[Closed - Spencer - December 25]

[just_another]

Every time Joel thinks he's reached his limit for happiness, that he can't possibly be any happier than he already is, something new happens to prove him wrong. Last week Spencer had come home with a plate of homemade cookies brought in by a customer who knows Joel has always preferred her sugar cookies to all others and he hadn't eaten a single one, wanting to make sure Joel knew they were all for him. (He shared, of course, because he might love cookies, but he loves his husband more.) Then just two days ago, Spencer had sneakily received what he claimed was a delivery for the store, but the way he'd hidden the box from Joel had made it fairly clear it was some kind of last minute Christmas gift, and he knows it doesn't matter what it is, because whatever it might be, Joel knows he'll love it.

It's impossible not to love everything about this life anyway. Maybe he's been having more and more premonitions and maybe there's a big part of him that thinks something is really about to happen, but he doesn't know what it might be. The premonitions come more often, but they're still more or less the same. A lightning storm, Amy's headstone, a woman in a hood whose face he's never been able to see. Shediac, Amy, a witch. That's all he knows. He's called people in Shediac twice now, lied about who he is, tried to get some kind of information out of them, but nothing has been reported as being out of the ordinary. So all Joel can really do is wait.

Last night Spencer had produced a pair of reindeer antlers to put on Dane and although their son had repeatedly yanked them off his head, it had still been one of the cuter things Joel had ever seen, filling him with a sense of joy that overshadowed how he'd felt even the day before. Their baby is happy and healthy and developing normally. They've begun to feed him some solid foods and Joel reads to him every night, which has produced a vocabulary of repetitive syllables, which is exactly where he should be. His hair is dark and his eyes are caught somewhere between his hazel and Erin's blue, a light grey colour that Joel thinks is absolutely perfectly.

And now it's Christmas morning. He knows Dane is too young to really understand what's happening, but that hasn't stopped Joel from waking up in the middle of the night and putting a few extra gifts under the tree. He's as happy as he's ever been and he turns over in bed, looking over at Spencer beside him, his husband still asleep -- or at least doing a very good job pretending -- before he glances toward the window. It's snowing lightly, big, heavy flakes drifting down outside the window and Joel smiles, then burrows closer to his husband again.

Comments

[doublethepain]

It really isn't fair to the rest of the world that Spencer has somehow been gifted with the most perfect husband one could ever ask for. He'll stand by that, even if Joel would balk at it with a hint of that pleased smile Spencer loves so much, because as far as he's concerned, it's absolutely true. There aren't very many people in this world who could find it in themselves to stay with someone with as much baggage as Spencer has carried with him in his life. He's not so selfish as to say that his life is harder than most others' or that he's suffered more than he deserves to have. Life isn't always fair, that's something he'd been forced to accept long ago; but as he's come to find out, he's only had to wait for things to become truly worth fighting for, worth waking up for every single morning.

He watches his husband as he feeds their baby, rocking Dane gently and chuckling softly every time their son pauses to let out a little gurgle, and it strikes him that there are bound to be so many people out there, even just in their small town, who only hope for a scene like this on Christmas morning. Somewhere along the line, Joel had helped Spencer to believe that this, all of this, getting close to someone and falling in love, even with the risk of losing them, would be worth it. Maybe Joel hadn't even realized what he'd done at the time, all Spencer knows is the day they'd met had been the day he'd realized there might just be someone in this world meant for him and from there, Joel had only proved it to be true.

Sitting in the kitchen, waiting for his husband to finish cooking their breakfast while their baby bats his own away, isn't something Spencer could have envisioned for himself a couple years ago. Sometimes it all still feels so new. Sometimes he wakes from a particularly nasty nightmare with the belief that he'll be waking up alone, that nobody will there in the space next to him in bed, but Joel is always there. A warm, comforting presence who always seems to know exactly when he's needed because that's just how they are together, eternally on the same wavelength, and Spencer tends to rest his hand on Joel's chest in those moments after sinking back into his husband's arms because that's where he knows they're connected. Anywhere he goes, his path will always lead back to Joel, back to Dane, back to this beautiful family and life they've created together.

"Are you implying that I'm to become the naggy husband who accuses you of feeding our son too well?" Spencer teases, setting the bottle aside and shifting Dane in his arms so he can pat at the baby's back. Dane has already gone fairly quiet, resting his head against Spencer's shoulder as he grasps tiredly at his father's hair again, though thankfully he doesn't tug quite as hard as he had earlier. It isn't long before Dane hiccups then burps, a satisfying sound that makes Spencer smile, and he nods at Joel's question.

"We've got a bit of a window," he says, gently lowering Dane into his seat before pressing a kiss to the baby's head and turning to face Joel with a smile. "Let's just hope that napping now doesn't mean he'll raise hell later."

[just_another]

"I'm not sure you'll ever be capable of being naggy," Joel answers, laughing as he slides the eggs onto plates and then busies himself with the coffee maker, wanting to make sure everything is ready for Spencer once he brings it over to the table. It's rather nice, being able to do this for him, being able to take care of his husband in this manner. He knows neither of them need the other to take care of them, they're perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, but not having to do that, knowing there's someone willing to care for them and protect them and even wait on them in moments like these, it's all rather nice. Something Joel hadn't even realized he'd wanted or would enjoy until he'd finally been living in the situation where it was a reality. Trusting someone enough to know they'll always be there when he needs them most is a new experience and sometimes Joel still thinks he falters, he thinks he'll have to do things on his own when nothing could be furthest from the truth, but overall he thinks he's settled into it all rather nicely.

"If he does raise hell later," Joel continues, setting Spencer's plate down in front of him, then presenting him with the coffee mug as well, "we'll just pawn him off on Charlotte for a little while. You know she's going to be the one to teach him how to be a hellraiser anyway, so she might as well get to deal with him when he's at his worst." There will be no stopping his sister, he's absolutely sure of that. She's going to be worse than his parents when it comes to spoiling Dane and not only because she's actually in Siren Cove while they're a little further away. Charlotte has been completely devoted to their son since the day he was born, but she also takes her role as the cool aunt very seriously. Joel pointing out that she's Dane's only aunt hasn't stopped her from spoiling him already. At least he's too young to know it yet.

"She'll be happy to take him, you know that," he adds as he sinks down into his chair with his own meal. "She'll be happy to help him do whatever he needs to do. You know when he's walking, she's going to be the one leading him around to get into trouble." And yet he can't imagine telling his sister not to. Charlotte is never going to do anything dangerous with their son, she isn't going to do anything they would truly be angry with, and so Joel is just pleased Dane will have someone like her in his life. He wishes he'd had an aunt or uncle like that, someone to do all the fun things with him his parents would never do. Which isn't to say they hadn't been fun in their own way, but it's always different with parents.

"And you'll be happy to let her take you, won't you?" he asks, looking over at Dane and then giving their son's cheek a gentle stroke before he returns to his meal. The eggs are exactly like he wanted them to turn out and he hums, satisfied with what he's done, before taking a sip of his coffee. "You've certainly won the jackpot here with husbands who can cook," he adds a second later, looking up at Spencer with a teasing smile. "I think I've outdone myself in terms of breakfast foods today."

[doublethepain]

Letting out a slow, relaxed breath, Spencer grins at the breakfast in front of him, beyond grateful that they're going to be able to enjoy this meal when it's this quiet. By no means would Spencer ever want to imply that he wishes they could be rid of Dane every so often, that's not the case at all; but moments like this, when the baby is sleeping and it allows for them to just be, are few and far between more often than not. Life as a married couple had been so different from life as a married couple with a child, it's astounding, and Spencer hadn't been prepared for all the changes they've faced so far, but that's why they're in this together. They'd gone into this with the understanding that becoming fathers was never going to be the easiest thing in the world, but Spencer thinks he can speak for both of them when he says that they've never been happier.

"This is perfect," he says after the first bite of his omelette, and he means it. Spencer loves that Joel takes the time to do things like this, to make homecooked meals when Spencer had previously relied on ramen and take-out to keep him nourished. He's never been a picky eater, it's just that he's hopeless in the kitchen, so finding a husband who's an excellent cook is just another bonus. Sometimes he wonders how this could possible be where he's at in life, in a functioning and happy marriage with a man he runs a rather successful store with and on top of that, they're caretakers to two well-behaved pets who are always so very sweet with a baby who isn't nearly as regularly fussy as he could be. It's almost as if he's stuck in a very long and detailed dream, and if that's true, he never wants to wake up.

He does let his head fall back with a groan, though, when Joel mentions walking. "God, no, you can't talk to me about that yet, I'm not ready. Can you even imagine? That's going to happen so soon, Joel, he'll be crawling and then walking and running, and I just know he'll give us both a workout every time we try to go to the store." Even now, just going for a few groceries is an enormous ordeal because if one of them is at the store, the other has to pack up the stroller and make sure the baby is dressed appropriately before heading out to get what they need. It's worth it, obviously, there's just so much more to everything they do now. "And he's going to learn how to talk, he'll say 'dada' or 'papa' or some warped form of the pets' names or Charlotte's name or even Coop's, and it'll just be a disaster. You'll have to deal with a husband who won't be able to stop crying over how incredibly perfect our son is."

He knows he sounds like one of those parents that are blinded to the flaws of their child, but Spencer is pretty sure Dane really is flawless. Whenever he takes the baby out, people flag him down to say hello, to play a bit with the baby before they have to go, and Spencer typically doesn't like a lot of attention but when it comes to showing off his beautiful child, he's okay with it.

"Anyway, if Charlotte gets him into trouble, she'll have to be the one to get him out of it." That's a lie, Spencer and Joel would both do anything to keep both Charlotte and Dane out of any significant trouble, but he isn't especially worried about that. He trusts Charlotte, so does Joel, and that's enough. "And by all means, my love, keep complimenting yourself. I'll try to catch up later when I've got you back in the bedroom tonight."

[just_another]

"I think it's terribly unfair that you say things like that and expect that I'm not going to react in very noticeable ways. Even if these ways are hidden by the kitchen table at the moment," Joel says, his tone conversation, as if he's discussing nothing more than the weather. Their life together has changed since Dane's arrival, as they knew it would, but Joel likes very much that they still do everything they can to make time for each other. It's not the same as it was before, it simply can't be, not when they're no longer alone in the house, when they've given up that aspect of complete privacy that they'd had for a time, but they try so hard. In the evenings once Dane has gone to sleep, when it's finally time to just sink down onto the couch and relax, Joel forces himself to put work aside, to close any book he may be reading and just spend time focusing on Spencer instead. It's important, he thinks they both know that, and while their intimacy may have changed, while it may not be possible to have the sex life they once had, he knows he can always rely on his husband to say something just to get a rise out of him. And it always works.

They're dedicated to this. To this life, to their marriage, to this family and to each other. Even now, knowing it's real, knowing he's not in some incredibly perfect and detailed dream, there are still times when Joel feels like he has to step back and look at it from the outside just to really understand that it's happening to him. He's truly in the midst of this, sharing a life with the best person he's ever known, building a family, taking care of a home. There are so many domestic tasks Joel once would have never even imagined himself doing that he now loves more than he ever thought he could. Even something as simple as making breakfast.

"I much prefer when you compliment me. They just seem so much more genuine when they come from you," he says with a soft laugh, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. It's something he's actually had to get used to when before he wouldn't have imagined anyone wanting to compliment him at all. There had been a few people in Siren Cove who cared about him, he knows that, but there had never been anyone like Spencer, never anyone who looked beyond the quiet, curt bookstore owner to see someone worth falling in love with. No one had ever said the sorts of things to him that Spencer says now. No one else would have made Joel believe them, because he's fairly certain this is the man he's been waiting for all along without ever having known it until he was finally there.

"Can we fast forward to that part?" he asks innocently, looking up at Spencer. "To tonight? Just skip over the presents and having my sister here and go straight to the part where you and I are back in bed together again? That just might be my favourite place in the world to be." There's no question about it, it's absolutely his favourite place in the world and he loves how comfortable he can be there, how at peace he feels. When they bring Dane in with them and it's just the three of them in bed relaxing with Huxley and Balto curled up somewhere, it's the best feeling in the world. It's home in every possible sense of the word. "I don't think Charlotte will mind, will she? If she just shows up and we send her packing and tell her we're skipping Christmas in favour of spending the day in bed."

[doublethepain]

It's not the first time they've had a conversation like this over breakfast, with Dane napping in his chair, making them both stop short every so often to watch each twitch, to heed every little sound that escapes their baby's mouth, and it certainly won't be the last. Spencer loves so much about their marriage, about the relationship that's grown between them since that first day they'd met, but he's never been able to be this playful with anyone else. The entirety of their sexual relationship still awes him at times because he'd gone from someone who'd only ever had one extremely awkward sexual encounter in high school to someone who'd found himself being taken to bed by the most incredibly beautiful man he's ever met nearly every single night. They can't be quite that active anymore, it's impossible with a baby to attend to, but they still make an effort to make as much time for intimacy as they can.

They'd promised each other before they'd decided to look for a surrogate, they'd promised they would always make time for each other in the midst of whatever challenges they might face. Keeping that promise has worked out well for them, it's kept their relationship passionate where others may fizzle, even now, merely rubbing his foot against Joel's ankle, Spencer can't help but grin at just how much he loves when his husband talks like this. The innocent tone, the neutral expression, it somehow only serves to turn him on, and Spencer doesn't think anyone else would be capable of doing that to him. In over a decade, Joel Baker had been the first person to make Spencer really fantasize about what it would be like to get on his knees, to close his eyes and let those strong hands roam over his body, and the moment it'd become a reality, he'd already known he could never walk away from what they have.

He'd fallen in love with Joel five hundred and eighty-eight days ago, the connection between them has only grown stronger since then, and Spencer has never been more certain about anything than he is about his husband. About their family.

Taking another bite of his omelette, he hums, as if giving careful consideration to Joel's suggestion. "I think that's workable," he says. "You'll be a dear, won't you? You'll be the one to tell your sister Christmas is canceled, and she won't get to see her darling nephew because her brother wants to do unspeakable things to his husband for the remainder of the the day? No, I don't think she'll mind at all." He reaches over to squeeze Joel's thigh, perhaps letting his hand linger there a little longer than necessary, before letting his hand shift to his husband's knee instead as he continues to speak between bites.

"I won't mind, anyway, you know how I feel about being in bed with you. Or the library. Or the laundry room. Or in front of the Christmas tree. As long as we keep Dane well-fed and napping, I think we'll be just fine."

[just_another]

It's so nice, even that gentle pressure of Spencer's foot rubbing against his ankle, the touch warm and comforting, and Joel smiles at him over the table as they finish their breakfast. Being this close to someone physically and emotionally is a huge change from how things had been in his life before Spencer and even such a simple gesture sometimes still stands out as being rather unusual. It's not as if he and Spencer aren't affectionate -- they are, possibly more than most people would like them to be -- but even after all this time, even after getting married and finding a surrogate and welcoming Dane into their family, it sometimes surprises Joel that there's a person who feels this way about him, someone who wants to simply reach over under the table and rub his foot against his skin.

"Hm, as much fun as all that sounds, I also know I don't want to be murdered by my sister on Christmas Day, of all days," he says, laughing around his breakfast when he feels Spencer's hand on his thigh. They're bound to get in trouble with this some day and he's honestly surprised they haven't been caught in compromising positions more often than they have already, but after Charlotte busting into the bookstore that afternoon, Joel has done his best to make sure that doesn't happen again. Spencer is hard to resist, though, and every time he just looks at Joel in the right way, it's easy to forget all the precautions he might normally take for privacy's sake. Eventually their son is going to get old enough that he might be the one throwing open their bedroom door and Joel knows they're going to have to be even more careful once that happens, but they'll still make time for one another.

"In front of the Christmas tree, though," he murmurs, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. "With the fire going, perhaps? I think that might be something we can arrange for later in the evening once Charlotte has gone back home and Dane is down for the night." They have a baby monitor, after all, for the very purpose of being able to continue on with their lives while Dane is asleep. And Joel thinks, of all things, that's a very good way for them to continue on with their lives while their baby sleeps. It's going to be a long day and he wants nothing more than to end it with Spencer's skin against his, the warmth of him keeping Joel from needing a blanket over their bodies. "I think that's a plan I'm absolutely going to have to go forward with."

He stands, collecting his empty plate, then leans across the table for a long kiss, lingering for a moment before he pulls back with a smile and then holds his hand out for Spencer's plate. "Are you done with that?" he asks, giving his husband a sweet smile. "Or do you need it for a little while longer?"

[doublethepain]

"I'd also like you to stay in one piece today," Spencer agrees, "so maybe it's best to keep the plans we already had." The corners of his lips twitch at the suggestion of spending quality time together in front of the fireplace later, though, and he shrugs casually, tilting his head as if he needs to consider it when nothing could be further from the truth. To have this, to have been able to keep this passion going between them not only after getting married but after the exhaustion that comes with parenthood has fallen upon them, is nothing short of a gift in itself, and Spencer is very aware of that. He's heard horror stories before about couples who'd succumbed to the so-called magic of love at first sight, couples who'd gotten married before they'd even really gotten a chance to know each other, and it seems that those relationships had fizzled out quickly.

He and Joel had gotten married so fast, their relationship had been a whirlwind after the initial couple months of dancing around their feelings, but when they'd made the decision to do it, they'd already known each other inside out. In just a few months, Joel had learned more about him than anyone who's known him practically his whole life, and that's not for nothing. Spencer isn't sure that he'd say he'd fallen in love at the first sight of Joel, but he can say with confidence that the day they'd met is the day he'd started falling.

Sometimes it feels like they've been through entire lifetimes together when really, this is only their second Christmas as a married couple, and Dane is only six months old. He doesn't wish for time to speed up, not at all, he wants to savor every single moment of this life, bask in just how happy he is that he gets to be here, to be so in love with his beautiful family. A good life, a truly good life, can be hard to come by--especially, it seems, in a town like Siren Cove--but Spencer, against all odds, has found one. It'd taken nearly thirty years, but he's here, leaning into his husband's kiss and whimpering just a little when Joel pulls away, and he loves knowing that as much as he thinks things can't get better, his husband and son will find a way to prove him wrong tomorrow.

He bats playfully at Joel's hand before handing him the plate, huffing as he licks his lips and runs his fingers through his hair in an effort to regain some semblance of self-control. "God, you can't ask me questions after kissing me like that, it's not fair. You could get me to agree to anything, I'd be so distracted." He bats his lashes at his husband then, offering an innocent smile of is own. "And I do mean anything."

[just_another]

"So should I or should I not tell you I'm going to have a shower after putting the dishes away?" Joel asks, opening the dishwasher after he rinses off the plates, then begins to load their dirty dishes. There are a few things he'll need to clean by hand, but he figures they can wait until after he's showered and dressed, and for the moment he stacks them beside the sink and then wipes down the counters. Given that he'd been a bachelor most of his life and that his store could have very accurately been described as an utter disaster until Spencer had begun to help him, Joel's always been rather clean when it comes to his home and living with Spencer has been no exception to that. Even with Dane here now, making a far bigger mess simply because he's a baby, Joel has kept relatively on top of things. Their laundry is rarely behind and the kitchen is always clean and he thinks they're both doing a rather good job of adjusting to this entirely new life. Being self-employed has certainly helped them in this aspect and he knows it. He knows they're lucky, being able to make their own hours, being able to bring Dane to the store, being able to handle it on their own if the other needs to go home for a few hours with the baby. That's not something everyone has access to and Joel is extremely grateful for it.

"That was an invitation, for the record," Joel adds, looking at Spencer before he glances at the clock. Dane is dozing in his chair and Joel thinks if they lie him down in his crib for a few minutes, he'll sleep through, but they don't have a lot of time before Charlotte is set to arrive. He's grinning, even as he tries to look casual and leans back against the counter, pretending he's just talking to his husband about something completely banal. It's impossible, though, he can't keep the smile off his face at even the thought of being able to get Spencer into the shower with him. Even if he does nothing more than run his hands over his husband, he'll be happy for the time spent together. "We'll have to be quick. With showering, I mean. Simply getting clean, nothing more. It just makes good sense to save time and water by doing it at the same time, doesn't it?"

That innocent smile Spencer offers him is far from innocent and Joel knows it, laughing as he leans down to pick Dane gently up from his seat. Their son stirs briefly, then sighs and rests his head against Joel's shoulder, his tiny fist near his mouth. He won't stay sleeping for long, but Joel thinks he and Spencer can make the most of it. Flashing Spencer a not so innocent smile of his own, he heads back for the stairs, taking Dane into his bedroom and laying him gently in the crib before he makes sure the baby monitor is turned on. Then, half expecting to find Spencer in their bedroom already, Joel heads down the hall, tugging off his shirt as he goes. He heads into their bathroom and turns on the shower, then grabs their end of the monitor and turns the volume all the way up before he sets it on the bathroom counter. Even over the sound of the running water, he can hear Dane breathing slowly and steadily and just that sound is enough to make him smile.

"He's so small," he says when he senses Spencer coming into the room behind him. "He even sounds small over the monitor." And it won't last forever. Joel wants to take these moments and find some way to make them last as long as he can, even if it's just within his memory. He wants to be able to close his eyes ten years from now and remember this day, how tiny their son had sounded while breathing in his sleep.

[doublethepain]

Simply getting clean, nothing more.

Spencer has to roll his eyes at that, more than a little amused that Joel thinks there's the slightest chance that will actually work out. More often than not, even while doing the most banal of tasks, they manage to find some way to turn each other on. All it takes is turning around in the store to see Joel bent over the inventory or fiddling with his glasses when he needs to get a better look at something on his laptop or god, just standing there and doing absolutely nothing. All Joel really has to do is look at him, and it's usually enough to prompt Spencer to pounce, though he supposes he can't be blamed when his husband is as ridiculously beautiful as he is.

Joel is the kind of man who turns heads on the street, Spencer's seen it happen, and it admittedly tends to give him a little ego boost because he's the one with the ring on his finger. He's the one who gets to fall asleep next to this man every night. While they may not have the same kind of time to dedicate to their sex life as they'd had before Dane had been born, that doesn't take away from the fact that there's still a great deal of passion between them. They do what they can when they can and frankly, being quick in the shower sounds favorable no matter which way they spin it.

"Well, I can hardly say no to a proposal like that," he says, following Joel up the stairs until they break in the hall so his husband can put the baby down in the crib. He tugs his shirt over his head, shimmies out of his pajama pants, and pulls his briefs off, nudging them all into a small pile in the corner of the room to be taken care of later, then smiles to himself once he hears the shower being turned on. Even with the windows shut and the heat on in the house, it's still a bit chilly, especially considering he's just stripped himself of all his clothes, and quite suddenly, the promise of being close to his husband with the warm water pouring down on them sounds even more enticing than it had before.

Of course, he hadn't quite expected to feel like his heart has stopped the second he walks into the bathroom, though Spencer supposes he should by now. Every time Joel says something like that, something so sweet about their son, about how tiny Dane is or how precious, it makes Spencer's eyes well up because they've come so far. It really hadn't been all too long ago that they'd both been prepared to spend the rest of their lives alone. Spencer hadn't even considered the possibility that he could one day have a family with someone, not when he'd lost his own, but Joel had changed everything for him. They'd changed everything for each other.

Coming up behind his husband, Spencer wraps his arms around Joel's waist, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. "Even when he's fifty, he'll always be our little boy," he says softly, a faint smile curving at his lips. "Granted, I don't even want to think about him hitting twelve months, it seems impossible he'll ever get there, but god, Joel, just listen to him. That's our son. That's our baby."

[just_another]

They just stand like that for a moment, Spencer's arms wrapped around Joel from behind, listening to Dane breathing over the monitor, and Joel thinks he's never been happier. He generally has this thought at least once a day, finds himself wrapped up in a moment like this, when everything seems as perfect as it's going to get and he's always been pleasantly surprised to find that things can really get better with every passing day. It shouldn't be possible, improving upon something that's utterly perfect, but somehow Spencer and Dane manage to do exactly that for Joel every single time.

After a moment of silence, he shifts in his husband's arms, turning to face him and gives him a small smile. "We should really be taking advantage of this situation instead of just listening to him, but it's so hypnotizing. I could listen to that all day." Of course, that will never last all day, no matter what the two of them do. Soon enough he'll be crying for their attention, laughing at Huxley or Balto when they do something silly, as their pets are prone to doing. Dane is so loud, so full of life, and Joel loves every single sound he makes. He'd never imagined he could be in as love with sounds and breaths and smells as he is when it comes to their son, but Dane has managed to change a good number of things about their lives.

"Come on, as much as I love him, I'd really like to spend some quality time with my husband for Christmas morning," he murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to Spencer's mouth, lingering long and slow. He's still partially dressed and he shifts a little, managing to push the waist of his pajama pants down with one hand and then kicking them away. The warm water of the shower is already creating steam in the bathroom, making it warmer than the rest of the house, and Joel wraps his arms tighter around Spencer for just a moment, deepening the kiss before he takes a step back and draws the curtain aside so they can step under the warm spray.

It's such a small thing, something someone else might not even consider, but one of Joel's favourite things in the world is Spencer's hair and he loves being able to just runs his fingers through the curls, especially in the shower, where he can pour some shampoo into his hands and massage his husband's scalp. It's the sort of thing he never would have imagined himself liking before Spencer, simply because he never would have imagined it at all, one of those things he didn't know people might do for each other because his experience with real, loving relationships had ended the day Amy had died. That it's Spencer who has helped him discover all this for the first time makes perfect sense. This is where he's meant to be.

"Simply getting clean, right?" he asks, his voice low, a grin curving his lips as he reaches for the shampoo and pours some into the palm of his hands.

[doublethepain]

It's truly remarkable to think of what an enormous a shift there's been not only in Spencer's life but in his mentality. There hasn't been an exceptional amount of time that's passed since the first day he'd met Joel but in comparing the way his mind had operated then to the way it does now is sometimes something of a shock. In the years between his family's death and meeting Joel, he'd carried on through live in something resembling a daze. He hadn't been able to come up for a reason why he would wake up in the morning, he simply did, perhaps because it was expected of him. Smiles and eye contact were rare, subjects in conversation beyond book recommendations or where to locate a particular text in the library even rarer, and Spencer knows he'd had people on his side but even so, he hadn't really let anyone in during that time.

Knowing that anyone in this town could think him capable of murdering the two most important people in the world to him had been shattering, almost to the point of disrepair, and he thinks it's even possible that he did have close to a death wish the day the Hydra had come to town. He'd nearly walked into it's path, after all, and he'd said it was because he couldn't let other people get hurt but looking back at it now, Spencer wonders whether he'd really meant that. It doesn't matter anymore, the building across the street had exploded and Joel had saved him and for the very first time since his mother and brother had died, Spencer had felt alive.

That'd only been the start of it, every day since then has made him more vivacious, hungry for the kind of happiness Joel had brought him, and Spencer doesn't wake up wondering what his purposes his anymore. He has so many reasons for living now, though the two most significant ones are in this house with him. Leaning into his husband's kiss, Spencer presses a hand over Joel's chest, over his husband's heart, groaning with dismay once Joel steps back into the shower. The petulance doesn't last long, not with Joel beckoning him in, too, and as soon as Joel's hands start working the shampoo through his hair, Spencer has momentarily allowed himself to forget that they're due to host any company at all today.

Doing this, spending the day naked with his husband, seems far preferable, though he knows he'd have a difficult time explaining that to Charlotte. Or maybe she'd be perfectly understanding, Spencer doesn't know and doesn't care to find out, but they do have a relatively small window in the shower no matter what so Spencer runs his hands down Joel's sides with a lazy smile as his eyes flutter shut.

"Never will anyone do a more thorough job," he murmurs, humming his approval as Joel's fingers masterfully work through his hair. It's arousing in a way he never could have understood before, and Spencer isn't sure whether the heat growing between them is due to what Joel is doing to him and the water from the showerhead. Either way, it prompts Spencer to move closer to his husband, his length brushing against Joel's as he leans his head back just slightly. "Even when you're shampooing my hair, you somehow know exactly how to touch me. I don't know how you do it."

[just_another]

"You're the only one I want to touch like this," Joel murmurs as he massages his fingers against Spencer's scalp, then nudges him back gently so he's under the spray of the shower head, the shampoo rinsing from his hair, running into foamy paths down his body that Joel follows with his gaze. "I had to learn how to do it properly to keep you happy."

He's teasing, but only a little, because there's a lot of truth to what he's just said. While he's never particularly worried that maybe he's doing something wrong or that he won't satisfy his husband, there had been some time when they had first begun their relationship when he'd worried about so much. Whether he was pushing too hard or perhaps not hard enough. Maybe he didn't kiss properly, maybe Spencer didn't like the way he was touching him. They'd had a relatively easy time talking to one another since the start, especially for two men who were known for being rather reticent with others, but even so, Joel had wondered. And so he'd made the effort to learn everything he could, he'd paid close attention to the things Spencer seemed to like more than others, and it isn't that he ever thinks of their lovemaking as some clinical task, especially now, when everything has become second nature to him, but he's glad he made the effort all the same. Pleasing Spencer is all he ever wants out of their time together.

And they work so well together, so much better than Joel ever would have imagined he could have with someone. For such a long time he had denied that fate existed, he'd been adamant about the idea of free will, insisting that everyone made all their own choices and nothing could possibly be predetermined. But here they are. Joel wonders sometimes if his insistence about the lack of fate had simply been due to the fact that he hadn't found his yet, because until Spencer he'd never felt at home with someone, he'd never been so comfortable or so happy. He had never once felt like he belonged anywhere until that night he and Spencer had gotten drunk together in the library and he realized with a start that he didn't want to go home. At the time he'd been so confused, he hadn't understood why, after so many years, he'd actually wanted to spend time with someone else instead of holing up in the safety of his apartment, but he knows now. Even though they'd had yet to begin their relationship, he had already been more comfortable with Spencer than he'd ever been with anyone before. He hadn't wanted to go home because he had already been home.

"Besides, I have to make sure you're clean so I can dirty you up later," he says, then erupts in a burst of laughter that's terribly close to a giggle. Joel isn't especially prone to speaking to Spencer like this, not because he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't think he's very good at it most of the time. His husband is rather incredible with words when he wants to be and he can undo Joel with just a few simple sentences, but Joel has never known how to be particularly eloquent in return. He's better with action when it comes to telling Spencer what he wants, but he's managed to actually speak about it here and feels rather proud of himself, even if the laughter may have killed off whatever mood he'd managed by saying it in the first place.

"In front of the fire place," he adds, leaning close to press a kiss to the corner of Spencer's mouth now that the water is washing clear. Their bodies are pressed together and he gives a little shiver before kissing him again. "That can be your gift to me."