just_another | [Closed - Spencer

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[Closed - Spencer - December 25]

Every time Joel thinks he's reached his limit for happiness, that he can't possibly be any happier than he already is, something new happens to prove him wrong. Last week Spencer had come home with a plate of homemade cookies brought in by a customer who knows Joel has always preferred her sugar cookies to all others and he hadn't eaten a single one, wanting to make sure Joel knew they were all for him. (He shared, of course, because he might love cookies, but he loves his husband more.) Then just two days ago, Spencer had sneakily received what he claimed was a delivery for the store, but the way he'd hidden the box from Joel had made it fairly clear it was some kind of last minute Christmas gift, and he knows it doesn't matter what it is, because whatever it might be, Joel knows he'll love it.

It's impossible not to love everything about this life anyway. Maybe he's been having more and more premonitions and maybe there's a big part of him that thinks something is really about to happen, but he doesn't know what it might be. The premonitions come more often, but they're still more or less the same. A lightning storm, Amy's headstone, a woman in a hood whose face he's never been able to see. Shediac, Amy, a witch. That's all he knows. He's called people in Shediac twice now, lied about who he is, tried to get some kind of information out of them, but nothing has been reported as being out of the ordinary. So all Joel can really do is wait.

Last night Spencer had produced a pair of reindeer antlers to put on Dane and although their son had repeatedly yanked them off his head, it had still been one of the cuter things Joel had ever seen, filling him with a sense of joy that overshadowed how he'd felt even the day before. Their baby is happy and healthy and developing normally. They've begun to feed him some solid foods and Joel reads to him every night, which has produced a vocabulary of repetitive syllables, which is exactly where he should be. His hair is dark and his eyes are caught somewhere between his hazel and Erin's blue, a light grey colour that Joel thinks is absolutely perfectly.

And now it's Christmas morning. He knows Dane is too young to really understand what's happening, but that hasn't stopped Joel from waking up in the middle of the night and putting a few extra gifts under the tree. He's as happy as he's ever been and he turns over in bed, looking over at Spencer beside him, his husband still asleep -- or at least doing a very good job pretending -- before he glances toward the window. It's snowing lightly, big, heavy flakes drifting down outside the window and Joel smiles, then burrows closer to his husband again.

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"I'm pretty sure today is supposed to allow for a chance to actually sleep in," Spencer grumbles, though there's already a smile spreading across his face as he turns on his side to drape an arm over Joel's waist. He keeps his eyes closed because even though he's officially awake--and not for the first time, Joel may think he'd been quiet about going down to play Santa at midnight, but he most certainly had not--he still wants to keep up the illusion that there's still the potential to drift off again.

He can feel Joel shaking with quiet laughter beside him and that's what makes him blink open an eye, ever pleased about the fact that the first thing he gets to see is his beautiful husband. It's like this nearly every morning, save for the ones that see him utterly exhausted from attending to Dane late in the night, though that's happened less and less as their son has grown older. Still, one look at his husband makes anything that could resemble typical morning grumpiness fade away, even moreso when his conscious mind reminds him that what he gets to see next is their baby.

It's his second Christmas with Joel, their first with Dane, and Charlotte had come over last night so they could Skype as a family with Brian and Ellie. The Bakers hadn't been able to make it up for the holiday this year because of a poorly timed cold that'd seen poor Brian bedridden, though he'd promised to do his best to get rid of it in time to make it up for the New Year. Still, in spite of that kink in their plans, they'd had a peaceful, quiet Christmas Eve and today, Spencer's looking forward to more of the same.

The town has thankfully been quiet as of late, save for that bizarre instead with the zoo that he and Joel had kept Dane far, far away from, and he can only hope that will continue. They haven't talked much about the prospect of moving again, not when things have been going so well here, but Spencer supposes that's a good thing. To leave home and start a new life with a six-month-old would be an enormous task, and Spencer realizes they're nowhere near ready for anything like that anyway but it does help that there hasn't been anything especially awful to hide from since Dane had been born.

"Merry Christmas," he murmurs, trailing his hand up the length of Joel's body until he's cupping his husband's cheek. Squirming forward, he presses a kiss to Joel's lips, letting it linger for a moment before pulling away with a soft sigh. Glancing up past Joel, he brightens even more at the sight out the window. "It's snowing! We've got that ridiculously cute snowsuit your mom sent for Dane, we should take him out later and snap a few pictures to send her."

Edited 2015-12-21 07:08 (UTC)

"I didn't make you wake up," Joel answers with a grin, pleased for the weight of Spencer's arm around him, his hand moving over his body and the press of his lips. "Okay, maybe I woke you up, but I'm by no means telling you that you're required to get out of bed just yet."

Dane is still young enough that sleeping through the night is something of a luxury. Joel's insomnia still keeps him up some nights and it's worse now than it used to be. Spencer had made it much easier for him to sleep, but now that there's Dane to consider, Joel spends a considerable amount of time slipping out of bed -- carefully so as not to wake Spencer -- and sneaking down the hall so he can peek into their baby's room and make sure everything is still okay. It always is, Dane is always sleeping peacefully, and Joel just stands there for a moment, watching Dane's tiny chest rise and fall, then steals back to bed. He does this two or three times most nights and he doesn't imagine that's going to stop any time soon.

But with Dane just now beginning to sleep through the night, being able to stay in bed while he's still quiet is something of a blessing and Joel has absolutely no intention of getting out of bed or making Spencer get out of bed, especially not on Christmas morning. No matter how cute the prospect of their son in his adorable snowsuit is.

"Merry Christmas," he murmurs softly, reaching for Spencer again when he pulls away. "It's snowing and our son is bound to be adorable all day and I promise we'll take pictures outside of him in his snowsuit and we'll take pictures of him with his new gifts, but the pictures outside would be best left until later in the day. The light is better in the evenings." This is actually the truth, he's not just saying it to get a few minutes longer in bed with his husband, but it doesn't hurt that he's allowed to nuzzle against Spencer's shoulder for another minute before the baby monitor on their bedside table begins to pick up the faint snuffling sound of Dane waking up. Usually this is when Joel or Spencer will go to him, before he begins to cry so they can head that off at the pass, and it's with a groan that Joel pushes the covers back and hauls himself out of bed.

"Since you don't want to get up, you should stay right here," he says, pulling on a pair of pajama bottoms. "I'll be back with the baby." He grins at Spencer, then disappears from the room and heads down the hall toward Dane's bedroom. Their son is awake, kicking in his crib, making cooing noises up at the ceiling and he smiles when he catches sight of Joel.

"Hey there, little man," Joel murmurs, reaching down to pick Dane up. "Merry Christmas. Let's go see your daddy before he explodes with Christmas cheer."

On the one hand, the very last thing he wants is for Joel to get out of bed, even if he doesn't want to do it himself; but on the other, the promise of his husband coming back with their son is far too good to decline, so he merely lets out a dramatic sigh before turning onto his stomach so he can bury his head against his pillow. He's exhausted because of the holidays already, from the shopping for gifts to the decorating of the store and house to writing cards to making sure Joel doesn't get his hands on the gift he'd bought--all that combined with the very worthwhile struggles of being a father to a six-month old can make one just a bit tired, especially considering this is something that's only just starting to become traditional.

The year before last, he'd still been alone. There'd been no tree downstairs, no lights hanging on the edges of the roof, nothing much at all to speak of to show any indication that Spencer Waters had known it was Christmas in the first place. He'd get small gifts for John and Keira and Cosette, even for Lara, but he doubts they'd considered what he'd given them anything particularly special. Rather than accept any invitations to dinner, he'd spend as much time as he could at the cemetery before being forced to accept defeat by the cold; but last year, all of that had changed. Last year, he'd gone to the cemetery with his husband and come home to a warm house full of family.

It still amazes him how quickly things can change.

Lifting his head up from the pillow and knowing very well that when Joel walks back in here, there are likely to be lines imprinted on the side of his face, Spencer calls out, "Please don't hoard our baby on Christmas. Unless you're putting him in a holiday onesie, in which case you may carry on with what you're doing." Grinning, he turns onto his back, apparently incapable of lying still now that the Christmas spirit seems to be waking him up. There isn't a whole lot for them to do today, the plan is to just take it easy until it's time to start on dinner, and Charlotte is due over again for that at some point or another.

Until then, though, Spencer thinks he quite likes the idea of settling down on the couch with his family so they can watch Christmas movies and stuff themselves full of cookies--at least, he and Joel can--until they're too full to even consider getting up to work on dinner. With the snow falling as it is, it might be just a bit too cold to take Dane out to the cemetery, but Spencer isn't too disappointed about that, seeing as they've already taken him a couple times.

Even so, he can't help but try to rub away the ache that forms in his chest every time he thinks about his mother and brother, especially during times like these; but in just a couple rooms down are his husband and son, on their way to greet him, and Spencer knows he couldn't possibly ask for anything more today.

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm currently hoarding him and his extremely full diaper so that he doesn't come to our bed to start Christmas with a special sort of odour lingering around him," Joel calls back down the hall with a laugh as he finishes with Dane on the change table. It was a rather good decision on his part, he thinks, and once he has Dane clean and changed and dressed in a fresh new onesie, he scoops their son off the change table and heads back down the hall into their shared bedroom. As soon as they're through the door, Dane is bouncing in his arms and making soft cooing noises, syllables that don't quite mean anything yet, but Joel is hopeful that he's going to be saying da any day now. It's a little early and he's not going to push, but Dane seems to be right on schedule with his milestones and Joel loves seeing the way he looks at Spencer, how happy he is to see his daddy.

"There you go, don't go leaping out of my arms," he says, setting Dane down on the bed in front of Spencer. He can't quite crawl yet, but he's up on his hands, rocking ferociously as if that's going to get him right into Spencer's lap. Their baby is quite sweet, Joel can admit it, even though Dane looks an awful lot like him and he wonders sometimes if it seems arrogant for him to say Dane is cue when they share the same dark, curling hair, the same hazel eyes. He had Erin's wide mouth, though, something that makes him look just a touch more like Spencer, which Joel loves, and as he flops down on the bed again, Dane giggles, his lips pulling into a wide grin. He's not crawling, but he's getting close, and he rocks himself hard enough that he falls, collapsing onto his belly and trying to squirm closer to Spencer.

"You need to pick up your son before he has a fit just trying to get to you," Joel says, laughing as he watches the scene. They're so lucky they have this perfect little family, so lucky to have found themselves in the position where all this is possible, and Joel doesn't really believe in the idea of people getting what they deserve, but he thinks the two of them struggled for a long enough time to get here. That it's easy now, that it's so simple just to be happy, he feels like it's something they should be allowed to just enjoy without worrying about what it might mean or if it might be taken away. He'll protect this family with every last reserve of power he has and while he's been slacking lately, he knows that power is considerable. They don't need to be afraid of anything.

"How long do you think we'll last up here before one of us gets impatient and wants to open presents?" he asks as he lies back against the pillow and then tips his head over to look at Spencer and Dane. They make an adorable pair, two of the people he loves most in the entire world, and Joel honestly knows this is the best Christmas he's ever had. They both make him so happy, just the fact that they're here with him, the fact that they love him, he doesn't need anything more than that. They both make him feel like he'll never want for anything else in the world and he certainly can't imagine a circumstance in which that isn't true. So long as they're together, everything else is secondary.

The second Joel sets Dane down on the bed, Spencer becomes convinced that he's forgotten how to speak. It's really not fair, how cute their son looks in that holiday onesie, and maybe it's silly that there are tears welling up in his eyes just at the sight of Dane, but Spencer doesn't care. They're both still relatively new parents, it's only been six months since their baby had come into their lives, so every now and then--which really amounts to a couple time a day, if he's honest--Spencer will get incredibly emotional over how perfect their little family has become. Things had already been incredible just with Joel, just being a husband and knowing he was loved, but Spencer still remembers every last moment of being in the hospital and getting to hold Dane for the very first time. They're the two best days of his lives: the day he'd married Joel and the day their son had been born.

His husband is right, though, Dane's going to burst into tears if Spencer doesn't reach for him in the next couple seconds, so he wastes no more time in doing just that. It earns him a smile, and Dane reaches out to tug on one of Spencer's wild strands of hair that's still sticking out from having just gotten up. He cringes a little at how hard the baby pulls, though he laughs when Dane does before arching a brow at Joel. "He's becoming more and more unforgiving with the hair every day," he says, though he hardly minds it. Dane can pull his hair as often as he'd like, really, and Spencer will always let him do it because it always seems to amuse him. Besides, a happy baby makes for happy fathers, there's been no doubt about that.

There's also the matter of not wanting to cut his hair in the first place. The last time he'd gotten a haircut had been after the incident with Mark Fuller, and Spencer knows it's irrational, but he doesn't want anything that has to do with his son to cross paths with what he associates with Mark.

"I love you," he murmurs softly in Dane's ear, pleased with the little gurgle he gets in return, and he presses a kiss to the baby's cheek before setting him down in his lap. "And I love you, too, Mister Waters-Baker. Here I thought your gift was bringing Dane to me, now you're telling me there's more? Dane, are you hearing this? Your daddy is spoiling us rotten." He scoots closer to his husband so he can lean in to brush his lips against Joel's, letting them linger there for a moment before breaking back into a smile. "Maybe we can admit to ourselves that we're both impatient but if anyone asks, we'll blame it on the baby. We've got a few years of being able to do that, we should take full advantage of it while we can."

They don't have all day, as much as he'd like to pretend they do, not when Charlotte is going to be over here in the early afternoon, too excited to give Dane his presents to stay away for long, but all Joel wants is to spend a lazy morning in bed with these two and then slowly make his way downstairs for breakfast and coffee and helping their son open his gifts. Most of what's down there is either something they need or an educational gift, because Joel has fully expected Charlotte and his parents to go a little overboard and so he's tried to limit what he and Spencer have bought. That's meant ferreting out the gifts Spencer has hidden around the house -- all without finding his own -- and returning them in some cases, but it isn't as if Spencer doesn't know exactly what he's been doing.

Smiling into the kiss, Joel thinks all over again how much he'd just like to stay here. Eventually Dane is going to need to be fed, he'll need to be taken downstairs, but it can wait. There's nothing at all preventing them from spending just a little bit longer relaxing in their warm bed, and when Dane reaches up and buries his fingers in Joel's beard, he gives a warm laugh against Spencer's mouth. "He really is getting into hair pulling, isn't he?" he asks, because although Spencer has only just mentioned it, which should have been a warning in itself, he still hadn't been expecting it somehow and the tug at his beard stings. "Between the two of u he has hair absolutely everywhere that he can pull on."

Spencer's hair is longer by far, but Joel has more of it across a variety of areas and when Dane's little hand falls from his beard to his chest, he's glad he'd thought to pull on a t-shirt before going to pick their son up out of his crib. It wouldn't have been the first time Dane pulled his chest hair, but Joel has learned his lesson, and he's not sure he's ever felt pain quite like that before.

"What are you thinking for breakfast?" Joel asks as he reaches up and strokes the back of Dane's hand. He's never felt anything as soft as his son's skin, nothing he's ever wanted to just continue to stroke gently like he's doing now. "Pancakes? Maybe waffles?" His waffle iron is a little on the old side, but it still does what it's supposed to and he loves making waffles from scratch. More than anything, he loves cooking for Spencer, he loves being able to do that for his husband and over the time they've been married now, he's enjoyed bringing him breakfast in bed more than a few times. Today, though, he wants the two of them downstairs with him so they can keep him company on Christmas morning. "Or some kind of egg dish? I have a new omelette recipe I've been looking forward to trying."

All joking aside, Spencer had meant it when he'd said Joel spoils them. He's lucky enough to have a husband who does it all: cooks, builds, cleans, everything. Even though the bookstore had been a bit of a mess--which is really an understatement--when they'd met, Joel has always taken good care of the living space they share together. Every so often, Spencer still has to lecture his husband for leaving a new box of inventory lying around when it should be going straight to the shelves, but there's never any real ire behind it because as co-owners of the store, they complement each other well. That's the case in essentially every aspect of their lives, it has been from the start, and Spencer knows that accounts for exactly why they'd fallen so deeply in love with each other so quickly. It's why they're here now, still happy and married and fathers to the most beautiful little boy to ever exist in this world.

"Let's try the omelette," Spencer decides, though the mere mention of the pancakes and waffles had already gotten his mouth watering. His stomach growls then, a deep rumbling that makes Dane jolt in surprise, and Spencer has to laugh when their son stares at his belly with wide eyes before looking back at Joel, as if his father will be able to account for what's just happened. "And we'd better try it fast, I don't want to worry our little Junebug any more than I already have. Besides, it's best not to let your husband die of starvation on Christmas morning, that just seems unnaturally cruel."

With a labored grunt, Spencer forces himself out of bed, hauling Dane with him as he heads for the doorway. "I'm going to get the presents I hid from you all gathered while you start breakfast," he says, glancing over his shoulder at his husband, though it does give him pause because as always, Joel looks so gorgeous. It'll never stop amazing him, he thinks, just how handsome Joel is, even with his hair messy like that and in nothing more than a shirt and briefs. If he didn't have their son in his arms, Spencer might be tempted to jump right back in bed but as it is, they'll just have to wait until Charlotte's gone later and Dane has settled back down after the excitement of the day. Spencer can wait, of course, even if their patience has been tested in the past; but there's a great day ahead of him, he's sure of it. It's their first Christmas with Dane, and he can't imagine anything better.

"I didn't think it could get better than last year," he says suddenly, his tone and expression both more sincere, and even Dane gives a slight tilt of his head at the change in Spencer's voice. "I was wrong. I think it can only ever get better, don't you?" Within the next few Christmases, they may even have a second child, a brother or sister for Dane, who'll be walking and talking by then, and it fills Spencer with a brand new sense of warmth. "Meet us downstairs, baby, okay? Otherwise I'll be forced to start cooking myself and none us wants that."

"I might want that," he teases with a grin and there's a big part of him that wants to reach out for Spencer and drag him back into bed, baby and all. It's Christmas and while he knows that doesn't alleviate any of the responsibilities they have for the day ahead, but he thinks it should allow them at least an extra half hour in bed if that's what they want. That should be their Christmas gift to themselves, but he knows they need to get up, and so when he grabs at Spencer, it's half hearted, his fingers just grazing his husband's back and then he falls back into the bed with another laugh. He's happy, happier than he's ever been before, and what Spencer has just said sticks with him as he lies there for a moment later, staring up at the ceiling. He can hear Spencer moving down the hall toward the stares, murmuring to Dane, and Joel closes his eyes, just listening.

Spencer is right. Last year he had been so happy and he hadn't thought it would be possible to be any happier, but here they are, and he is. They're together, they're wonderfully happy in their marriage and now they have Dane, who really is the most perfect little baby they could have hoped for. From here it's only going to get better. Dane is going to get bigger, next year he probably still won't be old enough to truly understand what's happening, but the year after that and from then on Christmas is going to be a chaotic, wonderful affair. Joel can't wait for those days, but he also isn't going to waste these ones and so he opens his eyes again and wipes any tears that have collected at the corners before he pushes himself out of bed. Pausing to grab a pair of pajama bottoms out of the drawer, he pulls them on, then heads downstairs.

Going into the kitchen, Joel opens the fridge and begins to remove things from inside, taking the eggs and some cream, the three different types of cheeses he'd been hoarding for just this purpose, some vegetables and meat and he sets and chopping and mixing and grating the cheese, all while listening for Spencer and Dane in the living room. While he moves around the kitchen, he turns on the formula warmer and grabs one of the bottles from the fridge he'd prepared the night before, then puts it carefully inside when it's ready. He has to admit, there are some things Spencer had splurged on that Joel especially likes, and the formula warmer is one of them. It makes it so easy, never too hot for the baby, never anything but perfectly warm, and all Joel has to do is flick a switch.

"Does he need to be fed?" he calls as he returns to the eggs, whisking them together with some cream in a bowl. "I've got one of the bottles warming up right now if he starts to get fussy." For a few months after he was born he'd cried so much Joel had worried they were doing something wrong, but both his mother and Erin had insisted it was normal, that it was nothing more than colic, that he'd grow out of it by the time he was three or four months, and that had happened, but even still, Joel hates hearing him cry. He worries about the baby, worries he's not happy, and he'll do anything to head the tears off before they begin. It's not possible, of course, Dane is a baby and babies cry, but Joel had gotten pretty good at predicting his moods. He and Spencer both have.

It comes as no surprise to Spencer to find Huxley sniffing around the tree as soon as he and Dane get downstairs. As if caught doing something terribly naughty, the dog freezes when Spencer walks into the room, blinking up at him with wide, innocent eyes, and Spencer can't help but laugh because it only serves to remind him of how utterly lenient he'll surely be with his son. If he can't even chastise the dog, there's no home for him when it comes to Dane.

"Your daddy's going to have to be the stern one," he says to his son, though Dane barely pays him any mind now that he's spotted Huxley, and the baby is already reaching for the dog as Spencer gently sets him down on the floor. He watches with amusement as Dane struggles to inch forward, though saved when Huxley trots over instead, and it occurs to him that he and Joel are really quite fortunate that the baby hasn't learned to crawl quite yet. The holiday season would have been significantly more stressful--though in the best possible way, as is true of all their baby's milestones--if they'd had to glance at the floor every few seconds to make sure Dane hadn't crawled away to get into some mischief or another. As perfect a child as he is now, Spencer feels pretty certain that even in a small way, Dane will take after his uncle, which isn't remotely a bad thing but still means that he'll be something of a handful.

Somehow, that only makes Spencer's chest swell with affection, merely thinking of how good a man his brother had been and how proud he knows he'll be of who his son will grow up to become. Clearing his throat, he gets to work pulling gifts from corners of the room Joel hadn't thought to poke at, though he'd hardly been able to hide the delivery to the store. That'd been a mistake on his part, he'd hoped Joel would be out at the time, but it hadn't necessarily been ruined. The box contains a massive tool set in a brand new chest Spencer had commissioned from a workshop just outside of town. It's something Joel could have made himself, of course, but between the store and the baby, his husband doesn't have as much time to take on projects like that without having to draw out the time it takes to complete them.

When Joel calls from the kitchen, both Huxley and Dane's heads tilt at the familiar voice, and Spencer bursts out laughing at the sight. "Does he ever not need to be fed?" he calls back with a grin. Putting the finishing touches on the set-up of gifts around the tree, he scoops Dane back up in his arms and heads for the kitchen with Huxley following closely at his feet.

"I might start to get fussy first," he teases, and he can't help but bounce on his heels a bit when he sees all the ingredients laid out for the omelettes. "But a preemptive strike is better than having to listen to our baby cry on Christmas, I suppose."

"If you get fussy, I know much better ways of dealing with you," Joel shoots back with a laugh, getting out one of their pans and setting it on the stove before he reaches for the bottle of formula that's now warmed to the perfect temperature. And even though Joel is fine with technology, even though he trusts it far more than some people he knows, he still tests the temperature of the formula before passing the bottle over to Spencer, just in case something has gone wrong and it's too hot for Dane. There are all sorts of risks they both might have taken before their son came along and while he doubts either would have said they were careless men, he's terribly aware of just how much more stringent they are with nearly everything now that they have Dane's welfare to consider, too.

"Feed our child, I'll take care of breakfast," he promises with another smile, this one much more gentle as he returns to the eggs. It's not long before they're in the pan with the vegetables and the meat, the smell of breakfast filling the house. It's enough to draw Huxley, who comes padding into the room with his little tail wagging, then sits at Joel's feet, moving only when Joel moves, following him back and forth from counter to stove to cupboard to table. Joel would scold him, but the truth is that their dog begs at his feet when he's cooking because Joel gives him food and he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help but crouch down to slip Huxley a little piece of meat.

"It's Christmas, he deserves a little present, too," he says, prepared to defend himself even though Spencer hasn't said anything and probably wouldn't if Joel hadn't brought his attention to it first. He busies himself frying some potatoes in a pan, then glances over at his husband with another sly grin. "I actually got him a few real presents, too." Their dog doesn't know the difference, he isn't going to get jealous that they're opening gifts without him, but Joel hadn't been able to help himself when he had seen the little doggy stockings on sale in the pet store.

Spencer's major gift is a little more intricate than that. Joel has had a hard time hiding it and even now it's in pieces, but he hopes Spencer will be able to picture it once it's put together. There are certain books on display in the library, but Joel knows his husband has a soft spot for far too many books to put them all on display tables. What he's done instead to built a matching bookshelf with pot lights installed in each shelf to highlight whatever books Spencer wants to draw the most attention to. It's the best work Joel has done yet and he's awfully proud of it.

Before Joel can turn his attention back to making their breakfast, Spencer catches him by the arm, shifting so the baby isn't pressed between them as he leans in to press a soft, lingering kiss to his husband's lips. It's been a year since he'd revealed the tattoo on his hip, almost exactly a year and four months--486 days--since they'd eloped to Wilton to exchange their vows. In that time, Spencer still hasn't started taking for granted the way it feels to have Joel's beard brush against his skin, tickling his lips and nose, leaving behind trails of red when they get up to more than just a sweet exchange. He never will, he thinks, he couldn't possibly take it for granted when he'd gone so utterly long without the promise of anyone loving him. Spencer hadn't searched for anything like this; in fact, he'd resigned himself to a life without it.

But Joel had walked his way into Spencer life that day the Hydra had come to town and for the first time in a long time, Spencer had felt like he could truly put his trust in someone again. It shouldn't have been an easy task, not after how cruelly so many people in this town had treated him after the death of his family, but with Joel, he'd folded so easily, so immediately. From the very start, he'd fallen in love with this man. From the day they'd met, Joel had left a lasting impression, and Spencer will never be more grateful for anything than he is for meeting this man. It's given him so much--this marriage, this happy life, this beautiful child in his arms. Being with Joel has given him everything.

Temporarily breaking away from those thoughts, though he has every intention of revisiting them later, perhaps when they've put the baby to bed after Charlotte has gone home, Spencer lifts a brow at the dog. Huxley merely blinks at him with wide, innocent eyes before turning back to Joel, as if the dog already knows that of his two owners, Joel is more likely to give him another delicious morsel to eat. "I wouldn't have expected anything less," Spencer says of the dog gifts, wandering into the dining room so he can tug a chair closer to the kitchen to watch Joel work.

He grabs a feeding towel from the counter, making sure to fit it snugly under Dane's chin so the formula won't stain his onesie, and grins when the baby greedily begins to eat. "He is hungry," Spencer says, watching their son for a long moment before glancing up at his husband. "How are you ever going to keep up with his appetite when he's old enough to eat real meals with us?"

It's extremely difficult not to just fall into that kiss, as cliched as the statement might be. Joel had seen it used countless times in both poetry and prose as a way to describe what it felt like to kiss someone you truly loved and he'd never put much stock in it for most of his adult life. The idea of falling into a kiss had seemed so silly, so trite, like such a feeling couldn't actually be possible, because a kiss is only the pressing of two pairs of lips together. He'd never experienced it, not even with Amy and Joel had loved Amy, but he realizes now the reason he'd never experience it wasn't because it didn't exist, but because he'd never been in love like this. Sinking into the feeling of Spencer's lips against his is actually the easiest thing in the world and there are times when it really does feel like falling, like he's lost in that simple touch he'd written off so easily before. Because nothing has ever been like it is with Spencer. Nothing has ever felt this way.

It is like being made real finally. After all those years, he understands.

With a hum of protest when Spencer breaks away, Joel turns back to their breakfast, stealing glances at his family over his shoulder every so often. They're beautiful, they've been beautiful since the moment they both stepped into Joel's life, and he stifles a little sigh as he carefully checks the eggs and then folds them over in the pan after sprinkling some cheese in the centre. It already smells amazing, but he's still too caught up in the sight of Spencer and Dane together to really pay attention to much of anything else. This is his family together on Christmas. Later his sister will join them and Joel will be delighted to have her, but he doesn't know if there's anything that can top this happiness he feels right now.

"Oh, I think I'll keep up just fine," he assures Spencer with a laugh, reaching out with one hand to gently poke Dane's belly. He hasn't quite reached the chubby baby stage just yet, but he's getting there, his belly already round. Joel absolutely loves it. He loves everything about watching their son grow and change. He's looking forward to the years ahead, to seeing Dane get taller, to being able to feed him, to know he's growing with every passing day. At the same time, he wants to make sure he doesn't take any of it for granted, he doesn't want to miss a moment of it. "I'll feed him everything he needs to keep growing and one day he'll tower over us and you'll blame me, because I've have fed him too much."

Turning his attention back to the meal, Joel puts a few finishing touches on it as Spencer feeds Dane. Their son has a tendency to relax almost entirely after he'd been fed, which gives them the opportunity to eat mostly in peace, something Joel knows is actually quite the luxury for new parents. He'd read plenty of message boards online where mothers talk about how they haven't had a hot meal in years and he's just grateful all over again for Dane's disposition.

"Nearly ready?" he asks. "Do you think he'll doze a bit in his seat if we put him there? I'd hate for this to get cold."

It really isn't fair to the rest of the world that Spencer has somehow been gifted with the most perfect husband one could ever ask for. He'll stand by that, even if Joel would balk at it with a hint of that pleased smile Spencer loves so much, because as far as he's concerned, it's absolutely true. There aren't very many people in this world who could find it in themselves to stay with someone with as much baggage as Spencer has carried with him in his life. He's not so selfish as to say that his life is harder than most others' or that he's suffered more than he deserves to have. Life isn't always fair, that's something he'd been forced to accept long ago; but as he's come to find out, he's only had to wait for things to become truly worth fighting for, worth waking up for every single morning.

He watches his husband as he feeds their baby, rocking Dane gently and chuckling softly every time their son pauses to let out a little gurgle, and it strikes him that there are bound to be so many people out there, even just in their small town, who only hope for a scene like this on Christmas morning. Somewhere along the line, Joel had helped Spencer to believe that this, all of this, getting close to someone and falling in love, even with the risk of losing them, would be worth it. Maybe Joel hadn't even realized what he'd done at the time, all Spencer knows is the day they'd met had been the day he'd realized there might just be someone in this world meant for him and from there, Joel had only proved it to be true.

Sitting in the kitchen, waiting for his husband to finish cooking their breakfast while their baby bats his own away, isn't something Spencer could have envisioned for himself a couple years ago. Sometimes it all still feels so new. Sometimes he wakes from a particularly nasty nightmare with the belief that he'll be waking up alone, that nobody will there in the space next to him in bed, but Joel is always there. A warm, comforting presence who always seems to know exactly when he's needed because that's just how they are together, eternally on the same wavelength, and Spencer tends to rest his hand on Joel's chest in those moments after sinking back into his husband's arms because that's where he knows they're connected. Anywhere he goes, his path will always lead back to Joel, back to Dane, back to this beautiful family and life they've created together.

"Are you implying that I'm to become the naggy husband who accuses you of feeding our son too well?" Spencer teases, setting the bottle aside and shifting Dane in his arms so he can pat at the baby's back. Dane has already gone fairly quiet, resting his head against Spencer's shoulder as he grasps tiredly at his father's hair again, though thankfully he doesn't tug quite as hard as he had earlier. It isn't long before Dane hiccups then burps, a satisfying sound that makes Spencer smile, and he nods at Joel's question.

"We've got a bit of a window," he says, gently lowering Dane into his seat before pressing a kiss to the baby's head and turning to face Joel with a smile. "Let's just hope that napping now doesn't mean he'll raise hell later."

"I'm not sure you'll ever be capable of being naggy," Joel answers, laughing as he slides the eggs onto plates and then busies himself with the coffee maker, wanting to make sure everything is ready for Spencer once he brings it over to the table. It's rather nice, being able to do this for him, being able to take care of his husband in this manner. He knows neither of them need the other to take care of them, they're perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, but not having to do that, knowing there's someone willing to care for them and protect them and even wait on them in moments like these, it's all rather nice. Something Joel hadn't even realized he'd wanted or would enjoy until he'd finally been living in the situation where it was a reality. Trusting someone enough to know they'll always be there when he needs them most is a new experience and sometimes Joel still thinks he falters, he thinks he'll have to do things on his own when nothing could be furthest from the truth, but overall he thinks he's settled into it all rather nicely.

"If he does raise hell later," Joel continues, setting Spencer's plate down in front of him, then presenting him with the coffee mug as well, "we'll just pawn him off on Charlotte for a little while. You know she's going to be the one to teach him how to be a hellraiser anyway, so she might as well get to deal with him when he's at his worst." There will be no stopping his sister, he's absolutely sure of that. She's going to be worse than his parents when it comes to spoiling Dane and not only because she's actually in Siren Cove while they're a little further away. Charlotte has been completely devoted to their son since the day he was born, but she also takes her role as the cool aunt very seriously. Joel pointing out that she's Dane's only aunt hasn't stopped her from spoiling him already. At least he's too young to know it yet.

"She'll be happy to take him, you know that," he adds as he sinks down into his chair with his own meal. "She'll be happy to help him do whatever he needs to do. You know when he's walking, she's going to be the one leading him around to get into trouble." And yet he can't imagine telling his sister not to. Charlotte is never going to do anything dangerous with their son, she isn't going to do anything they would truly be angry with, and so Joel is just pleased Dane will have someone like her in his life. He wishes he'd had an aunt or uncle like that, someone to do all the fun things with him his parents would never do. Which isn't to say they hadn't been fun in their own way, but it's always different with parents.

"And you'll be happy to let her take you, won't you?" he asks, looking over at Dane and then giving their son's cheek a gentle stroke before he returns to his meal. The eggs are exactly like he wanted them to turn out and he hums, satisfied with what he's done, before taking a sip of his coffee. "You've certainly won the jackpot here with husbands who can cook," he adds a second later, looking up at Spencer with a teasing smile. "I think I've outdone myself in terms of breakfast foods today."

Letting out a slow, relaxed breath, Spencer grins at the breakfast in front of him, beyond grateful that they're going to be able to enjoy this meal when it's this quiet. By no means would Spencer ever want to imply that he wishes they could be rid of Dane every so often, that's not the case at all; but moments like this, when the baby is sleeping and it allows for them to just be, are few and far between more often than not. Life as a married couple had been so different from life as a married couple with a child, it's astounding, and Spencer hadn't been prepared for all the changes they've faced so far, but that's why they're in this together. They'd gone into this with the understanding that becoming fathers was never going to be the easiest thing in the world, but Spencer thinks he can speak for both of them when he says that they've never been happier.

"This is perfect," he says after the first bite of his omelette, and he means it. Spencer loves that Joel takes the time to do things like this, to make homecooked meals when Spencer had previously relied on ramen and take-out to keep him nourished. He's never been a picky eater, it's just that he's hopeless in the kitchen, so finding a husband who's an excellent cook is just another bonus. Sometimes he wonders how this could possible be where he's at in life, in a functioning and happy marriage with a man he runs a rather successful store with and on top of that, they're caretakers to two well-behaved pets who are always so very sweet with a baby who isn't nearly as regularly fussy as he could be. It's almost as if he's stuck in a very long and detailed dream, and if that's true, he never wants to wake up.

He does let his head fall back with a groan, though, when Joel mentions walking. "God, no, you can't talk to me about that yet, I'm not ready. Can you even imagine? That's going to happen so soon, Joel, he'll be crawling and then walking and running, and I just know he'll give us both a workout every time we try to go to the store." Even now, just going for a few groceries is an enormous ordeal because if one of them is at the store, the other has to pack up the stroller and make sure the baby is dressed appropriately before heading out to get what they need. It's worth it, obviously, there's just so much more to everything they do now. "And he's going to learn how to talk, he'll say 'dada' or 'papa' or some warped form of the pets' names or Charlotte's name or even Coop's, and it'll just be a disaster. You'll have to deal with a husband who won't be able to stop crying over how incredibly perfect our son is."

He knows he sounds like one of those parents that are blinded to the flaws of their child, but Spencer is pretty sure Dane really is flawless. Whenever he takes the baby out, people flag him down to say hello, to play a bit with the baby before they have to go, and Spencer typically doesn't like a lot of attention but when it comes to showing off his beautiful child, he's okay with it.

"Anyway, if Charlotte gets him into trouble, she'll have to be the one to get him out of it." That's a lie, Spencer and Joel would both do anything to keep both Charlotte and Dane out of any significant trouble, but he isn't especially worried about that. He trusts Charlotte, so does Joel, and that's enough. "And by all means, my love, keep complimenting yourself. I'll try to catch up later when I've got you back in the bedroom tonight."

"I think it's terribly unfair that you say things like that and expect that I'm not going to react in very noticeable ways. Even if these ways are hidden by the kitchen table at the moment," Joel says, his tone conversation, as if he's discussing nothing more than the weather. Their life together has changed since Dane's arrival, as they knew it would, but Joel likes very much that they still do everything they can to make time for each other. It's not the same as it was before, it simply can't be, not when they're no longer alone in the house, when they've given up that aspect of complete privacy that they'd had for a time, but they try so hard. In the evenings once Dane has gone to sleep, when it's finally time to just sink down onto the couch and relax, Joel forces himself to put work aside, to close any book he may be reading and just spend time focusing on Spencer instead. It's important, he thinks they both know that, and while their intimacy may have changed, while it may not be possible to have the sex life they once had, he knows he can always rely on his husband to say something just to get a rise out of him. And it always works.

They're dedicated to this. To this life, to their marriage, to this family and to each other. Even now, knowing it's real, knowing he's not in some incredibly perfect and detailed dream, there are still times when Joel feels like he has to step back and look at it from the outside just to really understand that it's happening to him. He's truly in the midst of this, sharing a life with the best person he's ever known, building a family, taking care of a home. There are so many domestic tasks Joel once would have never even imagined himself doing that he now loves more than he ever thought he could. Even something as simple as making breakfast.

"I much prefer when you compliment me. They just seem so much more genuine when they come from you," he says with a soft laugh, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. It's something he's actually had to get used to when before he wouldn't have imagined anyone wanting to compliment him at all. There had been a few people in Siren Cove who cared about him, he knows that, but there had never been anyone like Spencer, never anyone who looked beyond the quiet, curt bookstore owner to see someone worth falling in love with. No one had ever said the sorts of things to him that Spencer says now. No one else would have made Joel believe them, because he's fairly certain this is the man he's been waiting for all along without ever having known it until he was finally there.

"Can we fast forward to that part?" he asks innocently, looking up at Spencer. "To tonight? Just skip over the presents and having my sister here and go straight to the part where you and I are back in bed together again? That just might be my favourite place in the world to be." There's no question about it, it's absolutely his favourite place in the world and he loves how comfortable he can be there, how at peace he feels. When they bring Dane in with them and it's just the three of them in bed relaxing with Huxley and Balto curled up somewhere, it's the best feeling in the world. It's home in every possible sense of the word. "I don't think Charlotte will mind, will she? If she just shows up and we send her packing and tell her we're skipping Christmas in favour of spending the day in bed."

It's not the first time they've had a conversation like this over breakfast, with Dane napping in his chair, making them both stop short every so often to watch each twitch, to heed every little sound that escapes their baby's mouth, and it certainly won't be the last. Spencer loves so much about their marriage, about the relationship that's grown between them since that first day they'd met, but he's never been able to be this playful with anyone else. The entirety of their sexual relationship still awes him at times because he'd gone from someone who'd only ever had one extremely awkward sexual encounter in high school to someone who'd found himself being taken to bed by the most incredibly beautiful man he's ever met nearly every single night. They can't be quite that active anymore, it's impossible with a baby to attend to, but they still make an effort to make as much time for intimacy as they can.

They'd promised each other before they'd decided to look for a surrogate, they'd promised they would always make time for each other in the midst of whatever challenges they might face. Keeping that promise has worked out well for them, it's kept their relationship passionate where others may fizzle, even now, merely rubbing his foot against Joel's ankle, Spencer can't help but grin at just how much he loves when his husband talks like this. The innocent tone, the neutral expression, it somehow only serves to turn him on, and Spencer doesn't think anyone else would be capable of doing that to him. In over a decade, Joel Baker had been the first person to make Spencer really fantasize about what it would be like to get on his knees, to close his eyes and let those strong hands roam over his body, and the moment it'd become a reality, he'd already known he could never walk away from what they have.

He'd fallen in love with Joel five hundred and eighty-eight days ago, the connection between them has only grown stronger since then, and Spencer has never been more certain about anything than he is about his husband. About their family.

Taking another bite of his omelette, he hums, as if giving careful consideration to Joel's suggestion. "I think that's workable," he says. "You'll be a dear, won't you? You'll be the one to tell your sister Christmas is canceled, and she won't get to see her darling nephew because her brother wants to do unspeakable things to his husband for the remainder of the the day? No, I don't think she'll mind at all." He reaches over to squeeze Joel's thigh, perhaps letting his hand linger there a little longer than necessary, before letting his hand shift to his husband's knee instead as he continues to speak between bites.

"I won't mind, anyway, you know how I feel about being in bed with you. Or the library. Or the laundry room. Or in front of the Christmas tree. As long as we keep Dane well-fed and napping, I think we'll be just fine."

It's so nice, even that gentle pressure of Spencer's foot rubbing against his ankle, the touch warm and comforting, and Joel smiles at him over the table as they finish their breakfast. Being this close to someone physically and emotionally is a huge change from how things had been in his life before Spencer and even such a simple gesture sometimes still stands out as being rather unusual. It's not as if he and Spencer aren't affectionate -- they are, possibly more than most people would like them to be -- but even after all this time, even after getting married and finding a surrogate and welcoming Dane into their family, it sometimes surprises Joel that there's a person who feels this way about him, someone who wants to simply reach over under the table and rub his foot against his skin.

"Hm, as much fun as all that sounds, I also know I don't want to be murdered by my sister on Christmas Day, of all days," he says, laughing around his breakfast when he feels Spencer's hand on his thigh. They're bound to get in trouble with this some day and he's honestly surprised they haven't been caught in compromising positions more often than they have already, but after Charlotte busting into the bookstore that afternoon, Joel has done his best to make sure that doesn't happen again. Spencer is hard to resist, though, and every time he just looks at Joel in the right way, it's easy to forget all the precautions he might normally take for privacy's sake. Eventually their son is going to get old enough that he might be the one throwing open their bedroom door and Joel knows they're going to have to be even more careful once that happens, but they'll still make time for one another.

"In front of the Christmas tree, though," he murmurs, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. "With the fire going, perhaps? I think that might be something we can arrange for later in the evening once Charlotte has gone back home and Dane is down for the night." They have a baby monitor, after all, for the very purpose of being able to continue on with their lives while Dane is asleep. And Joel thinks, of all things, that's a very good way for them to continue on with their lives while their baby sleeps. It's going to be a long day and he wants nothing more than to end it with Spencer's skin against his, the warmth of him keeping Joel from needing a blanket over their bodies. "I think that's a plan I'm absolutely going to have to go forward with."

He stands, collecting his empty plate, then leans across the table for a long kiss, lingering for a moment before he pulls back with a smile and then holds his hand out for Spencer's plate. "Are you done with that?" he asks, giving his husband a sweet smile. "Or do you need it for a little while longer?"

"I'd also like you to stay in one piece today," Spencer agrees, "so maybe it's best to keep the plans we already had." The corners of his lips twitch at the suggestion of spending quality time together in front of the fireplace later, though, and he shrugs casually, tilting his head as if he needs to consider it when nothing could be further from the truth. To have this, to have been able to keep this passion going between them not only after getting married but after the exhaustion that comes with parenthood has fallen upon them, is nothing short of a gift in itself, and Spencer is very aware of that. He's heard horror stories before about couples who'd succumbed to the so-called magic of love at first sight, couples who'd gotten married before they'd even really gotten a chance to know each other, and it seems that those relationships had fizzled out quickly.

He and Joel had gotten married so fast, their relationship had been a whirlwind after the initial couple months of dancing around their feelings, but when they'd made the decision to do it, they'd already known each other inside out. In just a few months, Joel had learned more about him than anyone who's known him practically his whole life, and that's not for nothing. Spencer isn't sure that he'd say he'd fallen in love at the first sight of Joel, but he can say with confidence that the day they'd met is the day he'd started falling.

Sometimes it feels like they've been through entire lifetimes together when really, this is only their second Christmas as a married couple, and Dane is only six months old. He doesn't wish for time to speed up, not at all, he wants to savor every single moment of this life, bask in just how happy he is that he gets to be here, to be so in love with his beautiful family. A good life, a truly good life, can be hard to come by--especially, it seems, in a town like Siren Cove--but Spencer, against all odds, has found one. It'd taken nearly thirty years, but he's here, leaning into his husband's kiss and whimpering just a little when Joel pulls away, and he loves knowing that as much as he thinks things can't get better, his husband and son will find a way to prove him wrong tomorrow.

He bats playfully at Joel's hand before handing him the plate, huffing as he licks his lips and runs his fingers through his hair in an effort to regain some semblance of self-control. "God, you can't ask me questions after kissing me like that, it's not fair. You could get me to agree to anything, I'd be so distracted." He bats his lashes at his husband then, offering an innocent smile of is own. "And I do mean anything."

"So should I or should I not tell you I'm going to have a shower after putting the dishes away?" Joel asks, opening the dishwasher after he rinses off the plates, then begins to load their dirty dishes. There are a few things he'll need to clean by hand, but he figures they can wait until after he's showered and dressed, and for the moment he stacks them beside the sink and then wipes down the counters. Given that he'd been a bachelor most of his life and that his store could have very accurately been described as an utter disaster until Spencer had begun to help him, Joel's always been rather clean when it comes to his home and living with Spencer has been no exception to that. Even with Dane here now, making a far bigger mess simply because he's a baby, Joel has kept relatively on top of things. Their laundry is rarely behind and the kitchen is always clean and he thinks they're both doing a rather good job of adjusting to this entirely new life. Being self-employed has certainly helped them in this aspect and he knows it. He knows they're lucky, being able to make their own hours, being able to bring Dane to the store, being able to handle it on their own if the other needs to go home for a few hours with the baby. That's not something everyone has access to and Joel is extremely grateful for it.

"That was an invitation, for the record," Joel adds, looking at Spencer before he glances at the clock. Dane is dozing in his chair and Joel thinks if they lie him down in his crib for a few minutes, he'll sleep through, but they don't have a lot of time before Charlotte is set to arrive. He's grinning, even as he tries to look casual and leans back against the counter, pretending he's just talking to his husband about something completely banal. It's impossible, though, he can't keep the smile off his face at even the thought of being able to get Spencer into the shower with him. Even if he does nothing more than run his hands over his husband, he'll be happy for the time spent together. "We'll have to be quick. With showering, I mean. Simply getting clean, nothing more. It just makes good sense to save time and water by doing it at the same time, doesn't it?"

That innocent smile Spencer offers him is far from innocent and Joel knows it, laughing as he leans down to pick Dane gently up from his seat. Their son stirs briefly, then sighs and rests his head against Joel's shoulder, his tiny fist near his mouth. He won't stay sleeping for long, but Joel thinks he and Spencer can make the most of it. Flashing Spencer a not so innocent smile of his own, he heads back for the stairs, taking Dane into his bedroom and laying him gently in the crib before he makes sure the baby monitor is turned on. Then, half expecting to find Spencer in their bedroom already, Joel heads down the hall, tugging off his shirt as he goes. He heads into their bathroom and turns on the shower, then grabs their end of the monitor and turns the volume all the way up before he sets it on the bathroom counter. Even over the sound of the running water, he can hear Dane breathing slowly and steadily and just that sound is enough to make him smile.

"He's so small," he says when he senses Spencer coming into the room behind him. "He even sounds small over the monitor." And it won't last forever. Joel wants to take these moments and find some way to make them last as long as he can, even if it's just within his memory. He wants to be able to close his eyes ten years from now and remember this day, how tiny their son had sounded while breathing in his sleep.

Simply getting clean, nothing more.

Spencer has to roll his eyes at that, more than a little amused that Joel thinks there's the slightest chance that will actually work out. More often than not, even while doing the most banal of tasks, they manage to find some way to turn each other on. All it takes is turning around in the store to see Joel bent over the inventory or fiddling with his glasses when he needs to get a better look at something on his laptop or god, just standing there and doing absolutely nothing. All Joel really has to do is look at him, and it's usually enough to prompt Spencer to pounce, though he supposes he can't be blamed when his husband is as ridiculously beautiful as he is.

Joel is the kind of man who turns heads on the street, Spencer's seen it happen, and it admittedly tends to give him a little ego boost because he's the one with the ring on his finger. He's the one who gets to fall asleep next to this man every night. While they may not have the same kind of time to dedicate to their sex life as they'd had before Dane had been born, that doesn't take away from the fact that there's still a great deal of passion between them. They do what they can when they can and frankly, being quick in the shower sounds favorable no matter which way they spin it.

"Well, I can hardly say no to a proposal like that," he says, following Joel up the stairs until they break in the hall so his husband can put the baby down in the crib. He tugs his shirt over his head, shimmies out of his pajama pants, and pulls his briefs off, nudging them all into a small pile in the corner of the room to be taken care of later, then smiles to himself once he hears the shower being turned on. Even with the windows shut and the heat on in the house, it's still a bit chilly, especially considering he's just stripped himself of all his clothes, and quite suddenly, the promise of being close to his husband with the warm water pouring down on them sounds even more enticing than it had before.

Of course, he hadn't quite expected to feel like his heart has stopped the second he walks into the bathroom, though Spencer supposes he should by now. Every time Joel says something like that, something so sweet about their son, about how tiny Dane is or how precious, it makes Spencer's eyes well up because they've come so far. It really hadn't been all too long ago that they'd both been prepared to spend the rest of their lives alone. Spencer hadn't even considered the possibility that he could one day have a family with someone, not when he'd lost his own, but Joel had changed everything for him. They'd changed everything for each other.

Coming up behind his husband, Spencer wraps his arms around Joel's waist, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. "Even when he's fifty, he'll always be our little boy," he says softly, a faint smile curving at his lips. "Granted, I don't even want to think about him hitting twelve months, it seems impossible he'll ever get there, but god, Joel, just listen to him. That's our son. That's our baby."

They just stand like that for a moment, Spencer's arms wrapped around Joel from behind, listening to Dane breathing over the monitor, and Joel thinks he's never been happier. He generally has this thought at least once a day, finds himself wrapped up in a moment like this, when everything seems as perfect as it's going to get and he's always been pleasantly surprised to find that things can really get better with every passing day. It shouldn't be possible, improving upon something that's utterly perfect, but somehow Spencer and Dane manage to do exactly that for Joel every single time.

After a moment of silence, he shifts in his husband's arms, turning to face him and gives him a small smile. "We should really be taking advantage of this situation instead of just listening to him, but it's so hypnotizing. I could listen to that all day." Of course, that will never last all day, no matter what the two of them do. Soon enough he'll be crying for their attention, laughing at Huxley or Balto when they do something silly, as their pets are prone to doing. Dane is so loud, so full of life, and Joel loves every single sound he makes. He'd never imagined he could be in as love with sounds and breaths and smells as he is when it comes to their son, but Dane has managed to change a good number of things about their lives.

"Come on, as much as I love him, I'd really like to spend some quality time with my husband for Christmas morning," he murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to Spencer's mouth, lingering long and slow. He's still partially dressed and he shifts a little, managing to push the waist of his pajama pants down with one hand and then kicking them away. The warm water of the shower is already creating steam in the bathroom, making it warmer than the rest of the house, and Joel wraps his arms tighter around Spencer for just a moment, deepening the kiss before he takes a step back and draws the curtain aside so they can step under the warm spray.

It's such a small thing, something someone else might not even consider, but one of Joel's favourite things in the world is Spencer's hair and he loves being able to just runs his fingers through the curls, especially in the shower, where he can pour some shampoo into his hands and massage his husband's scalp. It's the sort of thing he never would have imagined himself liking before Spencer, simply because he never would have imagined it at all, one of those things he didn't know people might do for each other because his experience with real, loving relationships had ended the day Amy had died. That it's Spencer who has helped him discover all this for the first time makes perfect sense. This is where he's meant to be.

"Simply getting clean, right?" he asks, his voice low, a grin curving his lips as he reaches for the shampoo and pours some into the palm of his hands.

It's truly remarkable to think of what an enormous a shift there's been not only in Spencer's life but in his mentality. There hasn't been an exceptional amount of time that's passed since the first day he'd met Joel but in comparing the way his mind had operated then to the way it does now is sometimes something of a shock. In the years between his family's death and meeting Joel, he'd carried on through live in something resembling a daze. He hadn't been able to come up for a reason why he would wake up in the morning, he simply did, perhaps because it was expected of him. Smiles and eye contact were rare, subjects in conversation beyond book recommendations or where to locate a particular text in the library even rarer, and Spencer knows he'd had people on his side but even so, he hadn't really let anyone in during that time.

Knowing that anyone in this town could think him capable of murdering the two most important people in the world to him had been shattering, almost to the point of disrepair, and he thinks it's even possible that he did have close to a death wish the day the Hydra had come to town. He'd nearly walked into it's path, after all, and he'd said it was because he couldn't let other people get hurt but looking back at it now, Spencer wonders whether he'd really meant that. It doesn't matter anymore, the building across the street had exploded and Joel had saved him and for the very first time since his mother and brother had died, Spencer had felt alive.

That'd only been the start of it, every day since then has made him more vivacious, hungry for the kind of happiness Joel had brought him, and Spencer doesn't wake up wondering what his purposes his anymore. He has so many reasons for living now, though the two most significant ones are in this house with him. Leaning into his husband's kiss, Spencer presses a hand over Joel's chest, over his husband's heart, groaning with dismay once Joel steps back into the shower. The petulance doesn't last long, not with Joel beckoning him in, too, and as soon as Joel's hands start working the shampoo through his hair, Spencer has momentarily allowed himself to forget that they're due to host any company at all today.

Doing this, spending the day naked with his husband, seems far preferable, though he knows he'd have a difficult time explaining that to Charlotte. Or maybe she'd be perfectly understanding, Spencer doesn't know and doesn't care to find out, but they do have a relatively small window in the shower no matter what so Spencer runs his hands down Joel's sides with a lazy smile as his eyes flutter shut.

"Never will anyone do a more thorough job," he murmurs, humming his approval as Joel's fingers masterfully work through his hair. It's arousing in a way he never could have understood before, and Spencer isn't sure whether the heat growing between them is due to what Joel is doing to him and the water from the showerhead. Either way, it prompts Spencer to move closer to his husband, his length brushing against Joel's as he leans his head back just slightly. "Even when you're shampooing my hair, you somehow know exactly how to touch me. I don't know how you do it."

"You're the only one I want to touch like this," Joel murmurs as he massages his fingers against Spencer's scalp, then nudges him back gently so he's under the spray of the shower head, the shampoo rinsing from his hair, running into foamy paths down his body that Joel follows with his gaze. "I had to learn how to do it properly to keep you happy."

He's teasing, but only a little, because there's a lot of truth to what he's just said. While he's never particularly worried that maybe he's doing something wrong or that he won't satisfy his husband, there had been some time when they had first begun their relationship when he'd worried about so much. Whether he was pushing too hard or perhaps not hard enough. Maybe he didn't kiss properly, maybe Spencer didn't like the way he was touching him. They'd had a relatively easy time talking to one another since the start, especially for two men who were known for being rather reticent with others, but even so, Joel had wondered. And so he'd made the effort to learn everything he could, he'd paid close attention to the things Spencer seemed to like more than others, and it isn't that he ever thinks of their lovemaking as some clinical task, especially now, when everything has become second nature to him, but he's glad he made the effort all the same. Pleasing Spencer is all he ever wants out of their time together.

And they work so well together, so much better than Joel ever would have imagined he could have with someone. For such a long time he had denied that fate existed, he'd been adamant about the idea of free will, insisting that everyone made all their own choices and nothing could possibly be predetermined. But here they are. Joel wonders sometimes if his insistence about the lack of fate had simply been due to the fact that he hadn't found his yet, because until Spencer he'd never felt at home with someone, he'd never been so comfortable or so happy. He had never once felt like he belonged anywhere until that night he and Spencer had gotten drunk together in the library and he realized with a start that he didn't want to go home. At the time he'd been so confused, he hadn't understood why, after so many years, he'd actually wanted to spend time with someone else instead of holing up in the safety of his apartment, but he knows now. Even though they'd had yet to begin their relationship, he had already been more comfortable with Spencer than he'd ever been with anyone before. He hadn't wanted to go home because he had already been home.

"Besides, I have to make sure you're clean so I can dirty you up later," he says, then erupts in a burst of laughter that's terribly close to a giggle. Joel isn't especially prone to speaking to Spencer like this, not because he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't think he's very good at it most of the time. His husband is rather incredible with words when he wants to be and he can undo Joel with just a few simple sentences, but Joel has never known how to be particularly eloquent in return. He's better with action when it comes to telling Spencer what he wants, but he's managed to actually speak about it here and feels rather proud of himself, even if the laughter may have killed off whatever mood he'd managed by saying it in the first place.

"In front of the fire place," he adds, leaning close to press a kiss to the corner of Spencer's mouth now that the water is washing clear. Their bodies are pressed together and he gives a little shiver before kissing him again. "That can be your gift to me."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Closed - Spencer - December 25]

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