[closed - Spencer - March 9]

[just_another]

Joel knows this isn't a good day for Spencer. He knows it's not just his husband's birthday, he knows the other, much darker memories this day holds for Spencer and he's spent the better part of a month trying to figure out a way to both give his husband a special day and not disrespect the memory of what has happened to him.

He truly has no idea if he's done a good job or if he's really just made a mess of things.

But Spencer had told him that if he decided he didn't want anything, he would say something. If he decided it was too much for him in any way, he would only have to tell Joel and everything would be returned to exactly how it has been before. Any plans Joel made could be cancelled and he would never want to do anything that would make Spencer even a little bit uncomfortable or unhappy.

But Spencer hasn't said anything. And so Joel not only has gifts, he has a cake he baked waiting -- complete with little books drawn in icing, the other edges of the cake a delicate red that makes him think of the red thread -- and a bouncy castle.

The latter had been difficult to get into the yard without Spencer noticing, but Joel knows he hadn't slept well the night before, so ten minutes before the delivery men were set to arrive, he put Spencer to bed, insisting he close his eyes and rest for just a few minutes.

That has been half an hour ago and now there is a fully inflated bouncy castle -- designed for adults to bounce in -- set up in the back yard.

Joel is standing several feet from it, staring at it with a bemused expression. He can't remember the context in which this has come up, although he's sure Spencer does, and it looks funny and a little out of place in their yard.

But he's glad he's done it all the same. Spencer deserves something good for his birthday. He deserves to make new, happy memories.

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[just_another]

Joel huffs out a soft laugh at that and while there is cake waiting for them inside, a fluffy angel food cake ready to be layered with whipped cream Joel has made from scratch and fresh fruit he'd picked up that very moment, there's something about the way Spencer asks for a song that he can't really deny. And while he loves music as much as he loves books, Joel has never been much of a singer, but he doesn't care. The only person in the world who isn't going to tease him because his voice is rough or uneven is the one lying beside him. The only person in the world he's ever been this comfortable this, this complete is the one he's married and there's nothing Spencer could ask of him that would truly embarrass him enough to not go through with. He thinks he'd more than proven that point when he'd worn the absurd Halloween costume Spencer had brought home for him.

But he clears his throat and tilts his head so he's resting his cheek against Spencer's hair and starts to sing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you." And as he's singing he realizes he can't remember the last time he's done this. It had likely been for Charlotte, he thinks, at one of her parties they'd had years ago. While he's called or e-mailed his sister every year they've lived apart, the last time he had been at one of her birthdays had been her tenth and if he thinks back, that's probably the last time he's sung to anyone. It doesn't surprise him that Spencer is the one who's changing everything. He's actually changed every last part of Joel's life and this is just one more example of how his presence here has given Joel a chance to do things again. It's such a small thing, but it's meaningful at the same time.

When he finishes singing, he laughs again, still resting his cheek against the top of Spencer's head. "There is cake inside. Dinner and gifts, too." But he doesn't want to move. The sun has begun to set, dropping behind the house and the light is changing inside the castle, thrown into deeper reds and oranges, shadows stretching across the material. They have a few hours yet before full dark, but he finds himself wondering what it might be like out here once the sun has gone down completely. How quiet and peaceful and secluded it might be. Maybe he can call and have the company come back for it tomorrow. Maybe they can keep it for just a little while longer.

They're going to have to make a run for it at some point, though. He's far too sticky to put his clothes back on and he thinks about the two of them bolting naked across the yard and finds himself laughing harder still. Living alone with Spencer has proven to be as incredible as he'd hoped it would and he does miss Raleigh now and then, but he thinks it's better for all of them this way. She has her own space, privacy for herself, and they have the same. Running naked across the yard isn't the end of the world, but he knows it would be next to impossible with Raleigh still living with them.

"We're going to have to get back to the house, you know," he says to explain why he's laughing. "And I don't think I'm going to want to put my jeans back on like this. I desperately need a shower before I get dressed again."

[doublethepain]

Having let his eyes slip shut with a soft, dreamy smile on his face as Joel sings him his birthday, it takes Spencer a moment to catch up to the fact that his husband can't seem to stop laughing. A chuckle bubbles in his throat as he blinks an eye open, smile growing wider at the image his mind conjures of the two of them running with their damp clothes under one arm and their other hands clasped together as they disappear back into the house. The neighbors could be out right now, and they aren't necessarily nosy--the one perk of having once been accused of murder, apparently, is warding off unwelcome visitors--that doesn't mean that they might not be out in their yards to enjoy the sunset.

"Well, I have quite a few hours before my day ends," Spencer answers, "maybe walking around naked with you is something I want." It isn't, at least not where others can see them because while he very thoroughly enjoys getting to see his husband without his clothes on regularly, it makes Spencer's stomach turn a bit to think of anyone else sharing the view. His own body, bared like this, is for Joel's eyes only and that's never going to change. He knows the same is true of his husband, and he lets his hand slide slowly down from Joel's chest, fingertips just barely brushing over skin until they circle around his navel and over his hipbones.

"Strike that, I think staying here really is the better idea. Maybe we should forego the shower altogether and sleep in here instead. And by sleep, I mean you can make love to me for the rest of the night with a few naps in between to recharge, doesn't that sound nice?"

He's being facetious, of course, though if Joel were to decide he wanted to agree to such a plan, Spencer certainly wouldn't try to back out of it. There are few pleasures he loves more in this world than the feeling of having Joel inside of him, filling him so perfectly and completely, and his body is exhausted from his climax but even so, he can feel his cock twitch at the mere thought of having his husband deliver even more birthday orgasms to him tonight.

Spencer pauses then, lifting his chin up just slightly as if he can see the house through the castle, and sighs. "I do want my cake, though. You've left me with the burden of making quite a few difficult choices." He lets out a grunt as he hoists himself upward with his palm, nearly falling back over on the unsteady floor but managing to catch himself so that he can swing one leg over Joel's hip until he's straddling his husband with a mischievous grin. There's no way they'll be able to have sex again so soon but that's not his aim right now, despite the fact that the way Joel's cock is brushing against his sends a tingle straight down his spine.

For a moment, they just remain this way in silence, their eyes trailing over each other's bodies in admiration and affection, and Spencer leans down to leave a trail of kisses along Joel's collarbone. "I am so in love with you," he murmurs, and it isn't new information by any means, but he likes saying it as much as he likes hearing it, so he hopes that Joel feels the same way. He stretches out over Joel, moaning contently as he presses his ear against his husband's chest to hear that steady heartbeat beneath him. "I wouldn't have been to get through this day without you. The past couple years were-- Well, they were more difficult than anything I've ever experienced but then there's you, and it's suddenly like this day doesn't suffocate me anymore."

It still hurts, of course it does, Spencer doesn't think that will every truly go away; but at least now, he can say he has someone he loves to makes the hard times a little easier, a little happier. "Besides," he adds, pushing himself back up with a wider smile. "You're the first person since my family died to make me a birthday cake, so I can't very well let that go ignored, can I?"

[just_another]

When Spencer leans down, his head against his chest, Joel buries his fingers in his hair, not holding him down, but holding onto him. Just enjoying the moment, the silence settling over them and the yard. The crickets and the frogs are going to start up soon, but for now it's just the two of them lying together, Spencer's warm body stretched out on top of his and he can feel that he might not be all that far off from growing aroused again, not if Spencer keeps this up. He doesn't even have to do anything out of the ordinary, he can just be close enough to Joel or look at him in the right way, and he can feel little tingles of pleasure spiking inside him. The trail of fingers against his skin, even just a smile, it's been a bit of a surprise for Joel to discover just how simple it is for Spencer to turn him on. He's never been this way with anyone else, he's never had such a deep, easy connection, something that just happens to him in a way he'll never be able to explain. It isn't just physiology, there's so much more to it than wanting to have sex, and he doesn't care if there are people out there who would roll their eyes. He doesn't care that some might think it's stupid just how desperately Joel has needed a serious emotional connection, too. He doesn't care about any of that, because the only thing that matters is that he found that connection with the man currently straddling his hips.

And there's nowhere else Joel would rather be. Today or any of the other days stretching out in front of them, their future limitless and full of possibility. The only person he wants to be with on any one of those days is Spencer. There's no one else in the world who'll be able to do these things to him, and Joel finds himself smiling softly, his fingers still combing through Spencer's hair before his husband sits up. It shouldn't shock him anymore, how much he loves this man, how incredible he finds him to look at, but Spencer sits up and he's smiling and the things he's said have sunk into Joel, warming him all the way through, making him feel good and wanted. Making him feel things he's really only ever felt with Spencer and he smiles back, sliding his hands up from Spencer's knees, over his thighs to finally grip his hips gently. He wants to say he'll do this every year, he'll find some way to make his birthday better and brighter, while never forgetting his family either. He wants to promise that he'll acknowledge how hard it is without denying Spencer to right to be happy, but he doesn't know if he can speak so he only shakes his head. They can't forget the cake, but they can take their time.

He sits up then as well, sliding his arms around Spencer, his hands resting against the small of his back as he leans forward and presses his forehead against the curve of Spencer's throat. He smells like sweat and sex and still a scent that's so distinct to him that Joel knows he'll never be able to mistake it for anything else. The idea of being able to identify someone by the way they smell would have once seemed so strange to him and it isn't something he notices until moments like these, when he's pressed as close to Spencer as he possibly can be, when there's nothing between them, when they've been intimate in ways he'll never be with anyone else ever again.

"I'll always be here," he promises, his voice soft. "Not just on your birthday, but every day." They both still have other responsibilities, but it's been so easy for Joel to just let this part of his life happen. It's opened him up to so much more and he knows he and Spencer spend more time around each other than they do anyone else, he knows they work together and go home together, sleep together at night and wake up together in the morning. He knows for a lot of people that would be too much, but it works for them. Not only does it work, but it's opened Joel up to other people in a way he never has been before. Being with Spencer, being this close to Spencer, having that support, it's given him the courage to let others in, and so while they still spend most of their time together, it's made Joel a much more open and social person than he's ever been before.

He pulls back after a moment, still smiling, and lifts one hand to brush some of Spencer's hair back. "It is really good cake, though, if I do say so myself." He hasn't often had the chance to do much baking within the last year, having Raleigh around to take care of it for them, but he likes doing it and he's glad he's been able to at least do this for Spencer's birthday. He isn't in any rush to start feeding his friends, but this is special and it's important. Of course, he'll always go out of his way for Spencer. They don't need a birthday or a holiday for that. Joel will go out of his way for Spencer simply because it's Wednesday, and he knows that will never stop either. He wants to be the sort of husband who never lets Spencer forget that he's loved. He wants him to feel that every single day.