squeezes Spencer's hand so tight he's afraid he might have hurt him.

He can't let go. That isn't fair. Someone can't give Spencer legs and then take them back. That isn't how this is supposed to happen. Joel can't have this, he can't just begin to figure out what it means and how he's supposed to act only to have it all taken away from him again. That just isn't right.

He doesn't know how to say any of this, though. He doesn't know how to ask, what he's supposed to do or say. Maybe he's wrong, maybe he's gone completely crazy and has made this all up just to explain the strange things that have been happening to him and he's afraid if he says something, Spencer is going to look at him like he doesn't know what he's talking about. Joel can handle a lot, he thinks. He's strong and he can withstand having a lot of different things thrown at him, but he doesn't want Spencer to look at him like there's something wrong. And he doesn't want to lose him.

"You'll be able to attend the ball, won't you?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "I know my mother has just assumed you will be, but we've never actually asked and you... you'll still be here, right? You'll be able to come with us? With... with me?" There's so much to do still before then, conversations to be had, but his responsibilities can all go to hell if there's a chance Spencer won't be here at the end of it.

The change in Joel's expression is slight, very slight, but it's there, and Spencer thinks it must mean something he's able to notice it so easily. There's a slight tension to the lifted corners of his lips, something just a bit tighter about his smile, and the most telling thing is the way his grip tightens on Spencer's hand to the point that Spencer has to reach out to rest a comforting hand on the prince's arm, rubbing gently through the sleeve of his shirt to soothe him. He hates to think that he has any part in putting Joel on edge, whether it's through any fault of his own or not, but the question of his attendance at the ball makes him wonder if maybe Joel has taken everything that's happened since that day they'd met far more seriously than Spencer would have given him credit.

It isn't every day that a human would allow him or herself to believe that the tales of the merfolk are true. There is no logical progression to the thought, at least not as far as Spencer has been told; men and women have legs not tails and anything else is simply all in the imagination. Knowing that's what people tell themselves is laughable for someone like Spencer, someone who knows the truth because he is the truth, but he isn't laughing now. His own smile falters a bit, if only because his concern for Joel outweighs his need to be as strong as the prince in pretending that everything is just fine, and he does think that Joel is pretending.

Whatever had prompted the question had clearly been inspired by a fear that Spencer would disappear, just one day cease to exist in Joel's life anymore, and that is exactly what he's trying to avoid. He slides his hand down the length of Joel's bicep, his forearm, down to his other hand, and squeezes lightly as he takes one step closer with a melancholy smile. His nod is barely perceptible, though he knows Joel will see it, and with one more squeeze, he moves one hand to hover over Joel's chest before letting it lay flat against the prince's warm skin. Sometimes Spencer thinks he can still feel the heat of Joel's kiss in the marketplace against his cheek, of every intensely close moment they've shared that have gotten them so close and yet so far away to a true first kiss, and he'd like nothing more than to close the rest of the gap between them to complete the task here and now but as much as he wants to, Spencer doesn't know how well Joel would take it.

As much as he thinks this is wholly mutual, that they take an interest in each other that goes deeper than just friendship, it doesn't mean that Joel is as madly in love as Spencer is. It's not a competition, Spencer isn't in this to keep track of who loves who more or most or anything of that sort, but the stipulations of the enchantment can't possibly be fulfilled if it isn't real for Joel. Nothing about this connection they have ring false, this unexplained connection that makes Spencer feel as if there's no doubt they were meant to meet all their lives; but maybe for a prince, someone who has so much on his shoulders and so many options to choose from when it comes to finding a suitable partner, it would take a little longer to realize. At least, it would take much more consideration.

Spencer is merely someone who'd happened to come across Joel in a wreckage, at least that's why he is to everyone in the palace. He has no problem with that, despite the fact that he doesn't wish to be known as simply as the man who'd saved the prince's life because that's far too much recognition for a deed that he hadn't needed to think twice about, but in the larger picture, Spencer is nothing particularly special. He has no wealth, no royal blood, no other connections that would make him a valuable member of the royal family and even though Joel might not care about any of that, the king and queen absolutely must. They want the best for their sons, Spencer can see that, but when it comes to the best, it's surely what they also expect for someone like Joel.

He'd like to think he'd be the best for what Joel wants, what Joel is looking for in a significant other, but the only evidence he has of that is private glances, fleeting touches, comfortable silence; and that is hardly enough for a member of the royal family, no matter how kind and well-meaning its existing members are.

Still, he will be at the ball, if only until midnight. It falls on his last day as a human, unless Joel manages to fall in love with him before that, and Spencer feels his fears growing as every day passes but he nods again before moving his hand back from Joel's chest with a small, breathless sigh. I'll be there with you, he wants to say. I would go anywhere with you.

When Spencer touches him, when he nods, Joel finds some of his tension melting away and the panic that had engulfed him seems to fade just a touch. He doesn't know how to explain to Spencer why the ball is so important, everything that's going to be expected of him then, all the responsibilities he's supposed to take on and all the ways in which he's going to disappoint his parents when he doesn't. It's why he wants to speak with them privately first and he's terrified of the prospect, a very different type of panic pressing down on him whenever he considers it. The solution to all his problems seems very clear, but Joel hates the thought of letting his parents down in any way, perhaps to the point of his own detriment, but it's a difficult feeling to just set aside without thought. They chose to love him when they didn't have to. They brought him into their world without needing to. No one would have thought twice about it had they asked someone in the village to care for him instead. They were already expecting their own child, there was no reason for them to take on another.

But they had. They'd taken him in and raised him as their own and loved him better than he ever could have hoped for, and so as much as he loves Spencer now, there's also that love to consider. Joel isn't prepared to let go of Spencer to make them happy, but he doesn't have to figure out the best way to go about all of this. He needs to take them aside, each on their own perhaps, and tell them what he feels. What he knows he cannot do. He supposes it's not impossible that he still take the throne with Spencer at his side rather than one of the princesses, but that brings its own complications. They're things Joel is more than willing to deal with, but there is a lot to consider. And he must do that, he must consider it all before he makes any rash decisions. Before he jumps into anything, no matter how badly he wants to just dive head first into what he thinks he and Spencer can have together.

Not for the first time, as much as he deeply loves his family, he finds himself wishing such duties were not his to fulfill. That he might just follow his heart and take this man in his arms and kiss him simply because he wants to. That should be enough. It should be everything and as far as Joel is concerned, it simply can't be. He wishes he could be more selfish, that he could forget about everything he owes them, everything they want him to be, but he just doesn't have it in him. This is the right way. To tell his parents first, to make plans, then to make the promise to Spencer he's so desired to make from that first moment on the beach. If, of course, that's what Spencer wants of him.

"Thank you," he says and his voice is trembling a little, but he supposes that can't be helped. The thought that Spencer might not be here long enough for Joel to work out what he needs to accomplish had terrified him and even now, though his panic has slowly begun to seep away, he can feel it under his skin. An itch that can't be scratched away, a prickle at the back of his neck that seems to be saying, You're out of time, out of time, out of time. He isn't, he reminds himself. Spencer will be at the ball and once everything is worked out they can begin the rest of their lives together. There's all the time left for them in the world, an entire future spread out in front of them, and if Spencer has to go back, if he only has these legs for a period of time, then Joel will find another way to make it work. He'll see Spencer as often as he can, he'll spend as much time in the water as is possible. He'll find a way to grow his own tail if that's what it takes.

He can do this. They both can.

"You know it's my birthday on Friday," he says, looking down between them at the water. He wishes Spencer's hand was still on his chest, but he doesn't know how to ask for that. He's never been very good at this to begin with and now he's feeling this longing so intense that it's a little frightening at times. What he wants is everything. And he doesn't know how to ask for any of it. "My parents are going to throw a party, of course, but this one is especially important because I'm turning thirty. There's going to be about a hundred people in the palace, none of them whom I know, and I'm probably going to spend most of the evening in the library."

He looks up again and smiles. "If you wanted to be there, too, I think that might prove to be a much better birthday."

Spencer has heard the buzz about the upcoming birthday party, of course, preparations have been in progress since long before he'd arrived at the palace, and it's already been mentioned to him more than once by several different people that he ought to find something that's less ill-fitting because he's to be in the company of princesses from other kingdoms on that evening. He'd learned of that before he'd heard the talk of Joel choosing a bride and now that it comes to mind, now that he remembers just what he'd come out to the shore for in the first place, he feels a bit sick.

Every last bit of the future he wants, the future he can imagine for himself, involves the man standing before him. Strip away their identities, their titles, and they're simply Spencer and Joel--it has a nice ring to it, he thinks, when it comes to picturing them as a couple. Who was that lovely pair, people would ask, the ones who look so in love? Why, that's Spencer and Joel, of course, no two are better suited for each other. Perhaps it's childish to dream so grandly yet so simply, but Spencer feels a refreshing sense of naivety when he and Joel are together. He isn't fully accustomed to the human world, but it's as if he looks at absolutely everything with fresh eyes, from the apple in the marketplace to the sway of the waves beneath them.

If Joel wants him at his birthday--more specifically, in the palace library on his birthday--then Spencer will gladly oblige, and he longs to offer an answer in the form of another kiss on the cheek but instead, he gives a slight tilt of his head and smiles a small, crooked smile. It's a little bit teasing, a little bit mischievous, but Spencer's eyes flicker from Joel's hands to the palace and back before he reaches out to lace their fingers together again. This is when he feels most right, when he feels closest to the sure and tangible connection he'd felt that first day on the beach, and Spencer's love for Joel has only grown since then but this is spark.

This is heat, undeniable heat that emanates solely from where they touch, and Spencer knows that wouldn't stop even if Joel were to slide his hand over his shoulders, his back, down his chest, over his hips and thighs, and he has to bite down hard on the inside of his cheek to keep from letting his own expression--and what's stirring in his trousers--betray him.

Patience, though, is something his father has always taught him to practice. Good thing comes to those who wait, after all, and Spencer is more than willing to wait if it means that at the end of this, his love is proven to be returned. As of right now, he still isn't entirely sure what could truly come of what's between them, though Spencer can't deny that there's something. He knows what he feels, it's just a matter of figuring out whether Joel feels the same way and even then, what he wants to do with those feelings. Spencer can't just ask Joel to abandon his family, his duties, his entire kingdom; for Spencer, it had been different.

His father is almost certainly furious if April had told him about Spencer's trade like she'd promised, but it's with a flash of guilt that Spencer remembers his father is likely far more worried. They'd lost Spencer's mother to a group of wayward sailors, after all, men who had been far too curious about what they'd seen splashing under the waves, and the same thing has hardly happened to Spencer but that won't matter. Still, aside from the last of his family, Spencer hadn't left anything else behind. He'd been unsure of the direction his life should take until he'd dragged Joel onto the beach, until he'd seen the prince's face and known that what he wanted more than anything was to be able to stay. He's here now; he wants to stay for as long as Joel will have him, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

He's not yet willing to let go of Joel's hand, though he doesn't suppose he'll ever truly be ready, and Spencer tugs at it before stepping back toward the shore with a widening smile. The sun shines warmly today, if they sit out here for a bit longer, the rays will almost certainly dry their clothes and at least then, neither of them will be lectured about trailing water through the halls. It isn't until he takes his first step out of the water, though, that he remembers his legs don't work quite as well on dry land and it's with a bit of scrambling that he stumbles, falling onto the sand with a yelp that never sounds and pulling Joel down with him.

After a long beat of stunned silence, Spencer narrows his eyes at the prince with a growing smirk and then, he's throwing his head back and flopping the rest of the way onto the sand with laughter that shakes his shoulders, all the while still holding tight to that hand that fits so well in his.

For one overwhelming moment, Joel is certain Spencer has hurt himself far worse than anything else he's experienced thus far and when they go down in the sand, his hand tightens in Spencer, worry and fear both flickering across his features. But then he pauses, his head tilted slightly as he watches Spencer and he's stunned all over again by how easy it is to read him without ever having to hear a single world, by how clear his feelings are in the way he narrows his eyes, in that smirk at the corner of his mouth, and before Spencer is laughing, Joel finds himself grinning.

Even though he can't hear it, even if Spencer's laughter is entirely silent, Joel knows it has to be the most beautiful sound in the world. He'll hear it again, he's sure of that, there's no possible way Spencer's voice has been taken from him forever and Joel will move heaven and earth to bring it back to him. And so one day he's going to be able to hear that laugh that's shaking Spencer's shoulders and he realizes he'll have no idea how to bear it when it finally happens. If his heart is thundering so hard in his chest just in this moment, just watching the way Spencer's body shakes, the way his mouth curves, if he's so affected just by the sight of this soundless laughter, he has no idea how he's going to live through that. It's truly going to be the death of him and he cannot wait for it.

And then he's laughing, too, almost without realizing. His shoulders are shaking, but he isn't silent, not the way Spencer is. The sound of it carries across the beach and he wouldn't be surprised if they might be able to hear him all the way up at the palace. His stomach aches with it and Joel, who has been a relatively happy man, who has had a good childhood and more kindness than he deserves, realizes he doesn't remember the last time he laughed in such a way. With such abandon, such feeling. He doesn't remember the last time he felt this happy and that's been true of every moment he's spent with Spencer since the very moment he had been dragged out of the ocean and laid out on the sand.

"Are you alright?" he asks when his laughter has died down a little. He lets go of Spencer's hand, but only so that he can turn and prop himself up on one elbow and look down at Spencer lying in the sand. Joel's free hand settles on his chest without thought and he can feel the strong, steady beat of Spencer's heart under his fingertips. He feels as if it's calling to him, summoning him, and he knows whatever Spencer is, he isn't a siren, but Joel wonders if their power is something quite like this. The ability to draw a man in with just the hint of a smile or the beat of their heart.

Without allowing himself a moment to second guess, Joel pushes himself into a sitting position and moves in the sand until he's near Spencer's feet. He's had a medic look at him already, of course, but Joel doesn't expect that he'll be able to figure out what's wrong while lying here on the beach. All he wants is to relieve Spencer of some of the pain, and so he rolls up the end of Spencer's wet trousers, pushes them until they're just below his knees and then, without allowing himself even a second to think that what he might be doing could be seen as inappropriate by others, he smooths his hands down the muscle of Spencer's calf.

It's gentle at first, barely a touch at all, but then Joel gains confidence and carefully presses his fingers into the muscle. It isn't an ache he can knead away, it's not a pain he can soothe with his fingers and kind words, but maybe if he can help Spencer even for a moment, he'll feel as if he's done something right. "Is this okay?" he asks, his voice soft.

Okay isn't necessarily the word Spencer would use for what Joel is doing right now. Divine, perhaps; the thing he's needed without even knowing it, that seems a more suitable description, and he lets his elbows sink into the sand as he props himself up to watch Joel's hands work with rapt attention. He can't put a voice to the way it feels, of course, but he thinks what must be the slightly glazed over look in his eyes and the part of his lips are more than enough to make the prince aware that Spencer doesn't want this to stop. The pain in his legs doesn't come with a cure that isn't a kiss but there are certain measures he's found do help the ache. The ocean, for one, as he'd discovered today; the potion the young witch Davin had given him in the marketplace at no cost, a far cry from what Shea had tried to offer; and now this.

This is yet another thing that Joel has given him, a fresh experience that will hold a place in Spencer's memory forever because the touch is so gentle, so caring, in a way that he's never felt before. In moments like this, Spencer can let himself believe that everything will turn out for the best. He can let himself believe that his love for Joel is wholly returned because the way the prince handles him doesn't seem like one would handle a mere friend. It's only been a few days but the connection between them is undeniable, and he knows Joel must sense it, too; but Spencer can't quite decide whether it would be easier to anticipate the worst or simply assume that he won't fail at his task.

He's cautiously optimistic, really, that he won't have to disappear back into the ocean and leave Joel behind a second time. He doesn't think the prince would be willing to allow that, even if they share a different sort of love for each other. Spencer can see a mutual attachment, if nothing else, and from the way the maids and Joel's brother and the queen have looked at them, Spencer is left with no choice but to believe that everyone else around them sees it, too. There's a great deal of pressure on the prince, Spencer knows this, but the decision of what's to come lies entirely with Joel. Spencer knows his stand, knows what place he wants to take; but for Joel, the decision can't possibly come so easily.

It's just his luck that he'd managed to fall in love with a prince, with someone who can't recklessly abandon all of his obligations based on a feeling, but Spencer knows there could be nobody else. Regardless of what happens by the end of the ball, Spencer will never love another like this again. If he and Joel are to part ways for good, the memory of all that happens over these two weeks will follow him everywhere, they will cast a shadow of regret for each moment that they aren't together, and Spencer wouldn't be so dramatic as to say that he won't find life worth living anymore but he can say with certainty that he would never be the same. Losing his mother had been a blow, no matter how young he'd been; but he thinks he can understand at least a little bit now how his father must have felt to lose someone he'd dedicated his heart to so completely.

Spencer is willing to do that for Joel, to promise all of himself to this man who has taken such great care of him over the past few days, from the knock to his head to right now, and even if he had them, there wouldn't be enough words to thank the prince for the kindness he's shown for someone who had been nothing but a stranger caught up in sails destroyed by the sea. For now, he's happy just to let their relationship grow, to see how far they can take this journey together, and the corner of his mouth turned up in a crooked smile as his gaze shifts from Joel's fingers kneading against the muscles of his legs to the prince's face. The beach is quiet but for the crash of the waves against the shore just a few feet from them, but Spencer doesn't think they need more than that.

Right now, Spencer is content. Right now, everything just feels perfect.

Were it anyone else, Joel knows he wouldn't dare to be so forward. That even this, should they be seen, will be more than enough fodder for endless amounts of gossip around the marketplace and even within the palace walls. He shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be sitting in the sand just between Spencer's ankles and rubbing his hands over his legs in such a familiar, intimate manner. He shouldn't, not only because they barely know one another, not only because if they're seen in this position, neither of them will hear the end of of it, but because of what it's doing to him. Even this simple touch stirs something in him, something he needs to do his best not to dwell on because even if he and Spencer were to find such an intimate connection, here on a public beach where anyone would be able to see is the very last place they should begin such a journey. But he can't help himself. His hands continue to smooth over the muscles in Spencer's calf, kneading the muscles gently, hoping that it helps even just a little before he moves onto his other leg. He knows he probably can't make the pain go away indefinitely, but if the look on Spencer's face is anything to go by, then he's at least doing something to help temporarily.

His thumbs smooth over the skin of Spencer's calf, warmed by the sun, and he smiles down at his own hands, feeling a little silly, a little childish and perhaps even a little daring. It's not the sort of behaviour he would usually allow himself and he isn't entirely sure what it is that has him feeling so bold, but he isn't especially upset with himself. He feels brave sitting here in the sand, like perhaps he can do just about anything without having to worry about following rules or the duties he's expected to fulfill. He's always felt that way around the water, though. As if he can simply let everything go and finally be himself, even if it's only for a short period of time. He was found in the water as a baby, he finds comfort in the water now as an adult and he supposes it shouldn't surprise him at all that the man he's fallen in love with has come from the water himself. There's still so much to be figured out, so much to work through and he doesn't know where to begin, but he knows what he knows. He's here, he loves Spencer, and Spencer is not meant to be on the land.

Not like this anyway. Not with this level of pain. There has to be something Joel can do long term, but until he figures that out, until he understands what it means to have seen a mermaid speaking with Spencer's voice, this will have to do. What he can offer might be limited, but he isn't going to give up, that much is for certain. He doesn't trust Shea to actually come through with a potion that might give Spencer relief, but he's far from the only sorcerer. That may be only another temporary fix, but what Joel wants to find ultimately is something to fix the pain long term. If Spencer is going to stay here with him, Joel doesn't want him to be in pain every day of his life. He wants to be able to help him, to save him from this.

Or to return him to where he belongs and to find a way to be with him regardless of the separation.

"Does it help at all?" he asks and his voice sounds rough when he speaks, but he makes no effort to clear his throat. It matches how he feels, unsteady and a little raw, feeling strangely exposed and vulnerable, though Spencer is the only one here to see him. They have no audience that Joel can see when he lifts his head and scans the beach and surrounding rocks quickly, but he has to admit to himself that even if they did, he likely wouldn't stop. "I don't know how I can help you, but I will figure something out. I'll make it so you're not in pain somehow, I promise you that."

Because that's what the mermaid had been whispering to him in Spencer's voice. A promise. He doesn't know what that means, if it's a promise he has to make or one Spencer has to make or perhaps it's a promise that needs to be broken. At the moment it still makes so little sense that Joel can't wrap his head around it, but he's going to try. He's going to figure it out before the ball and he's going to make sure that he does whatever needs to be done to make all of this permanent.

There's no way that Spencer can properly respond to what Joel says to him, not only because he doesn't have the voice to do it but simply because he's so taken aback by the sincerity in the prince's voice that for a moment, he forgets that he's meant to respond at all. In the past years, only his father has ever taken such great to make sure Spencer is cared for, and it isn't that he doesn't have friends at home or others who have taken an interest in him for reasons he'll never quite understand, but Spencer has found that this sort of genuine promise like the one Joel has just made comes quite rarely. Joel says he'll make it so he's not in pain, and Spencer believes him. He has no choice but to believe him because the prince is already taking measures to do just that, and Spencer finally gives a slight nod of his head to indicate that it does help, even if the pain is still present.

This helps because it gives him the hope he needs to keep going, to refuse to let himself be beaten down by his own doubts that Joel could ever truly love him, because he's quite certain that people don't make promises like this for those they don't care about. Granted, he has very little experience with the entire matter, falling in love and making promises and stealing kisses, but from what he's observed, he thinks he's right. He's seen the way merfolk have paired off at home and while much of the royalty seems to pair off for political reasons--which is precisely what Spencer fears most here--he's seen others who look at each other as if they've found the world in each other's eyes.

That's how he feels when he looks at Joel, it's likely how he's looking at Joel right now, as if everything else around them could fade away and leave them with only each other, and Spencer would still be perfectly content. Perhaps that's a naive thing, to think that they could walk away from the lives they lead now and be happy solely because they have each other, but it is a nice thought, one that he's never even entertained before because there hasn't been anybody who's come close to making Spencer as dizzy with love and frustration and pleasure and confusion like Joel has.

He watches as Joel lifts his head to take a glance around them, though Spencer doesn't bother because he can see by the prince's unchanging expression that there's nobody else there, and he remembers thinking that first day they'd met that eventually, someone would be coming. It doesn't matter now, at least not in the way it had then, but it makes him a little sick to realize that someone will always be coming because Joel is royalty. Joel isn't just a man, he's a prince, and even in their private moments, Spencer knows there will always eventually be an interruption. It doesn't frighten him away, the fact that Joel is burdened with duties and obligations doesn't make Spencer want to love him any less, but it makes this all the more difficult because a prince isn't supposed to be caught out on the beach with his hands on anyone.

What is it, then, that makes Spencer so special? Their connection aside, the powerful and overwhelming love he has for Joel aside, Spencer can't figure that part out, the part that explains why a prince would love him back. He'd been sure enough of what they'd shared on the shore the first time they'd met that he'd exchanged his voice and tail for legs but being here now, unable to speak and barely able to walk, makes him wonder what Joel could possibly see in him. He doesn't wonder because he's particularly insecure about himself, Joel has never once made him feel like he ought to be someone else, someone better; it's just a curious thing to consider when the circumstances they're met with dictate that this relationship shouldn't happen.

He pushes himself up from his elbows so that he's sitting upright, leaning forward to cover one of Joel's still moving hands with his own, and lets his eyes linger on the contact between them before shifting his gaze to meet the prince's with a small smile. He wants Joel to know that this is welcome, that any touch between them will always be met with approval because that is the simple truth. He's not generally skittish, it doesn't necessarily bother him to be the recipient of an unexpected hug or a hand clapped down on his shoulder, but this is different.

This comes with longing, with a desire for more, and Spencer doesn't know how long it will take to get to where he wants to be--if they ever reach that point at all--but he just wants to make sure that Joel is aware he needn't be careful around him. Fragile as he might seem, vulnerable as he absolutely is in this world that isn't his own, Spencer feels safe when Joel is beside him. He doesn't suspect that will change anytime soon.

Joel smiles at that, wonders if he should be surprised and then realizes he isn't. From the very first moment Spencer wrapped one strong arm around Joel and pulled him toward the surface of the water, there's been a certain ease that's come with touching him. Nerves as well, he can't pretend there isn't a fair amount of sheer terror whenever it comes to touching Spencer, but there's been an ease about it as well, something he doesn't think he's ever felt with anyone else before. It isn't that Joel doesn't like to be touched or that he has any particular problem with it, but he's had to be careful when it comes to strangers because he's never quite known who might be prone to taking advantage of his station within the kingdom. It's the sort of thing he's been warned about, something his mother has tried to remind both him and Caden on without wanting to frighten them away from getting too close to people entirely. It's been a bit of a balancing act all his life, trying to read into the intentions of others, trying to decide if they want something from him or if they're genuinely interested in him as a person. More often than not, it's turned out to be that someone has wanted something from him than actually wanted to get to know him and over the years Joel thinks he's become fairly adept at reading people and their intentions. He's learned how to tell when someone wants something out of him and there hasn't been a single moment when he's felt that with Spencer.

He's here, they're here together, because Spencer wants to spend time with him and that's all Joel wants in return. Being with Spencer makes him feel good, it makes him happy and he can't remember the last time he met a person who made him feel this way. Even when it comes to friendship, there are few people Joel would consider himself truly close with. For awhile he had thought he might forge a true friendship with Shea, but between the way he had taken advantage of the queen's trust and his sudden and quite forward passes at Joel, that had all fallen apart within days. He has his brother, of course, and one or two of the maids he'd grown up with, but for the most part, Joel has always been something of a loner. It's never bothered him in particular, he's always been relatively comfortable in such a state. Being alone has always appealed to Joel, but now he suddenly finds that he's with someone he wants to be alone with. Someone who can be in any room with him and make him feel both entirely comfortable, like he doesn't have to do anything, and who lights him up with joy all at the same time.

"Alright," he says, smoothing his hands over Spencer's leg one last time before he shifts to sit beside him in the sand. Their clothes are still damp and he thinks it might be preferable if they dry just a little more in the sun before returning to the palace. At least if they're not too wet, his mother won't start to question what they were doing out there on the beach. He knows she's still nervous about the idea of him out in the water after everything that's happened, but Joel can't imagine not going in the water any easier than he can imagine his life without books. Or air. He needs to breathe, he needs to read and he needs to find time to spend in the water. More than almost anything else, Joel needs to come down here to the beach and even if he can't sail, even if he can't go for a swim, he needs to at least feel the waves washing over his feet.

So while he thinks he's begun to put some things together, he's also suddenly worried Spencer thinks he might have to keep certain things hidden from him. That Joel might judge him based on something he can't control and he wants it to be very clear that this place, the beach, the water, it's all part of what he loves so much. And if Spencer is a part of that, too, if he has to return to it, then there's nothing in this world that will stop Joel from doing everything he can to continue this relationship in whatever facet they manage.

"You know I was found in the ocean," he says, looking out toward the surf. "In a lagoon, really, a quiet little bay just off the ocean not very far from here. My mother is better at telling this story, but I'll do my best. She had only been queen for a few years at the time and she was pregnant with Caden, which was very exciting for her and my father both, but she had also always loved to take walks along the beach. Because she was pregnant, though, my father insisted she take people with her, so there was always several guards from the palace trailing after her, talking with each other, talking with her and one day she ducked into this little lagoon to escape them for a moment. Just for some peace and quiet. And there, floating in a basket just off the shore, was me."

He smiles a little, looking down at the sand and idly drawing patterns with his finger. "She said I was just a newborn and that's why she picked April twenty-fourth as my birthday, but I suppose none of us really know. I grew up loving the ocean, though. I always wanted to be swimming or sailing and when I was still just a boy I used to pretend I was actually a merman. That for some reason my mermaid mother had been forced to give me up and make me a human to protect me and that one day she would come back for me. Not because I didn't love my mother, because... I do. I love my parents very much. They're royalty, they could have ignored me or handed me off to anyone else, especially with a son of their own already on the way, but they took me in and they loved me as if I'd been born of them and they've never treated me any different."

He looks back at the water again and shrugs. "But a little part of me always felt like I belonged out there instead."

Though Spencer had already been aware that Joel had been adopted by the king and queen, this is the first time he's hearing the story behind it. He smiles softly when Joel says he feels like he belongs in the water, and he shifts his gaze to watch the waves that he knows so well as they sway so calmly before crashing against the sand. Even though he's lived in the sea all his life, he never tires of swimming to the surface just to look out at his own home, admiring the way the sun reflects pink and orange and yellow as it sets and rises or simply breathing in the salty air as crystals form on his drying skin whilst he's laid out on a rock, well out of sight of any human who may be nearby.

He loves so much about this world and his own that he wishes he could somehow live in between, just as he's caught between bodies when he doesn't have these legs, and Spencer has never craved land like he belongs here but he's starting to think that the reason he enjoys it so much is due to one reason, that reason being the man beside him. Spencer could be happy anywhere with Joel, whether it be here or in the ocean or somewhere completely different. All he really needs is Joel's company, the touch of Joel's fingers--surprisingly rough for a prince and yet incredibly gentle all the time--against his skin, the easy smiles and meaningful glances, Spencer would be content just to have that. He doesn't ask for much, really, and so he thinks it's only fair that he gets to keep this feeling. This love for Joel that he's never known before is intense and constant and nervewracking and real, and Spencer wouldn't trade it for anything.

There's a comfortable silence that falls between them for a few minutes, each of them taking turns looking out in the ocean before missing the other's eyes, until finally, Spencer decides that after Joel's story, he ought to make an attempt at telling one of his own. He bites down on the corner of his lip, brow knitting in concentration as he begins to poke at the sand, searching until he's able to find three stones that are significantly different enough in size. The largest of the stones will be to symbolize his father, the next his mother, and the final one himself, and Spencer is unsure of whether this attempt to communicate will even work but they've done well enough with each other so far. He may not be an expert at human communication or customs yet but neither Joel nor anyone else in the palace has ever once made him feel like a fool for that, even if sometimes he does catch the occasional odd look thrown his way.

For the most part, he thinks he catches on quickly, though he's still a bit confused about the proper way to show someone he cares for them, despite Davin's attempts in the marketplace to help. While there are certain parts of his advice that Spencer thinks he might try, he'd come to the conclusion that whatever he does to make Joel aware of how much he loves him will have to come from himself. Something like this can't be forced, can't be faked, and for that reason alone, Spencer hasn't given up on this. It would be quite clear, he thinks, if Joel wasn't at all interested in him beyond friendship and in spite of the fact that Spencer isn't exactly sure what's going on at all between them, he thinks that maybe it's good that he's a bit confused. This was never meant to be easy, Ersa had told him that, and he knows that he can't take much of what the sea witch has to say at face value but in this case, he thinks she's right.

Joel is everything that he wants and for that, Spencer is paying a price. It's one he doesn't necessarily mind, aside from the most frustrating moments when nobody seems to be able to understand him until Joel's eventually able to make it to his side to somehow translate a voiceless man's wishes.

Shaking himself from that train of thought, Spencer returns his attention to the stones he'd gathered. He sets the two larger stones side by side and adds the smallest one to the cluster just beneath them, pointing at it then at himself to indicate that it's meant to represent him, the child, the smallest of his family. After a brief moment of hesitation, he frowns and pushes the rock that represents his mother away, burying it the sand so that only the other two remain. It's a crude way of trying to explain the death of his mother, and he has no way of properly explaining to Joel even in symbols that she'd died because she'd come too close into contact with humans, but maybe that's for the best. He wouldn't want Joel to think he holds any sort of grudge against this world because he doesn't, he hadn't taken after his father in that way. If anything, it had made him more curious, an initial pull to figure out why she'd been killed to a genuine interest in people whose lives are so different than his own. Nearly everything is different, in fact, except for the ties to family.

Just like the merfolk, some families get along better than others, and Spencer knows he'd all but abandoned his father to pursue a longshot in finding love but in the end, he would have known nothing but regret had he not taken the risk. His father would understand at least that, he thinks; Spencer remembers the story of how his father and mother had ended up together well, and it'd started with his mother having been smitten with someone else entirely. Had his father not been patient, had he not persevered in proving to his mother how much he'd cared for her, Spencer may very well not have been born at all.

It isn't love at first sight for everyone, possibly barely anyone, and Spencer hadn't even believed in it until just a few days ago but that's precisely why he's sure that even if he never gets his kiss, returning to the ocean with his heart broken will at least be made just slightly easier with the knowledge that his father will not forsake him.

Joel watches what Spencer does with the stones intently, though it takes him a moment to understand what's being told to him. The stones are meant to represent Spencer and his parents, he thinks, the two larger and the one smaller making that clear enough. But then Spencer pushes one of the larger stones away and for a second he thinks he means that his mother had left the both of them, abandoned the family. It isn't until he buries it under the sand that Joel makes the connection and his eyes widen slightly. He doesn't know if Spencer chose to do that on purpose, if he knows the custom of burying people once they die, but Joel finds his throat tightening a little as he looks at the place where that stone has been pushed under the sand.

He's never known his birth parents, but that has never mattered to him. The king and queen, the people who adopted him, they are his parents, and he's never felt any need to look further. Not until recently, anyway, with these strange visions he's had now and then. They've made him wonder if there's something else, something he's unaware of from his birth parents, but even that isn't enough to send Joel on a quest for them. He thinks of something happening to the queen, he thinks of losing her in some way, and his heart aches. She's been the only mother he's ever known, the only one he's ever wanted and he can't imagine his life without her. No matter how overbearing she can be at times, no matter how often he finds himself laughing and rolling his eyes over her excessive displays of affection, he'd be lost without her and he knows it. She's his guide through rough waters, the strongest, most dependable person he's ever known.

If he lost her, he would be destroyed.

"How old were you when it happened?" he ask, his voice soft. "I mean... were you quite young?" It's not as easy for Spencer to share stories of his life, he knows that, but they're trying and he thinks they're more or less succeeding. Perhaps there are some things that will take a bit more time, perhaps there are stories that Spencer will have to write out, things he'll have to work at to make clear for Joel, but he has every confidence that they'll arrive where they want to be. Their communication hasn't seemed to suffer that greatly just because Spencer can't speak and he has every confidence they'll be able to continue on. As time passes he's sure they'll only get better. They'll find ways to let each other know what they're thinking or feeling with simple touches or even just a glance. Joel has every intention of learning Spencer inside and out, just in case the thing he'd seen meant nothing.

But of that he's not certain. It had seemed too pointed to be nothing. Similar things have happened to him too often to just write off and he wonders if he should talk to Spencer about it, if maybe he'll have some knowledge that Joel doesn't have. Maybe he'll just be able to reassure Joel, to promise him he isn't going crazy and that the things he's seeing have some kind of basis in reality, some kind of purpose. Feeling like he's seeing things without reason is unsettling and as much as Joel doesn't understand what's happening, he would rather there be a reason behind it all. Some kind of explanation.

And it isn't that he thinks Spencer will be able to give him all the answers, but it would be so nice to just tell him everything that's going on and have Spencer take his hand in return. Every worry he has, every fear that maybe he's losing his mind, he thinks they might all disappear if Spencer were to look at him and promise just with his smile that he was going to be okay.

"You must miss her," he says, looking at the stones again. He'll ask, but he'll leave it for later. When maybe he's had a little time to gather his own thoughts on it. "I can't even imagine how difficult that must be."

Twenty-four years have passed since his mother had been taken from him and while her death hadn't exactly been kept quiet in their community of merfolk, it's been understood for long enough that neither Spencer nor his father are often too keen to talk about her. Friends of hers will occasionally offer him a story or two about something daring she'd done when they were young or how fascinated she'd been by everything around her, just like they can see Spencer is, but they're always met with a tight smile and a weak excuse for having to be somewhere else. It isn't that Spencer hadn't loved his mother, it isn't that he doesn't miss her, but thinking of her when he can barely remember now what her face had looked like is simply far too painful a thing to bear.

Just yesterday, he'd been caught staring up at an enormous family portrait hanging in the main hall of the palace, with Joel and Caden clearly quite a bit younger than they are now seated in front of their very proud parents, the king and queen both portrayed with less lines on their faces than they've gained since it'd been commissioned. They are every bit the happy family, the kind of family everyone dreams of having because anything less is tragic, and Spencer had gazed longingly at it for so long, wishing that he hadn't lost the happy family of his own, until one of the kitchen maids had lured him away with the promise of cake samples. The merfolk have nothing like that to preserve memory, no paintings that could survive the water, and so, Spencer has no way to clear the image he has of his mother that grows fuzzier each day.

He'd told his father this once, a few years ago around the time of his twenty-fifth birthday, and rather than the comfort he'd been expecting, Spencer had been surprised to find how angry his father had been. It'd taken a long time to understand why that had been the instinctual reaction but Spencer does now--at least, he thinks he does, he's never had the courage to talk about it to his father again. The conclusion that he'd come to is that there's no cure for heartbreak, not even time. There's no truly recovering over a loss so great that nothing in the world could ever hope to replace it. Spencer knows that his father loves him, he does, but as a son, he doesn't fill the void that his mother had left in his father. For that, Spencer resents no one, especially not now that he has an idea of what it might be like to love and lose something so incredibly special.

Still, no matter how little he remembers of his mother, Spencer does miss her desperately. She would have had much to say about his feelings for Joel, he's quite sure of it, and perhaps he would have gone directly to see her about it rather than let April lead him to Ersa but at the same time, if that had been the case, he might not have ended up here. In the end, it's worth all the consequences just to be able to sit out here with the man he loves, even if that love isn't wholly returned. He reaches his hand out between them to draw in the sand, six straight lines that are meant to indicate the age he'd lost his mother, and he takes the smallest stone and sets it down on top of the lines. He gives Joel a small, melancholy smile, more genuine than he's ever given anyone who's talked to him about his mother, and it's all because thinking of her now in relation to what she might have said about Joel is not as bitter as Spencer might have thought it would be.

It's bittersweet, perhaps, because he can imagine that she'd demand they all meet so she could swim to a cove that's out of sight from anyone merely wandering the beach so that she could look Joel over, give him a mother seal of approval, talk to him until she sees just how right he his for her son. She would have seen it, Spencer's certain of that, and if his father wasn't so hellbent on believing that human walking on land was nothing short of a menace, Spencer's sure he'd see it, too.

"Six," Joel says, his voice soft as he exhales. There's so much he doesn't know about his own life, what might have been had he not been found by the queen. Sometimes he wonders why his parents had chosen to give him up, if it had been because they didn't want him or couldn't care for him. As a child, when he hadn't been busy pretending his mother had been a mermaid, he'd liked to imagine maybe she had needed to let him go in order to keep him safe. That maybe someone was going to hurt him and so she'd made the greatest sacrifice she could and she had given him up so that he would be able to live. It's a silly story, a fairytale he'd told himself as a child so that the thought of abandonment might hurt a little less, but at least he'd never known her. At least whatever it was he's lost, he'll never know to miss it. Six is young, but it's old enough to have memories and it's old enough to be aware of the loss. Joel can't imagine how painful it must have been.

"I'm sorry," he says, reaching across the sand to touch Spencer's hand with the tips of his fingers, a gentle brush against the back of his knuckles. "That must have been terrible." If he thinks about it too long, if he thinks about how horrified his father would be if he were to lose his mother, he can feel himself growing faintly anxious, as if somehow thinking about it might actually make it happen. Joel's father is the king, but that doesn't mean he's not without his own weaknesses and he's certain that if his mother were to ever die, his father, the entire family, they would all be quite lost. She's the backbone of everything they are. She holds them together.

And Joel is certain no one ever thanks her for it. He's filled with a sudden rush of love for his mother and a desire to go back to the palace and tell her how much he appreciates her. She'd be bewildered most likely and she'd laugh it off, but he thinks she would appreciate the gesture all the same and so he decides he will. Even if it's only a quiet moment, a kiss to her cheek and a whispered thank you, he has a feeling that may be enough for her for the moment. It isn't as if he says it nearly often enough in the first place and something, he imagines, is better than nothing.

"Are you close with your father?" he asks, returning his attention to Spencer once more. A death in the family like that might bring them closer together, but he also imagines it could drive a wedge between them if not handled very well. The loss of someone that important, that significant has to be hard enough, but to think of how to explain it to a child, someone as young as six must add another level of difficulty that he's sure not everyone handles very well. But Spencer is so kind, so well rounded that Joel has to believe he's still close with his father.

People don't just turn out as incredible as Spencer has, not without guidance, not without at least some help. Joel thinks the way people are raised has a lot to do with how they treat others and he's seen nothing but kindness and honesty from Spencer. "He must be worried about you," he says. "Do you think there's a way for us to send word to him that you're alright?"

He smiles sadly at the question of his father, nodding slowly as his gaze lowers to the larger rock still planted in the sand. That's what his father has always been to him, of course, a rock, a constant who Spencer had feared for a few years after his mother's death would leave him, too, but he hadn't. No, his father hadn't left, but Spencer had and very suddenly, he feels overcome with the guilt of living his father alone without a word of where he'd gone. April had promised to find him, to tell him that Spencer was alright, but he hasn't seen her since that day Ersa had granted him legs so he's had no way to determine whether his father had gotten word or not.

He lowers his gaze, knowing very well that there's little hope of finding another way to contact his father, and he picks the rock up to examine it more closely for a moment. It's dark but for a collection of white spots, longer than it is wide, and its underside is flatter than its top. There have been moments in between enjoying his time with Joel that Spencer has wished he could speak to his father again, at least see him, if only to get an indication of whether is father is angry at him or not. He thinks that in the end, it will be enough just to have Spencer back in the ocean--back where he belongs, his father would say--but that's just it; he doesn't belong there because that isn't where Joel is. Where he belongs is at Joel's side, he feels the truth in that more clearly than anything else, and even his father wouldn't be able to sway him from the love he has for the prince.

Humans are nothing but trouble, son, no good can come of being near them.

How wrong his father had been, as well as his intentions may have been when he'd delivered that warning. Spencer knows his father has every reason to believe the truth in that, to believe that humans are hungry for nothing but power and control over everything they touch, even the waters that the merfolk call home; but even with what he's known, what he's been told, Spencer hadn't been able to bring himself to believe that all humans are alike. His mother had been killed by them, it's true, and Spencer hopes that those people have suffered grievously for it; but Joel isn't like that. Nearly none of the people in the palace are like that, they have been kind and caring and gentle, and Spencer wishes his father could see that.

He pushes himself to his knees, crawling closer to where sand is wet from the crash of the waves, and he tilts his head back to the let the ocean breeze blow his hair back from his face. It's peaceful out here, as he'd known it would be, and if it weren't for the fact that the maids go to such trouble every night to put his bed in order, Spencer thinks he'd be content to simply sleep out here on the beach while listening to the water meet and leave the shore. It's close to home, at least, close to where he still might end up if all of this comes crashing down around him; but if that does happen, he takes comfort in knowing that his father will be there to help him try to pick up the pieces.

Spencer breathes in the salty air, exhaling deeply and rolling his shoulders before winding his arm back with a tightened grip on the rock. He listens for the waves, waits for them to wash away, and with the flick of his wrist, he lets the rock go flying as his eyes snap open. The rock skips once, twice, three times before the waves carry it away, and Spencer smiles to himself before looking over his shoulder at Joel. He misses his father, he regrets not taking better care to keep his father informed of what he'd done, but Spencer can't imagine taking any of this back. If Ersa were to offer him his tail back right now and live a life full of riches with his father but with the caveat that he could never see Joel again, he wouldn't take it. There's nothing in the world that could be more valuable to him than this, than what they have and what more they could have, if only fate will be so kind as to give it to them.

Joel could watch him forever.

It's not a particularly startling realization, but it's one he arrives at slowly as he watches the way Spencer looks down at the rock in his hand and then how he gets up and moves toward the water. Despite the pain Joel knows he's experiencing, he moves with a certain kind of grace that Joel knows he's never had, something he'll never be able to find. He's no taller than Spencer, but he is bigger, wider through the shoulders and across his back, unwieldy when it comes to matters such as dance or even most competitive sports the princes are supposed to find themselves involved with. He's never been interested in hunting or cricket or anything else he's supposed to do, mostly because he's always found the movements to be awkward and uncomfortable. Sailing and swimming, those are the things Joel loves, and he can see how Spencer would be in the water, too. He can see the strength and the ease of movement, the way he'd cut through the waves.

And Joel would truly be able to watch him forever. Maybe there's a chance for that, maybe he can find a way to make it all work out so that they can be together. Maybe he won't have to go another day without being able to see Spencer and Joel has never been much of an optimist, but he catches that hope and holds onto it with everything he can. This is what he's moving toward. He watches Spencer pull back his arm, he watches the flick of his wrist that adds the spin to skip the rock across the water, and when he looks up, he finds Spencer is looking back at him and he smiles. This is what he's holding onto, this man and that smile and every movement he makes that Joel feels is certain must be a type of magic with the way it so enchants him.

He considers going to Spencer and offering his hand, helping him to his feet, but instead Joel shuffles forward on his knees as well. So much of what he's done with Spencer has been done without thought because he knows if he allows himself to get caught up in the possibilities, in the what ifs and the hypotheticals, he'll stop moving altogether. He'll lose any and all confidence he sometimes finds. Joel can't think when he's around Spencer, he can't allow himself that, because his thoughts will only get in the way of what he wants. Of what he thinks they both want. He's never been especially physically affectionate, preferring to keep his hugs to his family. Even meeting other royal families has been uncomfortable for him when he's done his best to have to avoid pressing kisses to the hand of every woman he meets, but this is different. Everything with Spencer is.

On his knees, he finds himself behind Spencer and he simply leans forward, pressing his cheek between Spencer's shoulder blades and resting there for a moment. All he can hear is the pull and the swell of the waves, the sound of Spencer's breathing and his own heart beat loud in his ears. His hands remain by his sides and he closes his eyes and keep his ear pressed to Spencer's back and just listens to his breathe for several long moments. He could watch him forever, this much is true, but he could listen to him forever. Just the sound of his heart, the pull of air into his lungs. He could sit here forever with this single point of contact and never want for anything else in his entire life.

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