[closed - Spencer - June 19]

[just_another]

It's been over a year since their ruined attempt at a first date and Joel has been making plans for months now to celebrate. For a few weeks he had considered celebrating it on the same day, but he doesn't want to draw attention to the fact that it's been a year since Mark Fuller had kidnapped Spencer and dragged him up to the lighthouse to get revenge on Joel. He's in prison now, he'll be in prison for years to come, and his influence on their life together isn't something Joel wants to remember.

So instead of celebrating on the day, he makes plans for a week later. It's a Friday and he sends Spencer to work at the store with a kiss and a promise to call him later. He's made up an emergency repair in the bathroom and even made it look realistic by dumping a cup of water on the floor. (Something is leaking, he had insisted. I need to fix this because once the baby is here I won't have time to tear up the floor if I need to.)

Nothing is leaking. The bathroom is fine.

A year ago they had planned to meet on the boardwalk and watch a movie together and Mark had ruined that. So now Joel is bringing the boardwalk and the movie to their backyard. He's been very careful about his rentals, making sure to use the money he has in his own account so Spencer doesn't find out about any of it. There's a popcorn machine, a large, comfortable loveseat for the two of them to watch the movie, a projector and a giant screen all set up in the back yard. There's a cooler beside the loveseat with ice and beer -- because you can't get whiskey on the boardwalk -- and when Joel calls Spencer at the end of the day to make sure he's home on time, he's pretty satisfied with what he's put together.

"I took care of the leak," he promises. "But there's a bit of a clean up to do. You were planning on coming straight home, right? I could really use the help." And when Spencer promises he's on his way, Joel smiles before he ends the call.

A little over a year ago, someone ruined what was to be their first date. No one is going to interrupt this night. Joel isn't going to let them.

Comments

[doublethepain]

The only reason Spencer is moving is because if he doesn't, Joel will only end up dragging him down the floor of the hall. Having to let Dane be taken out of his arms is already the hardest thing he's ever had to do, and he feels a bit numb in spite of the fact that he's sure it won't be long before he gets to see his baby again. Nobody had warned him it would be like this, that the pure elation that comes with meeting his child for the first time would be followed by such irrational terror so quickly after--or maybe they had, and he simply hadn't been able to understand it until now.

There's nothing to be worried about, he reassures himself, and he thinks that maybe he should say that out loud because if he knows his husband as well as he's sure he does, Joel will be having the same kinds of thoughts. It's all procedure, it's normal, but then again, Dane had been three weeks early and that's not necessarily normal. The doctor hadn't looked worried and neither had any of the nurses, but they're trained professionals. Still, they'd have been more urgent if there was a chance something could be wrong. They wouldn't have let Joel and Spencer have their moment with their newborn son, wouldn't have teased and smiled and laughed... At least, Spencer hopes not.

All these thoughts distract him to the point that he barely notices Charlotte's approach, even after he stumbles along with Joel as she crashes into her brother, but after a moment, he manages to give her a dazed smile. That's the best way he can really describe himself right now, dazed, because all of this feels like some kind of dream that he's worried he'll wake up from at any moment.

When he'd been under Roman's thumb last month, he'd dreamed of a little girl. Their little Rose, perfectly content in the nursery they'd tailored, and he'd dreamed of her more than once. Every time he'd been forced back awake into that living nightmare, it's what he'd held onto and he'd meant what he said to Joel they day he and Davin had escaped that warehouse--his husband and their future child, they'd been what had kept him alive. Being here now, in the hospital for something good for the very first time, it seems so much more unreal than any of those dreams ever had.

"Dane," Charlotte's repeating, and Spencer shakes himself back into sharper vision and a clearer head as he catches the softened smile she gives him. "After your brother. I like it."

"It's perfect," Ellie adds, stepping closer to press a kiss to Joel's cheek, then to Spencer's.

Brian follows soon after, gathering them both in a massive bear hug as he sniffles and quite suddenly, he and Joel are being surrounded by all three of the Bakers, every single one of them giving up on trying to hold back their tears.

"Ellie, we're grandparents," Brian says, wiping his sleeve over his eyes. "You know what this means, don't you? We're old geezers. Past the point of no return."

Ellie scoffs at that, giving her husband a light smack, though there's no missing just how happily she's beaming. It's all so bizarre, Spencer thinks, though in the best possible way he could have never imagined. Even after he'd been certain after just a couple months that Joel would be the man he'd want to spend the rest of his life with, Spencer hadn't quite been able to dream up anything like this. There's a warmth in his chest that he's not sure will ever go away now that it's there because while Spencer has known loss, while those losses will never stop affecting him, he's fortunate enough to say that he's been given a second chance at having a family.

Their son will know loving grandparents and an aunt who will surely do nothing but spoil him, and Spencer wishes that his mother and brother could be here for this but Dane won't grow up knowing nothing about the Waters side of his name--and Spencer hopes he'll feel like he can be proud of it.

"He's beautiful," Spencer says, laughing shyly when he realizes that's the first thing to come out of his mouth since they'd all come together. It's the truth, though, and he looks to Joel with a trembling bottom lip as tears form his his eyes again. "They said it won't be long before you all can meet him, but god, he's-- He's just so beautiful. He's going to grow up looking just like Joel, I'm not even sure my heart will be able to take it."

[just_another]

"Oh, dear god, he looks like Joel?" Ellie asks and she's being a little over the top, Joel thinks, in the way she presses her hand against her chest like it physically pains her to hear that. But maybe they're all being a little ridiculous, he realizes, their adrenaline, their excitement, all of it bubbling over and ending up with this interaction, all five of them reacting in their own ways to this amazing news. "If he looks like Joel, you're absolutely doomed, Spencer. You have no idea how hard it was to look at a little boy with those big eyes and curls and tell him no whenever he was being bad. You're probably going to have to leave all the discipline to Joel, he'll won't be quite as affected by someone who looks just like him, but you're going to be in terrible trouble."

"Ugh, he looks like Joel," Charlotte says, rolling her eyes playfully. "That's seriously disappointing."

"Charlie," Ellie snaps and Charlotte's eyes widen as if she's just been terribly reprimanded.

"What?" she asks. "It is disappointing. Have you seen Spencer and Erin together? They'd make like, a model perfect child with those cheekbones and their jaws. Joel's fine or whatever, it's not like he's hideous, but Spencer is way better looking. I mean, no offense," she adds a second later, catching sight of the incredulous expression Joel is wearing. Not because he's bothered by his sister saying he's not hideous, but because he's surprised to hear her say Spencer is better looking. He agrees with her entirely, he thinks Spencer is far more beautiful a man than Joel really deserves, but he's just never heard Charlotte say anything like that.

"Well, she's certainly not wrong," he says a second later, when he finally feels like he's actually caught up with the conversation. Most of his mind is still back there with Dane and he finds he's having a hard time following what everyone else is saying, but at this he reaches down and takes hold of Spencer's hand squeezing it lightly. "I would have been more than simply just doomed if he looked like Spencer."

"Well, I'm sure you made a beautiful baby," Ellie says, as if she still has to defend her son and he laughs, suddenly feeling lighter and better and happier than he thinks he ever has before.

"I think we did okay," he agrees, but he's still looking at Spencer. Maybe it isn't traditional, maybe Dane isn't biologically part of both of them, but that doesn't matter. They're both going to love him with all their hearts and he's always going to know it. He's never going to doubt that his daddies adore him, would do anything for him, will protect him and support him and hold his hand when he needs them to. No matter what he looks like, no matter who he takes after, no matter what sort of personality quirks he develops, he's theirs and nothing will ever change that.

"Come on," he says, moving back in the direction of the room. "The doctor said you can all meet him once they get him cleaned up and weighed. She said it would only take a few minutes, so they're probably all ready for us by now." And he knows his mother has to practically be itching to hold the baby if her expression is anything to go by. He's not sure he's ever seen anyone look quite so impatient.

And so he leads them back toward the room they've been assigned. Erin has been moved by the time they get there, likely to recovery and he wishes they could see her again, but he knows they'll have to give her some time to herself. She's given then such a great gift and he's so grateful to her, but he also knows she's been through a lot in the past day and a half.

"Where is he?" Charlotte demands, looking around the empty room. "I was promised an adorable nephew and I don't see a damn thing."

"He's here," the nurse says as she comes back into the room, wheeling a little bassinet in front of her. In it Dane is swaddled in a little white sheet that's covered in tiny yellow stars and Joel feels himself tearing up all over again just at the sight of him.

[doublethepain]

Spencer can't help the way his cheeks flush red when Charlotte say she's better looking and makes mention of his jaw and cheekbones. These are things he's never really considered about himself because before Joel, his appearance hadn't been much of an issue. His husband claims that he's seen people looking at Spencer when they walk down the street sometimes, but Spencer always just counters that he's sure they must be looking at Joel. He doesn't necessarily think of himself as ugly, he couldn't possibly when Joel tells him all the time that he's beautiful and there's not a word yet that's come out of Joel's mouth that's been a lie, but Spencer can't recall a single time that he's looked in the mirror and felt more than moderately satisfied that he didn't look like too much of a mess to be in public.

Well, save for the days after Mark's attack and then Roman's, but Spencer can hardly be blamed for looking like a disaster after spending so much time having fists thrown at his face.

"We did just fine," he says quickly, nodding in agreement with Joel, and he knows that Charlotte's only teasing but Spencer is eager to move on with the conversation because he doesn't want to draw attention to how pink his cheeks still are. "Better than that, actually, he's the most gorgeous little boy I've ever seen."

Saying that seems to settle him a bit, funnily enough, and he lets out a little sigh as his shoulders relax at the thought of having Dane in his arms again. That added weight had been everything he hadn't known he was missing in his life and there's nothing more he wants than to hold his newborn again. Granted, he might not be holding Dane for very long at first because he knows that their family will want to get their hands on him, too, and Spencer can hardly deny Dane's grandparents and aunt the right to fuss over him. There's already a flash of parental worry that it'll all be too much, that their tiny son will be too overwhelmed by all the attention, but he takes a deep breath and reminds himself that he and Joel are the ones calling the shots here.

The second the nurse comes through the door, rolling the baby into the room, Spencer is certain that he'll never remember how to breathe again. He gropes for Joel's hand and takes a step toward the bassinet, his free hand covering his mouth as he nods along with the stunned gasps he hears on either side of him. Only he and Joel are moving, both of them having approached the bassinet now, and Spencer lets out a cross between a laugh and a sob as he reaches out to brush his thumb against Dane's cheek.

"Oh, god," he murmurs, pulling his hand back as it starts to tremble. "Oh, god, Joel, our son." He turns his head to look at Ellie and Brian, both of them wide-eyed as they finally find it in themselves to move so they can peer at the baby, then at Charlotte, who seems to be frozen in place, though her neck is craned for a better look.

"This is our son," he continues, "your grandson, your nephew. See the hair, the curls? He's gorgeous, isn't it?"

"I take back everything I said about it being a disappointment that he looks like Joel," Charlotte says, ignoring her mother's tsk of disapproval that it should be brought up at all, and she looks up at Spencer and Joel with wide eyes. "Do we get to hold him? I mean, he's so little, is it okay?"

Spencer ducks his head to smile, refraining from telling Charlotte that even if the nurse were to tell him it might not be the best of ideas, there'd be nothing in this world that could stop him from holding his son. "He's three weeks early so it's to be expected that he's smaller."

"Five pounds, three ounces, to be exact," the nurse comments, smiling up at them as they all look at her, Spencer a bit guiltily because he'd forgotten she was there at all.

"My god," Ellie says, shaking her head in awe, "Joel was a little over seven pounds when he was born and even Charlotte was about six. Five pounds, I can't believe it. Can you believe it, Brian?"

"He's healthy," the nurse continues, "no complications that we were able to detect. Congratulations, gentlemen, your baby boy has a clean bill of health."

[just_another]

This entire time, Joel has been trying to convince himself that nothing is wrong. If something had been wrong, if Dane was ever in any sort of danger, he's sure the doctor and nurses would have been much more frantic. If he'd been sick or born far too early, they wouldn't even have let Joel and Spencer hold him for the time they'd been allowed before whisking him away, he knows all this, but at the same time he hadn't quite been able to convince himself. Hearing the nurse say it for the first time sends a wave of relief through Joel so powerful that for a moment he feels like he might actually lose his footing. His knees threaten to unhinge, but he manages to keep his balance by tucking his hand around Spencer's arm and holding onto him for a moment until the feeling passes. Then he's staring at Dane, staring down at his perfect little face wrapped up in the blanket, and he doesn't think he's even aware of the rest of the room. Spencer is beside him, he can feel the heat from his husband's arm, but besides that, it's only their baby. Dane is the only thing he can see, the only thing he can focus on, and he feels his heart beating faster, but this time it isn't due to fear or anxiety, he's just full of love and overwhelmed by emotion that he can't seem to respond in any other way.

"Can I hold him?" Charlotte asks, the first to break the silence, and Joel looks at her with a smile. He hadn't been sure if she would be afraid to pick him up or if she would immediately decide she's an expert at holding babies. With his sister, he's never quite sure if she's going to end up on one extreme end of the spectrum or the other, but it's always an extreme. Charlotte never does anything halfway and it's part of what he's always admired about her. She's brave in ways Joel has never been.

"Yeah," he says. "Of course you can hold him."

Dane is still blinking sleepily and Joel knows he's far too young to be able to focus on anything, but he still likes to know the baby is maybe already beginning to recognize the shapes and sounds that make up him and Spencer. He makes a soft little gurgling sound when Charlotte picks him up and she does so with the ease of someone who really is comfortable holding babies, although he can't remember a time when she might have had any reason to hold a baby. Still, she cradles Dane expertly, smiling down at his face and touching one finger gently to the tip of his tiny nose.

"Hi, Dane," she says, her voice soft. "I'm your Aunt Charlotte and any time your stupid dads won't let you do something fun, that's where I come in. Or probably Coop, I bet he's going to try and take over the fun uncle thing from me, but I met you first. You remember that when he swoops in with the fancy house on the beach and all his puppies. I met you first."

"Hey, this stupid dad is letting you hold his baby," Joel protests, but he's laughing anyway, mostly because he thinks Charlotte is probably right. She and Coop are going to have to fight over who gets to do all the fun things with Dane, like fill him up with sugar and get him really hyper before sending him home. He's sure they'll both find ways to make it possible.

"And not for much longer, it's my turn," Ellie adds, holding her arms out for Dane. "You can only deprive a grandmother of holding her first grandchild for so long before she turns nasty and I don't care if we're in a hospital, I will whip out the magic if that's what it takes to get him into my arms."

"Oh my god, here," Charlotte says, rolling her eyes as she carefully passes the baby along to Ellie. "You'd think I'd been hogging him for an hour or something instead of thirty seconds."

[doublethepain]

"We'll let him do fun things," Spencer protests, pushing out his bottom lip just slightly into a pout as he feigns dismay. "We'll teach him to read as soon as he's old enough, reading is fun."

Charlotte merely glares at him for a moment before gently transferring the baby to Ellie's arms, and Spencer can't help to break back into a smile at the way his sister-in-law coos at Dane, reaching out to brush her thumb over Dane's cheek before Ellie turns away from her to show him to Brian. Charlotte is one of the boldest young women Spencer has ever met, and she's been like this from the moment he'd met her so there's very little she can say or do that gets a genuinely stunned reaction out of him anymore; but he has to admit that in spite of the way she seems to prefer to roll her eyes over anything meant to be touching, in the moments that count, Charlotte doesn't take what's important for granted.

They'd shared a moment together about a month after the demon had been expelled and Erin had revealed her pregnancy. Joel had stepped out, just to pick something up for lunch to bring back to the store, and Spencer had been making use of the lull in the afternoon to make sure the books on the shelves were properly alphabetized. Charlotte had walked up to his side after a moment of watching from the counter and given him a small, crooked smile before saying, "I'm glad he met you. And that I didn't have to give the 'you break his heart, I break your neck' speech."

Spencer had blinked back at her, silent for a beat until he'd managed to whisper, "Me, too" before Joel had walked back into the store.

This is the family he'd never imagined he'd have, the one he'd been certain was forever lost to him long ago, but here they are. Ellie, Brian, and Charlotte may be his in-laws but they treat him as one of their own, as if he'd belonged with their family all along, and Spencer bites down hard on his lip to keep himself from letting out the little whimper that's building in his throat as he slips his arm around Joel's waist just to make sure they're both still going to be able to stand upright.

"You're all welcome to spoil him as much as you'd like," Spencer says, proud that his voice only slightly wavers, though it's not as if any one of his family members would bother to wait for permission for such a thing. They'd all been doomed long before Dane had actually been born, at least if the baby shower had been any indication, and it still feels so surreal that their baby is finally here. He scrubs a hand over his face and lets out a little laugh, shaking his head when Ellie and Brian give him a curious glance.

His face flushes a bit as he fixes his gaze on Joel, always on Joel because it's when he's most comfortable, and shrugs sheepishly. "It feels like we've waited forever for Dane to come," he says, "and now that he's here, it's even more incredible than I thought it'd be."

[just_another]

It's incredibly surreal, watching his family with Dane, watching his mother hold the grandchild she'd always wanted, the one he was sure he would never be able to give her. Ellie had made no secret about wanting grandchildren, but Joel had given up on finding anyone to spend his life with a very long time ago and at twenty-two, Charlotte cheerfully announces she's still far too young to be thinking about any of this, which is a sentiment Brian generally seems to agree with. Joel suspects it's Charlotte's way of just avoiding the conversation altogether, because while he thinks his sister would make a great mother, he's also not entirely sure it's something she wants for herself, which is a fair choice and one she has to make for herself. In a way, Joel thinks he and Spencer may have taken the pressure and expectations off her a little, because he has a feeling his mother is going to spend the next few years very distracted by Dane.

He smiles when Spencer's arm goes around him and he wraps his arm around his husband in return. Shifting, he leans in and presses a kiss against Spencer's temple, resting his lips against his hair and just holding himself there for a moment. This is where he's most comfortable, as always, wrapped up with Spencer, and this is where he needs to be at the moment. They're surrounded by their loving family, but being with Spencer is what he always wants, especially in moments like this, when his emotions feel like they might overwhelm him at any given moment.

"It does feel a little... it feels surreal," he agrees with a soft breath of laughter, turning his head again so he can face his family, his arm still around Spencer, keeping him close. "In a good way, of course. It's just... it's like Spencer was saying, it feels like we've been waiting for this for such a long time. Getting ready for it, building the nursery, the parties, all the stuff Spencer bought and I returned," he continues, gently teasing before he heaves a giant, helpless sigh. "I can't believe he's finally here. He's finally real."

He understands how the development works, how the baby grows before he's born, but at the same time this is far more real to him than ultrasounds had been. Hearing Dane's heart beating for the first time is the only thing that comes even remotely close to this, but even that isn't the same. Not nearly as real as being able to reach out and touch Dane's soft little cheek, which he does without moving away from Spencer.

"Don't worry, he's going to start feeling very real, very quickly," Ellie assures him with a laugh as she cradles Dane gently and rocks him back and forth. He's still staring up with wide eyes, but after a moment they start to droop sleepily and Joel would swear his heart actually swells with how adorable their baby looks, drifting off to sleep in his grandmother's arms.

"I can't wait to take him home," he says softly, squeezing Spencer against him. "I can't wait to put him in his car seat and show him his nursery and introduce him to the animals." He's a little nervous about how excitable Huxley might be, but the dog has proven to be smart enough, even if he is a little prone to jumping up on things he shouldn't, and Joel thinks they can teach him fairly quickly how he's expected to act around the baby.

[doublethepain]

Spencer knows Ellie is teasing, that the baby won't be staying this quiet for long, especially not once they get him home and into an entirely new environment, but he's not as worried as he could be. That will likely change the second the doctor tells them they're free to go and even at just that thought, Spencer has to do a mental review of whether the car seat they've got set up in the back of the car hasn't reached its expiration date--of course it hasn't, they'd only bought it a couple months ago--or that the nursery really is completed, which it has been for weeks now. They keep putting extra touches on it, but it's done, it's ready for Dane whenever he can go home, and Spencer lets the image of putting their baby in his crib for the first time soothe him.

This is only the beginning. Their baby is barely an hour old, but he's the most beautiful thing Spencer has ever seen, save for the man standing right next to him. It'd been life-altering enough to realize that he'd never have to go another day--at least, not voluntarily--without waking up to his husband; but now, they'll be sleeping with Dane right next to them in the bassinet attached to the bed, and Spencer has been building himself up mentally to prepare for being woken in the night by the baby's crying, but he's made a promise to himself not to let any of it get to him.

That they have a baby now to wake them up at all is the best gift they'll ever be given, and they owe so much to Erin for allowing them to have this, for choosing them to carry a baby for when Spencer is sure there are so many other deserving couples like them who are still looking for the right surrogate. In spite of all the things that have gone wrong over the past year, the more important things have gone right. He's standing here with a husband who loves him and and their child, this perfect little boy that they've been waiting for, and everything just feels settled. Everything feels right.

"If Huxley doesn't try to cuddle right up to him, I'll be shocked," Spencer says, grinning at his husband before lowering his head to rest it on Joel's shoulder. Already, he can feel his eyelids getting heavy, and he knows he has little right to be so tired when all they've been doing is waiting all these hours while Erin had done all the hard work, but he's feeling the adrenaline of new fatherhood slowly draining. His heart is still pounding with this brand new love that's flooding the room he's been making for his child, but Spencer is barely even aware of it as his eyes flutter for just a couple seconds before he's called out on it.

"You just had the actual most perfect baby boy in this universe, and you're about to fall asleep?"

It's Charlotte, of course it is, and Spencer's eyes fly open as he lifts his head from Joel to give his sister-in-law a sheepishly surprised look. Brian is cooing over the baby, though Spencer can see the slight smirk on his face, and Ellie only gives him a warm, knowing look that Spencer thoroughly appreciates because if nothing else, it makes him feel like he's not the only parent who's been ready to collapse after meeting his newborn.

"I'm not falling asleep," Spencer says, lifting his chin up in defiance. "I left my glasses at home, and I'm resting my eyes. That's all."

[just_another]

"Hey, it's been a long night," Joel says to his sister, digging his phone out of his pocket so he can check the time. It's nearing midnight and he has no idea how that much time has passed already when it seems like only minutes ago he and Spencer were in their backyard with a movie playing on that giant screen he'd had set up. He cringes faintly, hoping it's been left alone, that no one has touched it or the projector he hasn't given a second thought since they were called to the hospital. If something has happened to it, he'll deal with it later, because there's nothing in the world as important as this moment right now and he grins as he looks over at Spencer again, then shakes his head in amusement.

"What?" Charlotte asks, as if he might be making a joke at her expense. "What's so funny?"

"It's nothing," Joel tells her. "It's just... a year ago and a week ago tonight Spencer and I were supposed to go see a movie on the boardwalk together. Our first date." He knows he doesn't need to put into words what actually happened, his parents and his sister all know what happened on that first date instead of the actual date so he doesn't see any point in drawing it out and telling the whole awful story again. Not when tonight is full of such celebration and so much happiness. It's just funny in a way, drawing parallels to the fact that they've been interrupted all over again, though this time it's for a much better reason. There's nothing Joel wants more in the world than to just have his family together and tonight it had happened. "I was trying to recreate the whole thing tonight. I rented a projector and a screen to put up in the yard. We were finally going to get that first outdoor movie date."

"And it got interrupted again," Charlotte finishes for him, but she's smiling. "A hell of a good reason to have your first movie date interrupted, though. You got a way better outcome than any date could ever have. Unless you were gonna bang, which you probably were, so... I don't know. You wanted the baby, so that's still probably the better outcome. Plenty of time for banging in the future."

"Charlotte, please," Ellie says, closing her eyes as if her daughter is causing her physical pain and Joel would laugh, but the longer his sister speaks, the redder his cheeks get and he lifts his free hand to rub at one unconsciously, as if he can rub away his blush. That isn't how he had intended the conversation to go, but he should know better whenever Charlotte is around, that she's not only going to know exactly what Joel's plans are whenever it comes to spending time alone with Spencer, but that she'll also be perfectly comfortable saying them out loud in an attempt to embarrass him. It's not at all that he's ashamed of the incredible sex life he and Spencer share, but he likes to keep it just between the two of them. It's special and it's private and he doesn't want to talk about it with anyone else.

He's about to chime in that no one needs to hear all that when the doctor arrives in the room, giving Spencer and Joel a bright smile.

"How's everyone doing in here?" she asks, crossing to where Brian is holding Dane so she can check on him. "Sound asleep, just as he should be. We've got some bottles prepared for him when he wakes up, because he's going to want to eat right away, but we need to discuss what we're going to do for the next day or so. Now there's nothing at all to be worried about, Dane is perfectly healthy and he's only three weeks early, so he's technically still a full term baby, which is good news. Because he's a couple of weeks early, though, I would feel safer keeping him overnight to keep an eye on him. It's not likely any complications will arise, but it's better to be safe when it comes to early births."

[doublethepain]

Though less so than before, it can still be a bit of a struggle for Spencer to keep himself from getting lost in memories of the night of the lighthouse. He can see the brief flicker in both Ellie and Brian's eyes and though he appreciates that what had happened to Amy had changed so much of their lives, too, Spencer doesn't think he could ever really talk to them about what had happened. It's not as if it hadn't been in the papers, though not with all the gory details because Spencer had avoided the reporters' calls like the plague, and he's sure that Joel has told him whatever he'd been willing; but none of them have ever brought it up with each other because there's very little that can be said.

Apologies are useless when it's none of their faults, after all, and hashing it out when it's more than a year passed wouldn't do any of them any good. Spencer has had his panic over the incident, and Joel has always been the one there to talk him down. That day he'd had an attack in the library after Raleigh had broken a glass, Joel had been the only one who could have brought him back to a calmer state. He's yet to experience something like that because of what had happened with Roman, but Spencer would like to think that after New York and becoming a father, his mind will leave no room for anything resembling panic unless it's over what the baby wants when he starts to cry.

Of course, the fact that Charlotte brings up sex makes it easy enough for Spencer to keep his mind of Mark and the lighthouse, too. He suspects that none of them could ever forget when she'd walked in on Spencer with his lips around Joel's cock in the bookstore, and the way she'd pointedly looking at him now is enough evidence of that. He's scrambling in his mind for something to say, any retort at all that can be spoken without a stutter, but he looks to Joel with wide eyes as his cheeks start to flush a deep red.

That the doctor walks in at that moment is something Spencer wants to thank her profusely for, but he settles for a soft sigh of relief as he lets his forehead briefly drop down against Joel's shoulder before turning his attention back to the doctor.

"You're sure it's only a precaution?" he asks, bouncing slightly on his heels as he tightens his arm around Joel. It's a nervous habit, one that he knows his husband is more than familiar with by now, and he looks from the doctor to the baby to his husband and back, all the while biting down on his lip. "I mean, we'll obviously stay as long as you think is necessary if it means Dane will be healthy, I just-- I want to know with certainty that our son is okay."

The doctor offers him a gentle smile, one that soothes him well enough because she hasn't yet presented herself as the type to treat the truth lightly or to keep anything as important as this from them. If something was wrong with Dane, they'd already know, Spencer's sure of that; he just needs to be reassured.

"Dane is going to be out of this hospital and at home where he's supposed to be in no longer than a day or two," she says. "Now, there's always the chance for complications, but I can tell you that in our evaluation of him so far, he's in good health. The early birth is what has him looking so tiny, he's at 5.2 ounces right now, but that's what the bottles are for. Once you're able to start feeding him, I'm confident that he'll gain more weight in no time."

[just_another]

Dane is small, that's impossible to miss, but Joel doesn't feel any of that worry that had been nearly overwhelming him not much earlier in the night. The doctor has been forthright with them from the start and he knows if something was seriously wrong with Dane, he wouldn't be here in the room with them. The nurse wouldn't have allowed him to be passed around the room, one person after another holding him carefully, not if there was any risk to him. Every single time they've been in this hospital -- and Joel has to admit that's probably been more than the average person -- the doctors and nurses have been wonderful with them. The number of witches on the staff is probably a lot higher than anyone realizes, but the fact that no one has reacted to any of their injuries or stories in any extreme way has made it easier for Joel to trust them. Maybe there are poor nurses here, maybe there are rude doctors, but so far they haven't run into any of them and for that Joel is extremely grateful. Especially here and now, when it comes to their baby, the most important thing they've ever done.

This is where Joel would be comfortable demanding the best care, actually being bold and expressing himself with confidence if he had to, but he's glad it doesn't come to that. The doctor cares about them and she cares about their baby and if Dane is her primary concern, then she's more than alright by Joel. So when she says there's really nothing to worry about, that keeping him here is just a precaution, he believes her. The anxiety has slowly seeped away, leaving him tired and happy, but no less attentive to her words as she explains that he's small and that he'll need to eat and gain some weight, but Joel is confident they won't have trouble there. All he wants right now is to feed Dane for the first time, to hold their baby in his arms and give him the bottle and see what happens.

"Good," he says with a nod, squeezing his arm gently around Spencer. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. We'll do whatever we need." Even if it means staying awake for another week without sleep, even if it means they have be here for much longer than just a day or two. There's nothing the doctor could say to either of them now that would be too much or be something they looked at as being too difficult, Joel knows this for a fact. He knows this without having to ask Spencer, he knows it without having to ask himself. He's met Dane less than an hour ago and already he knows that the two of them will do everything they can to make sure nothing ever happen to him. That he's safe, that he's loved, that he's protected and cared for.

"What you can do first is get some sleep," the doctor suggests, although her expression says she already knows what sort of answer she's going to get. "Even if you sleep in shifts. One of you is welcome to stay here, but the other should really go home and sleep a little."

Joel understands the common sense in what she's suggesting, he knows it would be the right thing to do, but he can't sleep without Spencer. His insomnia isn't as bad as it once was, but that's only due to the fact that Spencer is beside him in bed every night and the only time they've been apart had been to Joel's own stupidity and then Roman, the man Joel still thinks he might kill with his own two hands if he were to get the chance. Without Spencer, he tosses and turns, he stares at the ceiling, he tries every relaxation technique he's ever known, but none of them work, because his husband is by far the most comforting presence he's ever known.

"I don't think I'd get much sleep if I went home alone now," he says honestly. He suspects the same can be said of Spencer.

"Somehow I thought you'd say that," the doctor answers with a sigh, but she's still smiling faintly. "We don't have a private room available right now, but there is a shared room with a bed in it. We're willing to put you three there overnight as long as you both promise to get some sleep so that you're somewhat coherent in the morning."

"I can promise that," Joel answers instantly, though he suspects he really won't sleep much at all. Not if Dane is beside them in his little bassinet, sleeping away and utterly perfect.