Joel Waters-Baker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
just_another) wrote2015-05-25 01:32 pm
just_another) wrote2015-05-25 01:32 pm
Entry tags:
[Closed - Spencer - May 30]
In a strange turn of events, Joel loves New York.
The man who's been unable to leave Siren Cove for over a decade, the man who nearly drove his car off the road in a panic the first time he tried, the man who had an anxiety attack at the rail of a ship when he finally managed to leave, absolutely loves everything about New York City.
He and Spencer had arrived the night before and while the apartment Aoife has graciously allowed them use of for the weekend is absolutely beautiful, Joel had found himself at the window staring out at the city with wide eyes for close to fifteen minutes before Spencer had announced they were unpacked and they should go out to find some dinner. They'd gotten distracted be Central Park and Joel had once again found himself completely enchanted, standing at the edge of a lake and staring across at a building he couldn't identify but somehow looked familiar all the same. It had taken Spencer's gentle reminder that he was hungry to actually pull Joel away. By the time they found dinner near Times Square -- one more thing that had stunned Joel to silence -- and then made their way back to the apartment on the subway, he was surprised by just how sore he was from all the walking they'd done.
And today is going to be no different. Today they have the literary tour of bars in New York and today he and Spencer are going to do a shot of whiskey at every single one. Today, by the time they're done, they're going to be very drunk and Joel can't wait. It feels like a real vacation, sort of how the cruise had felt at first, but he's absolutely certain this time they're not going to end up on a magical island with monsters and things that steal magic.
Of course, he thinks he might willingly give up his magic for another week in New York. He's never been so immediately comfortable somewhere that wasn't home and he isn't even sure what it is. People are kind in a way he hadn't expected given the angry New Yorker stereotype, but they've been offered directions more than once and a very kind woman had helped them find their way on the subway the night before. He loves it here and he's sure Spencer can tell.
More than that, he loves that Spencer seems to be enjoying himself, too. The bruises haven't entirely faded, but Joel's potions have helped speed the process and no one has even looked at him twice here. They blend into the crowd with ease, walking down the sidewalks holding hands and although Joel is sure there are moments when they look exactly like the tourists they are, for the most part he doesn't think they stick out all that much at all.
"The tour starts in about an hour," he says, glancing down at his phone as he tries to decide which cardigan to wear. "Do you want to stop for lunch first or get something while we're drinking our way through New York?"
The man who's been unable to leave Siren Cove for over a decade, the man who nearly drove his car off the road in a panic the first time he tried, the man who had an anxiety attack at the rail of a ship when he finally managed to leave, absolutely loves everything about New York City.
He and Spencer had arrived the night before and while the apartment Aoife has graciously allowed them use of for the weekend is absolutely beautiful, Joel had found himself at the window staring out at the city with wide eyes for close to fifteen minutes before Spencer had announced they were unpacked and they should go out to find some dinner. They'd gotten distracted be Central Park and Joel had once again found himself completely enchanted, standing at the edge of a lake and staring across at a building he couldn't identify but somehow looked familiar all the same. It had taken Spencer's gentle reminder that he was hungry to actually pull Joel away. By the time they found dinner near Times Square -- one more thing that had stunned Joel to silence -- and then made their way back to the apartment on the subway, he was surprised by just how sore he was from all the walking they'd done.
And today is going to be no different. Today they have the literary tour of bars in New York and today he and Spencer are going to do a shot of whiskey at every single one. Today, by the time they're done, they're going to be very drunk and Joel can't wait. It feels like a real vacation, sort of how the cruise had felt at first, but he's absolutely certain this time they're not going to end up on a magical island with monsters and things that steal magic.
Of course, he thinks he might willingly give up his magic for another week in New York. He's never been so immediately comfortable somewhere that wasn't home and he isn't even sure what it is. People are kind in a way he hadn't expected given the angry New Yorker stereotype, but they've been offered directions more than once and a very kind woman had helped them find their way on the subway the night before. He loves it here and he's sure Spencer can tell.
More than that, he loves that Spencer seems to be enjoying himself, too. The bruises haven't entirely faded, but Joel's potions have helped speed the process and no one has even looked at him twice here. They blend into the crowd with ease, walking down the sidewalks holding hands and although Joel is sure there are moments when they look exactly like the tourists they are, for the most part he doesn't think they stick out all that much at all.
"The tour starts in about an hour," he says, glancing down at his phone as he tries to decide which cardigan to wear. "Do you want to stop for lunch first or get something while we're drinking our way through New York?"
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People like to be social. He doesn't necessarily understand it himself, he's far more content to just spend time with Spencer and the few friends he's really come to trust, but there are a lot of people who aren't like he is in that manner. There are people who like to talk to strangers and make new friends, and given that they've put themselves in a perfect situation to welcome something like that, he figures they should at least try not to be rude about it. Spencer is more likely to have an easy time of it than he is. While he knows they're both introverted and like to keep to themselves, Spencer has always seemed to be kinder than Joel. He's more likely to give someone a chance whereas Joel will feel himself tightening up, preparing to tell someone to get lost and let them have this time to themselves.
They have six more bars to go, though. It's probably best that he at least try not to make the other tour members too angry before they continue on. While he still has every intention of getting drunk with his husband, he expects it might be just a touch more awkward if he's made people uncomfortable by just telling them to leave them alone. And there are probably people who have come on this tour specifically to socialize. That might not be what Joel and Spencer are here for, but she's said she's doing this tour to make her husband happy and if there's anything Joel can understand, it's that. There's no end to what he would do to make Spencer happy.
"Uh, nine months," Joel says when she asks how long they've been married. She's introduced herself and her husband and he figures that's an invitation for him to do the same. "I'm Joel and this is Spencer." He doesn't know if anyone has ever described them as cute before and he isn't sure he would have ever used the word smitten to define their relationship, but he supposes it's apt as well. He loves Spencer deeply, is more committed to him than he's ever been to anyone or anything else, and he has every intention of spending the rest of his life with this man. But when he looks at him, he still feels that same flush of excitement he'd felt during their first few weeks of trying to discover what this might be. Whenever he sees Spencer, that same glow still lights him up from the inside and he knows exactly what Spencer had been saying when he'd mentioned their first times. The first night in the library, talking side by side while they'd drunk that entire bottle of whiskey. He remembers how nervous he'd been, how hopeful and confused, how badly he'd wanted just to be near the quiet librarian.
And now they're here. They've come so far from that night.
"We're here to, uh... to h-have a weekend to ourselves," he says and he knows he sounds nervous, but he's never been able to quite get over that. Talking to Spencer is easy, speaking to most of his friends has gotten easier, too, over the years, but strangers are still difficult to him. They make him nervous and awkward and he's back to stuttering and stammering in a way he's mostly left behind. Mostly because he doesn't often talk to strangers at all.
"A weekend to yourselves!" Shelly says, leaning on the bar with a smile. "You two got a busy life back wherever you're from?"
"We... sort of," Joel says, glancing as Spencer as if he's looking for some kind of support. "We have a bookstore, but we're- we have... I mean, we're expecting a baby. Well, our surrogate is. Soon. She's due pretty soon."
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Just as he's about to ask if she's alright, Shelly gasps in a breath and straightens back up, reaching for his hand, and it takes everything in Spencer's power not to recoil at the touch. He gropes for Joel's knee behind him, his shoulders tense, and Spencer doesn't want to alienate the woman but at the same time, he's not exactly comfortable. Still, she's smiling a wide, toothy grin at him, blinking upwards to keep her tears from falling from her heavily made up eyes.
"I'm just so happy for you two," she gushes, and Spencer narrows his eyes, unsure of how to respond. He supposes he can't be upset about that or argue against it, though he still wishes she would let go of his hand, and he gives her a tight smile as he snakes himself out of her grasp before letting out a short, nervous laugh, the only response he's capable of giving right now. It doesn't seem to phase her in any way, and she clutches at her chest as her gaze flickers between them, her eyes expressing a strange sort of pride that's nothing short of puzzling. "No, really, I am. Landon and I want to start a family soon, too, and I can't wait for that to happen. Can you imagine, holding a little baby in your arms and knowing she's yours? Oh, well, of course you can, you said yours is due soon! When's the date?"
"July 7," Spencer answers immediately, ducking his head to smile before sneaking a glance at Joel. They've been waiting for July to come for what seems like forever now, and he knows they're supposed to be taking this weekend to focus on themselves, on their relationship--which they are, it's just that he thinks a break or two to think about the baby isn't such a bad thing--but he can't help but let his mind wander every so often to what it's going to be like to be a husband and a father. He thinks he's quite good at the husband part, they both are, and perhaps he's getting ahead of himself but considering just how excited they are and the lengths they've gone to in order to make sure they're prepared for the baby's arrival, Spencer is inclined to believe that they'll be good fathers, too.
"Oh, my word, you're getting so close! And you've only been married nine months? That's quick decisioning if I ever heard, I'll tell you. It only took Landon six years to finally ask me to tie the knot but..." She leans, lowering her voice as if conspiring with them as she holds her hand out to show off the excessively large diamond ring on her finger. "It was worth the wait." She sits back up, grinning like she's terribly pleased with herself, and takes another sip of her beer. "We got married at this beautiful piece of property in Missoula, and we've both got huge families so it was a big wedding. Tons of food, lots of dancing, and a load of stress. Best day of my life. What was your wedding like?"
Their wedding, Spencer thinks, had been very different from the one Shelly has described, but the memory of it will never fail to warm him. His gaze shift until he's looking at his own ring, then Joel's, then up into his husband's eyes as he moves his hand from Joel's knee to take his hand. "Best day of my life," he echoes, and he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off his husband right now if he tried. It's strange, the way the noise around them seems to fade to something more muted as he focuses his attention solely on his husband, willing the rest of the world to disappear just for this moment, just so he can enjoy sitting here with the man he loves as he recalls the finer details of the day they'd made official the promises that had already been made.
He brushes his thumb over Joel's as he finally turns back to Shelly's expectant expression, the sounds of the bar rising back up to full volume, and Spencer can't help but grin. "We eloped," he admits. "The day Joel picked up our marriage license, we left town to find someone who would perform the ceremony, and we ended the night as husbands."
There had been so much more to it, but Spencer considers it sacred, something that he and Joel had left Siren Cove to do only together for a reason. There's a part of him that wants to tell everyone just how beautiful a ceremony it'd really been, how they'd both cried as they'd exchanged their vows because they'd been so incredibly happy, how it'd felt to be able to slide that ring on Joel's finger and know that for the rest of their lives, he'd be able to call this man his husband; but the bigger part of him is selfish, so he just shrugs a shoulder when Shelly asks him to expand on the story, his smile firmly intact.
"It was very lovely," he says, his tone gentle and kind but still making it clear that he isn't willing to share much more on the subject. Shelly is a stranger, after all, nice as she's been, and Spencer hopes she won't take it personally. At the very least, she doesn't seem to look particularly offended.
"Okay, everyone," Casey's voice sounds from the opposite end of the bar, "finish up your drinks, pay out your tabs, and say your goodbyes because we're going to be leaving Minetta shortly to move on to our next destination, the famed White House Tavern."
Shelly sighs heavily at the announcement, impressively knocking back the rest of her beer before giving Spencer and Joel a wholly unnecessary apologetic look. "Sorry, I have to go find my husband now because he's the one footing the bill. We'll see you two at the next one!"
Once she's hurried off, Spencer turns to Joel and lets out a long exhale. "Well," he says, trying to keep his expression neutral so that he doesn't burst into laughter, "I certainly wasn't expecting that on the tour."
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"I don't think I expect that out of life most of the time," he says, then huffs out a laugh. He isn't saying it to be mean, she was perfectly nice in every way, but most of the time Joel just isn't sure what to do with people like that. Those who are comfortable being social. Or those who aren't just comfortable with it, but seem so thrive on it. People who require interactions like that to live. He knows it's simply the difference between being introverted and extroverted, and he does his best not to judge, but Joel's not always the most charitable man, he's well aware of that. And she was nice, of course, but he sort of hopes she keeps to herself for the rest of the tour.
That's probably too much to hope for, though, when she's talking animatedly with her husband and gesturing at Joel and Spencer from across the bar. Her husband catches Joel looking and gives him a smile that's almost weary, but there's something familiar in that expression. It's a look that say, you don't have to understand her, because she's mine and he sometimes wonders how often Spencer wears an expression like that. Every time Joel is unnecessarily rude to someone, every time he refuses an offer for a social gathering in a manner significantly less than graceful. Every time his husband is the one left facing customers while Joel grumbles about having to dig through a box to find them a specific book. He turns around sometimes and finds Spencer wearing an expression very similar to that. Not that weary smile, not even close, but the rest of it.
I know he's grumpy. You don't have to understand him. He's mine.
And for some reason he feels both a flare of grateful appreciation for Shelly's husband, and a bigger, much deeper flare of love for his own. There are all sorts of people in this world and most of the time Joel had never expected to find one that would want him, but here he is. Spencer loves him despite all his flaws, despite all the ridiculous ways in which he conducts himself, and he leans in, sliding his hand against the back of Spencer's neck to tug him close. It doesn't matter that they're in the middle of a bar where everyone can see them, he kisses Spencer firmly. From across the bar he hears a little hoot and he's sure it's Shelly, but he only grins at Spencer when they part and takes his hand.
"Come on," he says. "We've got six more bars and six more shots waiting for us."
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The people they've run into in the city have all been helpful and kind, so unlike the stereotypes that get thrown around about the population here, and it'd come as such a pleasant surprise to him. Spencer hadn't quite known what to expect because he, of all people, knows how important it is not to assume things about anyone just because of rumors and gossip but at the same time, he's never been great at coming off as anything less than irritable or stand-offish in the presence of strangers. There's something different about being in New York City, though, something magical that has nothing to do with the power Joel has at his fingertips, and he likes it. He likes it here, where nobody knows his name and thus, nobody knows anything about his past. Too many people in Siren Cove are aware of what he's been accused of doing and even though he's certain that barely any of them really think he'd done any of it anymore, there's still the matter of being the latest victim in the string of Siren Cove misfortunes.
Here, he's just a man walking down the street with his husband. Anonymous and in love. He finds that he much prefers it, but he knows it's good that it's just for a short while. It's like living in a dream and as he well knows, even dreams can fall apart in the blink of an eye. Besides, what they have waiting for them back home is significantly better than what they'll ever find here--a baby, a life and a future that neither of them would have expected, and Spencer can't help the grin that spreads across his face as he tightens his grip on Joel's hand.
"I have to admit, after another six shots, I might be the one running to find her so I can tell her all about my perfect husband and our perfect baby and our perfect future," he says, arching a playful brow. "Just watch out for me, make sure I'm not giving out phone numbers to anyone who wants to know whether we've had a boy or girl, that's taking it a little far. Though maybe we could namedrop the bookshop, there's nothing wrong with a bit of shameless self-promotion, right?"
He doubts that any of these people would be particularly keen on stopping by Crossroads in a town like Siren Cove, Maine, not after a majority of them have clearly escaped from their own towns to get a taste of a bigger, busier life. To be fair, he and Joel are going to be nothing but busy and exhausted when the baby arrives, but much like how he feels running around the city now, Spencer knows that there's nothing he's going to enjoy more than the lack of sleep he'll get from caring for their baby. In the moment, he might get frustrated; he and Joel might snap at each other out of a desperate need for sleep; but at the end of the day, apologies won't even be necessary because they'll already be curled up against each other in bed with their gorgeous baby sleeping soundly with them.
"Here we are, folks!" Casey's voice carries from the head of the group, and Spencer looks up in surprise when he realizes they've arrived at the next bar. "One of the things White Horse Tavern is best known for is being a bar Jack Kerouac frequented because he lived right above it in what used to be a disturbingly small floor of apartments. Once we're inside, you can feel free to take a look inside the bathroom where one of the stars do read 'Go home, Jack!'"
Spencer chuckles at that, nodding his thanks to Casey as he and Joel bring up the rear to enter the bar and once everyone is inside, their guide continues his brief lesson on the site.
"A more famous association with White Horse Tavern that might be of interest to most of you is Dylan Thomas, who actually has a booth inside commemorated with a plaque because of how often he-- Oh, see, look, our couple from Canada and Maine have found it. Well done, boys."
Spencer's cheeks redden as he finishes sliding into the booth, simply the first one he'd spotted, and he looks at the plaque that Casey had mentioned before giving Joel a startled look and returning his attention to Casey.
"In 1953, Thomas actually drank so much that he got alcohol poisoning and unfortunately, died soon after being taken to the hospital. We want to avoid doing that, so if you could all do me a favor, try to keep the whole dying of alcohol poisoning thing to a minimum. You might notice that right now, we've got some Bob Dylan playing, which is nicely appropriate because he adopted that name thanks to, who now? That's right, Mister Dylan Thomas. So enjoy yourselves while we're here, make good choices, and we have five more bars to visit after this so just keep that in mind."
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They're reminded they have five more bars even as Joel orders their shots of whiskey and he raises his eyebrows at what's said about Dylan Thomas dying of alcohol poisoning in this very bar. That's definitely not something Joel wants to have happen to either of them, but he thinks they'll both be okay. They might not be particularly heavy drinkers, but they're both well versed enough in the consumption of whiskey that he thinks they know their own limits. They've decided to have a shot at each bar, but Joel thinks if either of them reach a point where they feel like they can't drink anymore, they'll know it. Neither of them is prone to doing something just because they think they're supposed to and Joel knows if there's anyone who isn't going to judge him one way or the other, it's the man he's here with.
"No dying of alcohol poisoning," he says when their shots are delivered, lifting his glass toward Spencer's with a grin. Perhaps not the most creative toast to be making, but maybe the most fitting for this bar in particular. There's five more shots, five more toasts to go, and he can't make each and every one perfect. Especially when he's never been good at them to begin with, just one more thing he knows Spencer will forgive him. There's a good number of things Joel has never been particularly good at, but with Spencer he tries so much harder than he's ever cared to try with anyone before. And he's never been made to feel stupid because something might make him feel awkward, which makes it easier for him to try harder. They're just good together in every possible way and Joel knows this isn't exactly the best time for him to get excessively emotional, so he just wrinkles his nose slightly and takes his shot.
All without being able to take his eyes off Spencer.
It seems like no time at all before Casey is calling for their attention again and Joel knows it's not very charitable, but he's grateful Shelly's husband has seemed to keep her entertained at this bar. She was very nice, but he knows there's only so much of a person like that he can handle and he thinks what he needs is to get just a little bit more drunk before he's expected to spend much more time with anyone besides his husband. This is their trip, after all.
"Alright, so the next bar we'll be hitting up is Pete's Tavern," Casey announces. "This one is a bit of a walk, so it'll give you guys a chance to burn off the alcohol I see you've been quite enthusiastically putting back. If anyone feels themselves getting hungry or feeling a little dehydrated, we're guaranteed to run across about three dozen food trucks between here and there, so feel free to grab my attention and make a quick stop if you need to. I want to make sure everyone makes it through to the end of this. So pay up, tip your server appropriately and let's get going."
Joel stretches as he climbs out of the booth, then offers Spencer his hand to join him. "I'm really glad we had something to eat before we started this or I think I might already be feeling it a little," he says, still smiling. And while he's not drunk, not even a little, he does feel incredibly good. It's just such a nice feeling to be here with Spencer, away from everything back home, away from all their responsibilities and all the awful things that had just happened that they've left behind. He knows they can't forget, not entirely, he knows it's the sort of thing that's still going to follow them, but he also thinks they've done a really good job at leaving it behind for now. They've decided to make this trip something special, a good memory for them to take with them for the rest of their lives, and no one is going to take that from them.
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He knows that could change. He knows that once they return home, the light feeling of being on a vacation without having to worry about anyone or anything else--even though he's still been texting Charlotte about the store and the house and the pets, all the while snorting over what he tells her are highly insensitive knife emoji responses--he could very well go back to worrying about what stranger might be watching him, stalking him, plotting to take him away from his husband again.
But he can't live like that. Spencer is as aware of that fact as he is his own identity, but he remembers what his life had been like after Mark. Full of fear and worry and distress, leveled only by the warmth of Joel's lips on his own. That remedy, at least, will always be available to him and with the baby coming so soon, he suspects--hopes--that he'll be far too busy changing diapers and counting their child's fingers and toes to concern himself with why he'd come so close to joining his parents and brother again. Admittedly, it's difficult to think that way when he has a man like his husband smiling at him as he does. It's barely been a year but so quickly, Joel had become his life, his everything, and it's for that very reason that he'd known Joel would understand what it meant for Spencer to leave his ring behind that day.
He's never taken it off, has no intention of ever taking it off again, and he rubs his thumb over it before squeezing Joel's hand tight as they approach the next bar. "This one might be the one that really starts to hit me," he says with a grin, leaving his thoughts of Mark and Roman and all of the pain they've brought to their lives behind. So much of this trip is meant to heal and as far as Spencer is concerned, it's working. He's here, he's with his husband, they're happy. There's little else he could possibly ask for in this moment.
He steps right over to the bar to order a couple shots of Johnnie Walker Blue, glancing over his shoulder to shift his gaze between Joel and Casey as their guide narrates a bit of history, and when the bartender returns, she offers him a wide smile.
"Honeymooning?" she asks, laughing when Spencer simply stares blankly for a moment in response. "You just have that look about you. Guessing that's your husband over there, good-looking guy like you with a gorgeous guy like him? Not fair for the rest of us."
Spencer can feel himself reddening, and he's lost count of how many times he's blushed this evening but at the same time, it pleases him to know that he and Joel still look as in love with each other now as they did when they'd gotten married. It's never going to fade, he's sure of that, and he tips one of the shot glasses toward the bartender before tugging a fifty from his wallet and setting it on the counter.
"Well, he's definitely my husband," Spencer tells her, "and you're right, he is gorgeous. About nine months past our honeymoon, but you're not the first to ask so I guess the guess is close enough. Thank you for the drinks, I don't need change."
He heads back toward Joel, drinks in hand and amused smile firmly intact as he holds one out. "Apparently, we're looking like newlyweds everywhere we go." He leans in carefully, mindful of his ribs, and presses a long, sweet kiss to his husband's lips. "I really don't think I mind it."
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"That doesn't really surprise me," he says when they part, his cheeks a little red, but his smile firmly in place. He imagines newlyweds have a certain look about them, people who are excited to see each other, who feel like it's been forever since they've last seen each other when it's really only been a few hours. When he thinks of how people look when they're on their honeymoon, he thinks of how he looks at Spencer, how he knows he's always going to look at Spencer no matter how long they're together. There's nothing in this world, no outside influence, no external factor, not even time that's going to change how much he loves his husband. "I plan on looking at you like a newlywed for the rest of my life, so I'm glad to hear it's working for me so far."
He would have thought he'd run out of toasts after the first shot, but he lifts his glass and touches it to Spencer's before he says, "To that, I suppose." To looking at Spencer like he'll never look at another person for the rest of his life. To loving him like he'll never love anyone else, like he never has, to other people noticing it even if it causes the both of them to flush. He's proud to have the sort of love people look at as something special, as something out of the ordinary. It's not the sort of thing he's ever going to be prone to shoving in someone else's face, it's something he likes to think of as special, too, something to be treated with respect, but he is proud of it. And he thinks he and Spencer are the kind of people who'll be able to hang onto it. It's not just luck that's brought them here. They've had to work to find each other, they've had their struggles, and he won't take any of that granted for a moment.
That's a toast he can make with conviction. One he can be especially pleased of and he grins at Spencer once more before he tips the shot glass back and drinks his whiskey. The burn is brief and pleasant, warming his throat and then his belly. It takes a second, but he feels the rush to his head just a moment later, a short moment of dizziness before everything seems just a little fuzzier. Given how many people are in the bar, it's probably best for all involved if Joel's thinking is a little fuzzier than usual, if only because he might not be quite so abrasive if anyone approaches them. And if the rest of the tour has been anything to go by, he knows it's going to happen again.
At this bar, though, it seems as if most people are caught up in listening to their guide speak and their own drinks and Joel wonders if they're all just getting drunk enough that they're distracted by the people they've come with. He knows that's the case with himself, that every time he gets a little more alcohol in him, the more he just wants to take Spencer back to the apartment and forget the rest of the tour. This is what they're here for, though, and as they're gathered together and ushered onto the fourth bar, he thinks he can stand to get through the rest before he makes Spencer walk back with him to the apartment so they can have a little time alone.
Of course, they have four more shots to go, so that conviction might not last.
"I like this one," he says as they arrive at the next bar, looking up at it. There's nothing out of the ordinary about it, but there's just something he really does like. Something that seems familiar in a way, though that's impossible. He's never been to New York before, he doesn't spend much time in bars at home, and it's only after looking at it for a moment that he makes the connection and then he laughs softly. "There was this bar in Shediac that I used to pass on the way to school," he tells Spencer. "It looked just like this."
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"Maybe we can visit it together one day," he says softly, a mere suggestion, nothing meant to inspire actual plans if Joel would even want to go through with them. "If you ever wanted to visit your parents out in Canada with the baby instead of the other way around, you know?"
He wonders if anyone would still recognize Joel, if there are people there who still believe he'd killed Amy Fuller just like there are those who believed Spencer had killed his mother and brother. Then again, maybe the town is full of people who would take one look at Joel and want to apologize for thinking even for a second that he'd done it in the first place. Spencer imagines the officers at the SCPD are feeling terribly foolish for thinking Joel had been involved with his own disappearance. It angers him, that defensive instinct flaring even now at the thought that anyone could even know of them and believe Joel could ever want to hurt him. There's nobody in this world Spencer could ever trust more than his husband, than the one man who has never shown him any judgment for the things he's said or done because in so many cases, Joel would have said or done the very same thing.
But all of this is exactly what he shouldn't be lingering on right now, not when they're supposed to be enjoying themselves, and Spencer is. He's not surprised about that, considering he's been excited about doing this tour from the start, but he'd certainly worried that he wouldn't be able to break himself from the dark places in his mind as easily as he'd like; seeing Joel's smile, though, returning an affectionate one of his own, makes Spencer more than willing to put it all aside. They're about to be on shot four, which doesn't sound like much but will probably feel like it quite quickly, and he has a brief flash of doubt that they'll be able to make it through this whole thing without wanting to ditch the crowd and simply return to the apartment.
"Should we take bets now?" he asks with a short laugh, nodding his thanks at Casey for holding the door open. "Are we going to last for the final three?" He lowers his voice--as much as he isn't at all adverse to people looking at them and knowing how much they love each other, so much is still only meant to be between them--and leans closer toward Joel's ear, his smile brushing against the soft bit of skin that's exposed just under his husband's lobe. "Because I don't need whiskey to want you naked, but I do suspect it will make me significantly less patient about getting you there."
He knows that's unfair, the satisfied grin on his face as he pulls away to greet the bartender is enough evidence of just how unfair he knows it is, but it's not as if either of them aren't used to the other saying things like that. Granted, Spencer is usually the instigator, especially in public; but that hardly matters. In the end, the result is the same--more than good enough for both of them, Spencer would imagine.
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Now and then he thinks about going back there and seeing what's left of the place he'd grown up. A new family probably lives there now, the town has probably long forgotten the Bakers ever lived there, and Joel thinks he would prefer it that way. He'd like to be able to walk through that town and look at the ridiculous giant lobster with Spencer without having to worry that someone might see him, shout his name and chase him right back out of town again. One day he thinks he'd like to return to that cliff where Amy died, where the demon that had followed him for ten years had first gotten its claws into him. It feels like he needs to eventually for the entire circle to be complete.
But not yet. They have far more important things to do, more important things to concern themselves with and Joel only nods in response, then presses a kiss to Spencer's temple. It's enough of an answer, he thinks, because Spencer understands him no matter what he says or does. He doesn't have to speak for his husband to know what he's saying, just one more in a very long line of things Joel loves about this man he's with.
He's about to respond verbally, about to say something about how it much be nice to show Spencer where he grew up when he leans in and says that about wanting to get Joel naked and as always seems to happen, all the words dry up on his tongue. All he manages is a choked off groan and he turns to look at Spencer, his eyes narrowed playfully. The bartender is looking at them expectantly and he's torn between wanting to just casually order their drinks, as if what Spencer has said has barely registered at all, and saying something perfectly lewd in return, right in front of the bartender. That's sure to throw Spencer off, but Joel isn't quite sure he's drunk enough to be capable of that.
The next bar. One more shot in him and he's going to do something to knock Spencer's socks off at the next bar. He's decided it now.
After ordering their shots and being granted a little bit of privacy before the bartender returns, Joel looks at Spencer very seriously, though there's a smile that twitches at the corners of his mouth. "You don't think I can resist you through the entirety of this tour?" he asks, which is a silly question given they both know the answer is that he absolutely can't. Not if Spencer were to really pull out all his tricks. The thought of trying, though, being reduced to a whimpering mess in public because of the things his husband is whispering to him actually sounds kind of fun.
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Had the Hydra not come through the town, they might not be sitting here together right now, and Spencer would prefer to believe that's not true, that they would have found their way regardless, but that would mean a year of different experiences. Maybe they'd have been better, maybe worse, but the life that he and Joel have built together had taken a great deal of care and hadn't been without struggle. The very reason they can share this vacation without another care in the world is because of what's been done to them, of what they've had to suffer, but every obstacle has only ever made them stronger. It's love that had defeated the demon, love that will always help them to overcome anything that gets in their way, and Spencer takes great comfort in that.
"Actually," he continues, resting his hand just a bit higher than might be appropriate on Joel's thigh, "I'm more worried about myself. The idea of you undressing me, kissing me, laying me down on that bed that doesn't belong to us and fucking me until I'm so out of my mind I don't know which way's up anymore?" He lifts his chin up, swirling his whiskey in his shot glass with a seductive smirk. "Well, I think it all sounds very nice, doesn't it?"
He's getting bolder, which is the most immediate sign that the alcohol is starting to affect him. It isn't as if he doesn't say these sorts of things to Joel on a regular basis but usually, they're out of earshot of anyone who might be close enough to hear him. In fairness, the bar is loud, there's a great deal of chatter around them, and nobody seems to be paying all too much attention to the supposed newlyweds, but Spencer fully anticipates that by the time they get to the next bar, his inhibitions will be even lower than it already is.
Spencer glances around while he can still manage to care about the show of propriety, turning back to Joel when he's satisfied that nobody is listening. He isn't actively trying to get them out of finishing the tour, he's very much enjoying himself, and he knows Joel is, too; but they haven't been intimate since before Roman had taken him and Davin, and Spencer knows that he's still bruised and battered but it's getting to the point that it looks far worse than it really is and frankly, he's tired of waiting. He wants to feel his husband's cock filling him again, it's something he misses, something he craves.
But he can be patient. At least, he can be if Joel can.
"Do you think the next place will sell popsicles?" he asks, blinking his eyes innocently before clinking his glass against Joel's. "Cheers."
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"Trouble in paradise?" Shelly's husband says and Joel supposes to someone listening from the outside, the way he's just said his husband's name might seem genuinely disgruntled instead of mostly amused and almost entirely turned on. He's still trying to remember the man's name and so he gives himself a moment, knocks back his shot, and realizes it hasn't helped at all. If anything, it's made it worse, because now he's most certainly drunk -- the shot can't kick in that quickly, he thinks, he must have been drunk before -- and that's not going to help when it comes to remembering someone's name.
He plans on say something smooth. Some joke about how Spencer is a terrible husband or something that puts down the idea of trouble in paradise right off the bat. He's going to open his mouth and it's just going to come out, sounding completely spontaneous, but brilliant all the same. Somehow Joel genuinely thinks this is going to happen and forgets his tendency to stutter and stammer when he's nervous. The alcohol should be making him less nervous, it should be ridding him of his inhibitions, but that only seems to work with Spencer. With a stranger it's making everything ten times worse, but he still expects himself to be able to say something intelligent.
Instead, when he opens his mouth, all that comes out is, "I forgot your n-name, Shelly's husband."
Shelly's husband, at the very least, has the decency to laugh. He leans his elbows on the bar and Joel is satisfied to see that he, too, is looking a little unsteady on his feet. That makes sense, he figures, since they've all had four drinks by now. Or maybe five. He can't remember which bar they're on and before Shelly's husband can answer, Joel looks back at Spencer.
"Is this bar number five?" he asks.
Shelly's husband laughs again. "Four," he says. "Landon and it's bar number four." Then he pauses, frowning a little. "Or maybe it's number five."
And since he doesn't seem to know either, Joel looks steadily at Spencer. "What number?" he asks.
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"Number four, my love," Spencer finally answers, reaching out to take one of Joel's hands in his and rolling his eyes fondly before shifting his gaze to Landon. Admittedly, it takes him longer than he would have liked to settle on the other man's face, and Spencer has to squint at his target just to make sure he's the right one, as if another person could have come to take his place in the span of a millisecond and alright, perhaps it is fairly obvious that he's approaching drunk.
"That means there's three left," Landon says, rubbing at the back of his neck as he shakes his head, looking a bit intimidated by the prospect of it, and Spencer can't say that he doesn't relate. Granted, none of them are required to drink if they no longer wish to but then again, that would be defeating the entire purpose of the tour--and the goal he and Joel have set for themselves, even if neither of them would be particularly upset if they can't complete it, particularly if it means they'll just have ended up falling into bed with each other back at the apartment.
"Three left," Spencer confirms with a nod, taking a deep breath before swallowing the shot, and it goes down far more smoothly than it probably should have. "I barely even feel the burn anymore, that's... good?" He narrows his eyes, nodding to himself. "Yes, it's good." He looks back up at Landon. "Where's your wife?"
"Oh, Shell's around here terrorizing someone," Landon answers, casually waving a hand in some direction or another with a wide smile.
He uses that word, says that Shelly is terrorizing people, but Spencer can hear the affection in his tone and more than that, he can see it in his eyes. It's the same way that he speaks of Joel, he's very well aware of this, and he's never tried to hide it because there's no sense in that. There's nothing he's prouder of when it comes to the things he's done in life than marrying Joel, than being deemed worthy of this man's love and a promise of forever, and he gets the sense that Landon feels the same way about his life. Spencer's pleased for them because he hasn't met very many other couples who seem to share what he and Joel do, and he doesn't think that any two couples are alike--frankly, he doesn't think anyone could love each other more than he and Joel do but then again, he's pretty majorly biased--but so many of the friends they have in Siren Cove still seem to be searching for that something special. It isn't in the cards for everyone, some people don't even want it, and he has no judgment for any of that; he just knows that he'd gotten lucky. He'd gotten Joel.
"She's very spirited," Spencer says, and he doesn't know why he says it, Landon obviously knows what his wife is like, but anyway, it's already been said so he can hardly take it back.
"That's definitely a word for what she is," Landon answers with a laugh. He gestures then toward Spencer's face, toward what Spencer assumes are the bruises. "She wanted me to casually ask where you got mugged so we can avoid it, but I mean, is there really a casual way to ask something like that? I keep telling her there's nothing to worry about, but she gets stuck on something, she doesn't let go."
Spencer brushes his fingers over the bruise against his cheek, and it doesn't hurt much anymore unless he pushes hard on it but even when he does, he barely feels it. He has the alcohol to thank for that, he supposes. "It didn't happen here," he admits, "so you can tell her you were right. Nothing to worry about." Landon looks slightly apologetic about bringing it up at all, but Spencer tries to brush away anything Landon feels that might resemble guilt with a smile, a genuine smile because what had happened to him can't be undone, but he's healing.
Here in New York with his gorgeous, drunk husband, he's healing.
"Round up your tabs, everyone," Casey calls out behind them, "we're going to be gearing up to the next one soon. At this point, I would recommend checklisting your phones, wallets, keys, and most importantly, your inhibitions. Wouldn't want you to leave any of those behind."
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But then he's talking about barely feeling the burn anymore and Joel has to press the back of his free hand against his lips to keep himself from laughing. There's nothing and no one in this world he loves as much as he loves Spencer and seeing his husband like this, smiling and happy, especially so soon after the awful things he's been through, it makes Joel happier than he thinks he'd be able to say even if he were sober. He knows this trip isn't going to fix everything. He knows only time can help Spencer heal, but he's going to be there for every step, he'll be there every single day, and he knows this trip was a good idea. They both need it, but Spencer needs it even more, and Joel knows he's not responsible, he didn't give him this trip, but he's still glad they've done this.
"Spencer always leaves his inhibitions behind," Joel mutters as they file out of the bar and back into the sunlight. It's getting later in the afternoon, edging toward the evening, but it's still bright and warm, and he squints against the sun. He's spoken only loud enough for Spencer to see and even though he's squinting, he's also grinning, quite pleased with himself and his comments. At the same time, though, he's doing as Casey suggested and is checking his pockets for his wallet and his phone and the keys to the apartment where they're staying. Everything is still in place, though, and he slips his hand into Spencer's, smiling over at him happily.
"If I get three more drinks in me, I'm bound to leave my inhibitions somewhere, too," he adds, his voice more cheerful than it usually is, especially when it comes to discussing something that he would normally consider very private. Given that he feels like he's mere moments away from dragging Spencer into an alley and pinning him against a wall so they can make out just a little bit. No matter how drunk he is, he's not quite that drunk, though, and while he has no problem with a certain level of affection in public, he much prefers to keep their private life very private.
The walk to the bar does him good and by the time they're there, he feels a little more clear headed. Which he knows he's going to destroy right away by taking another shot. He likes this bar, too. It's dark and quiet and everyone seems content to talk in soft murmurs to maintain the atmosphere. Even Shelly, who hadn't seemed capable of speaking quietly when Joel had first met her. She's with her husband now, though, and Joel knows that can change a person. He's always been different with Spencer, he's always been a little more open, more prone to sharing his feelings and being honest instead of just shutting down and maintaining a severe exterior. Spencer's done that to him right from the start and apparently he isn't as clear headed or sober as he thought, not when he leans against Spencer at the bar and slips his hand into the back pocket of Spencer's jeans.
"I like you," he says after he's ordered their shots. He's smiling again, his face a little sore from it. "I like you a lot. And I love you, but I think liking you is important, too. And I like you."
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He can't deny that he likes it when Joel gets a bit handsy with him in public, if only because it serves as proof to everyone else that Spencer belongs him to him, that every last part of him will only ever be for this one man, as if the rings on their finger would be enough to show that. Sometimes it simply isn't, there are still customers who walk into the store for the sole purpose, Spencer suspects, of flirting with Joel, and it's not that he's necessarily jealous about seeing that happen but then again, he doesn't suppose most people like to see someone bat their lashes at their spouses. Joel has said it to him, too, that people will pass them by on the street and rake their eyes over him, which Spencer generally doesn't notice.
At the end of the day, though, Spencer takes pride in knowing that he's the one Joel has chosen. There are people who envy him, he's sure of it, but none of them can get under his skin because the most important thing is that his husband loves him. And likes him, apparently.
He inches closer to his husband so he can wrap an arm around Joel's waist, fingers curving against his hip as Spencer's lips curve into an affectionate smile. "Lucky me," he answers, pressing a kiss to Joel's cheek just as the bartender drops their shots off for them. He nudges one of the glasses toward Joel before picking one up for himself, clearing his throat and holding it in front of himself to study for a moment.
"To us," he finally says, and he knows it's not enough but it's a start. Joel has been taking charge of the customary cheers at each bar so far, but Spencer thinks he has something this time. "To liking each other and loving each other every day since we've met and every day from now. I will always love you, I will always like you, and I will always be yours."
He clinks his glass against Joel's before throwing his head back to swallow his shot, smacking his lips once he's done and setting the glass back down on the countertop as he licks his lips, eyes darting from Joel to the glass to the bartender and back. There are only a couple more shots to go after this, he's sure he can do it, but this had been a particularly strong shot of whiskey, and Spencer can't help but feel the slightest bit concerned that they won't make it out of the last bar without Joel having to carry him bridal-style out of the next one.
"I will also always want you to touch me like this because in all honesty," he adds with a mischievous grin, "you're going to find it about a whole fraction's worth easier to turn me on in a few seconds flat."
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They'll always belong together. They'll always be together. They'll always love each other and like each other and they'll always want each other. He gives Spencer's ass a squeeze and then grins over at him, an expression stuck somewhere between innocence and something a lot darker. They're getting progressively more drunk and with each shot they take, they're getting progressively more daring, too, more willing to touch each other in ways they usually save for the privacy of their own home. He knows they'll still need to get back to the apartment before he's willing to let anything go too far, but the fact remains that he kind of likes this boost in liquid courage. There's nothing about their wonderful relationship that he's ashamed of and he doesn't care who knows they're together. Spencer Waters-Baker is the most incredible man he's ever known and he's proud to be married to him. He's proud to be able to go home to this man every single night, he's proud that soon enough they'll be raising a baby together and he's proud to look over at Spencer and see all these emotions reflected back at him. They're always on the same page and Joel sighs deeply and grins.
"Don't worry," he says, ducking his head closer so he can speak in Spencer's ear. "I'm going to behave very patiently and be a complete gentleman and I'm going to resist the urge to shove you up against the wall and undress you until we get back to the apartment. At least until then." Of course, he doesn't think he can promise to make it through the next two bars before he goes dragging Spencer back to the apartment, but he's really going to do his best to try. He's going to mingle and be polite and stick close to his husband and when Casey tells them it's time to move on to bar number six, Joel finds he isn't even remotely surprised to see a good number of the people are stumbling and laughing. They've all been drinking and this is bar number five, which means they're all at least five drinks in, but Joel has a suspicion they've all been drinking a little more. He's seen a few people throwing back more than a single shot at each bar and while he's feeling pretty drunk himself now, he has to imagine they're feeling a little worse for wear.
"But I will touch you like this for the rest of our very long, very considerable lives together," he continues, turning as he watches the others in the bar begin to gather their belongings. He still hasn't managed to figure out if they're going to make it through all seven bars, but at this point he's going to give it a fair go and he pushes away from the bar only to find himself considerably more unsteady than he thought he might be. He laughs, reaches for Spencer and closes his hands over his husband's wrist, holding onto him for support. "Whoa. Whoa, are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Waters-Baker, so that you might take advantage of me?"
He giggles then, rubbing his hand over his beard and looks at Spencer. "Because if you need to take advantage of me, you know you can just ask, right?" And that part is said loud enough that other people can hear, which earns Joel a few looks, but he doesn't even notice them. He's looking at Spencer and only Spencer, ignoring everyone else around them. The room feels like it's spinning a little, but as long as he looks at Spencer, as long as he focuses on his husband he's going to be just fine and so he smiles, still holding Spencer's hand and tugs him in the direction of the door. "Come on. We have two more bars and then I'm going to take advantage of you for the rest of the trip."
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With a clearer mind, he'd be entirely capable of conceding to the fact that bad things happens to good people anywhere in the world, it's simply a fact of life. He doesn't think that he deserves more simply because he's suffered, he's seen people on the street here who've suffered all their lives and don't have much in the way of riches to show for it. They make due with what they have because that's the only option that exists, and it's a bit of an eye-opener because the homeless population in Siren Cove isn't quite thriving. He and Joel aren't exceedingly rich, but they're certainly more than comfortable--and even that had come with a price. So he tells himself he's going to try to remember that the next time he thinks life is difficult, that there are some people who aren't even remotely in a position to do anything about the problems they have and frankly, there's little that he wouldn't be able to look past with the baby's due date getting closer and closer.
Nasty letters around the anniversary of his family's death, awful nightmares and memories consisting of pain and terror, fear of a future that stems from the consistent loss of everyone he loves, Spencer can deal with all that as long as he has his husband and their child to guide him to lighter thoughts. Everyone settles into darkness once in awhile, the important thing to Spencer is being sure that there's always someone who'll be able to get him back out. Joel will always be that source of brightness for him, the light to follow to the end of the tunnel, the one person in this world who has never let him down. He values this man more than his own life, more than anything, and he lets Joel pull him to the door until they're standing right outside of it and he can wrap his arms around his husband to pull him into a kiss.
There are a few catcalls, a few whistles, but Spencer is deaf to them as he parts his lips to slide his tongue against Joel's, reveling in the heat between them as he lets out a moan soft enough for only Joel to hear. "You said something about taking advantage?" he asks when they part, smiling as presses another kiss to Joel's nose this time, then his forehead. He lets his fingertips dip up through Joel's shirt, resting ever-so-lightly over the skin of his back. His body may still be bruised but between the alcohol and the mere sight of his husband so delighted and drunk, there's nothing that could keep him from growing steadily aroused as the evening goes on. He's not entirely sure that he's willing to wait two more bars and the journey home to get Joel's clothes off but then again, the anticipation always does turn out to be worth it.
He pulls away, tugging at Joel's hand as Joel had done to his so that they can lengthen their strides to catch up to their group, though Spencer keeps his voice low enough to ensure that nobody else can hear them. The whiskey has made him a bit more publicly affectionate than they're used to being, considering they like to keep their more sensual sides between them, but he's not sure he's quite drunk enough to be willing to let people actually hear what it is he wants from his husband--though he's sure Joel is already well aware of exactly what that is.
"Two more," he says, his lips brushing against Joel's ear and curving into a smile, "two more and then you're mine. Then I get you to myself so I can demand you do the most unspeakable of things to me." He presses a kiss to Joel's shoulder before nibbling lightly through his shirt, kissing the spot again as he faces forward, smile now more of a smirk. "I want you to fuck me until you're sure I'll feel it with every step I take tomorrow. Two more shots is more than enough to make that happen, right?"
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"Two more shots is more than enough to make that happen," Joel answers a second later, turning his attention back to Spencer and giving him a bright, mischievous smile. "I don't need any shots for that. I don't need anything but you for that." The shots are making him feel a little lighter, they're making him giggly in a way he usually isn't, but even without alcohol, he's always been happier around Spencer. It's easier around Spencer to remember all the reasons he really has to be happy and while he doubts anyone would call him much of an optimist, he thinks his outlook on life has improved significantly since meeting Spencer. When he thinks about the future now, he is optimistic. He truly believes they have everything to look forward to.
Including the rest of the evening, which he's going to make sure Spencer never forgets, and as they enter the second to last bar, he tries to think of anything to say, anything at all that will communicate even a fraction of what he feels and what he has planned for the rest of the evening, but all he manages to do is grin helplessly over at Spencer. This bar is louder than the others they've been to now that it's later in the evening, more people crowded inside, laughing and talking. It's not an atmosphere Joel would normally feel comfortable in, but tonight everything feels easier than it usually does. It's at least partly due to the fact that he's drunk, but he doesn't care what the reason is.
It takes a little longer to get their drinks due to the fact that it's busier here, but once they have them, Joel guides Spencer toward a part of the bar where fewer people seem to have gathered so they can at least take their shots in relative peace. They've been making little toasts with each one, but when Joel casts his mind back, he finds he can't quite remember the last few and while he doesn't want to repeat himself, he's also hopeful Spencer isn't going to remember everything he's said tonight either. He's still grinning, he feels like he hasn't stopped in hours and it isn't usual for him, but he also kind of likes it. Maybe it's just New York, he thinks. Maybe it's Spencer and whiskey and New York all combining to make him this way.
"To this absolutely not being the last time we're in this city," he says, lifting his glass and giving it a gentle tap against Spencer's. "Because I love it here. I love being here with you." He'll go anywhere with Spencer, he'll be happy anywhere with Spencer, they both know that by now. It isn't a surprise to realize he could truly settle anywhere, so long as Spencer was with him, but he hadn't expected this city to have such a hold on him. He's glad it does, it's reminded him that he's not limited to just Siren Cove. They really can go anywhere if that's what they want in the long run and it fills him with a kind of hope he hasn't known in a long time. It's different from the sort of hope Spencer has given him -- though he's given him this, too, in a big way -- and he's going to care for it. Make sure it doesn't flicker or fade.
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He's drunkenly stumbling along the streets of New York, hopping from bar to bar with a group of people who want nothing more than to have a good time. The sun is going down, the air is cooling, the whiskey is a settled warmth in his belly, and Spencer gets it now. He knows why people love this city so much, why they find it so magical and inspiring, because it's absolutely inspiring a refreshed sense of adoration for his husband. Not a day goes by that he doesn't try to show Joel in some way or another that he loves him but being here is so different and so new that the journey in itself had been a sign of just how desperate they are to make each other happy.
Maybe it isn't so much of a trial run after all, he thinks. Maybe one day, they'll decide to leave the magic of Siren Cove for the magic of New York City, and the thought of selling his childhood home may be daunting but it's also just fleeting. They don't have to make big plans for the future, not when the baby will be taking up so much of their time soon enough that thinking about anything else will already be a chore. All Spencer knows is that he's content, happy with his life and what his life will bring him, and he'd never been able to say that before meeting Joel. His husband has helped him open doors Spencer even knew existed, each one leading to a world of excitement and love and the kind of enchantment he'd believed were the stuff of fairy tales.
Sometimes he still feels like he's living in one, a fairy tale, because a reality in which Spencer is swept off his feet by a tall, dark, and handsome man wouldn't have been conceivable even just over a year ago. Either way, he still has his prince, he thinks with an amused smile, and he reciprocates the tap of Joel's glass with his own as he swallows back his drink to show just how much he agrees with the toast his husband has given. For Joel, Spencer, too, would go anywhere, do anything, it simply doesn't matter to him because the only thing he wants in life is for his family to love him as much he loves them.
Not once has he been given cause to doubt that, and Spencer isn't afraid he ever will. He takes one look at Joel and sees the love in his husband's eyes, feels the connection between them even though he can't see it, and he knows the sparks that sometimes light up when they touch will never die. This is his life, this man beside him, this is his future, and nothing could ever hope to take that away from him.
"I'm sober, what about you?" Spencer asks with a teasing grin and slurring words as he sets his glass back down, aiming to push it forward but frowning when it ends up a few inches to the right instead. There's only one bar left, one more shot before the tour comes to an end, and in a way, Spencer's a bit sad about that because he's had so much fun since they'd started. On the other hand, of course, being finished with the tour also means being one step closer to letting Joel strip him naked so really, there's no contest as to which is the preferable option.
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That's just not how propriety works and while Joel generally doesn't care how others see him, he does care about staying out of jail, especially given how often they've both been arrested. For stupid, incorrect charges, of course, but if he starts to take Spencer's clothes off in public and they're arrested for public indecency, it won't actually be an incorrect charge for the first time in their lives, and they might very well end up having to pay a hefty fine. With a baby on the way, that's a bad idea, which is exactly the length route Joel's mind takes when trying to decide if undressing his husband in public is a good idea or not. (He decides on not, for all those reasons, and because he doesn't want anyone else ever looking at Spencer the way he gets to.)
"Shh," he says, pressing one of his fingers against Spencer's lips as if he's said anything out loud. It takes Joel a second to realize he hasn't, that he's shushing his husband for nothing, and he laughs at himself, dropping his hand. "I was thinking things and I thought you were saying them and I thought they were things you probably shouldn't be saying out loud if you expect me to be able to get through one more walk and one more bar and one more shot before I drag you back to the apartment. You do that, you know. You say things that make it very difficult for me to get any work done and I like it very much, so please don't ever stop. Not even when I shush you for saying things you haven't even said."
He's talking far more than he usually does in public. At home with Spencer or at the store when they're alone together it's different. He can always find something to say then, some interesting fact he's read or some story he'd thought Spencer might like, but in public he's always been much more quiet. With other people around, even if his husband is by his side, Joel prefers to keep his speaking to a minimum, but now that he's had this much to drink he can't even begin to imagine why he doesn't want to talk to other people most of the time. Other people are lovely. Spencer was other people at one point and if Joel hadn't talked to him they wouldn't be here now and they wouldn't be married or in love or waiting for their baby.
"You know what would be terrible?" he asks, his words still slurring as he looks at Spencer again. "It would be terrible if I had never, ever talked to you. That would be so awful and I would be so sad. I'd be a sad, lonely man, sad and alone in my store forever without you and I don't like that at all."
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So many people had been convinced that he'd done it, so many, and Spencer could never really understand what he'd done so wrong to make them think he was capable of such a thing. Now, in retrospect, he can see how easily a small town's residents can be swayed, especially with the questionable explanations that are used to write off questions of the stranger things that have happened in Siren Cove. Some are still unaware that magic exists and knowing what he does know, Spencer has no idea how they carry on that way, despite the fact that he'd spent twenty-nine years in the dark himself. He'd always had a sense of it, of something more bubbling under the surface of the town, but he'd never quite been able to put a finger on it. That's why, he imagines, finding out the truth hadn't come as much of a blow.
Here in New York, there's a different sort of magic. The city is enchanting, it speaks of bigger dreams and lives that can't be compared to those in another setting, and Spencer normally wouldn't care for that very much but being here with Joel only makes him want more. He doesn't even know what he wants more of, only that he wants it and that his husband is the only one who could possibly provide it for him.
"We shouldn't think about that," Spencer answers, shaking his head firmly, "not here. Not even for a minute. We did meet, and I love you so much, Joel, I love you so much. Sometimes I think my heart might burst from how much I love you and at first, it was scary because I didn't think you could love me the same way, I didn't think I deserved you, but then you did. You loved me and you married me, and you changed my life. You made it better when nobody else could, so let's not think about what would be terrible because no matter what's happened, no matter how many times someone stupid tries to beat me up, I know you'll be there. You saved me, you always save me, not just from stupid people but from being alone."
By the time he's finished with his little speech, Spencer is certain that he'd made progressively less sense as he'd gone on but nevertheless, he's satisfied enough with what he's said. He'd slurred his way through it, yes, and he's most decidedly drunk, but he'd meant every word. Being with Joel had given him a boost of confidence Spencer has never had, and it isn't as if he walks down the street certain that everyone is admiring him--quite the opposite, really, that's not quite the kind of confidence he's picked up--but he does wake up every morning with the doubtless knowledge that somebody in this world loves him. It's more than he's ever had and now, it's all he'll ever need.
He frowns again, glancing around them before his eyes land back in Joel, the confusion more than evident in them. "Did we drink yet? Did we have our shot? I can't remember. Because now I'm thinking about the things I say that make work difficult for you, and I want to do all those things because they make me feel good. So we should have our shot if we didn't already because I want to make you feel good, too." Spencer bites down on his lip before grinning mischievously, leaning in so only Joel can hear him. "'Sides, I'm ready to swallow something else down, know what I mean?"
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Not that Joel would ever pretend he doesn't love it. It had come as a surprise, the way Spencer had found this side of himself willing to say all sorts of dirty things to distract Joel, but he loves it more than he would have ever imagined. It makes him feel so good, knowing what Spencer is willing to do for him, and it makes him feel so wanted, which is something that still comes as a bit of a surprise to him. He's had attention over the years, but not a lot of it, and never really any he's wanted to return. It's often made him uncomfortable, too, but he's never once felt that with Spencer. Even if he knows he's never going to be able to say the sorts of things Spencer can, it's always made him feel good to hear them coming out of his husband's mouth, and that's a very distinct and very important difference. He's comfortable with Spencer. He's always comfortable with Spencer.
"Here," he says when their shots arrive and he wants to nudge Spencer's toward him, but he thinks it might be a very bad idea, so he only takes his own and holds it carefully. "To getting the hell out of here and going back to the apartment so we can take our clothes off together." It's not poetic, it's not nuanced, but it's the truth. He's had so much fun today, but right now all he wants is to be alone with Spencer so he can slide his hands over his husband's body and feel the familiar, warm shift of muscle under his fingers. He doesn't understand anyone who thinks sex gets boring with the same person, and while he doesn't care really, doesn't have any reason to judge, he just doesn't understand. Because every single moment with Spencer is spectacular. Knowing how to touch him only makes it better and knowing Spencer can touch him exactly the ways he's come to love makes the anticipation even greater.
Feeling comfortable and confident isn't something Joel is really used to, but with Spencer that's all he ever feels.
Tipping his head back, he takes his last shot of the tour, then laughs a little when the whiskey burns its way down his throat. He's beyond just a little tipsy by now, heading toward quite drunk, but he thinks if they walk back to the apartment, by the time they get there he'll be exactly the right amount of drunk. The point where his inhibitions have found themselves lowered just a little further, where he'll be able to say things he might not usually have the courage to say.
"There," he says. "Now we've had our shot." But he realizes he's shifted slightly to the side and Spencer has tilted his own head back to take his shot, and Joel is talking to his throat. Which is fine, really, Spencer has a lovely throat, and Joel leans in without thinking, running the tip of his tongue up Spencer's neck to the sensitive skin just behind his ear. He tastes good. Like salt and sweat and Spencer, and Joel grins against his skin, his eyes closed. "I like you."
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The bar is dim enough that they're masked by shadows, and they'd chosen stools closer to a corner where their neighbors have already wandered off. Granted, none of this means that Spencer thinks they should take things far enough to be kicked out, but he doesn't think anyone would really notice if he slides a hand up his own husband's thigh. So he does, moving it slowly and with purpose as he leans in closer toward Joel, nuzzling his husband's cheek with his nose and laughing softly at the tickle of the beard there. "I like you, too," he murmurs, "and I know we've already been over that, but I'll say it every day for the rest of my life if it means you'll never forget. Never doubt."
He can feel Joel's cock twitching through his jeans, and Spencer's makes his breath catch in his throat as his own ache to be back at the apartment hits him with unexpected ferocity. His cheeks are flushed enough by now, both their heads tilted downward and their bodies so close that if anyone were to look their way, there'd be no mistaking what they were getting up to, but Spencer doesn't care. He rubs his hand over the bulge of Joel's pants, gripping firmly then releasing as he lets a soft moan pass through his parted lips.
It's amazing, really, how far Joel can push him without even trying. If anyone had asked him a year ago, he would have said--thought, rather, because it's not a discussion he'd have been willing to actually have with anyone--that he never envisioned himself having sex again. He'd gone without it for so long that he'd been satisfied enough with believing that he couldn't miss what he'd never truly had, a partner who cared enough about him and wouldn't leave him, and that's what he's always really feared--being left. Everyone has always left, that's been the primary trend in his life, and he remembers those couple days between the lighthouse and Joel coming to see him that he'd wondered what it was about him that made people he cared so deeply for always disappear.
But then Joel had come back, and he'd stayed. For the first time, Spencer had let himself believe that there could finally be someone who wouldn't go away, and he supposes that's part of why it'd been so easy to fall in love with this man. "I like you," he says again, his voice breaking just slightly as he lifts his head to meet Joel's eyes, his own glossy with unshed tears. "And I love you so much. Nobody else could understand, nobody, but you-- you've always understood me and accepted me for who I am, and I just love you, alright?"
The words are emotional, but they're also enough to get him stumbling to his feet, reaching out to keep one hand on the bartop so he can steady himself as he tugs at Joel's hand to do make him do the same. "We need to pay," he says firmly, nodding toward the bartender then squeezing his eyes shut to keep his head from spinning. He's not so drunk that tonight will be a wasted one, he's still very much prepared to let Joel lay him down on the bed back at the apartment and ravage him, but they have to be able to make it out of the bar first.
"We pay, then we go. Because I love you, and I need you. Need you to love me." He pauses, frowning before correcting himself. "To make love to me. You know what I mean." He lets his other hand come down to rest just above Joel's belt buckle, tilting his head and widening his eyes in that innocent-but-not sort of way he knows his husband likes. "Please, Joel? Take me home with you?"
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Spencer wants him. He's never known what it was really like to be wanted before he met this incredible man, and while being loved is an amazing thing, being wanted is right up there with it in terms of how good it really feels. He thinks it's probably underrated, simply because people always talk about how it's so much more important to be loved and while he doesn't disagree with that at all, while he knows being loved makes being wanted feel so much more significant, it's actually pretty great on its own. Thinking about what he wants at a time like this, being drunk and far too aroused to be considered acceptable in public and knowing the only person in the world he wants to touch is this man with him, it's a wonderful thing to know the sentiment is more than returned.
"Paid," he says, sliding some bills across the counter toward the bartender and he knows he's given a hefty tip, but he doesn't care. As far as he's concerned, it's well earned, because this is the bar where Spencer had slipped his hand between Joel's legs. He knows somewhere deep in the recesses of his very drunk brain that the bartender had nothing to do with that, but that doesn't stop him from feeling particularly charitable in the moment and when he reaches down, taking Spencer's hand in his own, he can't help but grin, feeling giddy with love and whiskey and a deep desire for his husband.
"I can do those things," he promises and he slides from the stool, nearly toppling over in the process, but he manages to keep his feet by keeping his hold of Spencer's hand. "I can definitely do all those things and probably some other things, too. All the things you want." They've completed the tour, though he knows toward the end they weren't listening to the information quite as attentively as perhaps they should have been, but he can't find a reason to care. This night has been one of the happiest he's had in a long time and he knows it's only going to continue along in this vein, so nothing else really matters.
When they stumble out into the night air, Joel takes a deep breath, then looks around, pleased by what he sees. It's just a regular street, but it's busy in a way Siren Cove usually isn't. People are everywhere, going home from work, going out for the evening, even just shopping for groceries and a little shiver works up Joel's spine as he realizes, for the first time since his family moved to Siren Cove, he can see himself living somewhere else. He doesn't know if it's New York or a combination or the city and Spencer, but he does know that he feels better. Braver.
"Come on," he says with a laugh, leaning over to press a kiss to Spencer's cheek as they walk, though it's a clumsy gesture and he misses twice before he finally manages to land his lips on Spencer's skin. "I'm going to take you home and do all sorts of things to you in bed. Or in that big bath tub. Or on the balcony, high up above the city."
He likes that thought and he grins again, his eyes glowing in the dim light of the street. "I can push you up against the railing and fuck you from behind like that," he says. "And we can look out at the city and know we're still completely alone in it. Just me and you."
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A little giggle escapes him then, and he claps his hand over his mouth even as he still shakes with laughter as he looks up at Joel with wide eyes. His first attempt to voice what he's thinking is foiled by his own hand, the words coming out muffled, and he frowns in bewilderment before he finally realizes the problem. He lowers his hand, extending his arm to wrap around Joel's waist instead so that he's practically letting his husband carry him down the street, which he supposes isn't entirely unfair because he's very drunk and thus, should be carried. In his mind, at least, the logic is sound.
"I was just thinking," he says, pausing as if to make sure his voice is clear this time and nodding once satisfied that it is, "what do you think Aoife would do if she found out we repaid her kindness by having sex all over her home? Not that her opinion on it is going to stop us because over my dead body but still, we'll have to tip the housekeepers a little something extra just to make sure they get rid of any shred of evidence."
They've never had to worry about anything like that before; with the exception of the ocean, which had cleaned them up quite nicely on its own, the only place they might have had to come up with any sort of explanation for something incriminating would be the bookstore, which they own anyway so they owe nothing to anyone in the way of such explanations. It's not as if they have to worry about anyone being nosy in their bedroom, though they make excellent use out of pretty much every room in the house; but here, he supposes, they might want to at least consider being respectful of Aoife's place.
He doesn't know how long that kindness in him will last, though he suspects not long at all because he's already fantasizing about having breakfast naked tomorrow morning before pushing Joel back on the dining room table so he can take his husband in his mouth before riding him. Spencer decides then and there that he's willing to pay the price for any emotional trauma Aoife might suffer if she were ever to find out what they'd gotten up to in the apartment, though he's sure he'll also feel the need to point out that they are married. Besides that, if people haven't noticed by now how difficult it is for them to keep their hands to themselves when they're together, there's simply no hope for such unobservant folk.
"Just you and me," Spencer echoes, grinning so widely that he's sure he must look mad as he presses a kiss to Joel's cheek, then nips up the line of his jaw before flicking his tongue out at Joel's earlobe. "I like that sound of that. All of it. I'm making a new rule, by the way, no clothes allowed starting the second we walk into that apartment."
As much as he knows he's going to want Joel inside him immediately, the slightly less drunk part of him wants to at least take a moment to admire Joel's gorgeous, to touch him everywhere until he's begging to turn Spencer over, and Spencer lets out an exasperated sigh as he glances around at their surroundings. "Please tell me we're almost there because I'm not much of a navigator at the moment."
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It's always going to be just for the two of them.
"No clothes rule, I like that rule," he decides as he stops on a street to look up at the sign overhead. It takes him a moment to figure out exactly where they are and although they've walked a fair distance today and they've spent the better part of it getting progressively drunker, he's pleased to realize they've made almost a full loop and are fairly close to the apartment. "Just a few blocks, actually. We're quite close. I think I knew that the tour would take us on something like a loop, but I also think I forgot about three bars ago where we were, let alone where we could expect to ultimately be. But we're close. We're very close, which is good, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to forget how to walk in about ten more steps and also... also, I just want to take my clothes off with you." He finishes this speech with something close to a giggle, then bites down on his lower lip as he slips his fingers under Spencer's shirt, holding onto him tightly, his fingers pressing against his warm skin. He's never been happier than he is with his husband and right now, drunk and walking down the street in New York, knowing they're only moments away from being alone, he feels like he might actually explode with it.
But as promised, it doesn't take them long to reach the apartment and Joel fumbles for the keys in the pocket, dragging them out and letting them into the building. It's a beautiful building, like nothing he's ever really seen before, at least, not from this side. He's seen pictures of places like this online and in books, but he's never been able to afford to stay somewhere like this and as they make their way toward the elevator, he has to hold back another laugh as the doorman -- because there is an actual doorman -- first opens the inner set of doors for them and then presses the button to call the elevator. In a place like this, Joel doesn't think they have to do any actual work and it feels sort of strange, but he likes it, too. It's not something he'd ever be able to get used to, he would feel too strange having someone do everything for him on the average day, but for a vacation it's not so bad.
"Thank you," he says, still not entirely sure if he's supposed to tip for something like that. He doesn't think so, since this is a private apartment and not a hotel, but he's never been particularly good at knowing what's right and what's going to be looked at as strange. He'll ask Aoife when they get back, because even if he's made a major mistake here, he doesn't think she'll laugh at him. She might be ridiculously rich, but she's never treated him like he's any less important just because he's not.
But by the time they make it up to the apartment, all thoughts of the doorman and the elevator and whether or not he's acting the part of a rich person properly leave Joel's mind, because Spencer had said there was a new rule once they get through the door and Joel is very much looking forward to enacting that rule. They're barely through the door, the keys tossed aside, before Joel is sliding his hands up and under Spencer's shirt, pulling the material away from his warm skin. The night outside had been hot, but the apartment is air conditioned nicely and Joel can already feel the light sheen of sweat drying on Spencer's skin. He wants to strip the rest of his clothes off and run his tongue over Spencer's chest, tasting the salt left behind and he makes a disgruntled noise, one that makes it clear they should both be undressed by now and he can't quite understand why they're not. His fingers pluck at Spencer's shirt again before he draws his hands back and begins to undress himself, knowing they're likely too drunk to be undressing each other with the sort of speed he wants.
"Take it off," he says, his voice gruff and a little breathless. He's already yanking his own shirt over his head, tugging it free when it gets caught on his hair, and then he throws it aside. Briefly, he checks the door to make sure it's locked, to be certain no one is ever going to stumble in here by accident -- though he can't imagine who would -- and interrupt their night. "Take it all off, Spencer. Now."
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