just_another | [Closed, Spencer]

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closed,
spencer

[Closed, Spencer]

It's a little embarrassing that they had to get Coop to pick up and put up their tree, but neither of them is in any shape to be carrying anything heavy, not quite yet. Joel's ribs feel significantly better, but there's still pain if he moves too quickly or laughs too sharply. His hand is still in a cast. And although Spencer insists he's fine, Joel doesn't want to run the risk of injuring him further and so he'd enlisted Coop to take care of the tree for them.

It's only when Coop offers to help them hang some mistletoe that Joel chases him out of the house with a promise to talk to him tomorrow. He turns back to Spencer with a bit of a sheepish smile, then shrugs, because at least their tree is in the house and in the stand, all without either of them getting injured further. He can just imagine both of them insisting they're fine, trying to get a tree into the house and having such a hard time with it that all the needles end up on the floor before they even get it in the stand.

"At least now we can just spend the night decorating it instead of fighting to get it standing," he says, leaning close to Spencer and wrapping one arm around him. The house smells of pine and Joel inhales deeply, enjoying the smell, enjoying the memories it brings back. It's a little like being back in Shediac when things had still been good and he finds he really can't wait to see his parents next week.

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Joel sincerely hopes Spencer realizes that he's been given just as much in return. That he's the only reason Joel has found himself in the position to have this sort of life, that there is no one else who would have ever made him feel this comfortable, this capable, this strong, like maybe he actually has something to offer another person. And he's absolutely certain that Spencer is the only person he could be here with. He's had the chance over the years since that last, utterly atrocious date, to see other people, but it had all felt so wrong to him until Spencer. It had all felt like an impossibility, the sort of thing he was just never meant to have, but Spencer had changed all that. He had given Joel a chance to not only meet someone, but to truly be himself without worry of judgment or ridicule. For the first time in his adult life, Spencer had made him feel safe.

His arms slide around Spencer in return, though he can't quite pull his husband up against him as he likes to. Healing is taking far too long, as far as Joel is concerned, and he makes a soft noise against Spencer's mouth, then sighs. "You know you've given me the same, right?" he asks, his voice gentle, though he suddenly doesn't want to pay quite so much attention to the tree as before. Suddenly he wants to give all his attention to Spencer and he's already silently cursing his hand and his ribs. Whatever happens, however he insists he feels, Spencer is going to worry and Joel knows that means he isn't going to be able to just drag his husband upstairs to bed like he wants.

"You gave me a place where I felt safe," he murmurs, leaning a little closer, his nose brushing along Spencer's cheekbone as he smiles. His eyes are closed, but he's long since learned his husband's face, has long since learned the lines of his body. It's been less than a year, but he knows Spencer better than he knows anyone and anything, including himself. "I spent so long on my own because people felt dangerous to me. They didn't... no one has ever made me feel the way you do." It isn't just about that feeling of safety, it's so much more than that, but Joel honestly don't know if he has the words to explain it. He's struggled with them before when it comes to Spencer and he thinks the closest he ever got was his wedding vows, but even those hadn't explained quite what he feels whenever he's with Spencer. How much his life has changed, how everything feels different. How happy he is now.

"You changed my life," he settles on saying, both his hands on Spencer's hip, though he knows one is heavier than the other, that the cast can't possibly feel nice sitting there. He needs to be touching Spencer, though, he needs to be close to him, even if it means his cast gets in the way a little bit. Sometimes he's surprised by how overwhelming those feelings get, the need to be touching Spencer in some way, the thought that if he doesn't, he's missing out on something extremely important. But he is. If he wants to be close to Spencer and it's not possible for some reason, he is missing something that's become more important to him than almost anything else.

"Do we need to finish the tree tonight?" he asks, murmuring the words against Spencer's ear before he presses a light kiss against his jaw. "There's no due date on having the tree set up, is there?" They're almost done, anyway. There's just a few more ornaments left in the box, but Joel is impatient and he's tired of being injured. Even if it hurts a little, he wants to take Spencer upstairs and go to bed with him.

Spencer can't ever remember a time in his life when he'd daydreamed about what it would be like to be with somebody like this, to find love and a life so full of the kinds of guarantees that can't be found anywhere else. He isn't blind, he can acknowledge that this town has a knack for attracting the attractive, but Spencer had always found that remaining withdrawn worked in his favor far more than putting himself in the line of fire possibly could. He hadn't been a risk-taker and while he hadn't necessarily had a strict routine, anything drastically unexpected in a day could rattle him for a week. He's simply never been the type to crave excitement, at least not the sort found in real life. He'd reasoned quite early on that there couldn't be anything in the world that he couldn't learn from a book, fictional or not, but it hadn't been until he'd met Joel that he realized how wrong he'd been all this time.

This is better than a book. This isn't a story crafted by an artist with a keyboard, this is real, they are real, Joel has made him Real. Spencer feels like he's been phoning it in for the last ten years, doing the same thing almost every single day without complaint because the ultimate truth is that he hadn't necessarily had a problem with his old life until his mother and brother had been killed. He'd enjoyed his job, he'd enjoyed visits from patrons seeking his recommendations and assistance, he'd enjoyed the infrequent yet frequent enough outings with Dane and his circle of post-high school friends, and he hadn't had a single moment of frozen terror over the idea that he might never find someone. It hadn't mattered, not then, not even after his arrest and release.

Meeting Joel had been the breath of fresh air Spencer hadn't even realized he'd needed. He looks at Joel now, and he can't imagine how he'd gotten through life all this time without him. His husband has all of him, has become a part of him, they're so deeply connected that he's still convinced that tightness he'd felt in his chest the day they'd banished the demon had been due to a flicker, a threat of Joel being taken away from him, and Spencer doesn't exactly know what that means other than the significant fact that at this point, he wouldn't know how to live without Joel. He can't explain it to anyone because he doesn't know how to verbalize it, he's given up trying because even as half a bookstore owner and former librarian, Joel constantly manages to find new ways to render Spencer speechless.

The low moan that sounds from his throat at Joel's lips against his jaw is nothing short of undignified, and he knows his husband is healing, he knows that; but, he reasons, the very first time they'd had sex, he'd still been wearing his cast and that clearly hadn't stopped either of them from following through on their need for each other. "I think the tree will forgive us if we call it a night," he answers, a quiet gasp escaping him as a shiver runs down his spine. "Besides, I think we deserve a break, don't you?"

He takes a step backward, mindful of keeping Joel's injured hand from falling too quickly from his hip, and tugs lightly on his husband's other hand, offering a coy smile as he nods toward the stairs. "I know you're still in pain, but we've got the house to ourselves. We ought to take advantage of it. Besides, I can think of more than just the one way to get you inside me." He leans in for another kiss, tracing Joel's bottom lip with his tug before trapping it gently between his teeth as he pulls back with a soft, sheepish laugh. "It's far too cold for popsicles right now, I've had to resort to candy canes. Hardly the same effect, though I do still think you taste much, much better."

"Jesus Christ, Spencer," Joel says with a laugh of his own and he knows there's never going to come a time when hearing his husband say things like that to him doesn't cause all the blood in his body to rush south. He's even a little dizzy with it and he grins, following Spencer toward the stairs more than willingly, already anticipating what they might be able to do despite his injuries. It isn't his hand that makes it difficult for him to be intimate with Spencer, he'd be more than happy to find ways around that, just like Spencer had when his fingers had been broken. His ribs, though, are another matter entirely. So long as he doesn't move around too much, though, he thinks he might be fine, and that just means letting Spencer take care of him a little bit tonight. Joel prefers taking on a much more active role than his ribs might allow him, but he thinks for a night or two they can make an exception.

It's better to be able to do something than absolutely nothing, after all. This is the thought process he's sure he'll always be following with Spencer. Something is better than nothing. Some contact, a few exchanged words, even just sitting next to one another. It's better than being apart, which is something Joel is perfectly content in hoping never happens again. This is exactly where he wants to be for the rest of his life and whatever else comes their way, whatever other obstacles they might face, they're going to face them together. It makes looking toward the future easy when he thinks of it like that.

"I never should have let on just how easily you can undo me," he says as they climb the stairs toward their bedroom. Even that, even after all these months, means so much to him. Joel has never had a bedroom that he shares with anyone, not until Spencer, and it feels like one more thing he'd been saving to experience with his husband. There are so many things and he'd never thought of himself as saving them for anyone, just that they would be things he'd never do, and then Spencer had come alone. And it had turned out, without even knowing it, that Joel had been saving these things for him.

"How is it fair that you can talk about candy canes and so easily make me just want you?" he asks as he pushes open their bedroom door and then closes it again once they're both inside. They don't need to keep the door closed, they have the whole house to themselves, just as Spencer has pointed out, but Joel doesn't want either of them to have to scramble to close it if Raleigh comes home unexpectedly. So he closes them in, then lays his good hand on Spencer's hip again, tugging him close. "How is that fair?" He punctuates the question with a brush of his lips over Spencer's, barely a kiss at all, just barely a touch. "I don't think it's fair at all."

The second the door clicks shut, something takes him over. It's like what he'd felt the day Joel had told him about his awful nightmares, about the terrible thing growing inside him that he couldn't deny anymore, and what Spencer had felt had been an overwhelming need to protect his husband. To show what he knows now had been a demon that Joel is his, that they belong to each other and only to each other, and now that they're done with it, now that they've washed their hands of it, Spencer knows he doesn't have to prove it to anyone else--but that doesn't stop him from wanting to do it now. He has to be gentle, that much he's still aware of, but Joel's lips brush against his own, Spencer is certain that he won't be using much else of his mind tonight.

Everything is simply instinctual, not exactly auto-pilot because that's fair too mechanic a term to apply to what Spencer wants to do for his husband--to his husband--but it's like his entire body simply knows what he needs to be doing without giving it much thought at all. "It's about as fair as the fact that one look from you can drive me crazy," he murmurs, voice already husky with want, and he so very much wants to please Joel tonight. "Or that hearing you say my name in the store can make me want to drag you to the other room. Or that you're so unbelievably sexy that you could be doing anything, you could be washing dishes, and I'd still want you."

He nudges Joel toward the direction of the bed, already tugging his husband's shirt off--slowly, so as not to hurt him--and tossing it to the ground as he lowers his head to tease a nipple with his tongue. He lets his hands roam up Joel's sides, his fingertips just teasing Joel's skin on the way back down, and Spencer lets out a moan just as their legs hit the bedside. "I'm going to take care of you," he says, glancing up at Joel as he shifts their bodies before lowering his husband onto the mattress. "I'll always take care of you." Spencer knows Joel knows that, it doesn't necessarily need to be said, but he thinks that once in awhile, it's a nice reminder for them both.

He kisses his way down Joel's chest, pausing to slowly lick a ring around his navel and chuckling softly when he hears his husband let out a gasp when Spencer palms his cock through his jeans. He loves this, making Joel makes these sounds and knowing that he's responsible, it's always made him feel like even if nothing else is going especially well, at least this is. At least their love will always be strong. Right now, though, aside from the injuries that Joel's still suffering from, everything is going well. Spencer finds is so strange sometimes that it doesn't feel more foreign, that being happy so often doesn't just make him feel uncomfortable but with Joel, he's never felt more safe. More content. With Joel, he belongs.

"God, I want you," he groans, shaking his head slightly as he looks up to smile at his husband. He unbuttons Joel's pants, lowers his zipper, traces just under the band of his briefs. "I want to make you feel good."

If all Spencer wanted to do was this, kiss Joel's chest, hold onto him through his jeans, that would be more than enough to make him feel good. He's already forgotten about his broken hand, his aching ribs, all his focus narrowed down to this point of contact where it's just Spencer. It's Spencer all the time, the only thing Joel ever wants to focus on and he lets out a soft gasp, a shudder running through him when he feels Spencer's hand on him. He needs to be careful, he knows that, he can't forget that he's injured or he's just going to make the recovery time worse, just make it last longer, but somehow he can't bring himself to care right now. Not when his husband is undoing his jeans, not when he can feel Spencer's fingers tracing along the edge of his briefs and he's so close already, so close to really touching him that all Joel can do is drop his head to the bed and let out another low moan as he stares up at the ceiling.

He knows Spencer is looking up at him, smiling at him, and he tilts his head to the side, enough that he can look down the length of his body and see Spencer there. And he can't help but smile back, even as he feels little sparks of electricity going off under his skin, little points of light wherever Spencer is touching him. He can't help but smile back because Spencer is so gorgeous and so happy and so undeniably his that Joel feels a little bit like he's been drugged. It isn't surprising to him anymore, it's not that he sits around every day and wonders why Spencer chose him. It doesn't matter in the end. Spencer did choose him and although Joel doesn't know if he'll ever truly understand why someone as amazing as Spencer wants to be with him, he trusts that he does. He trusts the decisions they've made to be together and while he's still certain he'll never quite be the man Spencer deserves, he never doubts his husband's love. And he'll keep trying to be that man for him, he'll keep trying every single day.

"You always make me feel good," he breathes and he wants Spencer to know it's true. "You just... you can just look at me and I... god, Spencer." He lifts his hips as best he can, using his good hand to brace himself against the bed so Spencer can tug his jeans down and it feels wrong to be almost completely naked when Spencer is still dressed, but he can't get himself close enough to get Spencer's clothes off. Not yet, anyway. He thinks if he whines enough from his position on the bed that Spencer will undress for him, but right now he can barely catch his breath, let alone think of something to say. He was barely able to finish his sentence, barely able to tell Spencer just how much he wants him all the time.

But it's the truth. They'll be in the store together and even now, after getting married, with a baby on the way, sometimes all Joel can think about is what it feels like to have Spencer's hands on him. He thinks about how easy it would be to just lock the door and strip down again, making very good use of the couch, though with Charlotte living upstairs, there's a much better chance of getting caught than there used to be and given that they've already done that to her once, Joel tries not to risk it again. But sometimes it's all he can think about, sometimes he gets so distracted when he's supposed to be working by just the thought of Spencer's fingers slipping under his shirt that he finds himself unable to move or think or do anything.

"You always make me feel good," he says again, distracted by Spencer's hands and his own thoughts. "Always, Spencer, you always... always..." He's babbling more than anything, talking just for the sake of it, his eyes closed again, his head back against the bed.

The echo of Joel's words seem to to hover in the spaces of Spencer's mind, suspended there as he tries to process them through the predominant thought that is simply Joel, Joel, Joel, as it so often tends to be. He's distracted by the glossed over look in his husband's eyes, one that he's sure is reflected in his own, and he takes advantage of Joel's raised hips to tug his jeans off and throw them to the floor, perhaps with a little more force than necessary. Spencer can feel his own cock hardening, pressing against his jeans and aching to be freed, but tonight isn't for him. All his attention will be focused on making his husband feel incredible, making him feel loved. "Always," he murmurs before leaning down to dip his tongue below the band of Joel's briefs, where his fingers had been when now they're slowly, maddeningly slowly, pulling down from the sides to reveal more of Joel's skin, getting Spencer closer and closer to where he really wants to be.

When Joel's cock finally springs free from the confines of his briefs, Spencer moans with desire, with need. There relationship isn't about sex, but there's no denying that their physicality with each other has played such an enormous part in bringing them both to this point of trust. Spencer has lost track--unusual for him in the first place--of the number of times he's thought about the fact that there's nobody else he'd allow to touch him the way Joel touches him. There's an unbridled passion between them that's never existed for Spencer with anyone else, that he'd never wanted to even try to find with anyone else, and he will always recall their first time together with such perfect clarity because if he hadn't already understood how deeply his feelings had been for Joel, he'd certainly understood it then.

"Siempre te amare." The Spanish slips sometimes, a relic of the time he'd spent being exceedingly interested in the romantic languages, but only as often, it seems, as when they fall into bed together. Appropriate, he supposes, but he doesn't think much more on it as he lowers his head to flick his tongue at the head of Joel's cock, fingers twitching in the sheets where his hands are bracing him as the urge to reach for his own erection becomes almost too strong to deny. There's a quick enough fix for that, he thinks, taking the head of his husband's cock into his mouth. His cheeks hollow as he sucks lightly, bringing one hand to wrap around the rest of Joel's length, and Spencer hums with satisfaction at the warmth and weight of Joel on his tongue and in his grasp. If he didn't so much love the feeling of Joel inside him, of slow and calculated thrusts becoming faster and more erratic until they're both begging each other for release, Spencer thinks he might be quite content to do only this for his husband all the time.

As it is, it's all they can really do now, at least it's all Spencer's willing to try to keep Joel from hurting himself, but he thinks it will tide them over until the Joel's well enough to make use of his entire body again. Spencer enjoys this, after all, he has from the beginning, which had surprised him seeing as he'd never done it for anyone before. It helps that Joel seems to think he can do no wrong when it comes to being in the bedroom, and the feeling is mutual; their connection is so incredibly strong, it's evident every time they make love in the way they're always so perfectly in sync, so pleasantly surprised by and happy to try any new thing that either one of them might introduce to their sex life, and Spencer knows couldn't possibly share that sort of bond with any other person. His body, every part of it, his mind, his soul, they all belong to this man. Spencer wouldn't have it any other way.

It's with that in mind that he takes Joel deeper into his mouth, loosening the muscles in his throat and moving his hand so he can thread his fingers through Joel's until he bottoms out and has to pause just to get used to having his lips around husband's entire length. He can feel his heart racing in his chest, can feel his entire body trembling with desperation because he's still fully clothed and the ache is nearly impossible to ignore now. He wants something so badly, some kind of friction or Joel's fingers inside him or even his own fingers, but one glance up at his husband's blown pupils, his blissed out expression, and Spencer becomes resolute. He swirls his tongue around Joel's cock with another loan vibrating within the walls of his mouth, pulling his head back slightly and sucking harder this time, keeping his eyes on Joel's face all along. It's heavenly just to watch, but Spencer takes a great pride, too, in knowing just how good he can make his husband feel.

Joel doesn't know how it's possible for any one person to be as amazing at this as Spencer is and he knows he doesn't have much experience, but he's still entirely convinced that his husband is better at this than anyone else could possibly be. He knows exactly what to do for Joel, exactly how to make him feel good and it shouldn't surprise him, it doesn't surprise him, but he still doesn't understand how he knows exactly how to touch Joel at every moment. It can't entirely be that his husband is simply that good at sex, although he knows that's at least part of it. It's that they're undeniably connected, too, it's that they don't feel this way for anyone else, it's that they're so completely devoted to each other that they just know. They just know how to make the other feel good, they just know what to do, how to run their hands along their skin, what to do with their lips and their tongues, as Spencer is proving right at this very moment.

Groaning, his hand tipped back against the bed, Joel finds himself staring blankly up at the ceiling, not actually seeing any of it. He's so focused on Spencer and on how good it feels to have his warm, wet mouth tight around his cock that he thinks for a second all his other senses have just left him. The only one that's still here is the sense of touch and he can feel everything. Every last shift of Spencer's hand, the pressure of his tongue and his lips. He can feel absolutely everything down to the tiniest little detail and it feels incredible, as it always does. Spencer is perfect. He's always been perfect. The only thing Joel knows for certain is that he's incredibly lucky. That there's no one else in the world who has someone as amazing as Spencer. There's no one else who knows what this feels like, it's not possible, because Joel thinks it has to be rare. It has to be so rare that somehow he's the only lucky person in the world to really know what this is like.

He knows that isn't true, it can't possibly be true, but Spencer makes him feel this way every single time. He makes him feel like everything is theirs, like every last moment belongs to them entirely and no one else. Spencer makes him feel like he's the last person in the world and Joel knows he'll never do anything foolish that might jeopardize this. He can't lose this, he can never do anything that might cause him to lose this. Spencer loves him so much and he's showing Joel right now.

"God, Spencer," he groans, lifting his head and looking down the length of his body at his husband. For a moment it felt like all his senses had fled, but they've suddenly returned and the very sight of Spencer like this, his hand on Joel's hip, his lips wrapped around his cock, it threatens to completely undo Joel in just a moment. He groans again and buries the fingers of his good hand in Spencer's hair, holding to him tighter than he means to. There's an apology on his tongue, but then Spencer does something, takes him deeper, sucks a little harder, he has no idea what it is, but something, and the only thing Joel can manage is a strangled sort of whimper. He can feel Spencer's moan against the skin of his cock and he doesn't think he'll be able to last very long, not when everything feels so good, not when it's been far too long since he's been able to be inside Spencer in any way. But he can try. He can make this last a little longer and his hips lift a little, thrusting into Spencer's mouth as another moan is caught in his throat.

There's a very distinct switch between feeling like he might be able to do this with all his clothes still on and knowing without a doubt that he simply can't. Spencer's cock is aching, he can feel himself leaking through his briefs, and he uses his free hand to undo his pants and shimmy out of them until his own cock springs free, all the while bobbing his head and sucking as hard as he can just to make Joel moan. He wishes they could forget about everything else, forget about the injuries and the consequences so Spencer can line himself up against Joel's ass and just press inside him, but Spencer knows they can't do that tonight. Even so, he wants to give Joel everything; he wants to give Joel more.

Maybe he shouldn't, he thinks, maybe it's still too much, but the larger part of his mind is too hazy with an uncontrollable lust for his husband and that's what has him pulling away, sucking hard on his way back up and lapping at the beads of precome at the tip of Joel's cock before he leans to his right to open the nightstand drawer. "If it's too much, you tell me," he says as he gropes within the drawer until he finds what he needs, voice husky from having his husband's length so far down his throat. "If I hear anything that even sounds like pain, I'm going to stop, okay? Just-- I just want to take care of you." Spencer triumphantly holds a bottle of lube with a devilish grin, tugging his shirt off before flicking the cap open so he can coat the fingers of this other hand before tossing the bottle against the pillows without a another thought.

He gentle urges Joel to spread his legs wider, encourages him to bend his legs at the knees as much as he can so Spencer has a better angle for what he wants to do. He has to pause for a moment to rake his eyes over Joel's body, allowing himself to be overwhelmed by just how beautiful his husband truly is, from the tanned hue of his skin to the trail of hair that leads from his navel to his cock, and he sometimes still can't wrap his head around the fact that Joel is his. "Perfect," Spencer murmurs, reaching out to grasp Joel's length again with one hand as he brings one slicked finger to Joel's ass, circling and teasing at his entrance before slowly pushing into him. Spencer licks his lips, bites at the inside of his cheeks to keep from groaning as he watches his finger disappear into his husband, and it's the longest they've gone without being intimate since they'd started having sex but Spencer hadn't realized just how much he'd really missed this.

"So perfect," he says again, shaking his head in awe and twisting his wrist to push his finger deeper until he at the second knuckle. He hooks his finger inside of Joel, waiting for a reaction before lowering his head back down to take him in his mouth again, taking him all the way as he slides a second finger in, and Spencer thinks he might very well come right here and now because he can feel just how warm and tight Joel is, and the primal urge to drop all pretenses and make love to him is stronger than Spencer has ever known before. But he knows better and if he can't fuck his husband tonight, he'll make damn sure to do whatever it takes to make him come. Another finger joins the first two and Spencer gasps as if he's the one taking it like this, but he's quickly realizing that when he knows Joel feels good, it makes it that much easier to feel good himself.

"Oh my god," Joel breathes when Spencer presses a finger inside him and for a second he thinks he might come right now, with Spencer just barely touching his cock, because this is exactly what he wants. This is everything he needs, it's perfect because it's Spencer and Joel resists the urge to writhe on the bed, knowing he'll only hurt himself if he does. All he wants is to press down on Spencer's fingers, though, and another low moan escapes him when he feels a second finger pushing into his body, when Spencer takes his cock into his mouth again. It's absurd and he knows it is, but Joel has to close his eyes and think of inventory, of the store, of balancing spreadsheets for several seconds just so he can bring himself back from the edge because he'd come so close. For a moment there, he'd come so close and they've been able to do so little together lately that he doesn't want this to end so soon. It can't go on forever, he knows that, but he can do his best to make sure it goes on for at least a little while longer, which it won't if he allows himself to think about all the things he wants to do to Spencer.

He's almost angry with himself for being injured, even though he knows that's silly, because he wants to be able to grab Spencer and push him down on the bed. He wants to turn him over and strip him down and then fuck him into the mattress and the thought of this is more than enough to send a tight ring of pleasure coiling down the length of his body. "Spencer... oh my god..." He doesn't even realize he's speaking, not between Spencer's warm, wet mouth around him and the three fingers he has inside his ass, fucking him slowly. Not with the visual he has of fucking Spencer, grabbing him and pushing him into the mattress, not with all of that going on. He's barely aware of anything else at all and he twists a little, then forces himself to lie still when a sharp bolt of pain goes rippling through him.

And yet it's not entirely unwelcome. He won't do it again, he knows he can't, not if he doesn't want to risk further injury, but there's something about it that he doesn't mind all that much. The pain turns the pleasure into something else, gives it an edge he doesn't think he's ever known before and he sucks in a sharp breath before his lips part and he breathes out again slowly, shivering with the heat that seems to be licking through him. He doesn't want Spencer to think he's really hurt, not for a second, and he reaches down with his good hand, running his fingers through Spencer's hair.

"Spencer," he breathes again, a shiver racing through him. His muscles are tensing and he wants to relax them, he wants to be able to last longer, but he doesn't think he can. Not when it feels like it's been too long since they've been close like this, not when Spencer is taking him so deep into his mouth, not when he has three fingers buried in his ass. "Spencer, god, I can't... I'm so... you..." But nothing seems to be the right thing to say, nothing actually makes its way out of his mouth and all he can do is moan, knowing he's close, knowing it won't be much longer.

There's not much Spencer can say when his lips are stretched over the length of Joel's cock, his tongue swirling and reveling in the taste of his husband. He wants nothing more than one of two things, either to slowly pull his fingers from Joel's body and replace them with his own cock or to climb on top of Joel and lower himself onto him. Neither of those options are feasible right now, though, so Spencer will be happy to take the next best thing, which is to make sure he makes Joel come tonight. He doesn't think it'll turn out to be too difficult a task, not with the way his husband is writhing under his grasp, and he doesn't pause to say anything about the hiss of pain he hears but he doesn't stop either because he knows what Joel wants, and Spencer would do anything to be able to give him what he wants.

It's not going to stop him from apologizing profusely later, when they've both come down from their orgasms, and he knows very well that Joel is a grown adult who can tell Spencer to stop sucking his cock if he was really in that much pain, but Spencer hates the thought of hurting his husband in any way. Joel can't say he isn't the same way, not when he's always so gentle when they make love, at least at the start. He takes care to make sure Spencer is properly prepared, and it's usually Spencer who makes demands due to a severe lack of patience when it comes to the way Joel touches him. He's quite impatient right now, if he's honest, though that's more to do with the fact that he's so desperately craving the kind of friction he can't have and isn't willing to give himself right now.

He widens his mouth to take Joel deeper, grunting at the feel of the head of Joel's cock against the back of his throat and pumping his fingers in and out of Joel's ass at a faster pace now, twisting his wrist each time he pushes in again and imagining that it's his own cock, imagining all the different ways Joel will make him come once his ribs and hand are healed. Spencer can feel his husband's muscles tightening around his fingers, glances up to see his abdomen taut, and he reaches up with his free hand to take Joel's, squeezing tightly, his own way of communicating that it's okay, that he can just let go.

Spencer doesn't want Joel to react so strongly that he hurts himself, not even slightly like he has already, but he can't stop himself from sucking hard, from whimpering over how much he wants to swallow every bit of Joel's release down, from fucking him harder with his fingers as he encourages his husband to come, wants so badly for Joel to come because it's been too long since they've had this kind of time together and there's something about knowing they can still do this to each other, still elicit this kind of reaction, that's immensely comforting. Joel is still his, through everything they've been through, and just like he's always known, this isn't just about the sex. It's never just been about the sex, it's about showing each other where they belong--together, connected in any and every way, and Spencer lifts his eyes to look at Joel's expression as it changes into something Spencer finds so familiar, not slowing for a second as his husband starts to come.

He's gasping without even realizing, arching his back in a way that sends another bolt of pain through him, but it's minor this time, not nearly as sharp as it had been before, and the pain is lost anyway, lost under the pleasure that's rippling through him, the tight heat of Spencer's mouth around his cock coaxing him closer and closer to the edge. And for a second he hesitates there, holding it off, waiting for just a moment so he can enjoy it for just a little while longer, but then Spencer's fingers push inside him deeper, fucking him harder and he gasps again, tumbling over, being dragged over the edge by Spencer's talented fingers and tongue. If he wasn't injured, he'd be letting himself writhe on the bed, he'd be letting himself thrust deeper into Spencer's mouth, as much as his husband could take, but he's at least aware enough to know that he'll only hurt himself if he does that. He wants to, but instead he forces his hips to stay down on the bed and he gasps again, a soft whine escaping as he comes, his hand squeezing Spencer's tightly.

"Spencer, oh god, oh Spencer, I love you," he mumbles, only partly aware he's saying anything at all. It becomes a litany of his husband's name, over and over, I love you thrown in here and there as Spencer drags him through his orgasm, as he pulls him across to the other side, as he slowly lets him come down. And Joel can feel his muscles beginning to relax, but they twitch every so often, little tremors of pleasure that are still racing through him though they all border on the edge of too much. It's not quite there, not entirely, but almost, and he closes his eyes, smiling up at the ceiling as he gives Spencer's hand another gentle squeeze. And a part of him feels entirely spent, more than he would have expected, but it's been an exhausting few weeks. His injuries could have been much worse, but he's had to rest more than he had expected he might, and even now it's evident he's not back to normal. He wants so badly to do something for Spencer, to return the favour, but for the second he's not sure he can even more.

"Come here," he murmurs, untangling his hand from Spencer's and reaching down to curl his fingers in his hair, tugging lightly, trying to get him to crawl up onto the bed. He's actually thinking if he doesn't move much, if he lets Spencer come to him, if he takes care not to twist his body, he might be able to do the same for Spencer now, who clearly needs it. He realizes he has no idea when Spencer managed to get undressed and he grins stupidly, trying to remember it. His shirt had come off when he'd grabbed their bottle of lube, but he has no idea when Spencer had rid himself of his pants.

Not that it matters. Not really. The only thing he's thinking is getting Spencer closer so he can kiss him. For starters. So he can drag him closer toward his mouth and let Spencer do whatever he wants with Joel. For now, though, he settles on just kissing him. His fingers tighten in Spencer's hair, more of a tease than anything, and he pulls their mouths together, kissing him deeply, parting Spencer's lips with his tongue. It's frustrating that he can't move more, that he can't be a better participant, but he has to remind himself that the faster he heals, the faster he'll be back to complete involvement in all ways and that's what he needs to focus on. No matter how badly he wants to just let Spencer fuck him, he knows it'll only hurt tonight.

There's no holding back the whimpers that escape from deep inside his throat as Joel spills his release into Spencer's mouth. He's relentless still with his fingers, curving them and fucking them into his husband as he watches Joel murmur his name, how much he loves him, and Spencer only slows to a stop when he's sure that Joel is finished. He gently pulls his fingers from Joel's body, gripping the base of Joel's cock as he lifts his head up, not wanting to cause any unnecessary twitching or jolting from a sudden lack of contact, and settles himself down beside his husband so he can fall into his warm arms, that embrace that's so comfortable and familiar and strong. "I love you," he echoes, leaning easily into the kiss and dragging his hand tenderly down Joel's side, squeezing at his ass and moaning as his cock reminds him of just how neglected it's been tonight.

It makes no real difference to him, he'll gladly go the rest of the evening with that distinct ache if it means that he's been able to make Joel feel good, but even with that in mind, he finds himself moving his hand between them, fingers wrapping around his cock. He lets out another moan into the kiss as he tugs at himself before lazy stroking over his length and had this been closer to the first time they'd had sex, Spencer might find himself feeling awfully self-conscious about touching himself like this; but as it is, he's already let Joel watch him push his fingers into himself, prepare himself before he'd let his husband fuck him. Compared to that, this is positively tame.

The feel of Joel's fingers threading through his hair does nothing to keep the heat from building within him, and he can feel himself flushing with pleasure starting at his cheeks, down his neck to his chest, and there's only one person who can reduce him to this state. There's only ever going to be one person capable of making Spencer feel like every part of him is fiery with a passion he hadn't known before, and he welcomes it because as much as he hadn't needed it--or hadn't realized he did, at least--this time last year, he knows he could never live without it now. There's a palpable tension between them, and it's not just some of the time, it's all the time, there's never a second of the day that Spencer wouldn't be willing to drop everything just to have his husband's hands explore his body or Joel's lips and teeth leaving marks on his neck or Joel's cock moving so deeply inside him until he thinks he might pass out from how incredible this man knows how to make him feel.

"I love watching you when you come," he murmurs, smiling shyly and glancing up at Joel through his lashes as he continues to pump his own cock through his fist. He's sensitive after waiting so long but it's very much worth it. It's worth having the taste of his husband still strong on his tongue, worth the way Joel's looking at him right now like he's something to be cherished, worth every moment if it means he gets to be right here by his husband's side. "God, baby, you're so beautiful. I'm never going to stop being in awe of you."

"Jesus, Spencer," Joel breathes, his gaze drifting down, watching his husband's cock moving through his own fist and Joel wants to do nothing more than just touch him. His hand slides out of Spencer's hair, down to cup the back of his neck and he ducks his head at the same time, pressing kisses against Spencer's warm skin, his tongue flicking out against the hollow of his throat. He could just watch and he knows that. He could let Spencer continue to stroke himself, he could just hold onto him and help his husband ride out his orgasm, but he doesn't want that. As much as he loves watching, as much as he loves seeing Spencer's cock moving through the circle of his fist, as much as it sends little sparks of pleasure through his body even though he's only just come himself, he wants to do more than that. He wants to take a much more active part in this, even if he can't give Spencer everything he would on a normal day.

"Come up here," he murmurs, managing to get another chest just above Spencer's collarbone before he can't duck down any further without hurting himself. Things like this, they're still a little difficult for him. Spencer has found that confidence he needs to say all sorts of things to Joel, things he never would have expected, but he'd had that almost from the beginning. It had truly surprised Joel at first, but he's loved it right from the start. It's so unexpected, which is part of what makes it such a turn on, knowing there's no one in this town who has any idea the sorts of dirty things that can come out of Spencer's mouth. They're all just for Joel, every last syllable, and he loves it. But although he tries, he knows he isn't very good at it himself. He falters and feels silly. It's the only time he still stutters when he's speaking to Spencer, but he tries and he thinks that's probably more than enough for Spencer.

"I-I want you to... I want you in my mouth," he says and he blushes fiercely, but at least he manages to get the words out with minimal stuttering. "Please, I want to do that for you." And they had done it like that that day on the couch in the bookstore. Joel had tried to be so careful with Spencer that day, afraid he'd thrust too hard and hurt his husband, but it had felt amazing and while he might not be able to do much, he can certainly do that. He can certainly take Spencer into his mouth and let him do whatever he wants with him. There's no way he can tell Spencer just how badly he wants it without blushing further, without stammering and tripping over his words, so he just grabs a pillow from further up the bed and pushes it under his head, then wets his lips and looks at Spencer again.

He loves him so much. That's the one thing that always stands out to him, the one thing he thinks time and time again. He loves Spencer so much more than he had ever realized would be possible. Not a day goes by when it doesn't somehow increase, when Spencer does something that makes Joel smile and makes him realize all over again just how lucky he is and how happy he gets to be for the rest of his life because he gets to spend it with this man. And he'll do anything in his power, anything at all to be able to return even a fraction of that.

There's a brief moment of hesitation between considering whether this is going to be okay, whether it'll only end up with Joel in pain, but his husband is so insistent and hearing him say that--I want you in my mouth--sends a shudder through him that only seems to arouse Spencer even more. Joel doesn't need to say the dirty sorts of things Spencer miraculously manages to come up with here and there--'miraculously' because under no other circumstances with no other person would Spencer ever be able to do it, Joel is the only one who's ever brought out that side of him and it has everything to do with how comfortable Spencer is with him. With Joel, just one look is all he needs to bend to his husband's whim, and he knows that for the most part, Joel considers him to be the one who's unofficially in control when they're being intimate but as far as Spencer's concerned, it doesn't need to be one or the other.

They know each other better than anyone else, they trust each other so deeply that they move in harmony in practically everything they do. That's the most important thing to Spencer, that's one of the many things that shows him just how unique their relationship is because he knows that between many other couples, there's an invisible--or sometimes not so invisible--fight for control. Spencer's happy to let Joel do anything he wants to him because there's nothing to worry about, there's no concern that things might go too far or that Joel might want to subject him to something Spencer isn't comfortable with or unwilling to do. The first time he'd bent over the arm of the couch in the bookstore to let Joel fuck him with his tongue had come about because of the porn Joel had found on his computer; but there was no judgment, no shaming, and even though Spencer remembers his cheeks flaming with embarrassment, he hadn't been worried about what Joel might say about it. He needn't have anyway, as his husband had well proved.

Now, Joel's moving to get a good angle beneath him, and Spencer can't deny his husband when he's looking at him like this. Joel wants to do this, wants to take him in his mouth and return the pleasure that Spencer doesn't need returned but will happily take. "You want me?" he asks, pushing himself to his knees as he strokes himself, his eyes momentarily slipping shut as he thinks about what it'll feel like to be enveloped in the warm, wet heat of his husband's mouth. He shivers at the image, one that won't be just in his imagination for very long, as long as he makes absolutely certain that Joel isn't going to strain himself just for Spencer's sake.

"Promise me you're okay," he says, eyes fluttering open as their gazes lock. He knows what it looks like when his husband isn't being entirely forthcoming, though that doesn't happen often between them, and Spencer needs to hear it from Joel's lips before they wrap around his cock. He bites down on the inside of his cheek at the thought and lets out deep exhale before leaning down to press a kiss to Joel's cheek, his temple, his forehead. "I want you so badly, but I need to know that you're okay."

Joel huffs out a laugh at the question, almost rolling his eyes up at Spencer. "I always want you," he answers as if such a thing should be obvious and he thinks it should be. He's spent such a long time on his own and wanting Spencer had come as something of a surprise to him, but now that he's gotten comfortable with it, now that they're here, there's never any question in Joel's mind that he wants Spencer. At any point in time on any day at all, Spencer could turn to him and simply gesture with his head toward a private place and Joel knows he would be more than happy and more than ready to go in an instant. He always wants Spencer, that's the beginning and end of it. He wants Spencer and no one else. And it's so much easier to say than anything else, not because it's more true, but because it could mean almost anything. He's still trying to get comfortable with the more expressive things he might say in bed, but that's easy enough. I want you. It's all he ever wants when they're here. He wants Spencer and he wants to make him happy.

Reaching out with his good hand, he slides his palm up Spencer's thigh and then over the curve of his ass, trying to urge him a little closer. He smiles when Spencer leans down and kisses him, then opens his eyes and looks up at Spencer, his hand still on his ass. He squeezes a little, his smile growing just the slightest bit wicked and he knows he isn't as good at all of this as Spencer is, he knows he doesn't quite achieve it, but he tries.

"I'm okay," he promises, squeezing again, a little harder this time. "I promise, I'm okay. I want this. You... you can't know how badly I want you all the time and I'm okay." If he were to try to get up and press Spencer down on the bed, if he had to support his weight on his arm or try to move around much, then he knows it would hurt, but like this, lying on his back still, Spencer has most of the control and Joel won't have to move as much. He'll be more than okay and he wants this. Wetting his lower lip with the tip of his tongue, he glances down at Spencer's cock and lets out a small, soft groan at the sight of him. It never stops surprising Joel just how beautiful his husband is. Somehow someone this incredible has decided that he wants Joel and he knows how lucky he is, how unlikely it would be with anyone else. But he and Spencer just fit.

"Please," he murmurs, his gaze flicking over Spencer's body, up to meet his. "Please. I want you. Let me do this for you." It's certainly not only for Spencer, not be a long shot, not when he enjoys having Spencer in his mouth so much, but he doesn't want to leave his husband without paying some attention to him in return. That's not what their sex life is about, it isn't that he thinks Spencer expects it, but he wants to do it. It's important that he make Spencer feel as good as Spencer has made him feel. It's important that he remind his husband just how much he loves doing all of this for him. It's as much for him as it is for Spencer.

When Joel touches him, it always feels like there are sparks flying between them. He realizes that may very well be true, he's seen it before, the magic sparking at Joel's fingertips when they touch sometimes; but both the truth of it and the cliche aside, Spencer is always reduced to something he'd never thought he'd be before he'd met Joel. It's like he forgets how to think, how to properly form words, sometimes it's even hard for him to catch his breath because Joel makes him feel so many things at once that it's almost overwhelming. Right now for example, with his hand squeezing Spencer's ass and the flicker of his tongue over his bottom lip, Joel is everything. Joel is absolutely everything, there is absolutely nothing else in this world that Spencer could possibly care about right now, and he wants that tongue on his cock more than he can remember how to say.

"Oh, god," he groans, and Joel hasn't even taken him in his mouth yet, this is just what his husband does to him all the time. Spencer would say it's hardly fair if he didn't think he somehow had the exact same effect on Joel, which surprises him to no end once in awhile because he's never really been the object of someone's affection before, much less of someone's sexual attraction. Whatever Darcy had wanted to bed him for, it hadn't been because she'd had feelings for him or because she'd thought they'd have an incredible connection; it'd meant nothing to her, just as it had to Spencer, and he hadn't realized until Joel just how much incredibly good sex could make him feel.

"I'm going to watch you," he says, inching higher until one knee bumps Joel's shoulder, and he hovers over his husband low enough for his cock to brush against Joel's lips. Spencer has to fight with himself not to throw his head back at the slightest touch, he means what he'd said, he needs to watch Joel do this. "And while you're sucking my cock, I'm going to pretend I'm burying myself inside you." His throat feels dry as he says the words, the sorts of words that would never come out of his mouth on a normal day but then again, their days aren't often normal anyway. He rolls his hips, letting out a shuddering gasp at the soft puff of breath he feels at the tip of his cock, and he grasps at the sheets with one hand, trying to keep himself from falling over from coming before Joel can even really touch him.

Joel wants him. For whatever reason, Joel wants him, and Spencer isn't sure he'll ever really be able to understand why but he's not going to stop to fight it. Maybe Spencer is the one who seems to let the dirtier things flow from his mouth, but he'll forever be wrapped around Joel's finger. Anything Joel wants him to do, he'll gladly do it. He reaches out to brush the back of his hand along Joel's jawline, smiling at the graze of his husband's beard before tangling his fingers in Joel's hair. His exceptionally beautiful husband wants him, wants to touch him, wants to make him feel good, and Spencer can't deny Joel that because he knows exactly what it's like to want the same things for his husband. He always will.

Joel groans softly and lets his lips part, lifting his head a little so he can take Spencer into his mouth. This is what he wants, more than anything, and another groan shudders through him, his hand squeezing Spencer's ass again. He'd like to be able to do exactly what Spencer had done for him, but he isn't sure where the lube is and he can't move enough to get it. For now, though, he just kneads the muscles of Spencer's ass, holding onto him, urging him forward. He wants Spencer to thrust deeper into his mouth and he uses his tongue, moving it along the underside of Spencer's cock as he looks up at his husband, enjoying the fact that he can see his face like this, he can see absolutely everything. Looking at Spencer while he comes is Joel's favourite thing in the world, it's better than absolutely everything else and the angle he's at now allows him to see absolutely everything.

He's so gorgeous. Spencer is absolutely, incredibly beautiful and Joel feels like his breath, his words, all his thoughts have been taken away and replaced with Spencer. He always feels like this when they're being intimate, like nothing else will ever matter again, and he hums low in his throat, a desperate sound of approval, of want, and he keeps his good hand on Spencer, holding him tightly, letting him know it's okay. He's okay. He doesn't want his husband to think for a second that he might be hurting him and Joel can feel another little shiver of pleasure rippling through him as he tries to tilt his head, to take Spencer deeper. This feels so good and even though he's just come, even though he knows there's no hope of getting hard again, not this soon, it does feel incredible and there's a line of heat licking through his body. It has everything to do with pleasing Spencer, with making him feel good.

He knows Spencer is worried about hurting him, but nothing hurts right now. Joel is barely aware of his broken ribs at all, he's barely away of his hand. All his focus is narrowed down to Spencer, to this one little point of contact and it's the only thing he wants to think about. Everything else just sort of falls away and he's not surprised by it, not anymore. Spencer has become his everything and he knows the sentiment is more than returned. The two of them have become so devoted to each other and Joel has never felt so loved, he's never trusted someone so completely and he knows he doesn't have to worry about Spencer hurting him because he knows Spencer never would. He just wouldn't.

Sucking harder, Joel groans, his cheeks hollowing and for a second his eyes flutter closed. It feels so good and he relaxes his throat and squeezes Spencer's ass again, trying to tell him that it's okay. That he can thrust deeper, that he can do everything he wants. Joel wants him to, he wants Spencer to fuck his mouth, to use him in every possible way and he wishes once again that he was feeling better, that he could let Spencer just fuck him instead. That nothing hurt and everything was possible because he always just wants to give Spencer the world.

Some days, Spencer is hit with the reminder of how long he'd gone without having sex before he'd met Joel. They'd waited what he thinks seems like ages now to have their first time together, and he still thinks back on their time together at the Inn & Lodge fondly, no matter how embarrassed Joel might have been in that moment. He'd understood for the first time then what it would mean to be with someone who truly cared for him, who treated him like he was worthy of the attention, and what's more, Joel didn't only make Spencer feel that way during sex, he makes him feel that way all the time.

They have friends who envy what they have, he knows this, he can see it in when he's having a conversation with someone and his entire face lights up when he sees Joel walk into the room. He sees that flicker in their friends' eyes, the one that only proves to Spencer that this is the kind of relationship that doesn't come along for everyone particularly often. Connections like theirs don't happen every dya, otherwise they'd both be with someone else by now and even that hypothetical thought makes him groan with distress as Joel sucks harder on his cock. His husband might interpret the sound differently, which is fine because Spencer feels the encouraging squeeze of his ass, and he sticks his tongue just slightly in concentration as he slowly thrusts into his husband's mouth.

That hot, warm heat surrounding his cock makes Spencer forget anything he might have been thinking a mere few seconds ago, he's absolutely lost in the sensation of Joel's tongue over his length and what it's like to be in a position like this. He thrusts again, this time a little deeper, his knees already trembling from the pleasure of it all. He'd already been close to coming just from watching Joel ride through his orgasm, Spencer would really have just needed a few more good strokes before spilling into his own hand but this is, of course, undeniably better. This is intimate, this is between them, as it always has been and always will be. Spencer has bared himself to Joel in ways he never thought he would to anyone, has let his guard down more than he even thought he'd know how, and he's so glad that the universe had seen fit to bring him this man.

When he and Joel are making love, Spencer always wishes for it to never end. The world they create for themselves when they're naked together is beyond intimate, beyond private, it almost feels like they've stepped out of reality altogether and to have to return to a world where Joel isn't inside him or vice versa is never something he looks forward to, as silly as it may sound. Even now, with Joel injured but still so willing to give Spencer as much of himself as he can, Spencer feels like there's nothing that could be better than this. Nobody could be having a better night than they are. "Joel," he murmurs, it's all he can say, and he forces himself to focus his blurring vision as he shifts just slightly to steady himself, working to set a rhythm and thrusting at a faster, more even pace into his husband's mouth.

It gives him a bit of a thrill to realize Spencer is completely in control like this. Joel's hand is on his ass, but his other hand is entirely useless, lying beside him on the bed. He can't wrap his fingers around Spencer's cock to help himself along even if he wanted to, so he's left himself entirely at Spencer's mercy and it excites him to realize this. He had no doubt that Spencer will always be careful with him, that he'll always need to know Joel is okay, and maybe that's why he likes it so much, knowing Spencer has the control, knowing he could do anything he wanted and Joel wouldn't be able to stop him and also knowing he'll only ever do things Joel likes, the things Joel wants him to. They're so in sync, so connected that he can't imagine Spencer ever wanting something that Joel didn't also want. It's been this way right from the beginning, from their first few encounters when Joel had been so unbearably nervous that he thought he might shake apart from just touching Spencer's hand. They had both been preparing for this, building up toward something greater and maybe it had been hard at first, but only because they'd never had it before. This is the first time for the both of them. It's the only time. Joel knows there's no one else in the world for him like Spencer, there's no one else who would ever even hope to come close to what they have.

He groans encouragingly, letting the muscles in his jaw and throat relax, letting Spencer thrust deeper into his mouth. Months ago, he never would have imagined himself being good at this, not because he didn't want to, but because he simply had never had the practice. To be fair, Spencer hadn't had the practice either and yet here they both are, with everything they need to make the other feel good and Joel doesn't doubt for a second that Spencer is enjoying everything he's doing. Or, in this case, not doing, as he can't move too much without hurting himself. This is mostly Spencer, just as he'd been thinking earlier, and it surfaces again, a reminder that Spencer is taking him like this, and Joel shivers deeply in pleasure.

For a moment he wishes he could say something, he wishes he could tell Spencer how much he loves him, how much he loves this, but in order to do that he'd have to stop this and he doesn't want that at all. He wants, more than anything, just to make Spencer feel good and that means not stopping. That means closing his eyes and lifting his head a little and taking Spencer deeper into his mouth, using his tongue against the underside of his cock, doing every last thing he's capable of to make his husband feel incredible. Sometimes he feels a little useless without his hand, given that he can't move too quickly without risk of aggravating his ribs, but not now. It doesn't matter that he's injured, it would never matter, Spencer would never make him feel like he's not as useful or that he's a burden to have around and that in turn just makes Joel all the more determined to just let himself heal properly. If it had been anything else, he knows he'd be pushing himself too hard to prove that he's okay, but Spencer gives him all the time and space and understanding he needs.

A little whimper escapes him, something low and helpless, a sound that he hopes communicates just how much he loves this and how much he loves Spencer. He opens his eyes again, looking up at his husband, his hand moving in time with Spencer's thrusts, still holding onto him. He wants him to come and he wants to be able to see it when it happens. He wants to be able to feel the way Spencer's muscles tighten and he wants to see the expressions that flit across his face, the way his features change, the way he looks when he feels that good. It's one of Joel's favourite things in the world, just one more thing about Spencer he knows he'll never be able to do without now that he knows just how good it can be.

It wouldn't have taken long to stroke himself to orgasm and frankly, Spencer thinks it's quite a feat that he's lasted this long with Joel's lips and tongue running over the length of his cock. Then again, that's something he thinks a majority of the time that they're having sex, that he can't believe he can keep himself in check with Joel handling him like this for as long as he does because everything his husband does when they're in bed together seems to surpass eroticism. His husband is, hands down, the sexiest man he's ever laid eyes on, there's a reason that Spencer had never been attracted enough to anyone to want to pursue any sort of physical relationship before Joel. What he'd felt when they'd been sitting close enough to each other in the library downstairs, fingers very nearly brushing, had been so foreign, and Spencer hadn't been sure what to do with it.

The days and weeks that had followed had ambushed him with a series of escalating fantasies--Joel cupping his cheek and leaning in for a soft kiss, Joel guiding him until his back hits the wall and threading his fingers through Spencer's hair as he leaves marks on his neck, Joel naked and lowering him onto this very bed to fuck him senseless even though he hadn't even known what it meant to be touched that way yet--but somehow, none of that had made him want to shy away from Joel's company. Even then, before he'd been able to come to terms with what he'd been feeling and allow himself to believe that Joel could feel the same way, he'd preferred to at least see Joel, be around him, than to stay away. He can't fathom it now, spending more than a few hours a day away from this man. They can't be together every second, that's a ridiculous notion, but Spencer's night wouldn't be complete without Joel by his side. His heart wouldn't be whole without Joel there.

At his husband's whimper, Spencer feels that distinct heat rising in his belly, the one that tells him that he's too close now, and he groans as he glides his hand as far down Joel's chest as he can, fingers digging gently into his skin because even in the throes of pleasure, Spencer is still very aware of his husband's comfort, of his physical limits. There's nothing in the world, no amount of pleasure, that would be worth hurting Joel in any way and when Joel opens his eyes to look up at him, Spencer swears he feels his heart skip. Joel's eyes are so beautiful, caught between hazel and honey, and Spencer could get lost in them for hours if given the opportunity. He's so in love, he's dizzy with it, and with their eyes locked, Spencer rolls his hips for one more effective and deep thrust before he feels himself let go. "I'm coming," he gasps, a last-minute warming before Joel is swallowing him down, and Spencer can't imagine anything more incredible than watching his husband take him like this.

By the time he's finished, he's still half-hard and weakly thrusting into his husband's mouth, trying to ride out his orgasm without collapsing onto his husband, and it's with a mild hiss of distress that he slowly pulls out. He falls onto his back with a grunt, cock still incredibly sensitive, and it sends a shiver up his spine as he gropes for Joel's good hand before rolling over onto his side to press a kiss to his husband's shoulder. "You're incredible," he murmurs, inching closer to cup Joel's cheek before letting their lips meet, swirling his tongue around his husband's so he can taste himself, so they can taste each other, and he's quite sure that there couldn't possibly be anything more intimate than what they share together. "You're incredible, and you're mine. God, you're mine." There's no figuring out how this has become his life, but Spencer doesn't care, he's stopped trying. They belong with each other always, plain and simple, and there's nothing that could ever change that.

Joel groans again when he feels the ways Spencer's muscles tighten, the warmth of him suddenly flooding his mouth and he never imagined he'd love this as much as he does, but, as with everything, it's all Spencer. There's nothing in the world they could do together that he wouldn't absolutely love and he moans again, his eyes slipping closed for just a moment as he feels Spencer still slowly thrusting into his mouth. When he pulls back, Joel makes a soft sound of displeasure, then opens his eyes again to look over at Spencer beside him on the bed. He's a lucky man, he knows that, and he also knows he's never going to forget it. It would be impossible to feel anything other than lucky when all he does it turn over in bed and find himself face to face with the most incredible person he's ever met. They're together and they trust each other and he honestly doesn't see any situation that would change what they feel. This is it for Joel, for the rest of his life, this is it, and he's sure Spencer feels the same way. This is where they both belong.

He hums contentedly when Spencer kisses him, wishing his other hand was feeling better, wishing he could raise it and bury his fingers in Spencer's hair and pull him closer, but he knows he'll have to settle for this. And it's really not settling, not by any means. Whenever they're together, Joel feels better than he ever has before. Even if he can't be as active a participant as he'd like because of his injuries, he still feels better and safer and happier here than he does anywhere else. He presses another kiss to Spencer's mouth, then pulls back a little, dropping his head onto the pillow and smiles over at his husband. Their tree is still only half-decorated downstairs, but Joel is more than happy to have come upstairs to spend this time with Spencer instead. They can finish the tree tomorrow, provided they don't get distracted again.

"You're incredible," he answers with a soft laugh and he's never going to get sick of hearing that or saying it. This is the sort of thing he gets to say to Spencer every day for the rest of his life and the very thought makes him smile. He's going to wake up tomorrow and tell Spencer he's incredible. And the day after that and the day after that for the rest of his life. This is exactly what he'd never imagined he wanted. For so long being alone had seemed preferable to being close to anyone, but Spencer had proved him wrong within moments. It shouldn't have been so easy, Joel's sure that nothing is supposed to be this easy, but it had been. He'd known almost from the start.

"This is going to be such a great Christmas," he murmurs, squeezing Spencer's hand gently. He already has some of his gifts picked out, but only Spencer's. He's never been great at picking gifts for other people, he's always been the person to overthink it and worry himself to a point where he ends up putting the gift buying off until it's far too late. With Spencer it's been easy and he knows exactly what he's going to do, but when it comes to everyone else, he's going to need Spencer's help. He's sure the two of them together can come up with something great and he's really looking forward to being able to spend a Christmas like the one he knows they have coming up. He smiles sleepily and tilts his head, pressing a kiss against Spencer's chin. "A really great Christmas."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Closed, Spencer]

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